Lipstick on a Pig

Read into it whatever you like. Obviously, the truth is irrelevant.

Oh, by the way, the federal government took over Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac over the weekend. How about that? The taxpayers are now on the hook for over $5 trillion in mortgage loans. Yippee! Yes, I realize it needed to be done. The reputations of those mortgage companies are too closely tied to the reputation of the U.S government to allow them to fail. But they cannot continue to make a habit of bailing out multi-billion dollar corporations. At some point, investors and executive officers MUST be held accountable for bad decisions. If they aren’t, there’s no incentive to make better decisions.

After sitting in Washington for 26 years efficiently running the government into the ground, John McCain has somehow cast himself as “the agent of change.” How many times do people have to be punched in the face before they realize who’s punching them and hit back?

There is a poll out this week that indicates a 20 shift in support of white women from Obama to McCain following the adoption of Sarah Palin. Hmm. I guess that 20% of white women who last week were pro-choice, pro-affordable healthcare, pro-public education and anti-war have decided this week they are pro-life, pro-HMO, pro-private school warmongers. No, wait; there must be a simpler explanation. I just… can’t… seem to… put my finger on it.

You know, it’s strange. Since finally being granted the right to vote, black Americans have voted for and worked to elect rich white men to office who shared their political beliefs. Why is it so difficult for a certain segment of white America to vote for and work to elect a wealthy black man to office who shares their political beliefs? Seriously. Why is it so difficult? Somebody fill me in.

The Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals overturned the year-old kidnapping and conspiracy conviction of former Klansman James Ford Seale today. The court decided that the 1972 law abolishing the death penalty for kidnapping also set a 5-year time limit on kidnapping prosecutions, and the 43-year delay in prosecuting Seale far exceeded that limit. Man gets away with murder on a technicality. Welcome to America.

In lighter news, the Bulgarian women’s ice hockey team (really?) was defeated 82-0 by Slovakia in an Olympic qualifying match on Wednesday. That is not a misprint. Slovakia averaged a goal every 43.9 seconds, 2.2 goals per spectator of this farce. (37 “fans” showed up to watch the slaughter.) In its four qualifying matches, Bulgaria was outscored 192-1. I know there’s something to be said for the Olympic spirit, giving it the old college try, Jamaican bobsled team, that kind of thing. But there’s also something to be said for a mercy rule, isn’t there? Stop the game at 25-0 for crying out loud!

Praise the Lord, football season has started. And after merely the first week of competition, my fantasy football season lies in ruins. Thanks Tom Brady. My NFL thoughts for the week:

By far the biggest story of the weekend was the season-ending knee injury to the Golden Boy barely 20 minutes into the game. Patriots coach Bill Belichick has the next sixteen weeks to prove he truly deserves the genius moniker.

Broadway Brett is a hit with the Jets, and Green Bay is now Mr. Rodgers neighborhood. It’s still too early to tell, but it is possible that everyone involved in that whole sordid saga may have made the right decision.

Chargers linebacker and quarterback killer Shawne Merriman realized after one game what he should have figured out months ago; playing football with two torn knee ligaments is a very bad idea. See you next year Shawne.

What on earth happened to the St. Louis Rams? Not too many years ago, this team was known as “the Greatest Show on Turf.” At this point, the guys in the broadcast booth could give these guys a run for their money.

Peyton Manning looked like… well… Eli Manning Sunday night against the Bears. Certainly not what Colts fans were hoping for.

Same old Lions, same old Raiders, same old Bengals. How is that possible? Why are these franchises incapable of putting contenders on the field?

The most disappointing team of the weekend for me by far was the Seattle Seahawks. This perennial playoff team, only two years removed from a Superbowl appearance was beaten into the soggy upstate New York ground by a Bills team devoid of player with a winning record. Embarrassing doesn’t begin to cover it.

My Week 1 Superbowl picks; Dallas Cowboys vs. Pittsburgh Steelers.

Finally tonight, Wide-Stance Larry Craig is back in the news. (I love it when old friends drop by to visit.) Before a three-judge panel at the Minnesota Court of Appeals, Craig’s lawyer argued that his use of hand signals and foot tapping to solicit sex in the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport bathroom is protected by the First Amendment. Right. Hold on a minute, let me check something…. “Congress shall make no law respecting and establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” Nope. Nothing there about tapping toes to solicit gay sex in public bathrooms. Although, I’m sure every prostitute in America will break out that line the next time a cop pulls him or her over.