All Along the Watchtower

So, Monday was the first day of autumn. Which means that Sunday was the last day of summer. I’m sure that depresses a lot of people, but not me. Nope. Not me. Wanna know why? I am part owner of two mortgage companies, an insurance company, oh yeah, and half of the rest of the U.S. economy. I wonder when my dividend cheque will arrive?

In case you missed it, the government took over the world’s largest insurance company last week. Then they apparently decided that owning an insurance company is totally useless without some crap to insure, so they asked Congress for 700 billion dollars with which to purchase the bad debt of any financial institution willing to pawn their garbage off on the federal treasury. If one chooses to include the five trillion dollar mortgage liability the government assumed in taking over Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac two weeks ago, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson has more than doubled the size of the national debt in only fifteen days. And it’s not over yet. No one knows exactly what these “toxic assets” the government intends to buy are worth. So, it’s quite possible that 700 billion just won’t cover it.

How did we get to this point? Well, that’s a long story, and my head hurts from the constant blathering I’ve been hearing all day long. But the Cliff notes version goes as follows: Some homeowners borrowed some money they probably should never have been allowed to borrow. Not content to rake in payments from people who couldn’t really afford them, banks packaged up these loans into securities and sold them multiple times to other financial institutions. The institutions then turned around and borrowed 30 times more money than they held in those mortgage assets, and lent that money to other people. When home prices started to fall, people decided to cash out their investments. But because the banks had borrowed exponentially more than the capital they had on hand, they couldn’t afford to cover their losses. Investors got wind that something was wrong and began withdrawing more of their money. Bank borrowed more money to cover increasing losses, and the rest is recent history.

But it didn’t have to end this way. Some – if not most of this – could have been prevented if only someone – preferably an adult – had been minding the store. But the geniuses on Wall Street playing roulette with everyone else’s money insisted they could host the party without a chaperone, and the chaperones, the United States government, allowed them to do just that, with horrendous results.

It should be obvious to everyone at this point that the unregulated free market is an unmitigated disaster. If you allow the market to do whatever it pleases, with boundless profit the only motive, the market will cannibalize itself, and then turn to the very public it violated for rescue when times go bad. Unfortunately, we’ve past the point where we can simply say to hell with them and let the entire system fail. Good people need work, good people need credit and good people need to know that at the end of the day their money is going to be worth the paper it’s printed on. The government has to rescue the system, and make up for its complete lack of oversight. Some undeserving financial institutions will continue to operate on the backs of the American taxpayer. But the penalty for destroying the public trust should and must be steep. There has to be some substantial disincentive for Wall Street to repeat this performance.

Treasury Secretary Paulson has come up with a plan to stop the bleeding on Wall Street he calls the Troubled Asset Relief Program – or TARP. That’s right, his solution to this crisis is to throw a tarp over it. Nice. I hope it work better than it sounds.

The stock market chaos seems to have returned the presidential polls to where they were before the election. Recent surveys now show Obama ahead of McCain by 4-5 points – with Obama crossing the 50% threshold in one CNN study. What can we learn from this? When this election is about lipstick, McCain leads. When it’s about issues, Obama leads.

In a related story, the Associated Press release a poll/study over the weekend detailing the role race might play in November. According to the AP, a significant portion of white Democrats hold negative opinions of blacks – enough to cause them to cast their vote against their own candidate. I’m stunned. I can’t express how surprised I am by this mind-blowing revelation. Right. I could have saved them six weeks of work and millions of dollars if they had only asked. Their numbers indicate that if racist white Democrats where to suddenly convert to non-racist white Democrats, Obama’s support among Democrats would increase between six and nine percentage points. It’s a sad commentary on America that there are so many people in this country willing to vote against their own self-interest just to avoid voting for the black guy.

Chevrolet released production images of its all-electric Volt last week after images of the car were leaked on the Internet. Unfortunately, the production car looks nothing like the concept General Motors has been masquerading as the Volt for the past two years. The production Volt is an angular four-door Dodge Stratus, instead of the two-door sport coupe advertised. According to people who keep track of such things, most comments to the company have been negative, including people who want to be taken off the waiting list for the car. Is there any doubt as to why the U.S. automakers are begging congress for money to stay afloat?

My NFL thoughts for Week 3:

The only difference between the 1995 Dallas Cowboys and the 2008 Dallas Cowboys is the cocaine.

The St. Louis Rams could improve the team by replacing their entire offensive line with actual rams. Sheep might actually block somebody.

Dolphins running back Ronnie Brown was responsible for all five Miami touchdowns in their win over New England Sunday. The once mighty Patriot defense was done in by trick plays from a high-school playbook. I thought Belichick was supposed to be a genius.

Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck made a statement Sunday afternoon. After Julius Jones escaped a pile of Rams defender and headed down the sideline toward the end zone, Hasselbeck ran ahead and launched himself head-first into the last two Rams defenders, knocking them flat on their backs and allowing Jones to waltz in for the score. Matt Hasselbeck is not just a quarterback; he’s a football player.

The states of Ohio and Missouri are a combined 0-12 so far this season. The ’76 Buccaneers might get to finally uncork the champagne this season.

My Superbowl picks for Week 3: Dallas Cowboys vs. Denver Broncos

In lighter news, the Large Hadron Collider will be shut down for several weeks due to an electrical failure and coolant leak that cause the machine to malfunction. Guess we’ll have to wait until next month for the black hole to destroy the earth.

Transformers vixen Megan Fox admitted to GQ Magazine that four years ago she fell in love with a female stripper. News that I’m sure makes a lot of people, very happy. According to Fox, “Nikita” performed beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith music (really?) and Fox would bring her gifts to inspire her to quit dancing. At this point the story gets a little strange. Fox claims she’s not a lesbian, but has the ability to be attracted to both sexes, and could see herself in a relationship with a girl. In fact, “Olivia Wilde is so sexy,” said Fox, “she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands.” Huh? What on earth does that even mean? And where do I get my ticket?

And finally, sorry ladies, but it’s official. Clay Aiken is gay. It’s true. People Magazine said so. Word is they will also announce that the earth is indeed round, and the sun will, most likely, come up tomorrow.

Black Monday

Today’s word is “free-fall”. Can you say free-fall? I knew you could.

Did you happen to catch the latest episode of Sub-Prime Crisis today? It started out with the failure of the 150-year-old investment bank Lehman Brothers. After the first commercial it cut to the sale of investment giant Merrill Lynch by the woolly mammoth of banking, Bank of America, then wrapped up with discussion of a private rescue plan for AIG, the largest insurance company in the country - maybe the world. Viewers responded to the episode by water-boarding the stock market to the tune of 504 points. Guess they didn’t care for the writing.

It should now be perfectly clear that John McCain knows about as much about the economy as he knows about the internet, or any of his eight houses. After hearing the news of the Lehman failure and the Merrill Lynch sale this morning, McCain delivered a statement repeating a previously discredited talking point that “the fundamentals of the economy are sound.” Note to John McCain: the financial system IS the fundament of the economy! After Barack Obama kindly pointed out the error of McCain’s ways, McCain revised his statement for a later audience, saying, “the fundamentals of the economy are at risk,” then blamed outdated regulation for the current state of banking. Actually John, the fundamentals of the economy are crumbling around you, and the utter lack of regulation and oversight by those in power (read Republican party) has contributed to the scale of the disaster. Why should anyone believe that you will reform regulation when you were partially responsible for deregulation and lack of oversight in the first place?

Another nugget of Washington rubbish came to us this week courtesy of the Department of the Interior. An internal audit revealed that approximately one quarter of the employees of the Minerals Management Service improperly awarded government contracts and manipulated the accounting in return for illicit cash payments, gifts, alcohol, marijuana, cocaine and sex from the oil industry employees and executives they were supposed to be watching. First, does this surprise anyone? What’s the point of having power if you can’t abuse it, right? Second, at this point, is there any serious difference between this government and an Arizona State fraternity. Lipstick maybe?

Hurricane Ike steamrolled the Texas Gulf coast this past weekend, flooding sections of Houston and almost completely destroying the sandbar of Galveston. The satellite photographs of this monstrosity were frightening as the storm covered almost the entire Gulf of Mexico. And even thought it made landfall as a Category 2 storm, the shear size and scale of Ike brought about widespread damage. As usual, there were several thousand people in Galveston who, in spite of warnings that Ike “could bring certain death” (huh?) refused/decided not to evacuate. Not because they couldn’t afford to, or didn’t have the means to, or had nowhere to go. They just didn’t want to. So now, while the city of Galveston is busy desperately trying to restore basic functionality to their town, they also have to rescue people who shouldn’t be there in the first place. Guess those are the small town values I’ve been hearing about.

Seeking to distract from economic troubles at home, Venezuelan head of state Hugo Chavez expelled the American ambassador from the country and invited Russian military aircraft to Venezuela do participate in combat exercises. This guy really knows how to push buttons, doesn’t he.

Zimbabwean dictator Robert Mugabe has finally reached a power-sharing agreement with opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai. Under the terms of the agreement brokered by neighboring African countries, Mugabe will retain control of the military and the title of President, while Tsvangirai will accept the title of Prime Minister and be responsible for... well, nobody really knows at this point. But even with nothing more than the adoption of titles, Zimbabwe is light-years ahead of where they were even a week ago. By the way, in the time it’s taken you to read this paragraph, Zimbabwean inflation has increased 10,000%.

My NFL thoughts for the week;

The Chargers were completely robbed of a victory in Denver Sunday evening. Not merely pick-pocketed or held up at gunpoint. They were screwed over Enron style.

LaDainian Tomlinson is crushing my fantasy football championship dreams. First Tom Brady, now LT. Is there no justice in this world?

The Seattle Seahawks are the worst good team I have ever seen.

The Kansas City Chiefs are the worst terrible team I have ever seen. The Rams are a close second. Both of them may be worse than the Dolphins were last year.

Yes, they played the Lions, but the Green Bay Packers put 48 points on the board Sunday afternoon. None of which were scored by anyone named Favre.

There should be some kind of rule against playing football in sixty mile-an-hour winds. Not that Cincinnati would have performed any better than they did, but I’m not sure it’s reasonable to ask a 90-pound kicker to kick a 40-yard field goal through uprights blowing 15-degrees from vertical.

If you had told me two weeks ago that the Carolina Panthers would be 2-0 without Steve Smith, I would have asked for some of whatever you were smoking. Maybe I did and don’t remember. Hmm.

It was reported late last week that Al Davis would axe head coach Lane Kiffin win or lose sometime on Monday. Well, the hapless Raiders defeated the exceedingly hapless Chiefs yesterday, and as of 11:08 Monday night, Kiffin is still employed. It is possible Al Davis just forgot what he said and at some point later in the week will fire someone else for not reminding him, but for now, the youngest coach in the league is fortunate (?) enough to still be the youngest coach in the league.

Spectacular display of grit from the Indianapolis Colts, recovering from a miserable three quarters to defeat the Vikings in Minnesota. Worse performance by the Vikings who had six opportunities to put the ball in the end zone and failed. Convert 50% of those opportunities and the Colts go home 0-2. What are they paying all those free-agents billions of dollars for?

Oh, and a note to the Auburn Tigers; 3-2 is not a football score. One more of those and you’re out of the conference.

My Week 2 Superbowl picks (with 4:35 remaining in the Eagles/Cowboys game);
Dallas Cowboys vs. Denver Broncos.

New Kids on the Block will kick off their reunion tour this Thursday night in Toronto. I don’t what's worse, that I mentioned that, or that it's actually true. What are they now, fifty?

Prosecutors appear to have learned from the “mistakes” of the original criminal trial and have seated an all-white jury for O.J. Simpson’s latest debacle. Take that any way you like.

Finally, a high-resolution satellite has been launched (to be used by Google Earth) which can reportedly capture an image of you retrieving your mail in your underwear. Seriously? And we still can’t find Osama?

Lipstick on a Pig

Read into it whatever you like. Obviously, the truth is irrelevant.

Oh, by the way, the federal government took over Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac over the weekend. How about that? The taxpayers are now on the hook for over $5 trillion in mortgage loans. Yippee! Yes, I realize it needed to be done. The reputations of those mortgage companies are too closely tied to the reputation of the U.S government to allow them to fail. But they cannot continue to make a habit of bailing out multi-billion dollar corporations. At some point, investors and executive officers MUST be held accountable for bad decisions. If they aren’t, there’s no incentive to make better decisions.

After sitting in Washington for 26 years efficiently running the government into the ground, John McCain has somehow cast himself as “the agent of change.” How many times do people have to be punched in the face before they realize who’s punching them and hit back?

There is a poll out this week that indicates a 20 shift in support of white women from Obama to McCain following the adoption of Sarah Palin. Hmm. I guess that 20% of white women who last week were pro-choice, pro-affordable healthcare, pro-public education and anti-war have decided this week they are pro-life, pro-HMO, pro-private school warmongers. No, wait; there must be a simpler explanation. I just… can’t… seem to… put my finger on it.

You know, it’s strange. Since finally being granted the right to vote, black Americans have voted for and worked to elect rich white men to office who shared their political beliefs. Why is it so difficult for a certain segment of white America to vote for and work to elect a wealthy black man to office who shares their political beliefs? Seriously. Why is it so difficult? Somebody fill me in.

The Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals overturned the year-old kidnapping and conspiracy conviction of former Klansman James Ford Seale today. The court decided that the 1972 law abolishing the death penalty for kidnapping also set a 5-year time limit on kidnapping prosecutions, and the 43-year delay in prosecuting Seale far exceeded that limit. Man gets away with murder on a technicality. Welcome to America.

In lighter news, the Bulgarian women’s ice hockey team (really?) was defeated 82-0 by Slovakia in an Olympic qualifying match on Wednesday. That is not a misprint. Slovakia averaged a goal every 43.9 seconds, 2.2 goals per spectator of this farce. (37 “fans” showed up to watch the slaughter.) In its four qualifying matches, Bulgaria was outscored 192-1. I know there’s something to be said for the Olympic spirit, giving it the old college try, Jamaican bobsled team, that kind of thing. But there’s also something to be said for a mercy rule, isn’t there? Stop the game at 25-0 for crying out loud!

Praise the Lord, football season has started. And after merely the first week of competition, my fantasy football season lies in ruins. Thanks Tom Brady. My NFL thoughts for the week:

By far the biggest story of the weekend was the season-ending knee injury to the Golden Boy barely 20 minutes into the game. Patriots coach Bill Belichick has the next sixteen weeks to prove he truly deserves the genius moniker.

Broadway Brett is a hit with the Jets, and Green Bay is now Mr. Rodgers neighborhood. It’s still too early to tell, but it is possible that everyone involved in that whole sordid saga may have made the right decision.

Chargers linebacker and quarterback killer Shawne Merriman realized after one game what he should have figured out months ago; playing football with two torn knee ligaments is a very bad idea. See you next year Shawne.

What on earth happened to the St. Louis Rams? Not too many years ago, this team was known as “the Greatest Show on Turf.” At this point, the guys in the broadcast booth could give these guys a run for their money.

Peyton Manning looked like… well… Eli Manning Sunday night against the Bears. Certainly not what Colts fans were hoping for.

Same old Lions, same old Raiders, same old Bengals. How is that possible? Why are these franchises incapable of putting contenders on the field?

The most disappointing team of the weekend for me by far was the Seattle Seahawks. This perennial playoff team, only two years removed from a Superbowl appearance was beaten into the soggy upstate New York ground by a Bills team devoid of player with a winning record. Embarrassing doesn’t begin to cover it.

My Week 1 Superbowl picks; Dallas Cowboys vs. Pittsburgh Steelers.

Finally tonight, Wide-Stance Larry Craig is back in the news. (I love it when old friends drop by to visit.) Before a three-judge panel at the Minnesota Court of Appeals, Craig’s lawyer argued that his use of hand signals and foot tapping to solicit sex in the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport bathroom is protected by the First Amendment. Right. Hold on a minute, let me check something…. “Congress shall make no law respecting and establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” Nope. Nothing there about tapping toes to solicit gay sex in public bathrooms. Although, I’m sure every prostitute in America will break out that line the next time a cop pulls him or her over.

TGIF

Thank God it’s Finished.

Have you seen the most recent Gillette commercial? The one where Tiger Woods, Roger Federer and Derek Jeter try to “convince” men to dump their old Mach 3 razor and purchase a new Fusion? Am I the only one who thinks it’s odd that Gillette would knock its own product in an attempt to sell its own product. Sorta like the Republican National Convention.

When they weren’t in the throes orgasm over the nomination of Sarah Palin for president... I mean vice president... sorry, the republicans spent their time telling anyone who would listen that “Washington is broken,” and that they are the party best capable of throwing those bums out and changing the way Washington works. I guess it just slipped their minds that they are indeed the bums they are referring to! If Washington is broken - and by their own admission it is - they are the s.o.bs that spent the last eight years f-ing it up! They are the ones who deregulated the mortgage industry leaving no one minding the store. They are the ones who turned the U.S. military into Team America, World Police. They are the ones who turned the Justice Department into the private social club of an under-qualified Attorney General and his band of merry men and woman. They are the ones racking up debt faster than Imelda Marcos in a Payless with a no limit platinum card. For six years they had complete control of Congress and the presidency and did nothing but turn this country into the black sheep of the United Nations. How can they, with any shred of credibility, make the argument that they deserve four more years?

You’ll forgive me if I don’t share the collective orgasm over Sarah Palin’s selection. Turns out she may not be the “maverick reformer” the campaign has set her up to be. (If I hear the word “maverick” from a reporter or campaign operative one more time I’m going to puke.) Seems that she lobbied Congress for $120 million in pork for the 9,000 person town she was mayor of. Oh, and she voted for the “bridge to nowhere” numerous times before - once it became a political hot potato - she voted against it. She also supports the legislative and judicial enforcement of “traditional values”, while apparently incapable of fostering said values in her own home. But Bristol is keeping the baby, so I guess that’s all the qualification Sarah Palin needs.

I hate to say I told you so, but I did. (Actually it’s kinda fun to say it.) The entire Republican narrative regarding Sarah Palin has been that the media is sexist and out to get her. No one can question her credibility or qualifications without being liberal or sexist. These, of course, are the same Republicans (Palin included) who are on tape saying that people like Clinton and Obama should quit whining about sexism and racism, suck it up and pretend everything is fair. Hmm. Guess that only applies to liberals. Today’s word is, double standard. Can you say, double standard? I knew you could.

Apparently I wasn’t the only person tweaked by the GOP mockery of community organizers. (Although watching Rudy Giuliani, a man who couldn’t organize himself into a presidential candidate assault community organizers was laugh-out-loud funny.) A caller to a radio talk show on Friday morning offered an interesting thought. She claimed to a Christian, offended by Palin’s digs at community organizers. “Jesus was a community organizer,” she said, “Pilate was a governor.” I think that statement stands on its own.

Could someone please define “small town values” for me? Better yet, explain to me why small town values are apparently superior to quaint hamlet values or big city values? As far as I know, people in small towns and quaint hamlets and big cities all get up every morning to go to work, hope their kids learn something in school, and pray they don’t get sick and have to burn their life-savings on medical treatment. Are small town votes more valuable than big city votes? If small towns are so fantastic, why hold the convention in a metropolitan area of 3 million people, with four-star hotels, five-star restaurants and adult entertainment? I mean, they have those things in small towns too, right? Why not hold the convention in Clear Lake, Iowa, or Yazoo City, Mississippi, or even Shiprock, New Mexico? I’m sure they would like nothing more than 15,000 city slicker Republicans descending on them, looking to share in their small town values.

In a completely unrelated incident, football started this past Thursday. Now I finally have something to do Sunday afternoon other than mow the lawn and rock back and forth autistically in my dining room chair lamenting the imminent start of the work week.

...A Thousand Words

Sometimes it's better to leave things to the professionals. So, for today's words of wisdom, please see the following:



and this:



oh, and this too:

Shotgun Wedding

I hate to be a cynic, but they left me no choice.

John McCain has nothing to run on. His entire rationale for why we should vote for him is that he was “right” on the surge. Oh, and did he mention he was a POW in Vietnam? But he’s not stupid. He realized the same thing most of us did a long time ago. This election is not about him. It’s a referendum on Barack Obama. Give the man credit though. He’s come up with a very effective strategy - mock and ridicule the opponent.

Review his campaign commercials to this point. He’s accused Obama of being too popular, too wordy, too cerebral, too intelligent, even of being the messiah - twice. All ridiculous - if not irrelevant assertions, yet somehow, all effective. (Maybe this says more about the voters than the candidate.) So, while I was initially surprised at the choice of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as McCain’s vice presidential nominee, once I thought about it for a few hours and sounded off to a couple people, it all made sense. McCain is using this opportunity to continue his ridicule of Obama.

This is no "maverick" selection. John McCain is a wily old man. You don’t survive as a prisoner of war if you aren’t observant and clever. During the three months in which he had nothing to do after he wrapped up the Republican nomination, he paid very close attention to the Democratic primary. And in watching Senators Clinton and Obama skewer each other for what seemed like an eternity (I hate to keep bringing up the interminable primary race coming back to haunt the Democrats) he picked up on something important. The Democratic party is rife with conflict. Obama supporters felt the Clintons tried to marginalize Obama as “the black candidate” and openly courted the racist vote by suggesting that while Obama’s core supporters would easily come around to support Clinton, her core supporters were less magnanimous and may not support such a “non-traditional” candidate. Clinton supporters felt that it was “Clinton’s turn”, that Obama had no business stepping into her spotlight, and that the media - and to a lesser extent, Obama himself - treated her unfairly and were incredibly sexist toward her. The legacies of racism and sexism run deep in this country and the wounds don’t heal easily. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that such bitterness could easily be used to divide and conquer the Democratic party.

The media loves sensationalism. And there was nothing more sensational for the media than the prospect of the first black or female president. It’s been the narrative of this election since the cycle began almost two years ago, and the press hasn’t let it rest a single moment since. This past week at the convention, the story line was almost exclusively limited to whether or not diehard Clinton supporters would come around to support Obama. But by Thursday morning, following reconciliatory-toned speeches from the Clintons and the roll-call vote demanded by her supporters, that conversation had more or less dried up. The nomination of Palin ensures that conversation will continue up to and through the election. It also ensures that any and every discussion of and criticism directed at Palin will be dissected for the slightest hint of sexism and the racism versus sexism narrative will continue to rear it’s ugly head.

McCain selected Sarah Palin as his vice presidential nominee because of what she brings to the media narrative, not because of what she brings to the ticket. She brings nothing to the ticket. No Hillary Clinton supporter - not one - who believed in Clinton because of what she stood for, would ever vote for a McCain-Palin ticket on account of Palin. The two women are political polar opposites. The only thing Clinton and Palin have in common is a pair of X chromosomes. No one refusing to vote for Obama on account of his “lack of experience” could cast an honest vote for Palin on account of her “experience”. (And let’s be honest about something, being governor of Alaska is about the equivalent of running a hot dog stand in Times Square. Come to think of it, the hot dog vendor probably encounters more people.) Her candidacy is a cheap yet shrewd attempt by McCain to stick his finger in Obama’s eye. I hope Sarah Palin realizes she’s being used by McCain as a gimmick, for the media value of that additional X chromosome. If she doesn’t understand that, I offer this column as her wake-up call. If she does understand, I’m a little disappointed she would allow this charade to continue to this point. But after eight years I guess I’m used to being disappointed by this Republican Party.

Update: This Monday the McCain campaign confirmed that Governor Palin’s 17-year-old unmarried daughter Bristol is five months pregnant. The same report also indicated she intends to keep the baby and marry the father. Before anyone jumps to the conclusion that this revelation might negatively affect the McCain campaign, early reaction from the conservative base so excited by Palin’s addition to the ticket last Friday is emphatically positive. According to the heads of groups like the Family Research Council and Focus on the Family, all this merely reinforces the family’s pro-life values and brightens the Palin’s rising star in the party. The afore-mentioned interest groups don’t merely ignore the fact that the abstinence-only education championed by the McCain-Palin ticket was an abysmal failure in this case (among many others), and that the “values” McCain-Palin wish to legislate on the rest of America obviously weren’t applied in their own families, they have circled the wagons asserting that these items serve only to make them more human and worth of elevation to the highest office in the land. Apparently hypocrisy is a one way (read Democratic) street for the moral majority.

One Down, One to Go.

These are my post-convention thoughts for the week.

A four day long pat-on-the-back should not warrant the kind of media attention these conventions get.

Michelle Obama acquitted herself quite well on opening night. Not only did she not do any harm, she may have repaired some of the damage she may have caused earlier in the campaign with voters who either didn’t understand or didn’t want to understand what she was saying.

Hillary Clinton “womanned-up” Tuesday night and gave the speech she needed to give. It was a little less enthusiastic than many would have preferred, but I understand why she did what she did. She couldn’t get up in front of a packed arena (a significant percentage of which were fervent supporters of her primary campaign) and with any credibility, give a glowing twenty-minute speech extolling the virtues of the man she had run a fierce against for the past 18-months. Her speech needed to be about her. It needed to be about what she and her supporters had accomplished. But more importantly, it needed to be about why her supporters had supported her. Since the day Senator Clinton suspended her campaign the media narrative has been that her supporters are so upset with her loss that they may not be able to put it behind them and cast their votes for Senator Obama. But whether out of loyalty to the party or political self-preservation, Clinton made it clear that anyone who believed in her because of what she stood for could not in good conscience consider casting a vote for John McCain or even refuse to vote in November. And as a result of her efforts, the hysteria over what the die-hards would do began to die out by the time the much debated roll-call vote came around Wednesday afternoon.

I’ve said a lot of not-so-nice things about former President Clinton during this campaign. And I still stand by many of those things. But on Wednesday night, Bill Clinton manned-up in what must have been an awfully difficult situation, and gave Barack Obama exactly what he needed - an unambiguous assertive endorsement of his presidential candidacy. Kudos to Bill.

I like Joe Biden. I still think he’s a bit of a loose cannon and I’m a little nervous he’ll say something he’ll regret during the next eight weeks, but I think he’s a solid addition to the ticket.

On the 45th anniversary of the March on Washington, Barack Obama stood up in front of 80,000 people at Invesco Field in Denver, Colorado and delivered an historic acceptance speech. Less so for what he said than for the fact that he said it at all. The speech itself was good. Not the best he’s ever delivered, but very good. He did what the media and some voters have been demanding he do since his arrival on the political scene - he defined, in no uncertain terms, his vision of change. From this point on, anyone who says they are undecided about voting for or against Obama because they don’t know what he stands for is not only lazy, but also a bold-faced liar. In addition to defining himself, Obama drew bright-line distinctions between his policies and those of his opponent, while still finding some room to point out potential areas of compromise between the two sides. As usual, he rose to the occasion, looking very presidential in the process.

However, not every Democrat was impressed with the speech. Some of the comments heard in the post speech analysis were that Obama’s attacks on McCain were too sharp, that he didn’t spend enough time discussing broader themes, that the speech was long on policy and short on “feel-good.” These, of course, were many of the same people who have spent the last 18-months complaining that Obama hasn’t been specific enough, or pointed enough in his criticism of McCain. But the criticism that tweaked me the most came from several prominent members of the African-American community who accused him of ignoring African-American issues in his speech. I’m not entirely sure which issues they were referring to, but I’m willing to bet that whatever they are, they are not exclusive to the Black community. Education, health care, energy and equal pay are relevant to everyone, regardless of their color or creed, and the sooner the Democratic Party figures that out, the less divided they’ll be.

Barack Obama has done a phenomenal job of walking a very fine line under incredibly difficult circumstances and unrealistic expectations. In order to be elected president of these United States of America, Obama must be the consummate “everyman.” In fact, he must be better than that. He cannot show any weakness, he cannot show any uncertainty, he cannot show any of the normal human emotions and/or reactions any other candidate in his position would have. The fastest way for him to torpedo his candidacy is for him to come across as the “angry black man.” Everything he does, every speech he gives, every political point he makes, every response to an attack must be filtered through that prism. Older white America is petrified of people of color showing any kind of human emotion that isn’t a laugh or a smile or a reassuring handshake. If he were to respond to the inane attacks on his character with the slightest inkling of righteous indignation, voters would dismiss him as yet another disturbing angry black activist unworthy of a first look - let alone a second. As the first mixed-race man ever to be this close to the presidency, Barack Obama has to be the equivalent of Sidney Poitier’s Dr. Prentice in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner. He took an enormous gamble last Thursday night in criticizing McCain as sharply as he did. The consequences of that risk remain to be seen.

These are my non-political thoughts for the week.

Olympic gold medal gymnast Shawn Johnson returned home this past week to cheering crowds, packed arenas and marriage proposals. Seriously people, she’s 16-years-old. Perverts.

The Large Hardron Collider (or LHC as it is affectionally known in scientific circles) was partially powered up for its test run, passing with flying colors. The world’s largest particle accelerator based primarily in Switzerland is set to come online later this month, after which time critics believe it will set about its task of creating miniature black holes with which to destroy the earth. Hope you’ve got your starship ready.

Mattel, owner of the Barbie doll franchise, was awarded $100 million in winning its lawsuit against the makers of Bratz dolls. I always knew Barbie was a gold digger.

And finally, the NFL has decided to reinstate now Dallas Cowboys cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones following a year-long suspension for multiple arrests. The Pacman claims he is reformed, even going so far as to request the sports media no longer refer to him as Pacman. So far this season Mr. Jones has been true to his word. But with role-models like Terrell Owens and Jessica Simpson to guide him along the way, one can’t help but wonder how long it might be before we find him in a Dallas strip club “makin’ it rain.”