Don't Tread On (My Perception Of) Me

I had the day off today. Woke up late, went in to pick up my cheque, grabbed a Slurpee from 7-Eleven, and dropped in on a Chevy dealership to check out the new(ish) Camaro. So far so good. Came back home, flipped on the television, noticed the market finished the day up 250 points, feeling okay. In the process of changing the channel, accidently punched in 360 instead of 390, and instead of Alex Trebek, stumbled across Glen Beck. What a way to ruin a perfectly nice day off.

There really isn’t much more I can say about this clown that hasn’t already been said. It’s mentally exhausting to try to cut through the madness, fear-mongering and absurdity perpetuated by this man on a daily basis. But as cancerous as he is to American society, I have to give credit where credit is due. Glen Beck has managed to so something very few people in history - especially in wealthy, modern civilizations - have managed to do. He has created an alternate reality.

This past weekend Beck held a rally at the Lincoln Memorial, on the anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have A Dream” speech, given at the same location. Something Beck claims was merely a coincidence. (And if you believe that, there’s a really nice bridge in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you.) Reports very on number of attendees. Independent crowd estimating agencies estimated between 87,000 and 100,000 people showed up. Resident conservative crazy person Michelle Bachman “...will not allow the media to claim less than a million...” people in attendance. So, between 87,000 and one million people came to Washington to listen to Beck reveal his plan to “put American back on the right track.” He was a little light on specifics, but the impression I got was that it had something to do with “turning back to God”, and investing with Goldline. But underneath all the self-aggrandizement and the Obama derangement syndrome, there is something very powerful he has managed to tap into. Fear.

Glen Beck lives in a bizarro world. A world much like the one the rest of us live in, yet opposite. In Beckworld, whites, Christians and conservatives are persecuted minorities, threatened with extinction by liberal elites and minorities, intent on transforming America - the last outpost of freedom in the world, into a socialist utopia. In a country in which 65% of the population is non-Hispanic white, Beck feels white people have lost influence and their values have been abandoned in favor of others. Despite the fact that 77% of Americans identify themselves as Christian, Beck insists Christianity is under attack, persecuted by the godless masses trying to rid the country of religion. Even though conservatives are the largest single ideological group in the United States (at 40%, with only 21% identifying as “liberal”), Beck would have us believe that the political system is out to get them. In spite of the fact that Fox News pulls in more viewers that all other cable news channels combined, he insists the “mainstream media” is out to distort the facts and withhold the “truth” about whatever the “scandal” of the day is. In Beckworld, white Christian conservatives are an endangered species. The rest of “us” are out to get them, and it’s his responsibility to shepherd the flock through the valley of the shadow of death. And purchase a little gold along the way. It doesn’t matter if the facts contradict anything or everything he’s preaching. Those facts are agents of the conspiracy against him. There are no facts, there is no truth, outside of that delivered by Beck or any of his disciples. Regardless of how false it is. And the fact that so many people believe in him and his gospel says a lot about the mindset of a certain segment of this country.

Early Wednesday afternoon, a man walked into the Discovery Channel headquarters in Silver Springs, Maryland and took several people hostage. Several hours later the situation came to a close with police shooting the hostage-taker, James Lee, to death. As usual, media coverage of the event consisted of breathless, fact-less speculation and hours of helicopter video of the mechanical equipment on the roof of the building. Fascinating. It seems Mr. Lee had some grievance with humanity, referring repeatedly in his online manifesto to humans as “filth” and claiming the only way to save the planet is to eliminate the “human pollution.” He apparently felt Discovery was not doing enough to advance environmental concerns. So, he decided to advance the cause himself by strolling into the building with a gun. Note to Mr. Lee: taking hostages is rarely an effective way to advance your agenda.

Finally, Washington Nationals (or “Natinals,” as they refer to themselves on occasion) rookie phenom Steven Strausburg will miss the rest of the season with an elbow injury requiring Tommy John surgery. A couple months ago when Strausburg make his major league debut, ESPN declared his first game to be more significant than the Chicago Blackhawks breaking a 49-year drought winning the Stanley Cup about a week earlier. Of course, they said similar things about Mark Prior and Kerry Wood, before they blew out their arms and dropped off the face of the earth. Yet somehow, nobody saw this coming with Strausburg. Until it happened. Apparently, the human body simply isn’t designed to consistently throw a baseball at 102 miles-per-hour. It just isn’t. I certainly don’t mean to gloat, but ha ha. Okay, that isn’t true. I’m gloating. And I’m perfectly okay with that.