9.23.2010

Pots of Gold

Primary season is finally over. The candidates have been selected, the match-ups have been set, and now the real mud slinging can begin. Word on the street is; things look bad for the Democratic Party. They will likely lose control of the House of Representatives in November, and if they try really really hard, they could lose the Senate too. Nice work Democrats. Is there nothing you can’t screw up?

I guess none of this is particularly surprising. In mid-term elections – especially those coming in the midst of an economic downturn – the party in power always loses seats. People get angry when things aren’t going well and lash out at those they feel are responsible. There are only so many ways to express my incredulity at the fact that so many “independent” voters are so willing to return control of the government to the party and principles that spent the previous decade running it into the ground, so I’m not going to try to find another way this week. This week I want to focus on Democratic voters.

That’s right donkeys; I’m talking to you. Why the long faces? What’s got you so depressed that you would rather stay home on Election Day than vote for a Democratic candidate? Did you like it better when you were in the minority, and all you had to do was complain? Life was so much simpler then, wasn’t it. Are you playing a little rope-a-dope? Attempting to lull Republicans into a false sense of pomposity, then slug ‘em hard with the left hook of enthusiasm two weeks before the finish line? Because on the scrap heap of bad ideas, that one is somewhere below choosing to kick the ball away at the start of overtime in the Super Bowl. Are you perhaps convinced that midterm elections just don’t matter all that much anyway? I’m sure President Clinton could quickly disabuse you of that notion. Or is it that many of you are suffering from a near fatal case of unrealistic expectations?

This past Tuesday, President Obama hosted a town hall meeting with a group of supporters in Washington D.C. hoping to pump up the troops and get a little feedback. What he got was a room full of well-dressed people complaining that in the first 40% of his presidency, he simply had not done enough for them. I don’t fault them for being well dressed; it would be silly to show up to a meeting with the President in flip-flops and pajamas. But I would like to take issue with this idea that Barack Obama has somehow failed his supporters.

This President has accomplished three things that no Democratic president in the last 50 years (or more in some instances) has achieved. Burning an enormous amount of political capital in his first month in office, he passed an $800 billion economic stimulus package that kept many of us working when we otherwise would have lost our jobs, and according to an overwhelming majority of economists, kept this economy from sliding into the abyss. Burning whatever political capital he had left, he then signed into law the first major healthcare/health insurance reform since the passage of Social Security. Seven other presidents have attempted that and failed. He succeeded. And after that, running on fumes, he managed to slip through a financial reform bill, attempting to ensure that Wall Street can never again take us for the ride they took us on two years ago. Barack Obama accomplished an astonishing amount given the dung heap of an economy he had to work with and the absurd level of resistance he faced from his opponents.

But you wanted more than that, didn’t you, Democrats. Sure, you got healthcare reform, but you wanted a single payer system. You got financial reform, but you wanted Wall Street broken up like AT&T in 1984. You got $800 billion in stimulus money, but you wanted $1.5 trillion. You wanted an end to our foreign wars, but you got a reduction in one and escalation in the other. You wanted Guantanamo Bay detention center closed, but you got a Congress that refused to do it. You wanted comprehensive immigration reform, but you got a Congress that would rather demagogue and campaign on the problem than attempt to solve it. You wanted 10% annual economic growth and a Rolls Royce in every garage, but you got four consecutive quarters of 3% annual growth and a garage in foreclosure. In short, you wanted unicorns that crap rainbows, and what you got was a dose of reality.

During the Presidential election campaign you claimed you wanted to be talked to like adults. You claimed you could, indeed, handle the truth. It appears as though those statements were inaccurate. Nobody said recovery would be easy. In fact, it was made abundantly clear to everyone that climbing out of the most devastating recession since the Great Depression was going to be pretty damn hard. The fact that we haven’t recovered eight million lost jobs in 18 months is not a knock on the President; it’s third grade mathematics. The reason you didn’t get a Citigroup break-up, or a Gitmo closure, or a public health insurance option is because there simply were not 60 votes in the United States Senate to give them to you. The President doesn’t get a vote, and he can’t force any Senators to vote a certain way. It’s not his fault you belong to a party that couldn’t vote unanimously to back out of a parking space. The reason you didn’t wake up to a unicorn crapping a rainbow in your backyard January 21, 2009, is because unicorns don’t crap rainbows, and there is no such thing as a unicorn. Welcome to the real world. It sucks. Deal with it. Quit moping, get off the couch and vote.

Finally, Jon Stewart has announced that he will be holding a “Rally to Restore Sanity” on the Mall in D.C the day before Halloween. Not to be outdone, Steven Colbert revealed 4 minutes later that he would host a “March to Keep Fear Alive” at the same time and location. Regular readers of this blog know that I have great respect for Jon Stewart. I find it absolutely incredible that the most intelligent political analysis on television comes from a guy who makes fart jokes for a living. And accordingly, I wish him success with his rally. But I can’t help but worry that there simply isn’t much sanity left to restore.

9.14.2010

A Hard Day's Night

Just finished a throughly engrossing conversation examining why I seem to be the only person on the face of the earth who doesn't think the Beatles were the greatest thing since high-fructose corn syrup. And on that note, I am on vacation, for the final time this fiscal year. Check back next week for an election season update.

9.09.2010

Headless Horsemen

Only 19 hours until football people!

A Discovery Channel special debuted this week. One full hour of Rudy Giuliani explaining how frightened, yet poised and decisive he was during the events of 9/11. How is it that nine whole years after the incident this man is still allowed to exploit that tragedy for his own personal gain?

According to poll results released early this week, voters think Republicans would be better at handling the economy than the Democrats. No word on whether or not those are the same respondents who 18 months ago told pollsters they thought Democrats would be better at handling the economy than Republicans, but that’s neither here nor there in this conversation. The point is that voters seem to have the memories of goldfish. People really trust the Republican party - the party that doubled the national debt in eight years, oversaw the near complete collapse of the American financial system, and supervised zero net growth in both employment and net income - to better handle the economy? Really? Are all those people masochists, or just plain stupid? It’s perfectly reasonable to tell a pollster that you trust neither party to handle the economy. It is the height of absurdity to claim you trust the people who broke the system more than the people who have at least made some attempt to fix it.

Nevada Republican senatorial hopeful Sharon Angle announced this week that she will “be a mainstream senator.” Huh? Sharon Angle based her entire Tea Party-supported primary campaign on the idea that mainstream senators were ruining the country. If she intends to be a “mainstream” senator, why should any of her supporters vote for her? I suppose Sharon Angle’s idea of “mainstream” might be a little different from everyone else’s. It would have to be. In the universe most of us live in it certainly isn’t considered “mainstream” to pay your doctor for your kidney surgery in chickens and goats?

Speaking of crazy people, Arizona (I know, I know) Governor Jan Brewer found herself in the news again last week after a dismal debate performance against her Democratic challenger. Things went bad from the opening statement, as Brewer got lost in her notes, fumbled with her words and stared awkwardly through several long, unintended pauses. And that was before anyone asked any questions. During the debate, she attacked her opponents closeness with labor unions as the reason the state has experienced a decline in convention tourism this year. When her opponent responded with a much more plausible explanation, that it was actually the Governor’s signing of the now-famous anti-immigration legislation, and false stories of decapitations in the Arizona desert repeated by Brewer on multiple occasions, she found herself at a complete loss. After the debate, when reporters asked her multiple times why she refused to recant the false allegations of decapitations in the desert, Brewer pretended not to hear them, ended the Q&A session and walked away. The next day the Governor announced she would not participate in any more debates prior to the election, because she doesn’t “believe things come out in proper context in an adversarial atmosphere.” Nice. Just what is the proper context for a 20 second pause, and fairy tales about headless bodies in the desert?

Of course, the pathetic part about this is that none of it matters. As weak as her performance was, we’re talking about Arizona here. The only qualification you need to win as a Republican is a pulse. In fact, according to one poll taken after the debate, Brewer’s lead over her challenger actually increased by three points, 60% to 38%. Seriously. Can’t we just cut that state loose and call it a day?

Rumor is that following Chicago Mayor Richard Daley’s announcement this week that he will not run for another term, White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel will step down to run to replace him. When was the last time Chicago had a mayor not named Daley? Isn’t it written into the city by-laws or something, that the mayor must be named Daley? This is going to be weird.

Finally, following an investigation into improper receipt of gifts while at USC, it appears as though New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush will be stripped of his Heisman Trophy. This comes on the heels of an NCAA disciplinary ruling against USC in which the school lost scholarships, was forced to vacate wins and was banned from bowl and tournament appearances for the next several years. I am slightly conflicted about this. Universities make tens of millions of dollars off of these players, yet the players aren’t allowed to accept any form of compensation whatsoever. But, Bush knew the rules, and chose not to follow them. Due to that fact, he forfeits the trophy. It’s pretty simple. What I don’t understand is why the Heisman Trust has decided not to award the trophy to the runner up. They have instead decided that for the first time in over 70 years, the 2005 Heisman Trophy will remain unawarded. Why? Why bother having a first and second runner up if you aren’t going to award them the trophy if the winner is disqualified?

9.02.2010

Don't Tread On (My Perception Of) Me

I had the day off today. Woke up late, went in to pick up my cheque, grabbed a Slurpee from 7-Eleven, and dropped in on a Chevy dealership to check out the new(ish) Camaro. So far so good. Came back home, flipped on the television, noticed the market finished the day up 250 points, feeling okay. In the process of changing the channel, accidently punched in 360 instead of 390, and instead of Alex Trebek, stumbled across Glen Beck. What a way to ruin a perfectly nice day off.

There really isn’t much more I can say about this clown that hasn’t already been said. It’s mentally exhausting to try to cut through the madness, fear-mongering and absurdity perpetuated by this man on a daily basis. But as cancerous as he is to American society, I have to give credit where credit is due. Glen Beck has managed to so something very few people in history - especially in wealthy, modern civilizations - have managed to do. He has created an alternate reality.

This past weekend Beck held a rally at the Lincoln Memorial, on the anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have A Dream” speech, given at the same location. Something Beck claims was merely a coincidence. (And if you believe that, there’s a really nice bridge in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you.) Reports very on number of attendees. Independent crowd estimating agencies estimated between 87,000 and 100,000 people showed up. Resident conservative crazy person Michelle Bachman “...will not allow the media to claim less than a million...” people in attendance. So, between 87,000 and one million people came to Washington to listen to Beck reveal his plan to “put American back on the right track.” He was a little light on specifics, but the impression I got was that it had something to do with “turning back to God”, and investing with Goldline. But underneath all the self-aggrandizement and the Obama derangement syndrome, there is something very powerful he has managed to tap into. Fear.

Glen Beck lives in a bizarro world. A world much like the one the rest of us live in, yet opposite. In Beckworld, whites, Christians and conservatives are persecuted minorities, threatened with extinction by liberal elites and minorities, intent on transforming America - the last outpost of freedom in the world, into a socialist utopia. In a country in which 65% of the population is non-Hispanic white, Beck feels white people have lost influence and their values have been abandoned in favor of others. Despite the fact that 77% of Americans identify themselves as Christian, Beck insists Christianity is under attack, persecuted by the godless masses trying to rid the country of religion. Even though conservatives are the largest single ideological group in the United States (at 40%, with only 21% identifying as “liberal”), Beck would have us believe that the political system is out to get them. In spite of the fact that Fox News pulls in more viewers that all other cable news channels combined, he insists the “mainstream media” is out to distort the facts and withhold the “truth” about whatever the “scandal” of the day is. In Beckworld, white Christian conservatives are an endangered species. The rest of “us” are out to get them, and it’s his responsibility to shepherd the flock through the valley of the shadow of death. And purchase a little gold along the way. It doesn’t matter if the facts contradict anything or everything he’s preaching. Those facts are agents of the conspiracy against him. There are no facts, there is no truth, outside of that delivered by Beck or any of his disciples. Regardless of how false it is. And the fact that so many people believe in him and his gospel says a lot about the mindset of a certain segment of this country.

Early Wednesday afternoon, a man walked into the Discovery Channel headquarters in Silver Springs, Maryland and took several people hostage. Several hours later the situation came to a close with police shooting the hostage-taker, James Lee, to death. As usual, media coverage of the event consisted of breathless, fact-less speculation and hours of helicopter video of the mechanical equipment on the roof of the building. Fascinating. It seems Mr. Lee had some grievance with humanity, referring repeatedly in his online manifesto to humans as “filth” and claiming the only way to save the planet is to eliminate the “human pollution.” He apparently felt Discovery was not doing enough to advance environmental concerns. So, he decided to advance the cause himself by strolling into the building with a gun. Note to Mr. Lee: taking hostages is rarely an effective way to advance your agenda.

Finally, Washington Nationals (or “Natinals,” as they refer to themselves on occasion) rookie phenom Steven Strausburg will miss the rest of the season with an elbow injury requiring Tommy John surgery. A couple months ago when Strausburg make his major league debut, ESPN declared his first game to be more significant than the Chicago Blackhawks breaking a 49-year drought winning the Stanley Cup about a week earlier. Of course, they said similar things about Mark Prior and Kerry Wood, before they blew out their arms and dropped off the face of the earth. Yet somehow, nobody saw this coming with Strausburg. Until it happened. Apparently, the human body simply isn’t designed to consistently throw a baseball at 102 miles-per-hour. It just isn’t. I certainly don’t mean to gloat, but ha ha. Okay, that isn’t true. I’m gloating. And I’m perfectly okay with that.