A Day Late & A Trillion Dollars Short

I need to get this out of the way right off the top. My wife is a Fighting Irish alumna. They lost to what many would consider a vastly inferior football team this past weekend. And because of that, their coach, Charlie Weis, should be fired. Not because I believe he is any more to blame than the players on the field. Not even because of an inexcusable loss to a pathetic Syracuse team - Notre Dame has lost to bad teams before. But that’s just the way it works in South Bend. If you fail, you get fired. Charlie Weis has failed. And in the same way his predecessors were unceremoniously dismissed, so should he be also. Anything less would be an embarrassment to the university. Yes, more of an embarrassment than the ten year 40 million dollar contract they gave him after one decent season.

Now that the important business is out of the way, on to the trivial.

Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of Citigroup. Can’t wait until this market rebounds so I can get rich.

In the midst of the madness President-Elect Obama is attempting to assemble his cabinet under what sometimes can only be described as breathless scrutiny. The biggest speculative non-appointment so far has been the rumors that Hillary Clinton may have been offered and might actually accept the position of Secretary of State. But that’s all still speculation. Back in the realm of things that have actually happened, Obama has named former U.S. Attorney and deputy Attorney General Eric Holder to head the Justice Department, and the president of the New York Federal Reserve, Timothy Geithner, as his Secretary of the Treasury. Geithner, a bright young student of former Treasury Secretaries Larry Summers and Robert Rubin seems to be well regarded in economic circles as knowledgeable, experienced and creative.

Of course, not everyone is happy with these appointments. There seems to be a view among some on the left that Obama’s cabinet appointments haven’t been radical enough. If one believed the accusations about Obama from the right during the campaign one might have expected him to appoint the ghost of Karl Marx to head the Treasury and Mahatma Ghandi as Secretary of Defense. Instead, Obama has done the wise thing in turbulent times and selected familiar-faced, centrist-leaning appointees to head key cabinet posts. While that may disturb the more liberal elements of the Democratic Party, it’s a pretty solid strategy for the current political and economic uncertainty. If there was a lesson to be learned from John McCain’s implosion during the campaign, it is that lurching, erratic behavior in a crisis will destroy whatever faith the public may have had in their leaders. Before the economic meltdown hit in mid-September, McCain was viewed by many - if not a majority of Americans as the stronger leader of the two men. Less than a week later, after he had declared the fundamentals of the economy sound, rescinded that statement four hours later, partially suspended his campaign, rushed back to Washington to fix the problem while not actually doing anything, taking credit for a bailout package that subsequently failed and refusing to appear at a scheduled debate which he then appeared at without explanation, public opinion of his leadership had completely inverted itself. If Obama were to bring in the liberal equivalent of Joe the Plumber to fill his cabinet positions, his credibility would evaporate the moment any decision by any of those newbies went awry. And if there truly were elements of left who voted for Obama because they thought he would usher in some sort of socialist worker’s paradise, you really should have voted for the Socialist Party candidate. You’re going to be disappointed.

Following a plea for clemency from none other than the President-elect himself, Senator Joe Lieberman was allowed to retain his chairmanship of the Homeland Security Committee, despite his aggressive opposition to Obama’s candidacy. Following last week’s vote, a befuddled Senate majority leader Harry Reid addressed the media saying that there is a chapter of Lieberman’s political career he will never understand, but in the interest of the country the party is willing to put that aside and work with him. I have to admit I’m more than a little amused by the Lieberman saga. A month ago he was implying that Obama - who supported Lieberman in his Senate re-election campaign against Democrat Ned Lamont - was some sort of closet socialist just waiting to assume power so that he could sell out the country to Hugo Chavez and Raul Castro. Now he claims he is anxious to let bygones be bygones and get back to being buddies like nothing ever happened. I can’t help but wonder if Obama pulled Liberman’s cookies out of the fire some reason other than the goodness of his heart. I’d love to get ahold of that Christmas card.

When I say the word ‘pirate’, what image comes to your mind? Blackbeard? Captain Hook? Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom? You’ll have to forgive my ignorance, but until last week I had no idea that piracy was still a serious issue in the year 2008. Apparently the problem stems from the East African failed state of Somalia. Somalia hasn’t had a functional, non-military dictatorial government in 40 years, poverty is ubiquitous and crime is out of control. Decades of war have left the infrastructure in shambles, the currency virtually worthless and the economy unable to support its citizens. So, many former fisherman have figured out that storming aboard freighters and oil tankers and holding them for ransom is a much more lucrative career path than trolling the coast for a couple pounds of fish they may or may not be able to sell at the market. Reportedly the United States, Britain and other allies have warships in the area and routinely patrol the waters off the Somali coast, but so far they’ve decided not to intervene or attempt to retrieve property stolen by the pirates (with the exception of an Indian warship which sent a pirate “mother-ship” to the bottom in flames). I’m not sure I understand the refusal to act. These aren’t mysterious supernatural peg-legged demons sailing ghost ships through the night to capture the Crown’s gold and stash it on some treasure island somewhere. These are thugs with AK-47s and rocket-propelled grenades. We know how to deal with them. And it’s not like they’re stealing Junior Mints and hiding them in the desert. If Google Earth can show me the fire pit in my back yard from space, surely the military can find something the size of an oil tanker. Get out there are do what you have to do to stop this foolishness!

Attorney General Michael Mukasey collapsed during a speech in which he was attempting to cast the record of the Bush Justice Department in a positive light. The jokes write themselves with this one.

There is some discussion among experts, pundits and close advisors as to whether or not a President Obama would have to give up the use of his Blackberry. During the campaign Obama was rarely - if ever - seen without it, constantly e-mailing or texting or talking to someone. The worries are two-fold. First, so people believe that communication via Blackberry just isn’t secure enough to be used by the President. And second, all e-mails to and from the President must be recorded. The fear is that Obama might simply e-mail or text things he doesn’t want people to know. But there are inherent flaws with both of those suppositions. Wireless communications don’t have to be insecure. There is technology available - especially to the President of the United States - capable of securing cellphone communications. And at some point, you just have to trust that the President will be smart enough not to text stupid things over his Blackberry. Besides, it’s 2008. We are eventually going to have to get used to the idea of a wireless executive. In an age where six-year-olds carry cellphones to school, we can’t expect the leader of the free world to have to conduct the people’s business on two Dixie cups joined with a string. It’s just something we’re going to have to deal with.

My NFL Thoughts for Week 12:

I fully expect the New York Giants to repeat as Superbowl champions. No one else is capable of beating this team. The loss to Cleveland was a fluke, and will not be repeated.

Thanks to the New York Jets, there are no remaining undefeated teams in the league. But, thanks to the Buccaneers, the Lions are still winless going into their Thanksgiving Day meeting with Tennessee. If we can’t have perfection we can at least have complete and utter incompetence, can’t we?

If the Atlanta Falcons make it to the playoffs, Matt Ryan is the league MVP. Period. Michael who?

Donovan McNabb is playing his final season in Philadelphia. There have been rumblings for years now, especially since the Eagles recently burned a high-round draft pick on a “quarterback of the future.” But his abysmal performance this past Sunday on the heels of his abysmal performance the Sunday before should be enough to cost him his job. It’s not entirely his fault. With the exception of the Terrell Owens experiment, the management in Philly has consistently refused to provide McNabb with quality receivers and a short-yardage back, but that just seems to be the way things work in Philadelphia. High expectations, questionable executive support and the worst fans in sports.

I’m also a little peeved at the sports media’s fake outrage at McNabb’s statement after last week’s game that he was unaware that regular season games could end in a tie. No one accused him of mailing it in at the end of overtime in anticipation of getting another chance in double overtime. In fact, he attempted a hail mary pass to the endzone in a futile attempt to beat the one-win Bengals. So the fact that he didn’t know the game could end in a tie is completely irrelevant. A tie occurs in the NFL about once every fifteen years. There are players who have played their entire careers without every experiencing one. The Eagles lost the game because they aren’t very good, not because the quarterback didn’t know the tie rule.

Stick a fork in the Chargers, they’re done. It figures that the first year I’m fortunate enough to draft high enough to select the top-performing running back in football, he has one of the worst seasons in recent memory. Sigh. At least I won’t finish last this year.

Brett Favre doesn’t look 39. Neither does Kurt Warner.

The New Orleans Saints hung 51 points on a pretty good football team Monday night. How is this team only one game above .500?

My Superbowl picks for Week 12; New York Giants vs. New York Jets.

Ashley Dupre, the call girl that former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer spent $15,000 on to improve his mood has issued an apology to Spitzer’s wife. Yeah. I’m sure she was waiting with baited breath for that little piece of closure. Why do people who aren’t sorry, insist on apologizing anyway?

Two months after its original three month mission was supposed to have expired, NASA scientists finally lost contact with the Mars Phoenix Lander and declared the mission over. NASA claims the mission was a success, as the lander returned evidence of water ice in the Martian soil. And all that is well and good, but frankly, it’s a little boring. I’m sure it’s exciting to astrophysicists, but I need something more... flashy. When do we get to send the trained monkeys to bring back Mars rocks?

This Tony Romo character is driving me crazy with his little random acts of kindness. Last month, on his way back from the airport after a late night flight, the superstar quarterback pulled over to the side of the freeway to change a flat tire for an unfortunate elderly couple. This month, a homeless man was making change at a theater ticket booth when a young man tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he was interested in seeing a movie. The homeless man thanked him for the offer but declined, saying he had agreed to distribute newspapers for a local homeless outfit that day and had to get started. But as the young man and his friend entered the theater, the homeless guy realized whom he had been talking to. He ran across the street to the homeless outfit he was supposed to deliver papers for, told them what happened and asked for the day off. He then headed back to the theater to find a ticket waiting for him at the window. As he entered, Romo waved him over to sit next to him and offered him popcorn. When homeless dude mentioned that he had not showered in a couple days, Tony replied, “No problem. I’ve been around locker rooms.” And for the next ninety minutes, a superstar and a homeless man shared some cheap laughs together before returning to vastly different lives. As a Packers fan, crap like this makes it really difficult to hate Tony Romo.

Finally, from the desk of You’ve Got to Be Kidding, TIVO will soon begin offering a new service to subscribers. As of November 17, 2008, TIVO subscribers will be able to order Domino’s Pizza through their television sets. I know that at first that seems like a cool idea. But think about it for a minute. TIVO already provides you with everything you need to facilitate the ordering of a pizza. Part of the reason the thing was invented is so that you can pause the show (so that you don’t miss anything), and pick up the damn phone to call for the pizza! Was it really too much work to pick up the phone? Or visit Dominos.com? On your mobile phone none-the-less? You know you still have to pause the show and get up to answer the door for the delivery guy, right?