Don't Take Your Guns To Town

I love my wife, really I do. But “Practical Magic?” Seriously?

Will wonders never cease? Cathy Maples, owner of a defense contracting firm, and self-described “big fan,” paid $63,500 in genuine United States legal tender for the privilege (?) of dinner with former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. I mean seriously, $63,500? Do you know how many tea bags you can buy for $63,500? Now the proceeds from the dinner went to a charity for wounded veterans, so kudos to the charity for scoring the money, but come on. What kind of masochist would pay that kind of money to be tortured for three hours? Any guesses as to what’s on the menu? My money’s on field-dressed wolf meat, shot from a helicopter.

My healthcare musings for the week:

After months of unwarranted delays in the spirit of “bipartisan co-operation,” Senate Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucus unveiled his version of healthcare reform – without the support of a single Republican senator. Surprise! For the past four months, Baucus has been “negotiating” with people who never had any interest in reforming healthcare, weakening the bill to the chagrin of fellow Democrats, in some misguided attempt to formulate a bill that would pass with bi-partisan support. Three Republican senators managed to fundamentally alter legislation they never intend to vote for. And you thought the President was the most powerful man in America.

This debate over the public option continues to highlight the fundamental weakness of the Democratic Party. There is nothing they can’t disagree on. The idea of unity around a single concept is foreign to them. Make no mistake that if the Republican Party held a 70-vote majority in the House and a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate on a bill to open ANWAR to oil exploration, it would pass easily without a single Democratic vote. They wouldn’t have wasted time asking for any. The Democrats seem to have learned very little in eight years.

Is it me, or do liberals give more weight to street protests than conservatives do? When thousands of people marched on Washington demanding an end to the Iraq war, Liberals jumped up and down with urgency, panicking that the will of the people was being ignored, while conservatives largely ignored them. Over the summer, thousands of people protested against healthcare reform, and while conservatives now claim that THESE protesters represent the will of the people, liberals… well… panic. Conservatives freely admit they’re borrowing from the liberal playbook with regards to these anti-reform protests, because in the 24-hour news cycle, the media will disproportionately cover anything contentious. But for some reason, liberals, the inventors of the protest playbook, seem to be unable to respond appropriately to their own creation, to distinguish protest from “fauxtest.” Is this a case of the student surpassing the teacher?

At the Values Voters Summit this weekend, Fox’s Bill O’Reilly accepted the “Media Courage Award,” in a ceremony that was, ironically, closed to the media. Insert your own joke here.

I saw a list of the worst vehicles of the decade. Number one on the list, the Pontiac Aztek. Yup, no argument there. I’ve often wondered what moron executive at General Motors looked at the rendering of that car and said, “You know, if we add about 60 percent more plastic to that mini RV on 13-inch wheels you’ve got there, we’ll sell millions of those things!” Idiots.

Last week, lawyers for a group of Native Americans filed a petition with the Supreme Court to overturn a lower court decision allowing the Washington Redskins football team to continue using the name. While this suit is likely to end in the same result as the others, maybe it’s time we stopped pretending that the term “Redskins” is somehow not offensive to Native Americans, just because it’s been painted on a helmet for 77 years. It is offensive, and we should call the team something else. Just because something has always been done a certain way, doesn’t mean that way is correct or should be continued.

My NFL thoughts for Week 2

These might not be the same old Bengals. It’s going to take more than one solid game to convince me, but it’s a start.

These are the same old Lions. And the same old Browns. Paul Brown must be rolling over in his grave.

Something’s wrong with the New England Patriots. Yes, the Golden Boy looks a little jittery, but I’ll cut him a little slack. He is coming off of a knee injury it takes most athletes two years to recover from. The problem is more fundamental. The Patriots offensive line seems to have forgotten how to block. Doesn’t matter who your quarterback is, if you can’t keep his jersey clean, you aren’t going to win many games.

The Saints put up 48 points on a perennial playoff defense on Sunday – including a defensive score, and Drew Brees is on pace to throw 72 touchdowns. I’m getting on this bandwagon early.

Show me a better quarterback right now than Peyton Manning. I dare you.

What happened to Baltimore's defense? And where did all that offense come from?

Frank Gore ripped Seattle for 159 yards on two carries, almost like there was no defense on the field. It’s going to be a long year for the Seahawks without Matt Hasselbeck if they allow 200 plus yards rushing every other week.

Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell is completing only 35% of his passes. You have a better chance of scoring a second date with Megan Fox than seeing Russell complete a pass. Someone needs to save Al Davis from himself.

My Superbowl picks for Week 2: New Orleans Saints vs. Baltimore Ravens

Finally, former New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress began serving a two-year prison sentence on Tuesday for illegal possession and discharge of a firearm in a nightclub in 2008 when he shot himself in the leg. The “tragedy” of this story is that it was entirely preventable. It’s not like Burress was some shmuck on the practice squad barely scraping by. He was the second highest paid player on the team. Hire a couple bodyguards licensed to carry weapons in New York City to accompany you to the nightclub. Or, better yet, if you’re going someplace where you feel you need to conceal and carry an illegal weapon, don’t go there. Two minutes of forethought could have saved Burress two years in prison. Don’t take your guns to town son, leave your guns at home Bill. Don’t take your guns to town.