Banana Republic

A Yahoo! headline caught my eye yesterday. “Colbie Caillat covers a Pussycat Dolls classic.” Let’s get something straight. There are Frank Sinatra classics, Led Zeppelin classics, Michael Jackson classics, there may even be a Nirvana classic or two. But there is NO SUCH THING as a Pussycat Dolls classic. Just because a song is old, doesn’t make it a classic.

This Tuesday, Newsmax.com published a column advocating a military coup to take care of “the Obama problem.” This comes on the heels of a Facebook poll asking the question, “Should Obama be killed?” Both the column and the poll have since been removed from the respective sites, but that isn’t really the point now, is it.

The fact that somebody felt comfortable enough to write - for mass consumption - a column advocating the military overthrow of the U.S. government, and that a major online news aggregator would post it on their website says something about the state of conservative opposition in this country. And what is says isn’t flattering. Let’s get the obvious out of the way first; it is unacceptable to advocate the violent overthrow of the United States government. It is at best, seditious, and at worst, treasonous. And ironically, the fact that the author of that garbage isn’t sitting in federal prison right now waiting to be stripped of his citizenship and locked away for the rest of his life is proof of the absolute fallacy of his argument. But more importantly, it provides irrefutable evidence that some elements of the right are every bit as “evil” as the elements of the left they so loathe. We have these things in this country we call elections. Candidates representing competing ideas, present themselves to the citizens, and the citizens vote to select the candidate - and therefore the ideas - they prefer. That candidate is then afforded four years in which to advocate and implement those ideas. If you happened not to vote for the winner, too bad. Suck it up and live with it until the next election when you can vote for someone else. Sure, you can whine and kick and scream and protest all you want, that’s your right. You can complain until you’re blue in the face about how the guy you didn’t vote for isn’t doing what you want him to do now that he’s in office. What you can’t do is threaten violent revolt or assassination to overturn the will of the electorate. You are not patriots. You are sore losers, acting like petulant children because you didn’t get your way. This country is in the midst of some very adult situations, demanding adult conversations and adult resolutions. Grow up or shut up.

Last February, the Pittsburgh Steelers won their sixth Superbowl title, defeating the overachieving Arizona Cardinals in a game for the ages. A few days after their victory, they took their Lombardi trophy back to Pittsburgh and paraded it through the streets, singing and dancing and throwing confetti, and promising to repeat the performance the following season. Yet not once in that entire process did the Steelers “reach out” to the Cardinals to ask them, what time they should hold the parade, or even if any of the Cardinals players wanted to be involved. Do you know why? Because the Steelers were winners. And they knew how to act like winners. In the 2008 elections, Democrats were winners. But you certainly wouldn’t know that from watching them work, would you.

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Filmmaker Roman Polanski was arrested in Switzerland on an outstanding warrant issued 32 years ago in Los Angeles for the rape of a then 13-year-old girl. In 1977, Polanski was charged with distributing alcohol to a minor and repeatedly raping her. He plead guilty to “unlawful intercourse with a minor,” but fled the country for France following a psychiatric evaluation, and has avoided returning to the United States ever since. Until now. California prosecutors have requested and Swiss authorities are processing extradition papers to return Polanski to the U.S. to face his sentence. Now you might think that everyone would be relieved to see a child molester finally face justice. You would, of course, be wrong. Over 100 producers, director and actors, including Woody Allen and Martin Scorcese, have signed a petition demanding the immediate release of Polanski and the dismissal of the charges against him. According to one of his supporters interview on NPR this past Tuesday, Polanski “has already suffered enough,” (you know, forced to live in France and all). When asked why Polanski shouldn’t be punished for sexually assaulting a child, the supporter replied, Well, you have to take his whole life into account. I mean, he’s made some good movies.” Wow. I guess by that logic, Steven Spielberg is up to half-a-dozen free murders at this point. I don’t know what’s more disturbing; the fact that the rape of a child seems to carry so little weight with so many people, or that rich people feel that other rich people really should be able to get away anything.

Auto racing powerhouse Roger Penske announced on Wednesday that he has decided not to purchase the Saturn brand and dealership network from General Motors after all. Penske was reportedly in talks with another manufacturer to supply him vehicles to sell after his proposed partnership with GM expired two years from now. But when those talks fell through, the purchase of the nameplate and dealership network became too risky without a guaranteed stream of vehicles to sell. Unfortunately for Saturn employees, this means that their jobs will be going the way of their co-workers at Pontiac and Oldsmobile. The restructuring of the American auto industry continues.

My NFL thoughts for Week 3:

Kudos to the Detroit Lions for making two consecutive no-win seasons impossible. Sure, you only beat the Redskins - a team as bad as you were last year, but at least you beat them. And in this league, a win is a win, regardless of how you get it. Trust me. It could be so much worse. You could be the Cleveland Browns.

The Bengals proved they might actually belong in the league coming from behind to defeat the reigning Superbowl champions Sunday afternoon. They looked more like the Steelers than the Steelers did.

How about that Brett Favre! Not bad for an old man.

The Carolina Panthers are absolutely killing my fantasy football teams. Note to Julius Peppers; you are 6’-7” tall, 283 pounds, and are being paid 17 MILLION dollars this season to sack quarterbacks. Try it Julius. You might like it.


Oh the lime-anity! You should see these things in high-definition.

As if the uniforms weren’t bad enough, the Seahawks dropped a scrappy, hard-fought game to the Chicago Bears due in no small part to a pair of very makable, yet missed field goals. During the post-game press conference, Seattle coach Jim Mora Jr. did not hesitate to throw his kicker under the bus, then stop, reverse, put the snow tires and chains on, and drive over him again. But the next day, Mora announced that there would be no change at the place kicker position. I’m not sure you can run over a guy that many times, then pick him up by the collar, dust him off and ask him to perform again the following week.

Eric “Man-genius” Mangini decided to reward back-up quarterback Derek Anderson’s stellar zero touchdown, three interception performance in relief of Brady Quinn on Sunday with the starting quarterback job. Wow. Nothing like rewarding achievement, huh. Seriously. Is Vinny Testaverde available? I hear Jeff Garcia is looking for a job. At least he’s won some games during his career.

My Superbowl picks for Week 3: New Orleans Saints vs. Baltimore Ravens.

Finally, the State of Michigan is threatening to sue one Lisa Snyder for “caring for unrelated children in her home for more than four weeks without being a licensed daycare provider. What is Mrs. Snyder’s offense? She watches three neighborhood children for an hour every morning while they wait for the bus at the end of her driveway. I know, it’s terrible. How could she do something so despicable? Has she no shame? There is a segment of the population that feels quite strongly that government is always the problem, never the solution. Cases like this continue to provide them with ammunition.