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Late again this week. Good thing the news has been about as slow as I’ve been.

Well, I did have to watch half of Superbowl 41.5 in fast forward in order to catch up, but it was everything it was cracked up to be. Fortunately for football fans everywhere, we may get to see this game again for the AFC Championship, in a little something I’ll refer to as Superbowl 41.75. Un fortunately, whatever pathetic excuse for a team manages to stumble out of the NFC to meet either of these two juggernauts in Superbowl 42 is only setting themselves up for complete and total embarrassment. Hope the ’72 Dolphins enjoyed their champagne last year. It might be the last bottle they ever drink.

In a stunning display of utter stupidity, the Federal Emergency Management Agency held a fake press conference to congratulate themselves for their handling of the California wildfires. Deputy Administrator Harvey Johnson easily answered softball questions lobed at him by “reporters” in the room, who later turned out to be FEMA public relations employees. Now FEMA must have known that once the video of the phony press conference hit the media, the reporters who would normally attend such conferences might realize they weren’t the ones asking the questions and become a little suspicious. Yet they went through with it anyway. I guess common sense really isn’t all that common.

In another example of a lapse in judgment, a Department of Homeland Security employee has been placed on administrative leave after showing up to a costume party hosed by the head of Immigration and Customs Enforcement dressed in a striped prison outfit, dreadlocks and artificially darkened skin. I think I know what happened here. The employee got wind of Detroit Lions quarterback Jon Kitna’s costume (taking a jab at a Lions coach who rolled through a Wendy’s drive-thru in his birthday suit) and decided he too could make a funny. Maybe he should have thought that one through a little more carefully. Naked guy in a fast food drive-thru? Funny. Rastafarian prisoner in blackface? Not so much.

In keeping with the theme, in a pitiful display of futility, Congressman and Presidential hopeless Dennis Kucinich introduced a measure attempting to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney. The measure was roundly defeated no sooner than the words had exited Kucinich’s mouth. Is it any wonder the approval rating for congress is so low? With all the work they need to get done, fixing the tax code, uninsured children, out of control war funding, Dennis Kucinich chooses to waste everyone’s time on an initiative he knows will and has failed time and time again? Cheney is yesterday’s news. He is on his way out. The damage has already been done, and trying to stick a finger in his eye will only result in the loss of that finger. Even if the zealots in the Democratic party could somehow push some kind of punitive measure against the Vice President Congress, by the time any action could be taken, Cheney would have long left office, indulging himself in a canned hunting trip shooting domestic pheasants and old friends in the face. Let it go and move on. You can’t drive the car by staring in the rear view mirror. You will wreck the car.

The Senate judiciary committee voted to send Attorney General nominee Michael Mukasey to the full Senate for confirmation, despite his inability to admit that tying someone to a board and pouring water over their face and into their mouth to make them believe they are drowning just might be considered torture under certain circumstances. Circumstances like say… international war crimes tribunals, …or the Spanish Inquisition perhaps. More on this on Thursday. President Bush 346, Democrats, 0.

Congressman Ron Paul raised more than $4 million dollars over the Internet for his Presidential campaign this past Monday. Rumor has it that in the upcoming weeks Paul will introduce his “Dollars for Votes” exchange program in an attempt to translate this bonanza into something more valuable than a lifetime supply of Krispy Kremes.

An Indian girl born with eight limbs (among other things) has undergone surgery to have four of them removed. The additional limbs belonged to a conjoined twin that died in the womb. Aren’t there horror movies that start out like this?

Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf has declared martial law, suspended the country’s constitution, fired the Supreme Court judges and arrested all the lawyers. You know, aside from the suppression of individual freedom and a complete disregard for the law this action isn’t half bad. Can you imagine a country without lawyers? I believe there are words for places like that. Utopia. Shangri-la. Heaven on earth. Musharraf might be on to something.

Finally, in what could be the least important most covered story of the year, film and television writers have gone on strike. Unlike recent strikes at General Motors and Chrysler, this one promises to last longer than six hours. So, what does that mean for the average television viewer? A thrilling winter of reruns and reality shows. I know I can’t wait for Survivor Des Moines and the gazillionth repeat of Law & Order. Maybe this will force some people to get up off the couch and do something productive. Perhaps months of reruns and unscripted blather will spark a reduction in the collective girth of the nation. The entire epidemic of obesity could be reversed in one fell swoop! I won’t hold my breath.