New Year, good. Another year older, bad.
Hope everyone had a happy/merry ChrismaChanuKwanzaka. Hope your 2009 is better than your 2008.
Not much happened this past week. Mostly football. (Sorry Gail). I blame this “transition period” business. No one wants to talk about bush because he’s yesterday’s news. Yet there’s nothing to say about Obama because he hasn’t had a chance to do anything. I almost find myself longing for the days of presidential primaries. Almost.
I guess the big news of the weekend and so far this week is the all-out Israeli air assault on Hamas fighters in Gaza. I‘ve tried to be interested in this situation – in what’s happening in the Middle East in general, really I have. But the fact is that neither the Israelis nor the Palestinians remember exactly what it is they are fighting about, nor do they care. The reasons are no longer important. The only thing that matters now is retaliation. Retaliation for the last bombing as retaliation for the last air strike as retaliation for the previous bombing as retaliation for the previous air strike, blah blah blah. On and on it goes. There is no end to this war. Israel feels it has a divine right to occupy the land it occupies. Palestinians feel they have a divine right to be rid of Israelis on the land they occupy. It is what it is. We can only try to contain it.
Still Governor Rod Blagojevich decided to stick his thumb in the eye of his detractors today and appointed former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris to fill the U.S. Senate seat vacated by Barack Obama. Fully aware that the leadership of the U.S. Senate already publicly stated that they will not seat any senator appointed by Blago, the still governor proved he still retains a shred of political savvy by ensuring that the man he appointed to replace the President-elect (formerly the only black U.S. Senator) is also a widely respected black man with by all initial accounts a spotless record of public service. In doing so he made the imminent rejection of his nomination just a little more complicated in that regardless of what Blagojevich may or may not have said on tape, it still looks bad for 83 white male and 16 white female senators to refuse admission to an otherwise competent, fully qualified black man. But, it is what it is. Mr. Burris will not be seated, someone will throw a hissy fit, Blagojevich will eventually be removed from office and the lieutenant governor will appoint a replacement to Obama, who will promptly be defeated in the 2010 election. Welcome to Illinois politics.
I thought about saving this one for the football section, but it’s so much bigger than football, it really deserves to be here. Last year the New York Giants robbed me (and the New England Patriots too, I guess) of the perfect 19-0 season. I felt cheated out of witnessing what would have arguably been the greatest achievement in team sports history. But on Sunday, the Detroit Lions delivered something almost as good – the perfect, winless season. That’s right, WINLESS. 0 for 16. They said it couldn’t be done. They said it was impossible to lose every single game. The league is set up to avoid that scenario. Yet somehow, the Lions found a way to make it happen. Believe it or not, I think this COULD be good for the Lions. I stress, “could” because – as we’ve seen all season – there’s nothing Detroit can’t screw up. But now everyone related to that franchise knows, it absolutely cannot get any worse. Finishing 1-15 would have allowed some in the organization to believe (falsely) that there might have been something positive to glean from that single victory. Well, now there is no doubt. Nothing that team did worked. Not a single thing. You now have the perfect excuse to blow that team up and start over from scratch. Nothing is sacred anymore. Completely rebuild that organization from the ground up. And for the love of Barry Sanders, learn SOMETHING from your mistakes. Because as bad as 0-16 is, 0-32 is worse.
My NFL Thoughts for Week 17.
The current playoff formula is bogus. Two 8-8 teams (one from each conference) made the playoffs as division winners. Five teams with better records than both the Arizona Cardinals and the San Diego Chargers failed to make the cut due to this ridiculous rule that the division winner is guaranteed a playoff spot. Let’s discard this moronic divisional formula and replace it with this one: the top six teams in each conference go to the playoffs. So simple it just might work.
Congratulations to the Miami Dolphins for transitioning from a 15-loss season last year to 11 wins and a division championship this season. Now if you could only do something about those uniforms.
Tony Romo will have to wait at least one more year to rid himself of the stigma of being big game choker. The Cowboys went down in flames Sunday afternoon to a Philadelphia team that started the day on life-support. After the game Terrell Owens pretended he had nothing to do with the implosion of the pre-season Superbowl favorite, talking about how the team this and we that and all of us the other. If he had maintained that attitude – even faked that attitude – for all sixteen games, Dallas might be heading to Minnesota next week to extend their season instead of the Eagles.
Helluva game in Buffalo. Sixty mile-per-hour wind gusts, 20-yard field goals missed waaaaay wide right and goalposts twisted to 15-degree angles. That’s football people. None of this dome garbage. When are we going to get to see a real Superbowl in a place like Buffalo, Green Bay or New England?
Bill Belichick must be sitting in his office laughing his butt off at the rest of the league. Three years ago all the talking heads thought the Patriots would fall apart when all three of his coordinators left for head coaching jobs of their own. The haters claimed his protégés were the brain of his operation and that he would be exposed as nothing more than the man behind the curtain. Turns out it was the haters that were exposed. Two of his disciples were fired from Cleveland and New York on Monday after very disappointing seasons (or three) and the third guy is Charlie Weis. And to top it all off, he guided his team to an 11-5 record after losing the Golden Boy Tom Brady seven minutes into the season and continuing with a seventh-round quarterback who hadn’t started a football game since high school. We all know who the real genius is now. And seriously, is Matt Cassel that good, or is it the system? And if it’s the system, is Tom Brady really that good? Are you sure?
Denver Broncos “coach for life” Mike Shanahan is, well, no longer coach for life. In fact, he’s no longer coach. Apparently two Superbowl victories just don’t buy the job security they used to anymore. Somehow I doubt he’ll be out of work long.
Goodbye Brett. I’ll miss you, even if no one else does.
Two teams nobody wants to play right now, Baltimore and Indianapolis. Ray Lewis and Ed Reed look like they are 25 years old again. Peyton manning looks like he’s only 30.
My Playoff Picks for Wildcard Weekend:
Eagles over Vikings
Falcons over Cardinals
Chargers over Colts
Ravens over Dolphins
My Superbowl Picks for Week 17: New York Giants vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Apparently there are a rash of new 3-D movies scheduled for release in 2009. Didn’t we try this experiment in the 70s? Didn’t it fail miserably? People don’t want to wear stupid little glasses in the theater. Oh, and we have 3-D movies. They’re called stage plays. Go see one.
Finally, yet another “memoir” has been exposed as fiction. This time, it is the story of a boy held at a Nazi concentration camp during World War Two and a girl on the outside who tossed him apples over the fence to keep him alive, who eventually married and grew old together. Only it wasn’t true. Of course, all this could have been avoided if the author had simply labeled his book a work of fiction, instead of a memoir. But why bother telling the truth when lying can make you so much more money.
12.31.2008
12.23.2008
Voldemort Votes Republican
Really, he does. I saw it on a bumper sticker.
Late last week, still President Bush emerged from his super-secret hiding place and announced that due to the extraordinary economic situation, and the obligation he feels to his successor not to hand over an economic catastrophe the day he leaves office, he has reversed course and will provide General Motors and Chrysler with between $14 and $17 billion dollars in loan guarantees. The money will come from the Troubled Asset Relief Program – which conveniently has about $15 billion remaining to be allocated – and is expected to tide two of the Big Three over until they can return to Congress in their hybrids with their hands out, begging for more money in the spring. Not wanting to be left off the Doom-and-Gloom Merry-Go-Round, Toyota revealed that it expects to post a fourth quarter loss – the first loss in the 70 plus year history of the company. In a related story, Chrysler has shut down production entirely for the next four weeks, and General Motors will follow suit beginning the week after New Years. I know that with that news you might think things couldn’t possibly get any worse for the automotive industry. You’d be wrong. In fact, the only vehicle manufacturer expecting to turn a profit this year is Volkswagen, and that isn’t expected to carry over very far into 2009. It is simply not a good time to be in the automobile business.
Is it possible that we the consumer might take a lesson from this economic depression we seem to be stumbling into? Probably not. History tells us that whatever lesson we may glean from unfortunate circumstances goes right out the window at the first sign of double-digit returns. But in case anyone is paying attention, understand that this recession is a result of an infatuation with excess and complete lack of restraint. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
President-elect Obama rounded out his cabinet last weekend with the selection of several more highly qualified, competent individuals. Nobody seemed to care much about that. The story that made headlines was his selection of Pastor Rick Warren to give the invocation at Obama’s inauguration. For those unacquainted with Rick Warren, he is the evangelical pastor of the 23,000-member Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California, fierce anti-poverty advocate, investor in African AIDS prevention and best-selling author of “The Purpose-Driven Life.” He is also a staunch opponent of gay marriage and took an active roll in advocating the passage of Proposition 8 in California, overturning the California Supreme Court’s decision allowing gays to marry. For the loudest voices, the first half of the above equation was irrelevant. The fact that Warren opposes gay marriage was enough to send some activists off the deep end. They claimed that Obama had abandoned them, thrown them to the wolves in selecting Warren to give the three-minute opening prayer at the ceremony. They essentially likened Warren to anti-Semites and white supremacists and demanded Obama revoke the invitation and replace him with someone “more inline with mainstream American values.”
I have largely refrained from commenting on the gay marriage debate to this point because the result of the debate has little to no effect on me whatsoever. This business about same-sex marriage somehow diminishing my own heterosexual marriage is bogus. Two consenting adults, who want to marry, settle down and build a life together does no harm to the institution of marriage. You know what diminishes marriage? The 52% divorce rate. But this latest outburst of fake outrage tweaked a nerve. I don’t like hyperbole and I am intolerant of the intolerance of speech. I am not going to stand in the way of two consenting adults who wish to be married. I’m not going to oppose them physically or verbally or in print, and I’m certainly not going to vote against them. But if homosexual Americans want gay marriage to be legal in this country, they are going to have to make that argument to the rest of the population. And when you get on television and try to liken opponents of gay marriage to the vicious history of racism and anti-Semitism in this country, you turn away many of the very people whose minds you are trying to change. In order to alter perceptions and benefit your cause, you need to understand what you are up against. Same-sex marriage is currently legal in only two of fifty states, and Warren’s book, has sold over 25 million copies since it came into print. Whether you like it or not, Rick Warren is more inline with “mainstream American values” than you are. The fight to legalize same-sex marriage is not a civil rights issue; it is a civil acceptance issue. Keep framing it that way and minorities will continue to vote against you. Marriage is not a right; it is a privilege, granted by the state based upon a certain set of criteria, like a driver’s license. What you are attempting to do is change the criteria upon with those licenses are granted. You can still shop at the same stores as straight people, eat at the same table as straight people, stay at the same hotel, work at the same job, go to the same school, live in the same neighborhood, run for the same office and vote in the same election as any straight person in this country. Yes, it bothers me to hear some of the very same arguments used against you that would have been used to prevent me from marrying my wife only thirty or forty years ago, and you should use every legal and persuasive tool available to you to affect the change you desire, but contextualize what it is you are fighting for and adjust your rhetoric accordingly. What Obama is attempting to do with Warren is to open and maintain an open dialogue by first finding certain issues that people with opposing viewpoints can agree to work together on, (in this case, poverty and AIDS in Africa), then once that relationship is established, work toward common ground on the other, more difficult issues. Believe it or not, most people outside New York and California don’t know any gay people, and don’t understand why it is so important for so many gay people to be able to say they are married. But shouting those people down and demanding they be silenced every time they speak does nothing to improve the discourse or change their minds. You have a much better shot at winning them over to your side if you can find something around which to build a relationship instead of attempting to bludgeon them into submission. Change does not happen overnight. It took 232 years for the land founded on the idea that “all men are created equal” to live up to that creed. You aren’t going to wake up Thursday morning and find a marriage license in your mailbox. And even when that day comes – and it will, you will still have work to do. The law can change what people do; it can’t change how they feel. And it’s a lot easier to change a heart you can talk to than one you have to shout at.
On a related note, to all the “liberals” disappointed by President-elect Obama’s cabinet choices, I have a question for you? What exactly were you expecting? This country is on the verge of entering a time unlike anything it has seen in more than 70 years. What it needs at this moment is a smart steady hand to correct mistakes and guide it through this troubled time, not a hand to sweep the entire existing system into the garbage and replace it with something completely new. If you expected to wake up on November 5th and find yourself living in France or Switzerland, you should have voted for Dennis Kucinich. Believe me, there is a reason he’s run for president three times and never been elected. And it’s not because he has a funny name.
My NFL thoughts for Week 16:
I hate the New York Giants. Hate them.
The Eagles have to be the worst good team in the league this year. How can you beat up on the league-leading giants two week ago, then roll into Washington and lay the three-point egg you did on Sunday afternoon?
It was 44-0 Patriots in a light fluffy blizzard in New England before Arizona scored for the first time. The Cardinals are division champions. The Patriots probably won’t make the playoffs. Something is wrong with that system.
The Bears got lucky again Monday night, defeating the Packers by a field goal in overtime. The temperature on the field at kickoff was –8 degrees Fahrenheit below zero. (That’s –22 degrees Celsius for my Canadian friends.) The only guys I saw out there with sleeves on were the quarterbacks. Football is a tough game. Wimps (and baseball players) need not apply.
Speaking of tough guys. Jeff Garcia is the toughest S.O.B. to strap on a helmet since Steve McNair. At six feet tall and 185 pounds, Garcia is the quarterback equivalent of a five-foot eight-inch NBA power forward. Yet every time he gets on the field he plays like a man twice his size. In attempting to slide for a first down he was crushed in the head by the shoulder pad of an oncoming defender. Taking only a moment to adjust his helmet, Garcia picked himself up and jogged back to the huddle, bleeding profusely from the bridge of his nose. He continued for the next several minutes throwing completion after completion with blood streaming down his eyes and face and into his mouth, until the drive was finally ended by an intersection off a tipped ball. He didn’t care about the pain or the blood. He just wanted to help his team win. It irks me to no end that hardcore football players like Garcia give everything they have year after year and never make it to the pinnacle of their sport, while prima donnas like Terrell Owens get all the accolades and trips to the post season.
Despite their best efforts, the Cowboys (America’s favorite soap opera) are still in position to make the playoffs. How does this keep happening?
Last year the Miami Dolphins finished the season with one win and fifteen losses. This year they are one win away from a division championship and the playoffs. Last year, the Atlanta Falcons finished 4-12, abandoned by their coach, their superstar franchise quarterback in federal prison, star veteran players fired and the team in absolute disarray. This year they are one win away from the playoffs and possibly a division championship. That’s why we play the games every Sunday.
My Superbowl picks for Week 16: New York Giants vs. Tennessee Titans.
If there are any science geeks out there, there is a fascinating episode of Nova on PBS tonight about the quest for absolute zero and something called the Bose-Einstein Condensate. Nature is absolutely bizarre, yet beautiful altogether. I should have been a physicist.
Apparently, Kanye West Milli Vanilli-ed his way through his big number on Saturday Night Live this past weekend. Ordinarily no one would care - pop singers and rappers lip-sync live performances all the time. The problem here was that he did it poorly, and he is such an arrogant pain-in-the backside that people take great pleasure in watching him fail miserably. Can you just give back the Grammy now?
If at first you don’t succeed, keep suing people, right? The D.C Circuit Court of Appeals rejected the appeal of former Judge Roy Pearson to hear his $54 million lawsuit against his dry cleaner for losing a pair of his pants. Yes, one pair of pants. That’s a 675,000% mark-up. For the last three plus years Pearson has been trying to soak Custom Cleaners and its owners, the Chung family for everything they have and much, much more over a single pair of pants the Chungs have offered on numerous occasions to replace ten times over. Dissatisfied with the latest verdict, Pearson has stated his intention to take his pathetic lawsuit, along with his pants, to the Supreme Court. Somebody should lock this guy away for attempted extortion and disgracing the human race.
Finally, Apple’s App Store has rejected listing an application called “iBoobs.” Yup. It’s pretty much what it sounds like. The application consists of an animation of a large pair of (computer-generated) breasts in a bikini top. Shaking the iPhone or iPod Touch then jiggles said breasts either up and down or left to right, depending on which direction the device is shaken. In denying the listing of the application at the store, Apple cited what it deemed “objectionable content,” encouraging the developer to remove the “objectionable content” from the application and resubmit it for approval. No word on what the developer plans to do, but I vote for leaving it just the way it is. I mean seriously. If you can’t use a three hundred dollar crystal clear 3.5-inch full color widescreen hand-held LCD display to jiggle a pair of buxom bikini-clad computer-generated boobs up and down and side to side, then what good is the damn thing!
Late last week, still President Bush emerged from his super-secret hiding place and announced that due to the extraordinary economic situation, and the obligation he feels to his successor not to hand over an economic catastrophe the day he leaves office, he has reversed course and will provide General Motors and Chrysler with between $14 and $17 billion dollars in loan guarantees. The money will come from the Troubled Asset Relief Program – which conveniently has about $15 billion remaining to be allocated – and is expected to tide two of the Big Three over until they can return to Congress in their hybrids with their hands out, begging for more money in the spring. Not wanting to be left off the Doom-and-Gloom Merry-Go-Round, Toyota revealed that it expects to post a fourth quarter loss – the first loss in the 70 plus year history of the company. In a related story, Chrysler has shut down production entirely for the next four weeks, and General Motors will follow suit beginning the week after New Years. I know that with that news you might think things couldn’t possibly get any worse for the automotive industry. You’d be wrong. In fact, the only vehicle manufacturer expecting to turn a profit this year is Volkswagen, and that isn’t expected to carry over very far into 2009. It is simply not a good time to be in the automobile business.
Is it possible that we the consumer might take a lesson from this economic depression we seem to be stumbling into? Probably not. History tells us that whatever lesson we may glean from unfortunate circumstances goes right out the window at the first sign of double-digit returns. But in case anyone is paying attention, understand that this recession is a result of an infatuation with excess and complete lack of restraint. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
President-elect Obama rounded out his cabinet last weekend with the selection of several more highly qualified, competent individuals. Nobody seemed to care much about that. The story that made headlines was his selection of Pastor Rick Warren to give the invocation at Obama’s inauguration. For those unacquainted with Rick Warren, he is the evangelical pastor of the 23,000-member Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California, fierce anti-poverty advocate, investor in African AIDS prevention and best-selling author of “The Purpose-Driven Life.” He is also a staunch opponent of gay marriage and took an active roll in advocating the passage of Proposition 8 in California, overturning the California Supreme Court’s decision allowing gays to marry. For the loudest voices, the first half of the above equation was irrelevant. The fact that Warren opposes gay marriage was enough to send some activists off the deep end. They claimed that Obama had abandoned them, thrown them to the wolves in selecting Warren to give the three-minute opening prayer at the ceremony. They essentially likened Warren to anti-Semites and white supremacists and demanded Obama revoke the invitation and replace him with someone “more inline with mainstream American values.”
I have largely refrained from commenting on the gay marriage debate to this point because the result of the debate has little to no effect on me whatsoever. This business about same-sex marriage somehow diminishing my own heterosexual marriage is bogus. Two consenting adults, who want to marry, settle down and build a life together does no harm to the institution of marriage. You know what diminishes marriage? The 52% divorce rate. But this latest outburst of fake outrage tweaked a nerve. I don’t like hyperbole and I am intolerant of the intolerance of speech. I am not going to stand in the way of two consenting adults who wish to be married. I’m not going to oppose them physically or verbally or in print, and I’m certainly not going to vote against them. But if homosexual Americans want gay marriage to be legal in this country, they are going to have to make that argument to the rest of the population. And when you get on television and try to liken opponents of gay marriage to the vicious history of racism and anti-Semitism in this country, you turn away many of the very people whose minds you are trying to change. In order to alter perceptions and benefit your cause, you need to understand what you are up against. Same-sex marriage is currently legal in only two of fifty states, and Warren’s book, has sold over 25 million copies since it came into print. Whether you like it or not, Rick Warren is more inline with “mainstream American values” than you are. The fight to legalize same-sex marriage is not a civil rights issue; it is a civil acceptance issue. Keep framing it that way and minorities will continue to vote against you. Marriage is not a right; it is a privilege, granted by the state based upon a certain set of criteria, like a driver’s license. What you are attempting to do is change the criteria upon with those licenses are granted. You can still shop at the same stores as straight people, eat at the same table as straight people, stay at the same hotel, work at the same job, go to the same school, live in the same neighborhood, run for the same office and vote in the same election as any straight person in this country. Yes, it bothers me to hear some of the very same arguments used against you that would have been used to prevent me from marrying my wife only thirty or forty years ago, and you should use every legal and persuasive tool available to you to affect the change you desire, but contextualize what it is you are fighting for and adjust your rhetoric accordingly. What Obama is attempting to do with Warren is to open and maintain an open dialogue by first finding certain issues that people with opposing viewpoints can agree to work together on, (in this case, poverty and AIDS in Africa), then once that relationship is established, work toward common ground on the other, more difficult issues. Believe it or not, most people outside New York and California don’t know any gay people, and don’t understand why it is so important for so many gay people to be able to say they are married. But shouting those people down and demanding they be silenced every time they speak does nothing to improve the discourse or change their minds. You have a much better shot at winning them over to your side if you can find something around which to build a relationship instead of attempting to bludgeon them into submission. Change does not happen overnight. It took 232 years for the land founded on the idea that “all men are created equal” to live up to that creed. You aren’t going to wake up Thursday morning and find a marriage license in your mailbox. And even when that day comes – and it will, you will still have work to do. The law can change what people do; it can’t change how they feel. And it’s a lot easier to change a heart you can talk to than one you have to shout at.
On a related note, to all the “liberals” disappointed by President-elect Obama’s cabinet choices, I have a question for you? What exactly were you expecting? This country is on the verge of entering a time unlike anything it has seen in more than 70 years. What it needs at this moment is a smart steady hand to correct mistakes and guide it through this troubled time, not a hand to sweep the entire existing system into the garbage and replace it with something completely new. If you expected to wake up on November 5th and find yourself living in France or Switzerland, you should have voted for Dennis Kucinich. Believe me, there is a reason he’s run for president three times and never been elected. And it’s not because he has a funny name.
My NFL thoughts for Week 16:
I hate the New York Giants. Hate them.
The Eagles have to be the worst good team in the league this year. How can you beat up on the league-leading giants two week ago, then roll into Washington and lay the three-point egg you did on Sunday afternoon?
It was 44-0 Patriots in a light fluffy blizzard in New England before Arizona scored for the first time. The Cardinals are division champions. The Patriots probably won’t make the playoffs. Something is wrong with that system.
The Bears got lucky again Monday night, defeating the Packers by a field goal in overtime. The temperature on the field at kickoff was –8 degrees Fahrenheit below zero. (That’s –22 degrees Celsius for my Canadian friends.) The only guys I saw out there with sleeves on were the quarterbacks. Football is a tough game. Wimps (and baseball players) need not apply.
Speaking of tough guys. Jeff Garcia is the toughest S.O.B. to strap on a helmet since Steve McNair. At six feet tall and 185 pounds, Garcia is the quarterback equivalent of a five-foot eight-inch NBA power forward. Yet every time he gets on the field he plays like a man twice his size. In attempting to slide for a first down he was crushed in the head by the shoulder pad of an oncoming defender. Taking only a moment to adjust his helmet, Garcia picked himself up and jogged back to the huddle, bleeding profusely from the bridge of his nose. He continued for the next several minutes throwing completion after completion with blood streaming down his eyes and face and into his mouth, until the drive was finally ended by an intersection off a tipped ball. He didn’t care about the pain or the blood. He just wanted to help his team win. It irks me to no end that hardcore football players like Garcia give everything they have year after year and never make it to the pinnacle of their sport, while prima donnas like Terrell Owens get all the accolades and trips to the post season.
Despite their best efforts, the Cowboys (America’s favorite soap opera) are still in position to make the playoffs. How does this keep happening?
Last year the Miami Dolphins finished the season with one win and fifteen losses. This year they are one win away from a division championship and the playoffs. Last year, the Atlanta Falcons finished 4-12, abandoned by their coach, their superstar franchise quarterback in federal prison, star veteran players fired and the team in absolute disarray. This year they are one win away from the playoffs and possibly a division championship. That’s why we play the games every Sunday.
My Superbowl picks for Week 16: New York Giants vs. Tennessee Titans.
If there are any science geeks out there, there is a fascinating episode of Nova on PBS tonight about the quest for absolute zero and something called the Bose-Einstein Condensate. Nature is absolutely bizarre, yet beautiful altogether. I should have been a physicist.
Apparently, Kanye West Milli Vanilli-ed his way through his big number on Saturday Night Live this past weekend. Ordinarily no one would care - pop singers and rappers lip-sync live performances all the time. The problem here was that he did it poorly, and he is such an arrogant pain-in-the backside that people take great pleasure in watching him fail miserably. Can you just give back the Grammy now?
If at first you don’t succeed, keep suing people, right? The D.C Circuit Court of Appeals rejected the appeal of former Judge Roy Pearson to hear his $54 million lawsuit against his dry cleaner for losing a pair of his pants. Yes, one pair of pants. That’s a 675,000% mark-up. For the last three plus years Pearson has been trying to soak Custom Cleaners and its owners, the Chung family for everything they have and much, much more over a single pair of pants the Chungs have offered on numerous occasions to replace ten times over. Dissatisfied with the latest verdict, Pearson has stated his intention to take his pathetic lawsuit, along with his pants, to the Supreme Court. Somebody should lock this guy away for attempted extortion and disgracing the human race.
Finally, Apple’s App Store has rejected listing an application called “iBoobs.” Yup. It’s pretty much what it sounds like. The application consists of an animation of a large pair of (computer-generated) breasts in a bikini top. Shaking the iPhone or iPod Touch then jiggles said breasts either up and down or left to right, depending on which direction the device is shaken. In denying the listing of the application at the store, Apple cited what it deemed “objectionable content,” encouraging the developer to remove the “objectionable content” from the application and resubmit it for approval. No word on what the developer plans to do, but I vote for leaving it just the way it is. I mean seriously. If you can’t use a three hundred dollar crystal clear 3.5-inch full color widescreen hand-held LCD display to jiggle a pair of buxom bikini-clad computer-generated boobs up and down and side to side, then what good is the damn thing!
12.17.2008
Caveat Emptor
Incase you haven’t heard yet, the Federal Reserve is now offering interest-free loans to institutions who will in turn, refuse to lend you said money. Isn’t capitalism wonderful?
We are now well into week two of Blagojovich resignation watch. And we’re still watching. Springfield is a buzz with chatter of impeachment and special elections and removal from office, but the governor has hired a lawyer and refuses to step down. So, there’s nothing new to report. And when there’s nothing new to report, the media resort to rampant speculation. In spite of emphatic statements to the contrary by the U.S. Attorney, president-elect Obama and even the wire-tapped voice of the disgraced governor himself, every news report on the incident contains some vague reference to an inference that the incoming administration might possibly have had what could have been inappropriate conversations regarding Obama’s vacated senate seat, maybe. It’s getting a little silly. If you have something to report, report it. If you don’t, let it go.
Lost in the Blago-mania last week was the irony that the newspaper that broke the scandal filed for bankruptcy the same day. Today, (Tuesday), the Detroit News and the Detroit Free Press announced they will be cutting home delivery to three days a week and dramatically scaling back the size of the newsstand edition for the remainder of the week. Yes, if you didn’t know before, it should be painfully obvious now that the newspaper business is on life-support. It has been for a while. And nobody seems to know how to resuscitate it. Their parent companies are drowning in debt and hemorrhaging cash, resorting to desperate measures just to say afloat. Last week the New York Times essentially took out a home equity loan on its Manhattan office building to keep from going under.
Newspapers in the information age have two fundamental problems. The first is obvious. Any news in the paper is by nature, yesterday’s news. Why would anyone pay for old news when they can get new news on the internet for free? Second, newspapers cost a lot of money to print, so they charge a significant amount for advertising. Why would anyone pay significant amounts of money to reach the very limited audience of even a large newspaper when they can reach potentially billions of people for little or no cost through the web? Clearly, if the newspaper industry is going to survive, they are going to have to rethink their business model. Accordingly, I’d like to suggest the following industry modifications. Shift most - if not all the hard news resources to the internet, updating the newspaper’s web pages continuously, as news happens. That solves the problem of printing stale news. Then, formulate the remainder of the information, news analysis, local news, human interest stories, arts and entertainment and classifieds into a news magazine printed and delivered two or three times a week. It’s not a perfect solution, but it certainly can’t be any worse than the current business model.
At a press conference during a surprise visit to Iraq this past Sunday, President Bush found himself the target of an angry Iraqi reporter, ducking for cover behind the podium as the man hurled first one shoe then another, just inches past his head. To his credit, the president remains fairly agile and was unhurt by the projectiles. My guess is he’s thankful they were just shoes.
The big news on Wall Street this week was the curious case of one Bernard Madoff and his 50 billion dollar investment Ponzi scheme. For at least the past ten years, Madoff took millions from investors, promising them - and apparently delivering double-digit returns on their investments, regardless of whether the market went up or down. Well, it turns out that numbers that were too good to be true, were, well... too good to be true. Surprise! Who would have thought that a fifteen percent return ten years in a row, irrespective of market conditions might be an outright fraud? The fact is, absolutely NO ONE - including more than a few people with advanced degrees - knew how Madoff was making his money, but as long as it was rolling in hand-over-fist, nobody cared. It’s obvious that we have learned nothing from previous financial scandals like Enron and MCI. If you do not have at least a rudimentary understanding of how it works, perhaps you should not be investing in it. If your investment company is unwilling to explain your financial statement to you, they shouldn’t be your investment company. Why do otherwise intelligent people turn into blithering idiots at the sight of double-digit returns?
My NFL thoughts for Week 15:
Without Brandon Jacobs, the New York Giants look absolutely ordinary. Sorta like the Cowboys without Marion Barber.
Terrell Owens is a joke. A six-year-old in a middle-aged man’s body. He’s been a cancer to every single team he’s played for, and he makes it very difficult for me to respect Dallas.
How can the Pittsburgh Steelers continue to produce playoff caliber teams year after year after year? It doesn’t seem to matter who the coach is, who the players are or where the games are played, the Steelers make the playoffs, or at least contend throughout the season. How is it so easy for them, yet so difficult for teams like Detroit?
I think it’s time for the league to revamp the playoff system. Both the Denver Broncos and the Arizona Cardinals could make the playoffs with an 8-8 record, while three - maybe four teams with 10-6 records could find themselves watching from their living rooms. That doesn’t seem right. Just take the six teams in each conference with the best records, period. Find a flaw in that logic.
The Green Bay Packers are painful to watch. This team was one interception away from the Superbowl a year ago. Now they are in serious jeopardy of being the first team to drop a game to the Detroit Lions this year. Where did the good times go?
Matt Cassel pitched four touchdowns in this weekend’s obliteration of the junior varsity Oakland Raiders. Who needs Tom Brady?
Over the past two weeks, the Carolina Panthers have absolutely embarrassed both defenses they’ve played. I would like nothing more than to see them continue that right through the Superbowl. But I’m used to being disappointed.
My Superbowl picks for Week 15: Carolina Panthers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Apparently, Internet Explorer has some kind of huge security flaw that leaves computers open to attack from hackers and the like. Why is this news? Of course Internet Explorer has some kind of flaw in it, IT’S MICROSOFT INTERNET EXPLORER! It’s been flawed since its inception. Are people really still using Internet Explorer? What’s wrong with you people? How many times do you have to be punched in the face before you learn how to duck?
Saw this headline on CNN.com today: Nude models strip to protest low pay. Hmm. So you protested your job by... doing your job? Interesting.
Finally, Dubai will soon be offering the world’s first refrigerated beach. That’s right, a refrigerated beach. First an indoor ski resort, now a refrigerated beach. You just can’t give rich people money.
We are now well into week two of Blagojovich resignation watch. And we’re still watching. Springfield is a buzz with chatter of impeachment and special elections and removal from office, but the governor has hired a lawyer and refuses to step down. So, there’s nothing new to report. And when there’s nothing new to report, the media resort to rampant speculation. In spite of emphatic statements to the contrary by the U.S. Attorney, president-elect Obama and even the wire-tapped voice of the disgraced governor himself, every news report on the incident contains some vague reference to an inference that the incoming administration might possibly have had what could have been inappropriate conversations regarding Obama’s vacated senate seat, maybe. It’s getting a little silly. If you have something to report, report it. If you don’t, let it go.
Lost in the Blago-mania last week was the irony that the newspaper that broke the scandal filed for bankruptcy the same day. Today, (Tuesday), the Detroit News and the Detroit Free Press announced they will be cutting home delivery to three days a week and dramatically scaling back the size of the newsstand edition for the remainder of the week. Yes, if you didn’t know before, it should be painfully obvious now that the newspaper business is on life-support. It has been for a while. And nobody seems to know how to resuscitate it. Their parent companies are drowning in debt and hemorrhaging cash, resorting to desperate measures just to say afloat. Last week the New York Times essentially took out a home equity loan on its Manhattan office building to keep from going under.
Newspapers in the information age have two fundamental problems. The first is obvious. Any news in the paper is by nature, yesterday’s news. Why would anyone pay for old news when they can get new news on the internet for free? Second, newspapers cost a lot of money to print, so they charge a significant amount for advertising. Why would anyone pay significant amounts of money to reach the very limited audience of even a large newspaper when they can reach potentially billions of people for little or no cost through the web? Clearly, if the newspaper industry is going to survive, they are going to have to rethink their business model. Accordingly, I’d like to suggest the following industry modifications. Shift most - if not all the hard news resources to the internet, updating the newspaper’s web pages continuously, as news happens. That solves the problem of printing stale news. Then, formulate the remainder of the information, news analysis, local news, human interest stories, arts and entertainment and classifieds into a news magazine printed and delivered two or three times a week. It’s not a perfect solution, but it certainly can’t be any worse than the current business model.
At a press conference during a surprise visit to Iraq this past Sunday, President Bush found himself the target of an angry Iraqi reporter, ducking for cover behind the podium as the man hurled first one shoe then another, just inches past his head. To his credit, the president remains fairly agile and was unhurt by the projectiles. My guess is he’s thankful they were just shoes.
The big news on Wall Street this week was the curious case of one Bernard Madoff and his 50 billion dollar investment Ponzi scheme. For at least the past ten years, Madoff took millions from investors, promising them - and apparently delivering double-digit returns on their investments, regardless of whether the market went up or down. Well, it turns out that numbers that were too good to be true, were, well... too good to be true. Surprise! Who would have thought that a fifteen percent return ten years in a row, irrespective of market conditions might be an outright fraud? The fact is, absolutely NO ONE - including more than a few people with advanced degrees - knew how Madoff was making his money, but as long as it was rolling in hand-over-fist, nobody cared. It’s obvious that we have learned nothing from previous financial scandals like Enron and MCI. If you do not have at least a rudimentary understanding of how it works, perhaps you should not be investing in it. If your investment company is unwilling to explain your financial statement to you, they shouldn’t be your investment company. Why do otherwise intelligent people turn into blithering idiots at the sight of double-digit returns?
My NFL thoughts for Week 15:
Without Brandon Jacobs, the New York Giants look absolutely ordinary. Sorta like the Cowboys without Marion Barber.
Terrell Owens is a joke. A six-year-old in a middle-aged man’s body. He’s been a cancer to every single team he’s played for, and he makes it very difficult for me to respect Dallas.
How can the Pittsburgh Steelers continue to produce playoff caliber teams year after year after year? It doesn’t seem to matter who the coach is, who the players are or where the games are played, the Steelers make the playoffs, or at least contend throughout the season. How is it so easy for them, yet so difficult for teams like Detroit?
I think it’s time for the league to revamp the playoff system. Both the Denver Broncos and the Arizona Cardinals could make the playoffs with an 8-8 record, while three - maybe four teams with 10-6 records could find themselves watching from their living rooms. That doesn’t seem right. Just take the six teams in each conference with the best records, period. Find a flaw in that logic.
The Green Bay Packers are painful to watch. This team was one interception away from the Superbowl a year ago. Now they are in serious jeopardy of being the first team to drop a game to the Detroit Lions this year. Where did the good times go?
Matt Cassel pitched four touchdowns in this weekend’s obliteration of the junior varsity Oakland Raiders. Who needs Tom Brady?
Over the past two weeks, the Carolina Panthers have absolutely embarrassed both defenses they’ve played. I would like nothing more than to see them continue that right through the Superbowl. But I’m used to being disappointed.
My Superbowl picks for Week 15: Carolina Panthers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Apparently, Internet Explorer has some kind of huge security flaw that leaves computers open to attack from hackers and the like. Why is this news? Of course Internet Explorer has some kind of flaw in it, IT’S MICROSOFT INTERNET EXPLORER! It’s been flawed since its inception. Are people really still using Internet Explorer? What’s wrong with you people? How many times do you have to be punched in the face before you learn how to duck?
Saw this headline on CNN.com today: Nude models strip to protest low pay. Hmm. So you protested your job by... doing your job? Interesting.
Finally, Dubai will soon be offering the world’s first refrigerated beach. That’s right, a refrigerated beach. First an indoor ski resort, now a refrigerated beach. You just can’t give rich people money.
12.10.2008
Back in Black & White
Well, vacation’s over, back to work. Did you miss me? Wait, what do you mean, no?
While I was away, stuff happened. Strange. Stuff rarely happens when I’m around to talk about it. Is it me?
In response to terrorist attacks by armed gunman in Mumbai, India a little over a week ago which left nearly 200 people dead, Pakistani authorities apprehended half-a-dozen militants suspected of conceiving of and planning those attacks. They hope that turning them over to Indian authorities will be enough to prevent India from taking military action against Pakistan. And they’re probably right, but I suspect the only thing truly preventing either country from taking military action are the nuclear weapons on either side of the border.
On a tangentially related note, could someone please explain this country’s obsession with blood and gore and torture? Why is it acceptable to run video of a train station platform smeared with blood and guts and oh yeah, dead people, in prime-time, over and over and over again with no second thought, while CBS gets fined two million dollars for six-tenths of a second of Janet Jackson’s nipple? People will pay eight dollars to watch other people decapitated, dismembered, disemboweled and otherwise mutilated in the most horrific manner on screen. The evening news will show us live images of people jumping to their deaths from buildings and bridges, bombs ripping apart occupied subway cars and freshly murdered, still bleeding corpses strewn about the concrete with their blood-soaked friends and loved ones standing over them screaming hysterically and no agency finds that offensive. But if one 14-year-old stumbles across a bare breast on the internet, all manner of fines and regulations and legislation must be imposed on the rest of society to “protect the children” from the evil corrupting influence of sex and the human body. There’s something terribly wrong with that state of mind.
Khalid Sheik Mohammed, alleged mastermind of the attacks of September 11, 2001, along with five other co-conspirators, has decided he wants to plead guilty to all charges. Well great, case closed, right? Not exactly. Mohammed and his cohorts are charged with capital crimes. If convicted they are to be sentenced to death. But there’s a quirky little detail about the death penalty that has thrown the case into legal limbo. The law says the death penalty must be imposed by a jury. Military or civilian, it doesn’t matter, so long as a jury delivers the sentence. But if someone pleads guilty, there is no trial, and therefore, no jury; which, in this case could mean, no death penalty? A suspect cannot be compelled to plead not guilty and forced to go to trial against their will, and there is no way in burning hell the U.S. Government is going to house this clown and his posse in protective custody in a military or federal prison for the remainder of their natural lives, so there seems to be some doubt as to how to proceed. The judge assigned to the case has appealed to higher authorities for advise, and I’m sure he’ll have his answer before he retires from the bench, but this just strikes me as another part of this military tribunal equation that wasn’t fully fleshed out. It never occurred to anyone that any of these suspects might plead guilty. I’ll admit, it’s an unlikely scenario, but shouldn’t someone have at least raised the possibility?
The Supreme Court has refused to hear a challenge to President-elect Barack Obama’s citizenship by some moron in New Jersey claiming that Obama is not a “natural born citizen.” Yes, Hawaiian authorities and independent fact-checkers have already verified Obama’s birth certificate as valid, as well as the local newspaper article announcing his birth, but since when do facts matter to crusaders? This particular joker claims that even though Obama was born on U.S. soil (Hawaii), to an American citizen (mother), because his father was Kenyan, and therefore a British subject, Obama was technically a dual citizen and by some voodoo nobody understands, not a “natural born citizen.” Apparently the Court agreed with me, that this complaint is a giant steaming pile of manure, and that said moron from New Jersey can take himself home and live out the rest of his life in peace, stalking the invisible communists living under the stairs in the basement. I’ve given this far more ink than it deserves.
Striking, isn't it.
Just when you thought it was safe to put a little faith in your public servants, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested in his pajamas this morning and indicted on federal corruption charges for, among other things, attempting to sell President-elect Obama’s former Senate seat to the highest bidder. The wacky part about this story is not that the governor was demanding bribes and extorting money from everyone he came across. Politicians in general, Illinois governors specifically have a history of willfully abusing the public trust, the public purse, and every now and then, the public. What’s absolutely bizarre about this case is that Blagojevich has at least suspected - if not known for the past five years that he has been under investigation by the federal government. Yet, even knowing that, he still went ahead and tried to have the editor of the Chicago Tribune fired for his negative press coverage, cancel $8 million in funding for a children’s hospital because he did not receive a $50,000 campaign contribution, and demanding some sort of “consideration” from Obama’s potential replacements. According to the U.S. Attorney, the Governor was aware of the potential replacement favored by Obama, but when he was informed that the only thing she was willing to offer him in return was a thank you, he responded, and I quote (almost), “*bleep* her,” and proceeded to solicit half-a-million dollars from a far less scrupulous, as yet unnamed individual. I am astounded that this guy actually had the hubris to think that in spite of all the politicians that have been brought down by their own corruption over the past two years, he was going to get away with all this. As for the governorship, the people of Illinois might as well just dig up Lincoln’s corpse and prop him up in the mansion in Springfield. Even dead for 148 years he can’t possibly do any worse than the jokers they keep voting into office.
Oh Canada. The true North strong and free. When did you become the Italy of North America? Last week, the country was thrown into disarray when the Prime Minster requested and was granted a shutdown of parliament in order to avoid facing a non-confidence vote he was almost certain to lose. As some of you know, the Canadian political system is substantially different from the American system. I won’t bore anyone with a lengthy explanation of how the government functions or the details of the current circumstance, but here is the Cliff Notes synopsis:
- the Prime Minister and his party just won national re-election a few weeks ago.
- Canada is a Constitutional Monarchy, similar to Great Britain.
- he did not win enough seats to form a majority government, but since the remaining seats were split amongst several opposition parties, he expanded his ruling minority.
- the Prime Minister introduced a budget that was immediately panned by all members of the opposition.
- the opposition parties banded together and declared they and all their members would sign a vote of non-confidence against the Prime Minister.
- a non-confidence vote is about the equivalent of impeachment and removal from office, without any legal ramifications.
- not wanting to lose his job, the Prime Minister went to the Governor General and requested a shut down of parliament.
the Governor General is the representative of the Queen of England in Canada. Yes, the final arbiter of all things in Canada - a sovereign nation for the past 142 years, is still the Queen of England.
- faced with the choice between removing the Prime Minister from office and installing the leader of the opposition - who was about two days away from being forced to resign before this broke, calling another election - three weeks and $300 million after an election, or shutting down parliament and buying the Prime Minister some time, she chose the path of least resistance and shut down the government until after New Years Day.
And such are the perils of a minority government and a system that allows an unelected representative of a figurehead an ocean away to make decisions regarding your future. As stupid as the American political system can be, at least Americans are fully in control of their own destiny.
My NFL thoughts for Week 14:
This is a really wacky season. If you had told me in September that the San Diego Chargers would be three games under .500 at this point in the season, yet had still not been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs I would have asked for some of whatever it was you were smoking.
The New York Giants are mortal after all. It may be only temporary - until Brandon Jacobs returns at full strength, but it has to be comforting for everyone outside of New York City.
The Buffalo Bills played a “home game” against the Miami Dolphins in a dome - with the roof closed - in Toronto Sunday afternoon. Now please, don’t misunderstand me. I love Toronto. I lived in the Toronto suburbs for 12 years and I can’t think of a city I would rather live in. I would love to see NFL football thrive in Toronto. But to call this a home game for the Bills was just a travesty. Buffalo in December is bitterly cold and battered by lake-effect snow. Miami is warm and dry. Also, Dolphins running back Rickey Williams played several years of professional football in Toronto. Hosting a Bills game in a dome in Toronto completely eliminated Buffalo’s home field advantage. Bad call by the league.
Nobody was particularly impress when the Panthers torched the Lions for 300 rushing yards a few weeks ago. But on Monday night they put up 300 again on a much tougher defense, embarrassing Tampa Bay. If they can run like that in the playoffs they might be able to stop the Giants from repeating.
The cannibals are out in Dallas. The owner is barking at the players, the quarterback and the receivers can’t find the same page in the playbook, the coach is insisting everything is fine and Terrell Owens is still complaining that no one will throw him the ball. Jerry Jones might know a whole lot about money, but he knows absolutely nothing about team chemistry.
Oh, the Lions are still perfect. One more loss and they will tie the record for most losses in a season. Three more losses and they will become the first team in league history to finish 0-16. My fingers are crossed.
My Superbowl picks of Week 14: New York Giants vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
This story is football related, but yet much bigger than football. Giants star wide receiver Plaxico Burress got himself into trouble late last week when he admitted to shooting himself in the thigh at a New York City nightclub. The law in New York City states that if one is going to carry a firearm in the city one must have a valid concealed carry permit. But instead of discussing the issue, the media went off on tangents about why athletes feel they need to carry guns and blah blah blah. The bottom line is this. Plaxico has owned a gun and lived in New York for at least three years, he knows the rules. All he had to do was get the permit. That would have rendered the entire conversation moot. If he didn’t want to register his weapon, he could have hired a bodyguard with a valid weapons permit. He just signed a massive contract extension, we know he can afford it. And if he didn’t want to do that, he could have decided not to patronize an establishment where he felt he needed to carry an unlicensed firearm. Let’s put the responsibility where it belongs. Know the law and obey it. Pretty simple.
From the desk of crap we already know, someone published a study today proving that dogs have feelings too, specifically a sense of fairness. Um, yeah. Any idiot with more than one dog could have told you that, and for far less than the cost of that study. Seriously, people get paid to tell the rest of us stuff we already know? How do I get in on that gig?
Bill O’Reilly has announced that he will be ending his radio show, “the Radio Factor”, sometime in early 2009. He says he needs to concentrate on the television show and can no longer devote the time required to do both. Did you hear that? That was the sound of Keith Olberman popping every champagne cork in his wine cellar.
In a tacit admission that they have completely run out of ideas, NBC has announced they will be eliminating all scripted programming between 10:00 and 11:00 p.m. Monday thru Friday and replacing it with a show to be hosted by Jay Leno, leaving the Tonight Show to Conan O’Brien at 11:30. I like Leno. I do. But NBC is a joke. They’ve already replaced most of their line up with garbage like The Biggest Loser and America’s Got Talent (which is pretty darn misleading). Is it really that difficult to come up with a freakin’ idea? I’ve got a script I can pitch if anyone’s interested.
As of the end of this month, Polaroid will no longer manufacture its trademark instant film. The era of the Instamatic has come to an end, replaced by the cold boring practicality of digital photography. Damn that progress! Damn it I say! There was something about the anticipation of standing around waving the little white card waiting for the image to materialize that made photography just the coolest thing any kid could get into. Thanks for the memories Polaroid.
Finally, Larry Craig returns to haunts us one last time. The Minnesota Court of Appeals denied Craig’s request to withdraw his guilty plea in his airport gay sex solicitation scandal. So, we can officially continue to refer to former Senator Craig as that guy who solicited gay sex from an undercover cop in the bathroom at the Minneapolis International Airport then tried to deny it later claiming he just has a wide stance. Ah. Simple pleasures.
While I was away, stuff happened. Strange. Stuff rarely happens when I’m around to talk about it. Is it me?
In response to terrorist attacks by armed gunman in Mumbai, India a little over a week ago which left nearly 200 people dead, Pakistani authorities apprehended half-a-dozen militants suspected of conceiving of and planning those attacks. They hope that turning them over to Indian authorities will be enough to prevent India from taking military action against Pakistan. And they’re probably right, but I suspect the only thing truly preventing either country from taking military action are the nuclear weapons on either side of the border.
On a tangentially related note, could someone please explain this country’s obsession with blood and gore and torture? Why is it acceptable to run video of a train station platform smeared with blood and guts and oh yeah, dead people, in prime-time, over and over and over again with no second thought, while CBS gets fined two million dollars for six-tenths of a second of Janet Jackson’s nipple? People will pay eight dollars to watch other people decapitated, dismembered, disemboweled and otherwise mutilated in the most horrific manner on screen. The evening news will show us live images of people jumping to their deaths from buildings and bridges, bombs ripping apart occupied subway cars and freshly murdered, still bleeding corpses strewn about the concrete with their blood-soaked friends and loved ones standing over them screaming hysterically and no agency finds that offensive. But if one 14-year-old stumbles across a bare breast on the internet, all manner of fines and regulations and legislation must be imposed on the rest of society to “protect the children” from the evil corrupting influence of sex and the human body. There’s something terribly wrong with that state of mind.
Khalid Sheik Mohammed, alleged mastermind of the attacks of September 11, 2001, along with five other co-conspirators, has decided he wants to plead guilty to all charges. Well great, case closed, right? Not exactly. Mohammed and his cohorts are charged with capital crimes. If convicted they are to be sentenced to death. But there’s a quirky little detail about the death penalty that has thrown the case into legal limbo. The law says the death penalty must be imposed by a jury. Military or civilian, it doesn’t matter, so long as a jury delivers the sentence. But if someone pleads guilty, there is no trial, and therefore, no jury; which, in this case could mean, no death penalty? A suspect cannot be compelled to plead not guilty and forced to go to trial against their will, and there is no way in burning hell the U.S. Government is going to house this clown and his posse in protective custody in a military or federal prison for the remainder of their natural lives, so there seems to be some doubt as to how to proceed. The judge assigned to the case has appealed to higher authorities for advise, and I’m sure he’ll have his answer before he retires from the bench, but this just strikes me as another part of this military tribunal equation that wasn’t fully fleshed out. It never occurred to anyone that any of these suspects might plead guilty. I’ll admit, it’s an unlikely scenario, but shouldn’t someone have at least raised the possibility?
The Supreme Court has refused to hear a challenge to President-elect Barack Obama’s citizenship by some moron in New Jersey claiming that Obama is not a “natural born citizen.” Yes, Hawaiian authorities and independent fact-checkers have already verified Obama’s birth certificate as valid, as well as the local newspaper article announcing his birth, but since when do facts matter to crusaders? This particular joker claims that even though Obama was born on U.S. soil (Hawaii), to an American citizen (mother), because his father was Kenyan, and therefore a British subject, Obama was technically a dual citizen and by some voodoo nobody understands, not a “natural born citizen.” Apparently the Court agreed with me, that this complaint is a giant steaming pile of manure, and that said moron from New Jersey can take himself home and live out the rest of his life in peace, stalking the invisible communists living under the stairs in the basement. I’ve given this far more ink than it deserves.
Striking, isn't it.
Just when you thought it was safe to put a little faith in your public servants, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested in his pajamas this morning and indicted on federal corruption charges for, among other things, attempting to sell President-elect Obama’s former Senate seat to the highest bidder. The wacky part about this story is not that the governor was demanding bribes and extorting money from everyone he came across. Politicians in general, Illinois governors specifically have a history of willfully abusing the public trust, the public purse, and every now and then, the public. What’s absolutely bizarre about this case is that Blagojevich has at least suspected - if not known for the past five years that he has been under investigation by the federal government. Yet, even knowing that, he still went ahead and tried to have the editor of the Chicago Tribune fired for his negative press coverage, cancel $8 million in funding for a children’s hospital because he did not receive a $50,000 campaign contribution, and demanding some sort of “consideration” from Obama’s potential replacements. According to the U.S. Attorney, the Governor was aware of the potential replacement favored by Obama, but when he was informed that the only thing she was willing to offer him in return was a thank you, he responded, and I quote (almost), “*bleep* her,” and proceeded to solicit half-a-million dollars from a far less scrupulous, as yet unnamed individual. I am astounded that this guy actually had the hubris to think that in spite of all the politicians that have been brought down by their own corruption over the past two years, he was going to get away with all this. As for the governorship, the people of Illinois might as well just dig up Lincoln’s corpse and prop him up in the mansion in Springfield. Even dead for 148 years he can’t possibly do any worse than the jokers they keep voting into office.
Oh Canada. The true North strong and free. When did you become the Italy of North America? Last week, the country was thrown into disarray when the Prime Minster requested and was granted a shutdown of parliament in order to avoid facing a non-confidence vote he was almost certain to lose. As some of you know, the Canadian political system is substantially different from the American system. I won’t bore anyone with a lengthy explanation of how the government functions or the details of the current circumstance, but here is the Cliff Notes synopsis:
- the Prime Minister and his party just won national re-election a few weeks ago.
- Canada is a Constitutional Monarchy, similar to Great Britain.
- he did not win enough seats to form a majority government, but since the remaining seats were split amongst several opposition parties, he expanded his ruling minority.
- the Prime Minister introduced a budget that was immediately panned by all members of the opposition.
- the opposition parties banded together and declared they and all their members would sign a vote of non-confidence against the Prime Minister.
- a non-confidence vote is about the equivalent of impeachment and removal from office, without any legal ramifications.
- not wanting to lose his job, the Prime Minister went to the Governor General and requested a shut down of parliament.
the Governor General is the representative of the Queen of England in Canada. Yes, the final arbiter of all things in Canada - a sovereign nation for the past 142 years, is still the Queen of England.
- faced with the choice between removing the Prime Minister from office and installing the leader of the opposition - who was about two days away from being forced to resign before this broke, calling another election - three weeks and $300 million after an election, or shutting down parliament and buying the Prime Minister some time, she chose the path of least resistance and shut down the government until after New Years Day.
And such are the perils of a minority government and a system that allows an unelected representative of a figurehead an ocean away to make decisions regarding your future. As stupid as the American political system can be, at least Americans are fully in control of their own destiny.
My NFL thoughts for Week 14:
This is a really wacky season. If you had told me in September that the San Diego Chargers would be three games under .500 at this point in the season, yet had still not been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs I would have asked for some of whatever it was you were smoking.
The New York Giants are mortal after all. It may be only temporary - until Brandon Jacobs returns at full strength, but it has to be comforting for everyone outside of New York City.
The Buffalo Bills played a “home game” against the Miami Dolphins in a dome - with the roof closed - in Toronto Sunday afternoon. Now please, don’t misunderstand me. I love Toronto. I lived in the Toronto suburbs for 12 years and I can’t think of a city I would rather live in. I would love to see NFL football thrive in Toronto. But to call this a home game for the Bills was just a travesty. Buffalo in December is bitterly cold and battered by lake-effect snow. Miami is warm and dry. Also, Dolphins running back Rickey Williams played several years of professional football in Toronto. Hosting a Bills game in a dome in Toronto completely eliminated Buffalo’s home field advantage. Bad call by the league.
Nobody was particularly impress when the Panthers torched the Lions for 300 rushing yards a few weeks ago. But on Monday night they put up 300 again on a much tougher defense, embarrassing Tampa Bay. If they can run like that in the playoffs they might be able to stop the Giants from repeating.
The cannibals are out in Dallas. The owner is barking at the players, the quarterback and the receivers can’t find the same page in the playbook, the coach is insisting everything is fine and Terrell Owens is still complaining that no one will throw him the ball. Jerry Jones might know a whole lot about money, but he knows absolutely nothing about team chemistry.
Oh, the Lions are still perfect. One more loss and they will tie the record for most losses in a season. Three more losses and they will become the first team in league history to finish 0-16. My fingers are crossed.
My Superbowl picks of Week 14: New York Giants vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
This story is football related, but yet much bigger than football. Giants star wide receiver Plaxico Burress got himself into trouble late last week when he admitted to shooting himself in the thigh at a New York City nightclub. The law in New York City states that if one is going to carry a firearm in the city one must have a valid concealed carry permit. But instead of discussing the issue, the media went off on tangents about why athletes feel they need to carry guns and blah blah blah. The bottom line is this. Plaxico has owned a gun and lived in New York for at least three years, he knows the rules. All he had to do was get the permit. That would have rendered the entire conversation moot. If he didn’t want to register his weapon, he could have hired a bodyguard with a valid weapons permit. He just signed a massive contract extension, we know he can afford it. And if he didn’t want to do that, he could have decided not to patronize an establishment where he felt he needed to carry an unlicensed firearm. Let’s put the responsibility where it belongs. Know the law and obey it. Pretty simple.
From the desk of crap we already know, someone published a study today proving that dogs have feelings too, specifically a sense of fairness. Um, yeah. Any idiot with more than one dog could have told you that, and for far less than the cost of that study. Seriously, people get paid to tell the rest of us stuff we already know? How do I get in on that gig?
Bill O’Reilly has announced that he will be ending his radio show, “the Radio Factor”, sometime in early 2009. He says he needs to concentrate on the television show and can no longer devote the time required to do both. Did you hear that? That was the sound of Keith Olberman popping every champagne cork in his wine cellar.
In a tacit admission that they have completely run out of ideas, NBC has announced they will be eliminating all scripted programming between 10:00 and 11:00 p.m. Monday thru Friday and replacing it with a show to be hosted by Jay Leno, leaving the Tonight Show to Conan O’Brien at 11:30. I like Leno. I do. But NBC is a joke. They’ve already replaced most of their line up with garbage like The Biggest Loser and America’s Got Talent (which is pretty darn misleading). Is it really that difficult to come up with a freakin’ idea? I’ve got a script I can pitch if anyone’s interested.
As of the end of this month, Polaroid will no longer manufacture its trademark instant film. The era of the Instamatic has come to an end, replaced by the cold boring practicality of digital photography. Damn that progress! Damn it I say! There was something about the anticipation of standing around waving the little white card waiting for the image to materialize that made photography just the coolest thing any kid could get into. Thanks for the memories Polaroid.
Finally, Larry Craig returns to haunts us one last time. The Minnesota Court of Appeals denied Craig’s request to withdraw his guilty plea in his airport gay sex solicitation scandal. So, we can officially continue to refer to former Senator Craig as that guy who solicited gay sex from an undercover cop in the bathroom at the Minneapolis International Airport then tried to deny it later claiming he just has a wide stance. Ah. Simple pleasures.
12.02.2008
Turn of a Century
Apparently, this is my 100th post. Believe me, no one is more surprised than I am. Anyway, I've decided to celebrate by not posting this week. I realize I'm already four sentences into ruining that celebration, but, it is what it is. Those are the perks of working for free. Enjoy the week off and I'll see all four of you back here seven days from now. Good times, noodle salad.
11.27.2008
A Day Late & A Trillion Dollars Short
I need to get this out of the way right off the top. My wife is a Fighting Irish alumna. They lost to what many would consider a vastly inferior football team this past weekend. And because of that, their coach, Charlie Weis, should be fired. Not because I believe he is any more to blame than the players on the field. Not even because of an inexcusable loss to a pathetic Syracuse team - Notre Dame has lost to bad teams before. But that’s just the way it works in South Bend. If you fail, you get fired. Charlie Weis has failed. And in the same way his predecessors were unceremoniously dismissed, so should he be also. Anything less would be an embarrassment to the university. Yes, more of an embarrassment than the ten year 40 million dollar contract they gave him after one decent season.
Now that the important business is out of the way, on to the trivial.
Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of Citigroup. Can’t wait until this market rebounds so I can get rich.
In the midst of the madness President-Elect Obama is attempting to assemble his cabinet under what sometimes can only be described as breathless scrutiny. The biggest speculative non-appointment so far has been the rumors that Hillary Clinton may have been offered and might actually accept the position of Secretary of State. But that’s all still speculation. Back in the realm of things that have actually happened, Obama has named former U.S. Attorney and deputy Attorney General Eric Holder to head the Justice Department, and the president of the New York Federal Reserve, Timothy Geithner, as his Secretary of the Treasury. Geithner, a bright young student of former Treasury Secretaries Larry Summers and Robert Rubin seems to be well regarded in economic circles as knowledgeable, experienced and creative.
Of course, not everyone is happy with these appointments. There seems to be a view among some on the left that Obama’s cabinet appointments haven’t been radical enough. If one believed the accusations about Obama from the right during the campaign one might have expected him to appoint the ghost of Karl Marx to head the Treasury and Mahatma Ghandi as Secretary of Defense. Instead, Obama has done the wise thing in turbulent times and selected familiar-faced, centrist-leaning appointees to head key cabinet posts. While that may disturb the more liberal elements of the Democratic Party, it’s a pretty solid strategy for the current political and economic uncertainty. If there was a lesson to be learned from John McCain’s implosion during the campaign, it is that lurching, erratic behavior in a crisis will destroy whatever faith the public may have had in their leaders. Before the economic meltdown hit in mid-September, McCain was viewed by many - if not a majority of Americans as the stronger leader of the two men. Less than a week later, after he had declared the fundamentals of the economy sound, rescinded that statement four hours later, partially suspended his campaign, rushed back to Washington to fix the problem while not actually doing anything, taking credit for a bailout package that subsequently failed and refusing to appear at a scheduled debate which he then appeared at without explanation, public opinion of his leadership had completely inverted itself. If Obama were to bring in the liberal equivalent of Joe the Plumber to fill his cabinet positions, his credibility would evaporate the moment any decision by any of those newbies went awry. And if there truly were elements of left who voted for Obama because they thought he would usher in some sort of socialist worker’s paradise, you really should have voted for the Socialist Party candidate. You’re going to be disappointed.
Following a plea for clemency from none other than the President-elect himself, Senator Joe Lieberman was allowed to retain his chairmanship of the Homeland Security Committee, despite his aggressive opposition to Obama’s candidacy. Following last week’s vote, a befuddled Senate majority leader Harry Reid addressed the media saying that there is a chapter of Lieberman’s political career he will never understand, but in the interest of the country the party is willing to put that aside and work with him. I have to admit I’m more than a little amused by the Lieberman saga. A month ago he was implying that Obama - who supported Lieberman in his Senate re-election campaign against Democrat Ned Lamont - was some sort of closet socialist just waiting to assume power so that he could sell out the country to Hugo Chavez and Raul Castro. Now he claims he is anxious to let bygones be bygones and get back to being buddies like nothing ever happened. I can’t help but wonder if Obama pulled Liberman’s cookies out of the fire some reason other than the goodness of his heart. I’d love to get ahold of that Christmas card.
When I say the word ‘pirate’, what image comes to your mind? Blackbeard? Captain Hook? Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom? You’ll have to forgive my ignorance, but until last week I had no idea that piracy was still a serious issue in the year 2008. Apparently the problem stems from the East African failed state of Somalia. Somalia hasn’t had a functional, non-military dictatorial government in 40 years, poverty is ubiquitous and crime is out of control. Decades of war have left the infrastructure in shambles, the currency virtually worthless and the economy unable to support its citizens. So, many former fisherman have figured out that storming aboard freighters and oil tankers and holding them for ransom is a much more lucrative career path than trolling the coast for a couple pounds of fish they may or may not be able to sell at the market. Reportedly the United States, Britain and other allies have warships in the area and routinely patrol the waters off the Somali coast, but so far they’ve decided not to intervene or attempt to retrieve property stolen by the pirates (with the exception of an Indian warship which sent a pirate “mother-ship” to the bottom in flames). I’m not sure I understand the refusal to act. These aren’t mysterious supernatural peg-legged demons sailing ghost ships through the night to capture the Crown’s gold and stash it on some treasure island somewhere. These are thugs with AK-47s and rocket-propelled grenades. We know how to deal with them. And it’s not like they’re stealing Junior Mints and hiding them in the desert. If Google Earth can show me the fire pit in my back yard from space, surely the military can find something the size of an oil tanker. Get out there are do what you have to do to stop this foolishness!
Attorney General Michael Mukasey collapsed during a speech in which he was attempting to cast the record of the Bush Justice Department in a positive light. The jokes write themselves with this one.
There is some discussion among experts, pundits and close advisors as to whether or not a President Obama would have to give up the use of his Blackberry. During the campaign Obama was rarely - if ever - seen without it, constantly e-mailing or texting or talking to someone. The worries are two-fold. First, so people believe that communication via Blackberry just isn’t secure enough to be used by the President. And second, all e-mails to and from the President must be recorded. The fear is that Obama might simply e-mail or text things he doesn’t want people to know. But there are inherent flaws with both of those suppositions. Wireless communications don’t have to be insecure. There is technology available - especially to the President of the United States - capable of securing cellphone communications. And at some point, you just have to trust that the President will be smart enough not to text stupid things over his Blackberry. Besides, it’s 2008. We are eventually going to have to get used to the idea of a wireless executive. In an age where six-year-olds carry cellphones to school, we can’t expect the leader of the free world to have to conduct the people’s business on two Dixie cups joined with a string. It’s just something we’re going to have to deal with.
My NFL Thoughts for Week 12:
I fully expect the New York Giants to repeat as Superbowl champions. No one else is capable of beating this team. The loss to Cleveland was a fluke, and will not be repeated.
Thanks to the New York Jets, there are no remaining undefeated teams in the league. But, thanks to the Buccaneers, the Lions are still winless going into their Thanksgiving Day meeting with Tennessee. If we can’t have perfection we can at least have complete and utter incompetence, can’t we?
If the Atlanta Falcons make it to the playoffs, Matt Ryan is the league MVP. Period. Michael who?
Donovan McNabb is playing his final season in Philadelphia. There have been rumblings for years now, especially since the Eagles recently burned a high-round draft pick on a “quarterback of the future.” But his abysmal performance this past Sunday on the heels of his abysmal performance the Sunday before should be enough to cost him his job. It’s not entirely his fault. With the exception of the Terrell Owens experiment, the management in Philly has consistently refused to provide McNabb with quality receivers and a short-yardage back, but that just seems to be the way things work in Philadelphia. High expectations, questionable executive support and the worst fans in sports.
I’m also a little peeved at the sports media’s fake outrage at McNabb’s statement after last week’s game that he was unaware that regular season games could end in a tie. No one accused him of mailing it in at the end of overtime in anticipation of getting another chance in double overtime. In fact, he attempted a hail mary pass to the endzone in a futile attempt to beat the one-win Bengals. So the fact that he didn’t know the game could end in a tie is completely irrelevant. A tie occurs in the NFL about once every fifteen years. There are players who have played their entire careers without every experiencing one. The Eagles lost the game because they aren’t very good, not because the quarterback didn’t know the tie rule.
Stick a fork in the Chargers, they’re done. It figures that the first year I’m fortunate enough to draft high enough to select the top-performing running back in football, he has one of the worst seasons in recent memory. Sigh. At least I won’t finish last this year.
Brett Favre doesn’t look 39. Neither does Kurt Warner.
The New Orleans Saints hung 51 points on a pretty good football team Monday night. How is this team only one game above .500?
My Superbowl picks for Week 12; New York Giants vs. New York Jets.
Ashley Dupre, the call girl that former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer spent $15,000 on to improve his mood has issued an apology to Spitzer’s wife. Yeah. I’m sure she was waiting with baited breath for that little piece of closure. Why do people who aren’t sorry, insist on apologizing anyway?
Two months after its original three month mission was supposed to have expired, NASA scientists finally lost contact with the Mars Phoenix Lander and declared the mission over. NASA claims the mission was a success, as the lander returned evidence of water ice in the Martian soil. And all that is well and good, but frankly, it’s a little boring. I’m sure it’s exciting to astrophysicists, but I need something more... flashy. When do we get to send the trained monkeys to bring back Mars rocks?
This Tony Romo character is driving me crazy with his little random acts of kindness. Last month, on his way back from the airport after a late night flight, the superstar quarterback pulled over to the side of the freeway to change a flat tire for an unfortunate elderly couple. This month, a homeless man was making change at a theater ticket booth when a young man tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he was interested in seeing a movie. The homeless man thanked him for the offer but declined, saying he had agreed to distribute newspapers for a local homeless outfit that day and had to get started. But as the young man and his friend entered the theater, the homeless guy realized whom he had been talking to. He ran across the street to the homeless outfit he was supposed to deliver papers for, told them what happened and asked for the day off. He then headed back to the theater to find a ticket waiting for him at the window. As he entered, Romo waved him over to sit next to him and offered him popcorn. When homeless dude mentioned that he had not showered in a couple days, Tony replied, “No problem. I’ve been around locker rooms.” And for the next ninety minutes, a superstar and a homeless man shared some cheap laughs together before returning to vastly different lives. As a Packers fan, crap like this makes it really difficult to hate Tony Romo.
Finally, from the desk of You’ve Got to Be Kidding, TIVO will soon begin offering a new service to subscribers. As of November 17, 2008, TIVO subscribers will be able to order Domino’s Pizza through their television sets. I know that at first that seems like a cool idea. But think about it for a minute. TIVO already provides you with everything you need to facilitate the ordering of a pizza. Part of the reason the thing was invented is so that you can pause the show (so that you don’t miss anything), and pick up the damn phone to call for the pizza! Was it really too much work to pick up the phone? Or visit Dominos.com? On your mobile phone none-the-less? You know you still have to pause the show and get up to answer the door for the delivery guy, right?
Now that the important business is out of the way, on to the trivial.
Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of Citigroup. Can’t wait until this market rebounds so I can get rich.
In the midst of the madness President-Elect Obama is attempting to assemble his cabinet under what sometimes can only be described as breathless scrutiny. The biggest speculative non-appointment so far has been the rumors that Hillary Clinton may have been offered and might actually accept the position of Secretary of State. But that’s all still speculation. Back in the realm of things that have actually happened, Obama has named former U.S. Attorney and deputy Attorney General Eric Holder to head the Justice Department, and the president of the New York Federal Reserve, Timothy Geithner, as his Secretary of the Treasury. Geithner, a bright young student of former Treasury Secretaries Larry Summers and Robert Rubin seems to be well regarded in economic circles as knowledgeable, experienced and creative.
Of course, not everyone is happy with these appointments. There seems to be a view among some on the left that Obama’s cabinet appointments haven’t been radical enough. If one believed the accusations about Obama from the right during the campaign one might have expected him to appoint the ghost of Karl Marx to head the Treasury and Mahatma Ghandi as Secretary of Defense. Instead, Obama has done the wise thing in turbulent times and selected familiar-faced, centrist-leaning appointees to head key cabinet posts. While that may disturb the more liberal elements of the Democratic Party, it’s a pretty solid strategy for the current political and economic uncertainty. If there was a lesson to be learned from John McCain’s implosion during the campaign, it is that lurching, erratic behavior in a crisis will destroy whatever faith the public may have had in their leaders. Before the economic meltdown hit in mid-September, McCain was viewed by many - if not a majority of Americans as the stronger leader of the two men. Less than a week later, after he had declared the fundamentals of the economy sound, rescinded that statement four hours later, partially suspended his campaign, rushed back to Washington to fix the problem while not actually doing anything, taking credit for a bailout package that subsequently failed and refusing to appear at a scheduled debate which he then appeared at without explanation, public opinion of his leadership had completely inverted itself. If Obama were to bring in the liberal equivalent of Joe the Plumber to fill his cabinet positions, his credibility would evaporate the moment any decision by any of those newbies went awry. And if there truly were elements of left who voted for Obama because they thought he would usher in some sort of socialist worker’s paradise, you really should have voted for the Socialist Party candidate. You’re going to be disappointed.
Following a plea for clemency from none other than the President-elect himself, Senator Joe Lieberman was allowed to retain his chairmanship of the Homeland Security Committee, despite his aggressive opposition to Obama’s candidacy. Following last week’s vote, a befuddled Senate majority leader Harry Reid addressed the media saying that there is a chapter of Lieberman’s political career he will never understand, but in the interest of the country the party is willing to put that aside and work with him. I have to admit I’m more than a little amused by the Lieberman saga. A month ago he was implying that Obama - who supported Lieberman in his Senate re-election campaign against Democrat Ned Lamont - was some sort of closet socialist just waiting to assume power so that he could sell out the country to Hugo Chavez and Raul Castro. Now he claims he is anxious to let bygones be bygones and get back to being buddies like nothing ever happened. I can’t help but wonder if Obama pulled Liberman’s cookies out of the fire some reason other than the goodness of his heart. I’d love to get ahold of that Christmas card.
When I say the word ‘pirate’, what image comes to your mind? Blackbeard? Captain Hook? Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom? You’ll have to forgive my ignorance, but until last week I had no idea that piracy was still a serious issue in the year 2008. Apparently the problem stems from the East African failed state of Somalia. Somalia hasn’t had a functional, non-military dictatorial government in 40 years, poverty is ubiquitous and crime is out of control. Decades of war have left the infrastructure in shambles, the currency virtually worthless and the economy unable to support its citizens. So, many former fisherman have figured out that storming aboard freighters and oil tankers and holding them for ransom is a much more lucrative career path than trolling the coast for a couple pounds of fish they may or may not be able to sell at the market. Reportedly the United States, Britain and other allies have warships in the area and routinely patrol the waters off the Somali coast, but so far they’ve decided not to intervene or attempt to retrieve property stolen by the pirates (with the exception of an Indian warship which sent a pirate “mother-ship” to the bottom in flames). I’m not sure I understand the refusal to act. These aren’t mysterious supernatural peg-legged demons sailing ghost ships through the night to capture the Crown’s gold and stash it on some treasure island somewhere. These are thugs with AK-47s and rocket-propelled grenades. We know how to deal with them. And it’s not like they’re stealing Junior Mints and hiding them in the desert. If Google Earth can show me the fire pit in my back yard from space, surely the military can find something the size of an oil tanker. Get out there are do what you have to do to stop this foolishness!
Attorney General Michael Mukasey collapsed during a speech in which he was attempting to cast the record of the Bush Justice Department in a positive light. The jokes write themselves with this one.
There is some discussion among experts, pundits and close advisors as to whether or not a President Obama would have to give up the use of his Blackberry. During the campaign Obama was rarely - if ever - seen without it, constantly e-mailing or texting or talking to someone. The worries are two-fold. First, so people believe that communication via Blackberry just isn’t secure enough to be used by the President. And second, all e-mails to and from the President must be recorded. The fear is that Obama might simply e-mail or text things he doesn’t want people to know. But there are inherent flaws with both of those suppositions. Wireless communications don’t have to be insecure. There is technology available - especially to the President of the United States - capable of securing cellphone communications. And at some point, you just have to trust that the President will be smart enough not to text stupid things over his Blackberry. Besides, it’s 2008. We are eventually going to have to get used to the idea of a wireless executive. In an age where six-year-olds carry cellphones to school, we can’t expect the leader of the free world to have to conduct the people’s business on two Dixie cups joined with a string. It’s just something we’re going to have to deal with.
My NFL Thoughts for Week 12:
I fully expect the New York Giants to repeat as Superbowl champions. No one else is capable of beating this team. The loss to Cleveland was a fluke, and will not be repeated.
Thanks to the New York Jets, there are no remaining undefeated teams in the league. But, thanks to the Buccaneers, the Lions are still winless going into their Thanksgiving Day meeting with Tennessee. If we can’t have perfection we can at least have complete and utter incompetence, can’t we?
If the Atlanta Falcons make it to the playoffs, Matt Ryan is the league MVP. Period. Michael who?
Donovan McNabb is playing his final season in Philadelphia. There have been rumblings for years now, especially since the Eagles recently burned a high-round draft pick on a “quarterback of the future.” But his abysmal performance this past Sunday on the heels of his abysmal performance the Sunday before should be enough to cost him his job. It’s not entirely his fault. With the exception of the Terrell Owens experiment, the management in Philly has consistently refused to provide McNabb with quality receivers and a short-yardage back, but that just seems to be the way things work in Philadelphia. High expectations, questionable executive support and the worst fans in sports.
I’m also a little peeved at the sports media’s fake outrage at McNabb’s statement after last week’s game that he was unaware that regular season games could end in a tie. No one accused him of mailing it in at the end of overtime in anticipation of getting another chance in double overtime. In fact, he attempted a hail mary pass to the endzone in a futile attempt to beat the one-win Bengals. So the fact that he didn’t know the game could end in a tie is completely irrelevant. A tie occurs in the NFL about once every fifteen years. There are players who have played their entire careers without every experiencing one. The Eagles lost the game because they aren’t very good, not because the quarterback didn’t know the tie rule.
Stick a fork in the Chargers, they’re done. It figures that the first year I’m fortunate enough to draft high enough to select the top-performing running back in football, he has one of the worst seasons in recent memory. Sigh. At least I won’t finish last this year.
Brett Favre doesn’t look 39. Neither does Kurt Warner.
The New Orleans Saints hung 51 points on a pretty good football team Monday night. How is this team only one game above .500?
My Superbowl picks for Week 12; New York Giants vs. New York Jets.
Ashley Dupre, the call girl that former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer spent $15,000 on to improve his mood has issued an apology to Spitzer’s wife. Yeah. I’m sure she was waiting with baited breath for that little piece of closure. Why do people who aren’t sorry, insist on apologizing anyway?
Two months after its original three month mission was supposed to have expired, NASA scientists finally lost contact with the Mars Phoenix Lander and declared the mission over. NASA claims the mission was a success, as the lander returned evidence of water ice in the Martian soil. And all that is well and good, but frankly, it’s a little boring. I’m sure it’s exciting to astrophysicists, but I need something more... flashy. When do we get to send the trained monkeys to bring back Mars rocks?
This Tony Romo character is driving me crazy with his little random acts of kindness. Last month, on his way back from the airport after a late night flight, the superstar quarterback pulled over to the side of the freeway to change a flat tire for an unfortunate elderly couple. This month, a homeless man was making change at a theater ticket booth when a young man tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he was interested in seeing a movie. The homeless man thanked him for the offer but declined, saying he had agreed to distribute newspapers for a local homeless outfit that day and had to get started. But as the young man and his friend entered the theater, the homeless guy realized whom he had been talking to. He ran across the street to the homeless outfit he was supposed to deliver papers for, told them what happened and asked for the day off. He then headed back to the theater to find a ticket waiting for him at the window. As he entered, Romo waved him over to sit next to him and offered him popcorn. When homeless dude mentioned that he had not showered in a couple days, Tony replied, “No problem. I’ve been around locker rooms.” And for the next ninety minutes, a superstar and a homeless man shared some cheap laughs together before returning to vastly different lives. As a Packers fan, crap like this makes it really difficult to hate Tony Romo.
Finally, from the desk of You’ve Got to Be Kidding, TIVO will soon begin offering a new service to subscribers. As of November 17, 2008, TIVO subscribers will be able to order Domino’s Pizza through their television sets. I know that at first that seems like a cool idea. But think about it for a minute. TIVO already provides you with everything you need to facilitate the ordering of a pizza. Part of the reason the thing was invented is so that you can pause the show (so that you don’t miss anything), and pick up the damn phone to call for the pizza! Was it really too much work to pick up the phone? Or visit Dominos.com? On your mobile phone none-the-less? You know you still have to pause the show and get up to answer the door for the delivery guy, right?
11.18.2008
Down Time
Slow week. Well, slow in comparison. I guess this is the crash after the election season high. Kinda like shooting heroin for twenty-two months straight, then quitting cold turkey. I think I have the shivers.
This is Lando. Sort of.
Some of you may recognize him from a popular science-fiction film trilogy. My wife thinks I resemble him. My wife is also sleep deprived.
As I mentioned before, the 2008 Presidential campaign is finally, mercifully over. No more periodic checking of polls, no more fact-checking campaign statements, no more wooing of undecided voters, no more bald plumbers riding coat-tails to D-list fame and misfortune. Understandably, cable news is suffering withdrawal. They've decided to fill the vacuum with speculation on cabinet positions and stories about the potential First Dog. The most interesting nugget to come out of all the supposition is the idea that the President-elect may be considering former rival Senator Hillary Clinton for Secretary of State. The idea is intriguing, and has apparently been met with near-universal (Democratic) acclaim. Clinton seems fairly well-suited for the job. She comes prepackaged with an international persona and global connections from both her own work and that of her husband. Secretary of State is the most prestigious cabinet appointment, and would go some distance toward mending fences with the former First Family of the Democratic Party. However, it is not without its demerits. Unfortunately for Senator Clinton, most of these demerits stem from her relationship with one husband and former President, Bill Clinton. Obama's pledge of openness requires him to rout through every nook and cranny of the Clinton's lives to ensure there are no surprises that might come back to haunt him later on. That might include revealing the list of donors to the Clinton Presidential Library and to all the other charitable organizations run by the former President. No word yet on whether or not Senator Clinton will take the job. As a matter of fact, there has been no confirmation that she has actually been offered the job. The Obama campaign has been frustratingly leak-free to this point, so the fact that this suggestion has even seen the light of day and then not been denied by either Clinton or Obama suggests that it might have some merit.
President Bush hosted the leaders of the G-20 (leading economic nations) this past weekend in Washington D.C. Yes, it was pretty much exactly as boring as it sounds. Twenty world leaders standing around snapping photographs and agreeing to agree to do something about the global economic crunch, while not actually doing anything about the global economic crunch. I wonder if I could talk my boss into paying me to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
Ted Kennedy returned to the Senate today, months after being diagnosed with a life-threatening brain tumor. In talking to reporters, Kennedy looked pretty good, all things considered. Best wishes to the senator for a full recovery.
President-elect Obama met with John McCain today in Chicago for the first time since the election. As previously noted, the Obama transition has been virtually leak-proof, so there is no word as to what was discuss, aside from a generic joint statement indicating their desire to work together to solve the nation's problems, blah, blah, blah. My guess is there was some discussion of bipartisanship, perhaps working together on immigration and ethics reform, and maybe a cup of hot cocoa and some reminiscing about old times and the way things were. Okay, maybe not the hot cocoa.
Governor Sarah Palin stole the show at the meeting of Republican Governors last week. Hey, don't we put thieves in prison in this country? Oh, that's right, she's already in prison, she's Governor of Alaska. My bad. But seriously, for someone who refused to give interviews to the "liberal media" in the eight weeks she was running for vice president, she certainly is chatty now. It's always amusing to hear people criticize the unfairness and inequity of the "liberal media" while appearing on the "liberal media". Over and over again.
California is burning again. Nothing new really, this sort of this happens every year - albeit earlier in the season. I guess when you live in a state covered by forests and you build you million dollar homes in the middle of the trees, bad things are going to happen every now and then. Good luck to the firefighters and I hope everyone makes it home in one piece.
The domestic automakers have been working Capitol Hill for weeks now, trying to drum up support for a $25 billion bailout package - in addition to the $25 billion Congress has already approved to help them retool. The hubris of General Motors, Ford and Chrysler grates on my last nerve like fingernails on a chalkboard. I lived in town with a GM manufacturing plant for ten years, I understand that millions of jobs depend on a healthy automotive industry. But why does the public have to prop up these clowns when times are bad only to get our wallets gouged out when times are good? Detroit has spent years making money hand over fist on the consumer selling these monstrous sport utility vehicles to people whose idea of sport is trying to navigate the mall parking lot while texting to order a pizza, all the while claiming they are only fulfilling market demand. Really? What's the market demanding now? It seems to be demanding that some of you go out of business. If market demand was good enough justification when you were making money, it should be good enough now that you're losing it. As for the "market demand" argument, there is such a thing as innovation for innovation's sake. There was no market for an impeccably designed, ridiculously overpriced MP3 player before Apple invented one. There was no market for legal online music sales before Apple created one. There was no demand for cheese stuffed crust pizza until Pizza Hut baked one up. If Detroit had spent 10% of the time working on making smaller vehicles more profitable that they spent on making larger vehicles even bigger, they might not be in the situation they're in. Besides, General Motors and Ford already manufacture smaller, more fuel efficient vehicles which they sell - for profit - Europe, Asia and South America. Can't they fill the holes in the fleet by importing those vehicles? There must be something else we can try before we hand over fistfuls of taxpayer money to companies who obviously incapable of handling their own affairs.
A South Carolina Catholic priest has instructed his parishioners to repent for voting for Barack Obama. It's not clear what gave him the impression that members of his congregation voted for Obama, or why that is any of his business, but he seems to feel that due to his pro-choice stance, Obama is a baby-killer, and any Catholic (and I guess any other religious person) who voted for Obama must be a baby-killer as well and must repent. I mention this story only to raise the issue of the single issue voter. I happen to believe that one should vote on the totality of the candidate's platform. There are others, like the afore-mentioned South Carolina priest, who would disagree with me. But if you allow your vote to be held hostage by a single issue, you lose your ability to influence the democracy - your only power as a voter. As long as one candidate supports your pet issue, they can abuse you and your vote in whatever manner they please and never be held accountable for their actions. That's damaging to the republic and not something I'm comfortable with as a voter. By the way, I don't remember hearing this priest instructing his parishioners to repent for voting for John Kerry in the 2004 election. Is it only a sin to vote for a pro-choice candidate if the pro-choice candidate wins? Or maybe he did call for repentance last time and I just missed the story. It's been four years, I'm old and my memory's not what it used to be.
My NFL Thoughts for Week 11:
The New York Giants have the best committee running game I have ever seen. Brandon Jacobs simply cannot be tackled. He outweighs most of the linebackers trying to tackle him by 20 or 30 pounds and just runs over anyone who gets in his way. Even the great Ray Lewis and the rest of the vaunted Baltimore defense were humbled by the Giants ground game.
Carolina is the most dubious 8-2 team I can remember. They played Detroit yesterday - so they essentially had the day off. Yet somehow they came within a failed two-point conversion of giving the Lions a chance to dash my hopes for a perfect 0-16 season from them. Usually when a team gains 250+ yards rushing in one game you can sagely make the assumption that they dominated the game. But this one was much much closer than the 31-22 score would indicate.
The Titans are for real. They can win 'em ugly, and they can make it look good. The undefeated season may still be in doubt, but we will be seeing this team deep into the playoffs.
The NFC North confuses me. Three teams with the same record, eleven weeks into the season. Following Sunday's 34-point taxidermy of the Bears, the Packers seem to have the upper hand in the division. But much like the weather in the upper Midwest, if you don't like the standings, just wait a minute.
My how the Eagles have fallen. Two weeks ago experts had this team competing for a Wild Card playoff slot. On Sunday afternoon they were given 15 additional minutes to defeat the pathetic Cincinnati Bengals, and failed to do so. Note to Eagles management; find yourself a top-tier receiver. It got you to the Superbowl once, it might do it again.
Dallas finally figured out how to win football games; hand Marion Barber the ball.
Steelers safety Troy Polamalu snagged the most beautiful interception I've seen since I've been watching professional football, soaring in from out-of-frame and laying out to cradle the nose of the ball as it brushed the tip of a blade of grass on snowy, soggy Heinz Field Sunday night. He was later robbed of an impressive touchdown by yet another blown call by the officials at the end of a game. As a result of the 11-10 final score (the rarest in NFL history), Vegas bookies were livid at the loss of about $66 million. Suckers. That's why they call it gambling.
Jeff Garcia is one tough S.O.B. There is no way a 185-pound quarterback should be able to survive in this league - let alone score with Playboy centerfolds.
My Superbowl picks for Week 11; New York Giants vs. Tennessee Titans
A Japanese professional baseball team signed a 16-year-old high school girl to pitch for them in their upcoming season beginning this coming April. This would make her the first woman to play professional baseball in Japan. To the best of my knowledge, women haven't played professional baseball in America since 1954, but if the Japanese experiment works out, it may not be too long before we see a little of that here. As far as I'm concerned, if she can throw strikes at the same rate as the guys, let her play. Somebody find Jeanie Finch and teach her how to throw overhand. I'd love to see her strike out Manny Ramirez.
Finally, a British woman divorced her husband when she discovered his avatar was having and affair with a "prostitute" in the online role-playing game "Second Life". Apparently the couple met and married on Second Life prior to doing so in real life, and spent as much time interacting through the game as they did in person. I guess I could be mistaken, but I thought the purpose of games like Second Life was to escape reality. If your Second Life is as real and as crappy as your first life, what's the point of having a second life? Get a (real) life people!
This is Lando. Sort of.
Some of you may recognize him from a popular science-fiction film trilogy. My wife thinks I resemble him. My wife is also sleep deprived.
As I mentioned before, the 2008 Presidential campaign is finally, mercifully over. No more periodic checking of polls, no more fact-checking campaign statements, no more wooing of undecided voters, no more bald plumbers riding coat-tails to D-list fame and misfortune. Understandably, cable news is suffering withdrawal. They've decided to fill the vacuum with speculation on cabinet positions and stories about the potential First Dog. The most interesting nugget to come out of all the supposition is the idea that the President-elect may be considering former rival Senator Hillary Clinton for Secretary of State. The idea is intriguing, and has apparently been met with near-universal (Democratic) acclaim. Clinton seems fairly well-suited for the job. She comes prepackaged with an international persona and global connections from both her own work and that of her husband. Secretary of State is the most prestigious cabinet appointment, and would go some distance toward mending fences with the former First Family of the Democratic Party. However, it is not without its demerits. Unfortunately for Senator Clinton, most of these demerits stem from her relationship with one husband and former President, Bill Clinton. Obama's pledge of openness requires him to rout through every nook and cranny of the Clinton's lives to ensure there are no surprises that might come back to haunt him later on. That might include revealing the list of donors to the Clinton Presidential Library and to all the other charitable organizations run by the former President. No word yet on whether or not Senator Clinton will take the job. As a matter of fact, there has been no confirmation that she has actually been offered the job. The Obama campaign has been frustratingly leak-free to this point, so the fact that this suggestion has even seen the light of day and then not been denied by either Clinton or Obama suggests that it might have some merit.
President Bush hosted the leaders of the G-20 (leading economic nations) this past weekend in Washington D.C. Yes, it was pretty much exactly as boring as it sounds. Twenty world leaders standing around snapping photographs and agreeing to agree to do something about the global economic crunch, while not actually doing anything about the global economic crunch. I wonder if I could talk my boss into paying me to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
Ted Kennedy returned to the Senate today, months after being diagnosed with a life-threatening brain tumor. In talking to reporters, Kennedy looked pretty good, all things considered. Best wishes to the senator for a full recovery.
President-elect Obama met with John McCain today in Chicago for the first time since the election. As previously noted, the Obama transition has been virtually leak-proof, so there is no word as to what was discuss, aside from a generic joint statement indicating their desire to work together to solve the nation's problems, blah, blah, blah. My guess is there was some discussion of bipartisanship, perhaps working together on immigration and ethics reform, and maybe a cup of hot cocoa and some reminiscing about old times and the way things were. Okay, maybe not the hot cocoa.
Governor Sarah Palin stole the show at the meeting of Republican Governors last week. Hey, don't we put thieves in prison in this country? Oh, that's right, she's already in prison, she's Governor of Alaska. My bad. But seriously, for someone who refused to give interviews to the "liberal media" in the eight weeks she was running for vice president, she certainly is chatty now. It's always amusing to hear people criticize the unfairness and inequity of the "liberal media" while appearing on the "liberal media". Over and over again.
California is burning again. Nothing new really, this sort of this happens every year - albeit earlier in the season. I guess when you live in a state covered by forests and you build you million dollar homes in the middle of the trees, bad things are going to happen every now and then. Good luck to the firefighters and I hope everyone makes it home in one piece.
The domestic automakers have been working Capitol Hill for weeks now, trying to drum up support for a $25 billion bailout package - in addition to the $25 billion Congress has already approved to help them retool. The hubris of General Motors, Ford and Chrysler grates on my last nerve like fingernails on a chalkboard. I lived in town with a GM manufacturing plant for ten years, I understand that millions of jobs depend on a healthy automotive industry. But why does the public have to prop up these clowns when times are bad only to get our wallets gouged out when times are good? Detroit has spent years making money hand over fist on the consumer selling these monstrous sport utility vehicles to people whose idea of sport is trying to navigate the mall parking lot while texting to order a pizza, all the while claiming they are only fulfilling market demand. Really? What's the market demanding now? It seems to be demanding that some of you go out of business. If market demand was good enough justification when you were making money, it should be good enough now that you're losing it. As for the "market demand" argument, there is such a thing as innovation for innovation's sake. There was no market for an impeccably designed, ridiculously overpriced MP3 player before Apple invented one. There was no market for legal online music sales before Apple created one. There was no demand for cheese stuffed crust pizza until Pizza Hut baked one up. If Detroit had spent 10% of the time working on making smaller vehicles more profitable that they spent on making larger vehicles even bigger, they might not be in the situation they're in. Besides, General Motors and Ford already manufacture smaller, more fuel efficient vehicles which they sell - for profit - Europe, Asia and South America. Can't they fill the holes in the fleet by importing those vehicles? There must be something else we can try before we hand over fistfuls of taxpayer money to companies who obviously incapable of handling their own affairs.
A South Carolina Catholic priest has instructed his parishioners to repent for voting for Barack Obama. It's not clear what gave him the impression that members of his congregation voted for Obama, or why that is any of his business, but he seems to feel that due to his pro-choice stance, Obama is a baby-killer, and any Catholic (and I guess any other religious person) who voted for Obama must be a baby-killer as well and must repent. I mention this story only to raise the issue of the single issue voter. I happen to believe that one should vote on the totality of the candidate's platform. There are others, like the afore-mentioned South Carolina priest, who would disagree with me. But if you allow your vote to be held hostage by a single issue, you lose your ability to influence the democracy - your only power as a voter. As long as one candidate supports your pet issue, they can abuse you and your vote in whatever manner they please and never be held accountable for their actions. That's damaging to the republic and not something I'm comfortable with as a voter. By the way, I don't remember hearing this priest instructing his parishioners to repent for voting for John Kerry in the 2004 election. Is it only a sin to vote for a pro-choice candidate if the pro-choice candidate wins? Or maybe he did call for repentance last time and I just missed the story. It's been four years, I'm old and my memory's not what it used to be.
My NFL Thoughts for Week 11:
The New York Giants have the best committee running game I have ever seen. Brandon Jacobs simply cannot be tackled. He outweighs most of the linebackers trying to tackle him by 20 or 30 pounds and just runs over anyone who gets in his way. Even the great Ray Lewis and the rest of the vaunted Baltimore defense were humbled by the Giants ground game.
Carolina is the most dubious 8-2 team I can remember. They played Detroit yesterday - so they essentially had the day off. Yet somehow they came within a failed two-point conversion of giving the Lions a chance to dash my hopes for a perfect 0-16 season from them. Usually when a team gains 250+ yards rushing in one game you can sagely make the assumption that they dominated the game. But this one was much much closer than the 31-22 score would indicate.
The Titans are for real. They can win 'em ugly, and they can make it look good. The undefeated season may still be in doubt, but we will be seeing this team deep into the playoffs.
The NFC North confuses me. Three teams with the same record, eleven weeks into the season. Following Sunday's 34-point taxidermy of the Bears, the Packers seem to have the upper hand in the division. But much like the weather in the upper Midwest, if you don't like the standings, just wait a minute.
My how the Eagles have fallen. Two weeks ago experts had this team competing for a Wild Card playoff slot. On Sunday afternoon they were given 15 additional minutes to defeat the pathetic Cincinnati Bengals, and failed to do so. Note to Eagles management; find yourself a top-tier receiver. It got you to the Superbowl once, it might do it again.
Dallas finally figured out how to win football games; hand Marion Barber the ball.
Steelers safety Troy Polamalu snagged the most beautiful interception I've seen since I've been watching professional football, soaring in from out-of-frame and laying out to cradle the nose of the ball as it brushed the tip of a blade of grass on snowy, soggy Heinz Field Sunday night. He was later robbed of an impressive touchdown by yet another blown call by the officials at the end of a game. As a result of the 11-10 final score (the rarest in NFL history), Vegas bookies were livid at the loss of about $66 million. Suckers. That's why they call it gambling.
Jeff Garcia is one tough S.O.B. There is no way a 185-pound quarterback should be able to survive in this league - let alone score with Playboy centerfolds.
My Superbowl picks for Week 11; New York Giants vs. Tennessee Titans
A Japanese professional baseball team signed a 16-year-old high school girl to pitch for them in their upcoming season beginning this coming April. This would make her the first woman to play professional baseball in Japan. To the best of my knowledge, women haven't played professional baseball in America since 1954, but if the Japanese experiment works out, it may not be too long before we see a little of that here. As far as I'm concerned, if she can throw strikes at the same rate as the guys, let her play. Somebody find Jeanie Finch and teach her how to throw overhand. I'd love to see her strike out Manny Ramirez.
Finally, a British woman divorced her husband when she discovered his avatar was having and affair with a "prostitute" in the online role-playing game "Second Life". Apparently the couple met and married on Second Life prior to doing so in real life, and spent as much time interacting through the game as they did in person. I guess I could be mistaken, but I thought the purpose of games like Second Life was to escape reality. If your Second Life is as real and as crappy as your first life, what's the point of having a second life? Get a (real) life people!
11.11.2008
44
It’s been a week since Barack Obama was elected the 44th President of the United States of America. Most of the media outlets and personality have packed up and moved on from the campaign and the significance of the moment, shifting their focus - as they should - to the transition period and the cabinet selection and the search for the new White House puppy. But before I join them, I need to take one last look back. A look back at the highs and lows of the longest presidential campaign in history. One last look back at what Obama has accomplished to this point and the enormity of the challenges ahead of him.
Four years ago, at the Democratic Convention, America was introduced to a skinny black guy with a funny name from Chicago, Illinois. At that time merely a local figure, no one knew anything about him, except that he gave one hell of a speech. Sometimes all you need is an opportunity. Obama was able to use the overwhelmingly positively response to that speech (as well as the gift he received of his opponent Jim Ryan’s admissions of strip club visits and messy divorce proceedings) into election to the U.S. Senate in 2004. Once he arrived there, no one gave him much thought or attention. He was a freshman senator from a state with a strong, well-known senior senator with apparently no higher political aspirations. But he used the first two years of his term to quietly build a network of support in Congress and to begin to develop a “grassroots” movement, heavily dependent upon the internet and the youth of the nation. Then, on a cold, crisp February day, on the steps of the State Capitol in Springfield, Illinois, Barack Obama announced his candidacy for President of the United States.
At that point in time, the nation barely noticed. Everybody knew that Hillary Clinton would be the Democratic presidential nominee. The primary process - still 11 months away was nothing more than a formality. She had spent decades preparing for this run, logging 12 years as the First Lady of Arkansas, eight years as the First Lady of the United States, then winning election to the U.S. Senate in 2000 and cementing her credentials with re-election in 2006. Together with her husband she had created a powerful political machine backed by numerous big money donors and powerful party insiders. There was no way she could lose the primary. Until she did.
Senator Clinton’s achilles heel turned out to be her Senate vote authorizing the invasion of Iraq. Not being a member of the Senate at the time, Obama escaped having to cast a vote on the issue. What initially looked like a successful military campaign dragged on to become a messy mishandled occupation, complicated by an insurgency which resulted in a religious-based civil war. Coupled with the failure to find any weapons of mass destruction - the selling point of the war to the American people - what had originally been viewed as a cake-walk to Baghdad was now deeply unpopular and being compared to the American experience in Vietnam. This was Obama’s opening. His opposition to the invasion made him the only major Democratic candidate untainted by the war, allowing him to build a small, yet vocal base of support. Then came Iowa.
Prior to the night of the Iowa caucuses, most black voters strongly supported Senator Clinton. Simply put, they didn’t believe white people would vote for a black man for president. They hadn’t before, why should this time be any different? But Obama was a different kind of candidate. Instead of emphasizing his blackness and and calling attention to racial and social injustice around every corner, Obama emphasized his Americanness and the plight of the middle class, careful to avoid ever appearing as the “angry black man.” Throughout both the primary and the general election campaigns his supporters frequently grow frustrated with Obama’s apparent reluctance to take the offensive against his opponents. But he well understood that nothing would sink his campaign faster than playing to the image of the angry black man. So he continued to give his audiences the benefit of the the doubt, and on a chilly January night, Iowa caucus voters returned the favor. Obama ran away with Iowa. All of a sudden, black voters realized that white America just might be ready to make history. The importance of Iowa cannot be over-stated. Same goes for New Hampshire.
Just four days later Obama rolled into New Hampshire riding high off the Iowa victory with a clear lead in the polls. But Senator Clinton wasn’t quite ready to disappear into that goodnight. Stunning the pollsters, Clinton easily wins the New Hampshire primary, setting the stage for the first fifty-state primary campaign many people can remember. At first, the mood in congenial, with most Democrats declaring that they would be perfectly happy to end up with either candidate. But as the primary wears on and the battle becomes more acrimonious, tempers begin to flare among supporters. The Clinton strategy was to defeat Obama on Super Tuesday, claiming victory in enough primaries to end the race. But Obama was able to win enough contests to play Super Tuesday to a stalemate. It was at this point that Senator Clinton’s campaign strategy broke down. It became evident that there was no plan to continue beyond Super Tuesday. From the beginning, Obama had developed a keen understanding of the Democratic primary and caucus proportional representation system, realizing that he didn’t need to win big states like New York and California, he only needed to remain competitive, while taking as many small states as he could. He had send teams of volunteers ahead into smaller states to set up for the coming caucuses. Senator Clinton had not done so. Due to that tactical error on her part, Senator Obama rattled off 11-straight virtually uncontested victories, building what would turn out to be an insurmountable pledged delegate lead. Wanting to go with a winner, the super delegates began to switch allegiances, and by the night of the final primary, Senator Obama had his Democratic primary victory all wrapped up.
But victory came at a price. The Democratic party was now fractured, one faction supporting Barack Obama, the other backing Hillary Clinton. And, five weeks prior to the Pennsylvania primary, Obama had been forced to confront the issue of race he had avoided so deftly when video of one of his Chicago pastor’s sermons found it’s way to television news. With a brilliantly insightful speech and several emphatic denouncements, he was largely able to put Jeremiah Wright behind him. But party unity was a different story. All the way up to and through the convention, the narrative would focus on whether or not Obama could win over Clinton supporters upset - even distraught over her defeat. The media devoted reams of copy and countless hours of airtime to the question of how Obama would appeal to this constituency. Several high-profile Clinton backers defected, publicly pledging to work to get John McCain elected. There was even some measure of doubt as to how Senator Clinton would respond at the convention. But in the end, it turned out to be a lot of wasted ink. A true class act, both Senator and President Clinton put their purpose ahead of their egos and threw their support behind the Democratic nominee. That Thursday night Senator Obama delivered his acceptance speech in front of eighty thousand people at Invesco Field in Denver, becoming the first black candidate to head a major party presidential ticket. He had a slim lead in the polls, and the support of most of his Party. Things were looking up Thursday night. But Friday was another day.
The Friday morning following Obama’s acceptance speech, John McCain revealed his running mate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. A fresh-faced conservative mother of five, she was an instant hit with the Republican base and a media sensation. The announcement of her vice-presidential candidacy completely erased Obama’s convention bounce, and vaulted McCain into a slim lead in the polls. Without even one day to savor his moment, he was playing catch-up to his opponent. But soon a curious thing began to happen. While conservative Republicans were enamored with the Palin selection, they weren’t John McCain’s constituency. And the more Independents learned about Sarah Palin, the less they cared for her. Their concerns were piqued when she faltered a little in her first nationally televised interview with Charles Gibson of ABC News, then confirmed when she completely floundered in an interview with CBS’s Katie Couric. Her approval numbers began to dip, and without ever addressing her directly, Obama once again pulled even in the opinion polls. Then the bottom fell out for John McCain.
Since the beginning of his campaign, McCain had been searching for a theme to run on. He survived the primary on the military success of “the surge” which he had advocated and supported. But by this time, that mantra was getting stale. So he turned toward more traditional Republican talking points. Reduction in capital gains taxes, school choice and smaller government became the new focus of the campaign. But the economy wasn’t cooperating. Suddenly, over a weekend, mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were placed into conservatorship by the Treasury Department. Within a week, Lehman Brothers, a fixture on Wall Street for over a century, was forced to file for bankruptcy and Merrill Lynch was purchased by Bank of America for less than half of its value. In the six months since the federal bailout of Bear Stearns and the country had been lulled into a false sense that the sub-prime mortgage crisis wasn’t quite as bad as people thought. But Lehman started the cascade. In the days that followed, several big name banks like Wachovia were taken over by the government to protect the assets of the depositors. Seemingly oblivious to what was happening, McCain told the assembled crowd at a Monday morning rally in Jacksonville that, “...the fundamentals of the economy are strong....” The Dow plummeted five hundred points that day, and by that afternoon McCain was scrambling to qualify and adjust his statements. He didn’t realize it at the time, but that statement signaled the death of his presidential campaign.
True to his “maverick” nature, McCain dove headlong into the problem, announcing he would “suspend his campaign” immediately, putting country before personal ambition and return to Washington to shepherd Congress through the necessary bailout negotiations. Only he gave several sit-down interviews before he returned to Washington, and when he got there, he did nothing. He then announced he would not attend the first presidential debate scheduled for that Friday evening if there was no agreement on a financial rescue package. On Thursday he took credit for the passage of a deal before it was voted on. Said deal went down in flames on the floor of the House and McCain blamed Senator Obama for its defeat. Except that the vote took place in the House of Representatives, so Obama had nothing to do with it. Then, without a deal in place, and without an explanation, McCain appeared at the debate as scheduled. But his performance was less than stellar. He appeared agitated and distracted, and dismissive of his opponent, refusing to look at Barack Obama during the entire 90 minute exchange. Over the course of one week, the battle-tested John McCain had gone from being viewed as the experienced, weathered, stoic President-in-waiting, to a confused, erratic, out-of-touch old man. Obama, derided by McCain throughout the entire campaign for his “poor judgement” and “lack of experience,” came across as the steady hand in a time of crisis. A majority of the public now viewed him as... presidential. The remainder of the campaign was academic.
The final two debates changed nothing. Down in the polls McCain resorted to the tried and true Lee Atwater designed, Karl Rove tested politics of personal destruction. His campaign trotted out issues put to rest during the Democratic primary, threw out every label they could think of, even attempted to turn a plumber into a mascot. Due in part to the afore-mentioned tactics the race tightened down the stretch. But in the end, the Democratic candidate’s significant monetary advantage and superior organization, (is it safe to assume the roll of community organizer will never again be ridiculed on national television by a Republican operative?), coupled with an over-riding concern for the economy and confidence in Obama’s ability to turn the country around trumped the politics of fear and loathing, and Barack Obama was elected the 44th President of the United States. The first black President in U.S. history. The first black head of state in the Western World. The magnitude of that achievement cannot be overstated. There was a time in this country when those with Obama’s skin color were considered to be only three-fifth’s of a person. Merely forty years ago black people were forced to eat at separate lunch counters, drink from separate water fountains and ride at the back of the bus. I wasn’t born yesterday. I’m under no illusion that Obama’s victory instantly resolves the racial tensions and conflicts that have plagued this country for 400 years. But what it does signal is the willingness of Americans to try. I’m also not naive enough to believe the election of Barack Obama will magically undo the damage done to this country and its image by the current administration. He will inherit two unfinished wars, a Justice Department in tatters and a global economic meltdown. It’s difficult to understand why anyone would want the job at this point. Undoubtedly Obama will succeed in some areas and fail in others, just like every other leader to come before him. We would be wise to expect a bumpy ride in the beginning. But what we have done with this election is reject the insanity of repeating the same actions over and over again, expecting a different result, choosing instead a different path. One rich with the promise of possibility, with the belief that we can be more than the sum of our parts. Let’s not allow such an historic opportunity to go to waste.
Four years ago, at the Democratic Convention, America was introduced to a skinny black guy with a funny name from Chicago, Illinois. At that time merely a local figure, no one knew anything about him, except that he gave one hell of a speech. Sometimes all you need is an opportunity. Obama was able to use the overwhelmingly positively response to that speech (as well as the gift he received of his opponent Jim Ryan’s admissions of strip club visits and messy divorce proceedings) into election to the U.S. Senate in 2004. Once he arrived there, no one gave him much thought or attention. He was a freshman senator from a state with a strong, well-known senior senator with apparently no higher political aspirations. But he used the first two years of his term to quietly build a network of support in Congress and to begin to develop a “grassroots” movement, heavily dependent upon the internet and the youth of the nation. Then, on a cold, crisp February day, on the steps of the State Capitol in Springfield, Illinois, Barack Obama announced his candidacy for President of the United States.
At that point in time, the nation barely noticed. Everybody knew that Hillary Clinton would be the Democratic presidential nominee. The primary process - still 11 months away was nothing more than a formality. She had spent decades preparing for this run, logging 12 years as the First Lady of Arkansas, eight years as the First Lady of the United States, then winning election to the U.S. Senate in 2000 and cementing her credentials with re-election in 2006. Together with her husband she had created a powerful political machine backed by numerous big money donors and powerful party insiders. There was no way she could lose the primary. Until she did.
Senator Clinton’s achilles heel turned out to be her Senate vote authorizing the invasion of Iraq. Not being a member of the Senate at the time, Obama escaped having to cast a vote on the issue. What initially looked like a successful military campaign dragged on to become a messy mishandled occupation, complicated by an insurgency which resulted in a religious-based civil war. Coupled with the failure to find any weapons of mass destruction - the selling point of the war to the American people - what had originally been viewed as a cake-walk to Baghdad was now deeply unpopular and being compared to the American experience in Vietnam. This was Obama’s opening. His opposition to the invasion made him the only major Democratic candidate untainted by the war, allowing him to build a small, yet vocal base of support. Then came Iowa.
Prior to the night of the Iowa caucuses, most black voters strongly supported Senator Clinton. Simply put, they didn’t believe white people would vote for a black man for president. They hadn’t before, why should this time be any different? But Obama was a different kind of candidate. Instead of emphasizing his blackness and and calling attention to racial and social injustice around every corner, Obama emphasized his Americanness and the plight of the middle class, careful to avoid ever appearing as the “angry black man.” Throughout both the primary and the general election campaigns his supporters frequently grow frustrated with Obama’s apparent reluctance to take the offensive against his opponents. But he well understood that nothing would sink his campaign faster than playing to the image of the angry black man. So he continued to give his audiences the benefit of the the doubt, and on a chilly January night, Iowa caucus voters returned the favor. Obama ran away with Iowa. All of a sudden, black voters realized that white America just might be ready to make history. The importance of Iowa cannot be over-stated. Same goes for New Hampshire.
Just four days later Obama rolled into New Hampshire riding high off the Iowa victory with a clear lead in the polls. But Senator Clinton wasn’t quite ready to disappear into that goodnight. Stunning the pollsters, Clinton easily wins the New Hampshire primary, setting the stage for the first fifty-state primary campaign many people can remember. At first, the mood in congenial, with most Democrats declaring that they would be perfectly happy to end up with either candidate. But as the primary wears on and the battle becomes more acrimonious, tempers begin to flare among supporters. The Clinton strategy was to defeat Obama on Super Tuesday, claiming victory in enough primaries to end the race. But Obama was able to win enough contests to play Super Tuesday to a stalemate. It was at this point that Senator Clinton’s campaign strategy broke down. It became evident that there was no plan to continue beyond Super Tuesday. From the beginning, Obama had developed a keen understanding of the Democratic primary and caucus proportional representation system, realizing that he didn’t need to win big states like New York and California, he only needed to remain competitive, while taking as many small states as he could. He had send teams of volunteers ahead into smaller states to set up for the coming caucuses. Senator Clinton had not done so. Due to that tactical error on her part, Senator Obama rattled off 11-straight virtually uncontested victories, building what would turn out to be an insurmountable pledged delegate lead. Wanting to go with a winner, the super delegates began to switch allegiances, and by the night of the final primary, Senator Obama had his Democratic primary victory all wrapped up.
But victory came at a price. The Democratic party was now fractured, one faction supporting Barack Obama, the other backing Hillary Clinton. And, five weeks prior to the Pennsylvania primary, Obama had been forced to confront the issue of race he had avoided so deftly when video of one of his Chicago pastor’s sermons found it’s way to television news. With a brilliantly insightful speech and several emphatic denouncements, he was largely able to put Jeremiah Wright behind him. But party unity was a different story. All the way up to and through the convention, the narrative would focus on whether or not Obama could win over Clinton supporters upset - even distraught over her defeat. The media devoted reams of copy and countless hours of airtime to the question of how Obama would appeal to this constituency. Several high-profile Clinton backers defected, publicly pledging to work to get John McCain elected. There was even some measure of doubt as to how Senator Clinton would respond at the convention. But in the end, it turned out to be a lot of wasted ink. A true class act, both Senator and President Clinton put their purpose ahead of their egos and threw their support behind the Democratic nominee. That Thursday night Senator Obama delivered his acceptance speech in front of eighty thousand people at Invesco Field in Denver, becoming the first black candidate to head a major party presidential ticket. He had a slim lead in the polls, and the support of most of his Party. Things were looking up Thursday night. But Friday was another day.
The Friday morning following Obama’s acceptance speech, John McCain revealed his running mate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. A fresh-faced conservative mother of five, she was an instant hit with the Republican base and a media sensation. The announcement of her vice-presidential candidacy completely erased Obama’s convention bounce, and vaulted McCain into a slim lead in the polls. Without even one day to savor his moment, he was playing catch-up to his opponent. But soon a curious thing began to happen. While conservative Republicans were enamored with the Palin selection, they weren’t John McCain’s constituency. And the more Independents learned about Sarah Palin, the less they cared for her. Their concerns were piqued when she faltered a little in her first nationally televised interview with Charles Gibson of ABC News, then confirmed when she completely floundered in an interview with CBS’s Katie Couric. Her approval numbers began to dip, and without ever addressing her directly, Obama once again pulled even in the opinion polls. Then the bottom fell out for John McCain.
Since the beginning of his campaign, McCain had been searching for a theme to run on. He survived the primary on the military success of “the surge” which he had advocated and supported. But by this time, that mantra was getting stale. So he turned toward more traditional Republican talking points. Reduction in capital gains taxes, school choice and smaller government became the new focus of the campaign. But the economy wasn’t cooperating. Suddenly, over a weekend, mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were placed into conservatorship by the Treasury Department. Within a week, Lehman Brothers, a fixture on Wall Street for over a century, was forced to file for bankruptcy and Merrill Lynch was purchased by Bank of America for less than half of its value. In the six months since the federal bailout of Bear Stearns and the country had been lulled into a false sense that the sub-prime mortgage crisis wasn’t quite as bad as people thought. But Lehman started the cascade. In the days that followed, several big name banks like Wachovia were taken over by the government to protect the assets of the depositors. Seemingly oblivious to what was happening, McCain told the assembled crowd at a Monday morning rally in Jacksonville that, “...the fundamentals of the economy are strong....” The Dow plummeted five hundred points that day, and by that afternoon McCain was scrambling to qualify and adjust his statements. He didn’t realize it at the time, but that statement signaled the death of his presidential campaign.
True to his “maverick” nature, McCain dove headlong into the problem, announcing he would “suspend his campaign” immediately, putting country before personal ambition and return to Washington to shepherd Congress through the necessary bailout negotiations. Only he gave several sit-down interviews before he returned to Washington, and when he got there, he did nothing. He then announced he would not attend the first presidential debate scheduled for that Friday evening if there was no agreement on a financial rescue package. On Thursday he took credit for the passage of a deal before it was voted on. Said deal went down in flames on the floor of the House and McCain blamed Senator Obama for its defeat. Except that the vote took place in the House of Representatives, so Obama had nothing to do with it. Then, without a deal in place, and without an explanation, McCain appeared at the debate as scheduled. But his performance was less than stellar. He appeared agitated and distracted, and dismissive of his opponent, refusing to look at Barack Obama during the entire 90 minute exchange. Over the course of one week, the battle-tested John McCain had gone from being viewed as the experienced, weathered, stoic President-in-waiting, to a confused, erratic, out-of-touch old man. Obama, derided by McCain throughout the entire campaign for his “poor judgement” and “lack of experience,” came across as the steady hand in a time of crisis. A majority of the public now viewed him as... presidential. The remainder of the campaign was academic.
The final two debates changed nothing. Down in the polls McCain resorted to the tried and true Lee Atwater designed, Karl Rove tested politics of personal destruction. His campaign trotted out issues put to rest during the Democratic primary, threw out every label they could think of, even attempted to turn a plumber into a mascot. Due in part to the afore-mentioned tactics the race tightened down the stretch. But in the end, the Democratic candidate’s significant monetary advantage and superior organization, (is it safe to assume the roll of community organizer will never again be ridiculed on national television by a Republican operative?), coupled with an over-riding concern for the economy and confidence in Obama’s ability to turn the country around trumped the politics of fear and loathing, and Barack Obama was elected the 44th President of the United States. The first black President in U.S. history. The first black head of state in the Western World. The magnitude of that achievement cannot be overstated. There was a time in this country when those with Obama’s skin color were considered to be only three-fifth’s of a person. Merely forty years ago black people were forced to eat at separate lunch counters, drink from separate water fountains and ride at the back of the bus. I wasn’t born yesterday. I’m under no illusion that Obama’s victory instantly resolves the racial tensions and conflicts that have plagued this country for 400 years. But what it does signal is the willingness of Americans to try. I’m also not naive enough to believe the election of Barack Obama will magically undo the damage done to this country and its image by the current administration. He will inherit two unfinished wars, a Justice Department in tatters and a global economic meltdown. It’s difficult to understand why anyone would want the job at this point. Undoubtedly Obama will succeed in some areas and fail in others, just like every other leader to come before him. We would be wise to expect a bumpy ride in the beginning. But what we have done with this election is reject the insanity of repeating the same actions over and over again, expecting a different result, choosing instead a different path. One rich with the promise of possibility, with the belief that we can be more than the sum of our parts. Let’s not allow such an historic opportunity to go to waste.
11.07.2008
Double Take
This may come as a surprise to a lot of people, but I like Bill O’Reilly. Well, I used to. Until about three hours ago.
I know, I know, Bill O’Reilly is the devil. He’s loud, he’s abrasive, he’s brash, he’s larger than life. He often speaks without thinking, substantiates arguments with dubious facts, cuts people off in conversation and intimidates people by sending camera crews to their homes and accosting them on their front porches to ask them questions they obviously have no desire to answer. Yes, there are so many things not to like about the man. But I’ve always respected a man who means what he says, and says what he means. Regardless of what you think about O’Reilly, you always know what he’s thinking. There’s nothing phony about the guy. What you see is what you get. Unfortunately, what you see isn’t always pretty.
Which brings me to this. I was trolling Politico.com for amusement this evening when I came across a clip from last night’s edition of the O’Reilly Factor. No need to watch the whole thing, the first couple minutes will suffice.
Let’s get this part out of the way first. If any of those leaks about Sarah Palin are true; that she didn’t know which countries signed the North American Free Trade Agreement, that she thought Africa was a country and not a continent, or that she refused to be prepped for the Katie Couric interview, then blamed he aides for not prepping her when the interview went... sour, thank God in Heaven she was not elected vice-president of the United States. At least Joe Biden only says stupid things.
But this is less about Sarah Palin and more about Bill O’Reilly. Although I can’t understand why Republican operatives would lie to the senior political correspondent of Fox News, I can’t verify whether or not the allegations made by nameless campaign sources are true. But in the following respect, it doesn’t really matter. When O’Reilly heard the anecdotes Carl Cameron was relaying to him, the correct response would have been, “...come on Carl, do you have any hard evidence for those allegations,” or perhaps, “...wow Carl, I had no idea Sarah Palin was so incredibly unprepared to even wake up in the morning,” or maybe even, “you know what Carl, I’m just going to pretend I didn’t hear you say any of those things and continue with my pre-determined line of questioning.” But no. What did Bill say? “...Well, she could be tutored on those things... there must be something more here...”
Excuse me? She could be tutored on those things? WHAT?!? Is Bill O’Reilly seriously trying to tell me that it’s not a big deal that the potential vice president doesn’t know which countries are involved in NAFTA and that Africa is actually a continent because she can learn that sort of thing on the job? I’ll check with my mom tomorrow, but I’m pretty sure I was about three years old when I learned that Africa was a continent and South Africa a country within it! I’d be willing to bet that the fifth graders she gave a “shout out” to during the vice presidential debate know which countries signed the North American Free Trade Agreement, seeing as how there are only three countries in North America! I’m sorry, but it is not okay that the V.P candidate the Republican Party tried to foist upon this nation may not be smarter than a fifth grader! And the fact that a man like O’Reilly would help perpetrate this fraud on the American people by espousing his sincere belief that deficiencies such as those just aren’t a big deal, is nothing short of ludicrous!
Bill, I feel sorry for you. And that’s no small feat considering you are about 6 inches taller and a hundred million dollars richer than I am. Obviously things didn’t turn out the way you would have preferred them to. But you have to accept the fact that the Republican Party was complicit in its own demise. Contrary to what you seem to believe, it does matter that a 44-year-old state governor may not know the difference between a continent and a country. It is evidence that the Republican leadership thought so little of the rest of us that they felt they could throw any old “real American” small town Joe six-pack pit-bull hockey mom on the ticket, tell us she was more qualified than the opposition and have us buy into it. Unfortunately, you did. I expected more of you. Maybe I shouldn’t have.
I know, I know, Bill O’Reilly is the devil. He’s loud, he’s abrasive, he’s brash, he’s larger than life. He often speaks without thinking, substantiates arguments with dubious facts, cuts people off in conversation and intimidates people by sending camera crews to their homes and accosting them on their front porches to ask them questions they obviously have no desire to answer. Yes, there are so many things not to like about the man. But I’ve always respected a man who means what he says, and says what he means. Regardless of what you think about O’Reilly, you always know what he’s thinking. There’s nothing phony about the guy. What you see is what you get. Unfortunately, what you see isn’t always pretty.
Which brings me to this. I was trolling Politico.com for amusement this evening when I came across a clip from last night’s edition of the O’Reilly Factor. No need to watch the whole thing, the first couple minutes will suffice.
Let’s get this part out of the way first. If any of those leaks about Sarah Palin are true; that she didn’t know which countries signed the North American Free Trade Agreement, that she thought Africa was a country and not a continent, or that she refused to be prepped for the Katie Couric interview, then blamed he aides for not prepping her when the interview went... sour, thank God in Heaven she was not elected vice-president of the United States. At least Joe Biden only says stupid things.
But this is less about Sarah Palin and more about Bill O’Reilly. Although I can’t understand why Republican operatives would lie to the senior political correspondent of Fox News, I can’t verify whether or not the allegations made by nameless campaign sources are true. But in the following respect, it doesn’t really matter. When O’Reilly heard the anecdotes Carl Cameron was relaying to him, the correct response would have been, “...come on Carl, do you have any hard evidence for those allegations,” or perhaps, “...wow Carl, I had no idea Sarah Palin was so incredibly unprepared to even wake up in the morning,” or maybe even, “you know what Carl, I’m just going to pretend I didn’t hear you say any of those things and continue with my pre-determined line of questioning.” But no. What did Bill say? “...Well, she could be tutored on those things... there must be something more here...”
Excuse me? She could be tutored on those things? WHAT?!? Is Bill O’Reilly seriously trying to tell me that it’s not a big deal that the potential vice president doesn’t know which countries are involved in NAFTA and that Africa is actually a continent because she can learn that sort of thing on the job? I’ll check with my mom tomorrow, but I’m pretty sure I was about three years old when I learned that Africa was a continent and South Africa a country within it! I’d be willing to bet that the fifth graders she gave a “shout out” to during the vice presidential debate know which countries signed the North American Free Trade Agreement, seeing as how there are only three countries in North America! I’m sorry, but it is not okay that the V.P candidate the Republican Party tried to foist upon this nation may not be smarter than a fifth grader! And the fact that a man like O’Reilly would help perpetrate this fraud on the American people by espousing his sincere belief that deficiencies such as those just aren’t a big deal, is nothing short of ludicrous!
Bill, I feel sorry for you. And that’s no small feat considering you are about 6 inches taller and a hundred million dollars richer than I am. Obviously things didn’t turn out the way you would have preferred them to. But you have to accept the fact that the Republican Party was complicit in its own demise. Contrary to what you seem to believe, it does matter that a 44-year-old state governor may not know the difference between a continent and a country. It is evidence that the Republican leadership thought so little of the rest of us that they felt they could throw any old “real American” small town Joe six-pack pit-bull hockey mom on the ticket, tell us she was more qualified than the opposition and have us buy into it. Unfortunately, you did. I expected more of you. Maybe I shouldn’t have.
11.06.2008
The Day After
For the past 24 hours I’ve been trying to think of something worthy to write. I’ve come up with nothing. It seems as though I lack the vocabulary necessary to express the magnitude of what happened Tuesday night. There were many things I planned to say in the event of an Obama victory, many more in the event of a McCain comeback. But very few of them now seem big enough for the moment.
So, instead of trying to cobble together something that may or may not resemble coherent writing, I’ve decided to try something else. In this post I’ll share some of my thoughts about the election and other items in the news this past week. Then on Friday, after I’ve had a chance to digest it, I’ll offer my thoughts on the meaning of this election.
First, to state the obvious. At 11:00 p.m. Tuesday, November 4th, 2008, Senator Barack Obama defeated Senator John McCain to become the 44th President Elect of the United States of America.
North Carolina and Missouri have still not completed counting their votes. But at this point, that doesn’t matter. Despite record voter turnout, both Florida and Ohio somehow managed to conduct an election cleanly and efficiently, without any major technical difficulties. That in and of itself has got to be some kind of miracle.
A mea culpa. I have always believed that America would elect a female president before a black president. Obviously, I was wrong. I apologize.
Many interesting images from Tuesday night that will remain with me for some time to come;
Kudos to John McCain for one of the classiest concession speeches I’ve ever heard. Obviously a difficult, emotional moment for him, handled with the stoicism and grace befitting a U.S. Senator and military man.
Contrast the crowd at the McCain rally with the crowd at the Obama rally. One of them resembled my neighborhood, one of them didn’t.
It was moving to see all the people in all the crowds nationwide who broke down in tears at the announcement of Obama’s victory. It was the first time I can remember seeing Jesse Jackson speechless. Oprah sounded about as delirious and incomprehensible as Kevin Garnett did the night the Celtics won the NBA title. In Times Square, a tall smiling black man turned to the two young white women standing beside him and embraced them, as they embraced him. But the image I think I will remember most was that of ABC News anchor Charles Gibson holding back tears as he watched the reaction around the world and tried to describe the emotions present in what he was seeing. Gibson is a hardened old news man. He’s covered wars and famines and celebrations and other presidential elections, all without betraying his emotions. The fact that he was unable to do so in this instance speaks volumes to the significance of that moment.
Kenya has declared November 4th, Obama Day.
Can we please, please, PLEASE get rid of this ridiculous electoral college? I'm told that the electoral college was originally conceived to prevent large urban population centers in certain regions of the country from dominating national politics. So instead, every four years, the rest of the country is held hostage for 10 months by six undecided yahoos in Ohio and the world shuffleboard champion retirement community in the southwest suburbs of Orlando. Why on earth can we not just send the candidate with the most votes to the White House? Why do we insist on making things so much more difficult than they need to be?
On Tuesday night the longest presidential campaign in history came to an end. I tried desperately to come up with a list of things I will miss about the campaign. I failed miserably. But I did find a few things I certainly WILL NOT miss.
1. Polls. I don’t want to hear about polls until 2012. Numbers, internals, sampling sizes, margins of error, I’m tired of it all and I want it to go away. For the next 3 1/2 years, I don’t want to hear the word mentioned unless it is preceded by the word telephone, or followed by the word vault.
2. Joe the Plumber. What did we do to deserve to have this fraud perpetrated upon us? You know what, on second thought, I don’t care. Joe is just trying to make a name for himself the good old-fashioned time-honored American way, by hiring and agent and attempting to parlay his fifteen seconds of fame and three weeks of campaign infamy into a book deal, Congressional run and country music recording contract. He is doing his best to ensure that he will ultimately be negatively affected by President-elect Obama’s tax plan. Who among us wouldn’t do the same?
3. The triumph of the ordinary over the extraordinary. This is intricately related to the previous item. There was nothing special about Joe Wurtzelbacher. He assembled pipes for a living. Nothing wrong with that. But nothing special either. Yet in his desperate search for a horse to hitch his campaign to, McCain elevated Joe to a stature greater than even that of his own. He became Joe the Symbol, the jingle for the absurd concept that if we simply eliminated taxes we could all wake up tomorrow in some capitalist utopia where everyone is a satisfied self-employed millionaire, and the rest of the world cowers in fear and grovels at our feet. The problem is that there was nothing special about Joe Wurtzelbacher. And when we elevated ordinary people to the status of heroes, we diminish real heroes - like John McCain. Heroes perform above and beyond the call of duty. John McCain chose to remain in captivity, rather than go home and leave his fellow soldiers to their fate in that Vietnamese prison. Yet for some reason, he allowed the non-story of some guy asking a question to overshadow the story of his own very real accomplishments.
4. The CNN “Magic Wall”. If you’re going to construct a gigantic video screen on which to display pretty little graphics and flashing lights, make sure you can fit the whole thing on screen in a single shot. Poor design.
5. The “Bradley Effect”. Do some people tell pollsters they will vote for a black candidate, then do the opposite in the solace of the voting booth? I don’t know. But the day before the election, polling indicated that Obama held a less than one percent lead over McCain in my state of Indiana - a state which had not voted for a Democrat, let alone a black man, in almost half-a-century. Analysis of the numbers the day after the election shows that Obama carried Indiana by less that one percent. This is not the same country in which Tom Bradley ran for mayor 26 years ago.
Finally, one of the most important outcomes of this election is the repudiation of the politics of fear and personal destruction. Karl Rove was not the first political operative to engineer a presidential campaign based on the fear and loathing of one’s opponent. But his campaigns were arguably some of the most effective. Rick Davis attempted the same thing against Barack Obama on behalf of John McCain. And the result is confirmation of his utter failure. From day one of the general election campaign, McCain’s strategists looked at the political landscape and knew they had little to no substance to run on. So they designed a campaign that would spend much - if not most - of it’s time attempting to tear down the opponent. They threw every single frightening label at Obama hoping something would stick. They called him unpatriotic, elitist, mysterious and risky. They called him a Muslim, a socialist, a radical and a terrorist sympathizer. They accused him of associating with militants, bombers, racists and nationalists. They insinuated that he was unqualified, and dangerous, anti-American and simply “not like us.” They ran a a campaign filled with “we don’t know” and “he might be” and “there’s no evidence”. It would have been so easy for people to be overwhelmed by the negativity and run screaming at the sight of their own shadows. But at least 62 million people stood up and said to Karl Rove and Rick Davis that we may not know everything we want to know about Barack Obama, but we will not be coerced into loathing, or controlled by our fear of another American citizen. Not this time. To paraphrase Vice President-elect Joe Biden, for 22 months they called Barack Obama every name they could think of. Now they can call him President of the United States of America.
So, instead of trying to cobble together something that may or may not resemble coherent writing, I’ve decided to try something else. In this post I’ll share some of my thoughts about the election and other items in the news this past week. Then on Friday, after I’ve had a chance to digest it, I’ll offer my thoughts on the meaning of this election.
First, to state the obvious. At 11:00 p.m. Tuesday, November 4th, 2008, Senator Barack Obama defeated Senator John McCain to become the 44th President Elect of the United States of America.
North Carolina and Missouri have still not completed counting their votes. But at this point, that doesn’t matter. Despite record voter turnout, both Florida and Ohio somehow managed to conduct an election cleanly and efficiently, without any major technical difficulties. That in and of itself has got to be some kind of miracle.
A mea culpa. I have always believed that America would elect a female president before a black president. Obviously, I was wrong. I apologize.
Many interesting images from Tuesday night that will remain with me for some time to come;
Kudos to John McCain for one of the classiest concession speeches I’ve ever heard. Obviously a difficult, emotional moment for him, handled with the stoicism and grace befitting a U.S. Senator and military man.
Contrast the crowd at the McCain rally with the crowd at the Obama rally. One of them resembled my neighborhood, one of them didn’t.
It was moving to see all the people in all the crowds nationwide who broke down in tears at the announcement of Obama’s victory. It was the first time I can remember seeing Jesse Jackson speechless. Oprah sounded about as delirious and incomprehensible as Kevin Garnett did the night the Celtics won the NBA title. In Times Square, a tall smiling black man turned to the two young white women standing beside him and embraced them, as they embraced him. But the image I think I will remember most was that of ABC News anchor Charles Gibson holding back tears as he watched the reaction around the world and tried to describe the emotions present in what he was seeing. Gibson is a hardened old news man. He’s covered wars and famines and celebrations and other presidential elections, all without betraying his emotions. The fact that he was unable to do so in this instance speaks volumes to the significance of that moment.
Kenya has declared November 4th, Obama Day.
Can we please, please, PLEASE get rid of this ridiculous electoral college? I'm told that the electoral college was originally conceived to prevent large urban population centers in certain regions of the country from dominating national politics. So instead, every four years, the rest of the country is held hostage for 10 months by six undecided yahoos in Ohio and the world shuffleboard champion retirement community in the southwest suburbs of Orlando. Why on earth can we not just send the candidate with the most votes to the White House? Why do we insist on making things so much more difficult than they need to be?
On Tuesday night the longest presidential campaign in history came to an end. I tried desperately to come up with a list of things I will miss about the campaign. I failed miserably. But I did find a few things I certainly WILL NOT miss.
1. Polls. I don’t want to hear about polls until 2012. Numbers, internals, sampling sizes, margins of error, I’m tired of it all and I want it to go away. For the next 3 1/2 years, I don’t want to hear the word mentioned unless it is preceded by the word telephone, or followed by the word vault.
2. Joe the Plumber. What did we do to deserve to have this fraud perpetrated upon us? You know what, on second thought, I don’t care. Joe is just trying to make a name for himself the good old-fashioned time-honored American way, by hiring and agent and attempting to parlay his fifteen seconds of fame and three weeks of campaign infamy into a book deal, Congressional run and country music recording contract. He is doing his best to ensure that he will ultimately be negatively affected by President-elect Obama’s tax plan. Who among us wouldn’t do the same?
3. The triumph of the ordinary over the extraordinary. This is intricately related to the previous item. There was nothing special about Joe Wurtzelbacher. He assembled pipes for a living. Nothing wrong with that. But nothing special either. Yet in his desperate search for a horse to hitch his campaign to, McCain elevated Joe to a stature greater than even that of his own. He became Joe the Symbol, the jingle for the absurd concept that if we simply eliminated taxes we could all wake up tomorrow in some capitalist utopia where everyone is a satisfied self-employed millionaire, and the rest of the world cowers in fear and grovels at our feet. The problem is that there was nothing special about Joe Wurtzelbacher. And when we elevated ordinary people to the status of heroes, we diminish real heroes - like John McCain. Heroes perform above and beyond the call of duty. John McCain chose to remain in captivity, rather than go home and leave his fellow soldiers to their fate in that Vietnamese prison. Yet for some reason, he allowed the non-story of some guy asking a question to overshadow the story of his own very real accomplishments.
4. The CNN “Magic Wall”. If you’re going to construct a gigantic video screen on which to display pretty little graphics and flashing lights, make sure you can fit the whole thing on screen in a single shot. Poor design.
5. The “Bradley Effect”. Do some people tell pollsters they will vote for a black candidate, then do the opposite in the solace of the voting booth? I don’t know. But the day before the election, polling indicated that Obama held a less than one percent lead over McCain in my state of Indiana - a state which had not voted for a Democrat, let alone a black man, in almost half-a-century. Analysis of the numbers the day after the election shows that Obama carried Indiana by less that one percent. This is not the same country in which Tom Bradley ran for mayor 26 years ago.
Finally, one of the most important outcomes of this election is the repudiation of the politics of fear and personal destruction. Karl Rove was not the first political operative to engineer a presidential campaign based on the fear and loathing of one’s opponent. But his campaigns were arguably some of the most effective. Rick Davis attempted the same thing against Barack Obama on behalf of John McCain. And the result is confirmation of his utter failure. From day one of the general election campaign, McCain’s strategists looked at the political landscape and knew they had little to no substance to run on. So they designed a campaign that would spend much - if not most - of it’s time attempting to tear down the opponent. They threw every single frightening label at Obama hoping something would stick. They called him unpatriotic, elitist, mysterious and risky. They called him a Muslim, a socialist, a radical and a terrorist sympathizer. They accused him of associating with militants, bombers, racists and nationalists. They insinuated that he was unqualified, and dangerous, anti-American and simply “not like us.” They ran a a campaign filled with “we don’t know” and “he might be” and “there’s no evidence”. It would have been so easy for people to be overwhelmed by the negativity and run screaming at the sight of their own shadows. But at least 62 million people stood up and said to Karl Rove and Rick Davis that we may not know everything we want to know about Barack Obama, but we will not be coerced into loathing, or controlled by our fear of another American citizen. Not this time. To paraphrase Vice President-elect Joe Biden, for 22 months they called Barack Obama every name they could think of. Now they can call him President of the United States of America.
10.28.2008
7 Days
A long long time ago, when MTV still played music videos, (and MTV2 played only music videos) they ran a cartoon called “Clone High.” Simple premise really. The teenaged clones of historical figures all attended the same high school, bumbling ensues, 22 minutes of easy laughs. In one episode, teenaged Ghandi ran against teenaged Abe Lincoln for student body president. Early on, Abe decided he would run on the issues. Ghandi decided he would simply throw out slogans and accusations and rely on the stupidity of the voter to carry his campaign. Needless to say, Ghandi won the race, confounding Abe in the debate by announcing to the voters that his opponent was a baby-eater. When Abe questioned him as to how he could make such an accusation, Ghandi replied to the assembly, “Has he ever said that he doesn’t eat babies?”
It’s sad that so many elements of this presidential campaign remind me of an MTV cartoon.
I don’t have a lot of politics to talk about this week. Frankly I’m a little worn out by the whole thing. And this being the week before election day the madness has reached a fever pitch. But, there are a couple items worth nothing, so we’ll touch on those briefly. Maybe I’ll feel more like vigorous political discussion next Wednesday. We’ll see.
According to more than a few unnamed McCain campaign insiders (and I’m always a little suspicious of “unnamed campaign insiders) it seems as though Sarah Palin might be too much “maverick” for the Maverick himself. Apparently, the governor has gone rogue, crafting her own policy and talking points and pretty much doing whatever she pleases. In fact, there are some inside the campaign - and many outside - who believe she has shifted her focus from aiding McCain to setting herself up for a run at the white house in 2012. I think it might be a little premature to assign self-serving motives to the VP candidate before the election has even taken place. But I wasn’t born yesterday. Palin is an ambitious woman and she isn’t going to let a minor setback like a (potential) McCain-Palin defeat keep her from advancing her career. Nor should she. One must be ambitious in order to accomplish anything politically. I’m just saying that I will be enjoying a Palin presidency - should there ever be one - from a safe distance. Very, very safe.
John McCain, mistaking himself for Detroit Pistons loudmouth forward Rasheed Wallace, guaranteed victory next Tuesday in an interview over the weekend. McCain said, the polls be damned, he’s going to knock out Barack Obama in a come-from-behind victory that will not become evident until early Wednesday morning. Wasn’t he accusing Obama of being presumptuous, measuring the drapes and all that garbage last week.
Of all the strategies and arguments he has employed throughout this campaign, McCain finally seems to have settled on three. It’s still two too many, but that’s just McCain’s maverick nature.
He’s taken up the traditional Republican mantra that Democrats want to “spread the wealth”, by stealing from the rich and giving to the fat lazy working and non-working slobs alike who should be left to rot in their own filth in the gutters of humanity while the wealthy climb over them to collect what’s rightfully theirs. This argument holds water for some people. Mostly people who have benefited from the redistribution of wealth the tax system and regulatory structure (or lack thereof) have provided them with over the past several decades. Nevertheless, it might score him a few votes.
His second argument is that electing him to the White House will provide a check against one party Democratic rule in Congress. Strange, he wasn’t advocating a John Kerry presidency as a check against one party Republican Congressional rule in 2004. I guess one party rule is only a bad thing when your party isn’t ruling. Throughout this campaign McCain has claimed that he has a history of “reaching across the isle” and working with Democrats to pass important legislation. Yet now he finds himself advocating for nothing other than the gridlock voters constantly say they abhor. A man of the people he is, John McCain.
Finally, he is attempting to convince the electorate that Barack Obama is simply “too risky” for America. Aside from the fact that this “too risky” approach failed miserably for Al Gore in 2000, the argument is absolutely absurd. This country was founded on risk. The colonists took a huge risk leaving everything they knew behind in England for an unknown, largely uncharted continent on which to start new lives. The framers took enormous risk in going to war against a more experienced, better armed, better financed British Empire to gain independence. The United States took a risk sending ill-equipped, ill-prepared soldiers to the European and Pacific theaters to liberate the world during World War II. This is a country in which people jump out of airplanes at ten thousand feet, and jump off bridges with rope tied around their ankles. Every weekend millions of people watch race car drivers fly around a track with only inches between the cars, and cheer as 250-pound men slam into each other at 20 miles-an-hour. Every day, 40 million people risk their own safety by going about their business without health insurance. Lotteries and casinos are billion dollar business, Wall Street is a trillion dollar enterprise. America is loaded with risk. We are a nation of risk-takers, and we take pride in that fact. Don’t you tell me that voting for a man held in check by two branches of government, a two-hundred year-old constitution and 100 million voters is a risk we cannot afford. Americans take more risk crossing the street than they would voting for Obama. It’s a pathetic argument, and really doesn’t deserve even the ink I’ve given it. I apologize for my indulgence.
Alaska Senator Ted Stevens was convicted of seven counts of making false statements to conceal hundreds of thousands of dollars in gifts and home improvements today. Oops. At least he didn’t swindle billions of dollars out of the American taxpayer to build a bridge to nowhere. Oh, wait. He did that too. Hmm. How about that.
The ATF charged two Tennessee neo-Nazi skinheads with plotting to murder 102 black high school students before attempting to assassinate Barack Obama. Agents seized a rifle, a sawed-off shotgun and three pistols from the men and claim they were preparing to break into a gun shop to steal some more. Just in case anyone needed a reminder, racism is alive and well in America.
Rumor has it that the Detroit automakers may be the next on the list for a federal bailout. This would come on top of the $29 billion loan already released to them by Congress. Another rumor postulates that the “big three” are on the verge of becoming the “big two”, with General Motors looking to purchase Chrysler from the Cerberus Capital group. I don’t really understand how a company as deep in the red as General Motors can afford to buy a chocolate bar - let alone another car company - but I guess I just need to accept that some things are beyond my comprehension. This isn’t the first time American automakers have received federal money to keep themselves afloat. And this probably won’t be the last. But it probably should be. At some point, if you can’t figure out how to run your business to turn a profit, (ahem, every U.S. airline except Southwest), perhaps you shouldn’t be running a business.
The New York City Council has approved a measure eliminating term limits, allowing two term mayor Michael Bloomberg to run for re-election for a third term. Problem is, the term limits they overturned had been approved by the voters by ballot initiative on two separate occasions. Magic eight-ball says, I see a court battle in Bloomberg’s future.
My NFL thoughts for Week Eight:
Despite a hiccup at Cleveland two weeks ago, the Giants are still the class of the league. They proved that with a come-from-behind victory yesterday against perhaps the second best team in football, the Pittsburgh Steelers. This game was almost everything it was supposed to be.
The Titans have all but ended the Colts reign at the top of the division. Tennessee is 7-0 and they have to be taken seriously.
Helluva game in London yesterday between the Saints and the Chargers. A hundred times better than the embarrassment of the Giants-Dolphins last year. Even without their marquee player New Orleans lit up the scoreboard and even managed to keep San Diego out of the end zone when it mattered. And even though the Chargers are now 3-5, they still can be considered the favorite to win their division. How pathetic is that? At least L.T. is no longer a drag on my fantasy team.
I don’t care about Terrell Owens, don’t care about Randy Moss, don’t talk to me about Larry Fitzgerald or Braylon Edwards. Steve Smith is the best receiver in football period, end of discussion. Don’t believe me, watch the replay of the 65-yard touchdown in which Smith’s heel hovers out-of-bounds without touching the line on his way to the end zone. Unreal.
Seattle finally won another game, spoiling the inauguration of new 49ers head coach Mike Singletary. But Singletary stole the show, benching his starting quarterback before halftime and sending his petulant star tight-end to the locker room with a quarter left to play following a bone-headed personal foul penalty. Players in San Francisco should be on notice. Singletary comes from a tradition of winning. He will expect nothing less from them.
The Raiders allowed 43-yards receiving by Baltimore quarterbacks on Sunday. No, that is not a misprint. I said quarterbacks. Not good. I would advocate dropping them from the league if Cincinnati and Detroit weren’t so much worse.
My Superbowl picks for Week 8: New York Giants vs. Tennessee Titans
CNN anchor Campbell Brown just swore on the Daily Show. I almost missed it, distracted by those razor sharp cheekbones. Those things have got to be fake.
In what easily qualifies as the most bizarre thing I’ve heard this week, scientists have discovered that Scotch tape emits x-rays. Apparently, enough x-rays to produce an image of bone in the fingers. Now before you go throwing out all your Scotch tape, the scientists insist the effect has only observed when the tape was peeled from its roll in a vacuum. But it suddenly makes all those MacGyver gadgets seem a little more realistic, doesn’t it?
Finally, how do you top x-ray emitting Scotch tape? How about this. A Japanese man had his wife arrested last week for “murdering” his online video game avatar after he suddenly “divorced” her avatar in the game. Apparently upset at the divorce, the wife gained access to her husband’s passwords and, while he was off doing something else, hacked into his computer and killed off his avatar. The husband told police he was emotionally distraught and wanted to press charges. Once they finished their guffaw session the police finally decided to charge the wife with computer hacking, since the avatar was obviously not a real person and could not be murdered. No word yet on whether or not the wife has charged her husband with being a jackass and divorced his sorry butt for real.
It’s sad that so many elements of this presidential campaign remind me of an MTV cartoon.
I don’t have a lot of politics to talk about this week. Frankly I’m a little worn out by the whole thing. And this being the week before election day the madness has reached a fever pitch. But, there are a couple items worth nothing, so we’ll touch on those briefly. Maybe I’ll feel more like vigorous political discussion next Wednesday. We’ll see.
According to more than a few unnamed McCain campaign insiders (and I’m always a little suspicious of “unnamed campaign insiders) it seems as though Sarah Palin might be too much “maverick” for the Maverick himself. Apparently, the governor has gone rogue, crafting her own policy and talking points and pretty much doing whatever she pleases. In fact, there are some inside the campaign - and many outside - who believe she has shifted her focus from aiding McCain to setting herself up for a run at the white house in 2012. I think it might be a little premature to assign self-serving motives to the VP candidate before the election has even taken place. But I wasn’t born yesterday. Palin is an ambitious woman and she isn’t going to let a minor setback like a (potential) McCain-Palin defeat keep her from advancing her career. Nor should she. One must be ambitious in order to accomplish anything politically. I’m just saying that I will be enjoying a Palin presidency - should there ever be one - from a safe distance. Very, very safe.
John McCain, mistaking himself for Detroit Pistons loudmouth forward Rasheed Wallace, guaranteed victory next Tuesday in an interview over the weekend. McCain said, the polls be damned, he’s going to knock out Barack Obama in a come-from-behind victory that will not become evident until early Wednesday morning. Wasn’t he accusing Obama of being presumptuous, measuring the drapes and all that garbage last week.
Of all the strategies and arguments he has employed throughout this campaign, McCain finally seems to have settled on three. It’s still two too many, but that’s just McCain’s maverick nature.
He’s taken up the traditional Republican mantra that Democrats want to “spread the wealth”, by stealing from the rich and giving to the fat lazy working and non-working slobs alike who should be left to rot in their own filth in the gutters of humanity while the wealthy climb over them to collect what’s rightfully theirs. This argument holds water for some people. Mostly people who have benefited from the redistribution of wealth the tax system and regulatory structure (or lack thereof) have provided them with over the past several decades. Nevertheless, it might score him a few votes.
His second argument is that electing him to the White House will provide a check against one party Democratic rule in Congress. Strange, he wasn’t advocating a John Kerry presidency as a check against one party Republican Congressional rule in 2004. I guess one party rule is only a bad thing when your party isn’t ruling. Throughout this campaign McCain has claimed that he has a history of “reaching across the isle” and working with Democrats to pass important legislation. Yet now he finds himself advocating for nothing other than the gridlock voters constantly say they abhor. A man of the people he is, John McCain.
Finally, he is attempting to convince the electorate that Barack Obama is simply “too risky” for America. Aside from the fact that this “too risky” approach failed miserably for Al Gore in 2000, the argument is absolutely absurd. This country was founded on risk. The colonists took a huge risk leaving everything they knew behind in England for an unknown, largely uncharted continent on which to start new lives. The framers took enormous risk in going to war against a more experienced, better armed, better financed British Empire to gain independence. The United States took a risk sending ill-equipped, ill-prepared soldiers to the European and Pacific theaters to liberate the world during World War II. This is a country in which people jump out of airplanes at ten thousand feet, and jump off bridges with rope tied around their ankles. Every weekend millions of people watch race car drivers fly around a track with only inches between the cars, and cheer as 250-pound men slam into each other at 20 miles-an-hour. Every day, 40 million people risk their own safety by going about their business without health insurance. Lotteries and casinos are billion dollar business, Wall Street is a trillion dollar enterprise. America is loaded with risk. We are a nation of risk-takers, and we take pride in that fact. Don’t you tell me that voting for a man held in check by two branches of government, a two-hundred year-old constitution and 100 million voters is a risk we cannot afford. Americans take more risk crossing the street than they would voting for Obama. It’s a pathetic argument, and really doesn’t deserve even the ink I’ve given it. I apologize for my indulgence.
Alaska Senator Ted Stevens was convicted of seven counts of making false statements to conceal hundreds of thousands of dollars in gifts and home improvements today. Oops. At least he didn’t swindle billions of dollars out of the American taxpayer to build a bridge to nowhere. Oh, wait. He did that too. Hmm. How about that.
The ATF charged two Tennessee neo-Nazi skinheads with plotting to murder 102 black high school students before attempting to assassinate Barack Obama. Agents seized a rifle, a sawed-off shotgun and three pistols from the men and claim they were preparing to break into a gun shop to steal some more. Just in case anyone needed a reminder, racism is alive and well in America.
Rumor has it that the Detroit automakers may be the next on the list for a federal bailout. This would come on top of the $29 billion loan already released to them by Congress. Another rumor postulates that the “big three” are on the verge of becoming the “big two”, with General Motors looking to purchase Chrysler from the Cerberus Capital group. I don’t really understand how a company as deep in the red as General Motors can afford to buy a chocolate bar - let alone another car company - but I guess I just need to accept that some things are beyond my comprehension. This isn’t the first time American automakers have received federal money to keep themselves afloat. And this probably won’t be the last. But it probably should be. At some point, if you can’t figure out how to run your business to turn a profit, (ahem, every U.S. airline except Southwest), perhaps you shouldn’t be running a business.
The New York City Council has approved a measure eliminating term limits, allowing two term mayor Michael Bloomberg to run for re-election for a third term. Problem is, the term limits they overturned had been approved by the voters by ballot initiative on two separate occasions. Magic eight-ball says, I see a court battle in Bloomberg’s future.
My NFL thoughts for Week Eight:
Despite a hiccup at Cleveland two weeks ago, the Giants are still the class of the league. They proved that with a come-from-behind victory yesterday against perhaps the second best team in football, the Pittsburgh Steelers. This game was almost everything it was supposed to be.
The Titans have all but ended the Colts reign at the top of the division. Tennessee is 7-0 and they have to be taken seriously.
Helluva game in London yesterday between the Saints and the Chargers. A hundred times better than the embarrassment of the Giants-Dolphins last year. Even without their marquee player New Orleans lit up the scoreboard and even managed to keep San Diego out of the end zone when it mattered. And even though the Chargers are now 3-5, they still can be considered the favorite to win their division. How pathetic is that? At least L.T. is no longer a drag on my fantasy team.
I don’t care about Terrell Owens, don’t care about Randy Moss, don’t talk to me about Larry Fitzgerald or Braylon Edwards. Steve Smith is the best receiver in football period, end of discussion. Don’t believe me, watch the replay of the 65-yard touchdown in which Smith’s heel hovers out-of-bounds without touching the line on his way to the end zone. Unreal.
Seattle finally won another game, spoiling the inauguration of new 49ers head coach Mike Singletary. But Singletary stole the show, benching his starting quarterback before halftime and sending his petulant star tight-end to the locker room with a quarter left to play following a bone-headed personal foul penalty. Players in San Francisco should be on notice. Singletary comes from a tradition of winning. He will expect nothing less from them.
The Raiders allowed 43-yards receiving by Baltimore quarterbacks on Sunday. No, that is not a misprint. I said quarterbacks. Not good. I would advocate dropping them from the league if Cincinnati and Detroit weren’t so much worse.
My Superbowl picks for Week 8: New York Giants vs. Tennessee Titans
CNN anchor Campbell Brown just swore on the Daily Show. I almost missed it, distracted by those razor sharp cheekbones. Those things have got to be fake.
In what easily qualifies as the most bizarre thing I’ve heard this week, scientists have discovered that Scotch tape emits x-rays. Apparently, enough x-rays to produce an image of bone in the fingers. Now before you go throwing out all your Scotch tape, the scientists insist the effect has only observed when the tape was peeled from its roll in a vacuum. But it suddenly makes all those MacGyver gadgets seem a little more realistic, doesn’t it?
Finally, how do you top x-ray emitting Scotch tape? How about this. A Japanese man had his wife arrested last week for “murdering” his online video game avatar after he suddenly “divorced” her avatar in the game. Apparently upset at the divorce, the wife gained access to her husband’s passwords and, while he was off doing something else, hacked into his computer and killed off his avatar. The husband told police he was emotionally distraught and wanted to press charges. Once they finished their guffaw session the police finally decided to charge the wife with computer hacking, since the avatar was obviously not a real person and could not be murdered. No word yet on whether or not the wife has charged her husband with being a jackass and divorced his sorry butt for real.
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