Gobble Gobble

I’m going to try something new tonight. Writing the blog while watching the game. What could possibly go wrong? (I’ve already spelled seven words wrong.)

If any of you Pop Warner kids out there want to see how a running back is supposed to make a block, get a tape (or some sort of digital media recording) of Jacksonville / San Diego game Sunday afternoon and watch Maurice Jones-Drew’s block of Shawne Merriman - over and over again. Jones-Drew, who gives up 9 inches and 64 pounds to Merriman, stood his ground, stuck his helmet into the linebacker’s chest, and laid Merriman flat on his butt, allowing his quarterback to get off a hastle-free lob to the end-zone for a touchdown. Pound for pound, in all the football games I’ve watched, I have never seen a better block. Never.

Another football note, who said professional athletes are only in it for the money. In what may have been a touchdown-saving tackle, Seattle kicker Josh Brown ran several yards with the greatest kick-returner in the history of the NFL, took a wicked stiff-arm to the face, hung on for dear life and dragged him to the turf with a thud audible in the press box. He’s a kicker, he does not get paid to do that. No one would have blamed him if he had ran screaming like a little girl from the trail of scorched and blazing earth in Devin Hester’s wake. But he decided he wanted to be a real football player and go out a make a tackle. Then, as if that enough, Brown pops up off the ground like a pogo stick and starts flexing his guns and pointing to the name on the back of his jersey. One step at a time Josh. Make two tackles, then you can flex. Oh, by the way, a field goal try passing through the uprights is good, regardless of where the ball eventually ends up, and the New England Patriots blew out another CFL team on their way to an undefeated season. Ho hum, just another day at the office.

Michael Vick (remember him?) turned himself in to U.S. Marshals today to begin serving whatever sentence he will receive from the federal judge on December 10th of this year. He is reportedly most likely facing 18 to 24 months in jail for his illegal gambling and dogfighting activities. During his stay there’s a pretty good chance Vick will run into a few dogs - only this time he’ll find himself on the wrong end of the leash.

After alluding the next edition of his sorry excuse for a television show would feature A-list celebrity talent, reports indicate “The Donald” could round up no better than the likes of Stephen “yes I’m also a” Baldwin and Gene “the Tongue” Simmons. Is anyone surprised by this? Why would anyone with a real career subject themselves to being berated week in and week out by two hundred pounds of hot air and hair gel? What could an appearance on “The Apprentice possibly do for them, make them famous?

In the first of the two most ridiculous stories of the week, pop tarts everywhere can barely contain their excitement over the upcoming reunion tour of the British girls groups the Spice Girls. If anyone ever needed justification for the Revolutionary War, there it is.

And in stupid story number two, a 35 year-old Tampa Florida man hung on to a 12-foot statue of Disney’s “Hannah Montana” for six days in order to win tickets to a concert of the statue’s namesake. Yes, you read correctly, 35 year-old man, six days, “Hannah Montana”. Call me overly sensitive, but I think there might be something a little creepy about a middle-aged man taking six days off of work to hug a statue of a 14 year-old girl for some free tickets. Sounds like the kind of guy you may want to keep an eye on if you see him getting a little too cozy with the half-naked mannequins in Victoria’s Secret. Couple this with the scalping of “Hannah Montana” tickets for upwards of a thousand dollars, and the lawsuit filed against the “Hannah Montana Fan Club” for promising first crack at concert tickets, then not providing first crack at concert tickets, and it adds up to the biggest parental pain in the ass since Furby and Tickle Me Elmo. At least you could take the batteries out of Elmo.

In an interview with CNN’s Larry King, the perpetually angry Fred Goldman vowed to pursue and hold Simpson accountable for his son’s death, and continue to do so until Simpson’s death. I used to feel bad for Fred Goldman. I think O.J. hired better lawyers than were employed by the State of California and was able to escape justice. But in the years following the trial, since his victory in civil court, Fred Goldman has made it his life’s obsession to make O.J.’s life a living hell. While I support his right to be a thorn in O.J.’s side, there comes a point where you have to let the past be the past and get on with your life. And for whatever reason, Goldman seems to be unable to do this. Every breath he takes, every cent he makes is spent plotting O.J.’s misery, and that’s no way for anyone to live. When you dedicate you whole life to someone else - whether you intend to or not - you not only give them power over you, you risk losing your identity. O.J. has Fred Goldman wrapped around his finger, and Goldman is well on his way to losing his identity to Simpson - if he hasn’t done so already.

Taking a page from the Republican political playbook, the Senate Democrats have effectively blocked President Bush from making any recess appointments during the Thanksgiving recess by taking a non-recess recess. For the next two weeks, a couple (or fewer) senators will show up at the Capitol and essentially do nothing. How this differs from a regular session of Congress I don’t know, but it apparently enough to prevent the President from simply doing whatever he pleases. Strange, isn’t it. After all the attempts by the House and Senate to pass legislation and change direction, all they had to do was not show up to work. Take a vacation, solve your problems. Doesn’t get any better than that. Not sure that would go over too well at my job.

In a story of mainly local interest, the once proud Fighting Irish of Notre Dame football team has won all of two games this season. The Irish desperately need a victory over the Stanford Cardinals this coming weekend to avoid the worst season in school history. Charlie Weis’ third year as head coach has been an unmitigated disaster, with the program now the laughing stock of the NCAA. Despite the best efforts of some, you can’t blame the black man (read Tyrone Willingham) for this one. If Michigan coach Lloyd Carr can be forced out after an 8 and 4 season, what should a 2 and 10 season earn Charlie Weis?

Finally, in the spirit of Thanksgiving (sort of), five live turkeys were left at a Taco Bell drive-thru in California this morning. Non one has yet claimed responsibility for the turkey delivery, but the birds - one of which may have been injured - attempted to make the best of being stranded at the drive-thru by waving to passing vehicles and smiling for pictures. Word is they were just happy not to have been dropped of at a Subway or a Quiznos. Sort of takes the “Eat Fresh” moto to a whole new level, doesn’t it.