What do you want in a Presidential candidate? Political Experience? Leadership? Good looks, nice hair, a well tailored suit perhaps? How about honesty? Is honesty truly important in a candidate? Think about it carefully before you answer, because what people say and what they really believe are apparently two different things.
Consider the following. In his book “The Audacity of Hope,” as well as several speaking engagements, Senator Barack Obama admits that there was a time in his life when he engaged in some unwise behavior – in particular, his high school experimentation with alcohol and drugs. He has also stated, in no uncertain terms, that his drug use was a mistake of his youth and certainly something he is not proud of. Some people might call such disclosure honesty from a politician. Others, like former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney call that “unwise.”
According to governor Romney, “in order to leave the best possible example for our kids, (why is everything about the kids?) we’re probably not wisest to talk about our own indiscretions in great detail.” These words of wisdom contain a couple, oh, let’s call them errors, but one overarching truth.
First, simply stating that one has used drugs and alcohol does not constitute a description in “great detail.” For a description of drug use in great detail, rent Trainspotting or Pulp Fiction.
Second, kids may be a lot things, but they are not stupid. They may act stupid, they may do stupid things and they might make stupid decisions, but they are not stupid. They know a phony when they see one. Do you think there was one kid in America who believed Bill Clinton when he made the asinine statement that he tried marijuana but didn’t inhale? Everybody knows he inhaled – probably more than once – on multiple occasions. Do you think there was one high school or college kid in America who believed Bill Clinton when he said he did not have sex with that woman? We certainly were HOPING that the President of the United States of America could do better than Monica Lewinsky, but we all KNEW better. Nothing damages your credibility with kids more than telling them something is one way, then having them find out later on that it isn’t. We defer to soldiers in discussions of military tactics, we defer to physicians in discussions of medicine, why would we not assign greater credibility to someone who has defeated the demons of drugs and alcohol when discussing their harmful effects with children?
Those two minor details aside, the implication of Romney’s statement is absolutely correct. He is well aware of one simple fact. The voting public is extremely uncomfortable with the idea of an honest candidate. It simply doesn’t make any sense. If a candidate were truly honest, why would he or she need a team of handlers and public relations personnel to control his or her image in the media? It doesn’t matter how revealing a candidate is, people will always assume that there is a deeper, darker, dirtier secret tucked away in their closet. We don’t want the truth about our elected officials straight from the source, we want it from the breathless CNN reporter live on the scene with the hastily prepared notes, the producer breaking in on the earpiece, and the stupid quote from the wacky neighbor. We don’t want honesty. We want scandal. Because it doesn’t feel like the truth unless we “discover” it for ourselves. Then - and only then – after we have outed them and shamed them and demanded they repent their sins and throw themselves on the mercy of the public, then we inform them that this entire charade could have been avoided if they had just been honest with everyone to begin with. “If only he had just come out and told everyone that he tried drugs in high school, realized they were dangerous and never touched them again we would have understood and not penalized him for it.” Right?
I don’t have an explanation for the gotcha culture we so gleefully embrace. Nor and I gullible enough to believe that in most cases, honesty from a politician is anything more than an attempt to cover his or her butt from any future scandal. But every now and then it is refreshing to run across a candidate who is unafraid to discuss at least a portion of his past most others would be too afraid to confront. Someone who feels that sometimes more information, presented in context, really is better than less. I think I know who’s America I’d rather live in.
11.28.2007
11.27.2007
Aliens in America
I hope everyone is finished with the turkey hangovers and well into the Christmas spirit. Lord knows the retailers are. Of course they’ve been jingling the bells since the day after Halloween. Why can’t we just focus on one holiday at a time - preferably in chronological order?
The Dumbass of the Week award goes - without question - to Denver Broncos punter and kickoff “specialist” Todd Sauerbrun. Not only did he waste a considerable amount of videotape and ink trash talking the greatest kick returner in the history of football, he actually displayed the hubris to kick him the ball! Not once, but twice! Both of which (one punt and one kick-off) were promptly returned for touchdowns. And as if sounding stupid and feeling stupid weren’t bad enough, Sauerbrun also made himself look ridiculous being hurdled by Hester on one return and juked out of his shoes in a feeble attempt to make a tackle on the other. Oh, and did I mention he also had a punt blocked? I’m not sure what he was thinking when he did those things - or if he was thinking at all, but one thing is for certain, Todd Sauerbrun ain’t no Josh Brown.
The city of San Francisco has banned the use of plastic grocery bags within the city limits. The city council has decided plastic bags take up too much room in landfills, damage the environment, and are just too darn convenient for its socially enlightened citizens. There is no word as yet on how this will affect the ability of the city’s homeless to collect the bottles and cans to return for the deposits. However, baggers will now be required to ask customers, “will that be paper or six acne-ridden teenaged boys to carry your seventeen paper bags up the three-hundred foot, sixty-degree incline to your apartment?”
According to a CNN report, ankle deep snowdrifts are sparking spontaneous snowball fights in parts of Texas. I realize CNN is a fairly reputable news organization, but that report is completely false. There is no such thing as an ankle deep snowdrift. Ankle deep snowfall, perhaps. But ankle deep snowdrifts do not exist. A snowdrift requires a considerable volume of snow - at least enough to build up into something resembling a mound or hill. A mound the size of ones ankle can be considered little more than a rut. Apparently the snowdrifts are the only things that are not bigger in Texas.
Doctors discovered this morning that Vice President Cheney suffers from an irregular heartbeat stemming from atrial fibrillation. I didn’t realize androids had atriums. It may be time to bring the real Cheney out of the bunker for a second round of cloning.
Authorities in the Netherlands arrested Joran van der Sloot for the millionth time Monday and shipped him back to Aruba, where he and Kalpoe brothers Deepak and Satish face charges of “involvement in the voluntary manslaughter of Natalee Holloway, or causing serious bodily harm to Natalee Holloway, resulting in her death.” Though we’ve been down this road before, and a body has yet to be found, Aruban authorities believe they may now have enough evidence to finally put this case to rest. I hope they’re right. The fewer unsolved disappearances of pretty white women, the better off the rest of us will be.
This coming Wednesday, CNN will waste everybody’s evening yet again with another YouTube debate – this time with the Republican candidates. The first time this happened viewers were treated to video after webcam video of yahoos donning costumes and stupid hats, and singing or acting out the same lame questions every debate moderator has asked since Kennedy made Nixon look like a stiff sweaty used car salesman in 1960. (Why is it that if you give someone a webcam they will immediately make an idiot of themselves) Then to top it off, we were told that this worthless pile of crap was great, and fantastic and the wave of the future. I can’t wait for round two. Seriously. Let’s hurry up and get this over with so I can go back to watching squirrels bury acorns in my front lawn.
State prosecutors have charged Dover, New Hampshire congressional candidate Gary Dodds of faking a car accident and disappearance in April in order to gain publicity for his 2006 Congressional campaign. After a 24 hour large scale search, Dodds was found with what his lawyer described as a concussion, situational amnesia, severe frostbite and nerve damage.” How terrible is your campaign that the best idea you can come up with is to careen into oncoming traffic, slither away from the wreckage and hide out in the woods for a day in what must have been inappropriate clothing? On second thought, maybe that’s why your campaign went so poorly.
Puerto Rican beauty queen Ingrid Marie Rivera won the right to represent her island at the 2008 Miss Universe pageant, despite first having her gowns stolen, then later having her make-up and collection of new evening gowns coated with pepper spray. Sorta lends a whole new meaning to the term “spicy Latina woman.” I know, bad joke, I’m sorry. Apparently people confused this beauty contest with an episode of the Jerry Springer Show. Take a step back people. It’s women in hideous one-piece swimsuits, strutting around in heels and praying for world peace. Not Survivor Puerto Rico.
Finally, in what may be the best Associated Press story of the week, the state of New Mexico has kicked off a new tourism campaign featuring “drooling, grotesque office workers from outer space chatting about their personal lives.” In an oblique reference to New Mexico’s world - and perhaps galaxy famous Roswell incident of 1947, the space alien conversations all lead back to the tag line that New Mexico might be “the best place in the universe.” Never having been there I can neither confirm nor deny the truth of that statement, but that is one seriously funny ad campaign. Of course, like all good advertisements, these have their detractors. Critics say the ads reduce the standards of the state and fail to feature the things New Mexico is known for. Okay, what is New Mexico known for? I have no idea. Colorado has skiing; Arizona has the Grand Canyon, Nevada has casinos, California has the ocean, Utah has Mormons, and New Mexico has... aliens, right? It seems like almost everything one could find in New Mexico could be found in any of the surrounding states. So in order to differentiate from the neighbors, you have to pick something that makes you unique and play that up. And if that something just happens to be aliens, then so be it. Perhaps the particular type of alien needs revision - a little less like Starship Troopers, a little more like ALF. But they came a REALLY long way to visit, and they didn’t stop off in the Napa Valley, or at a golf course in Flagstaff, or drop fifty large at the MGM Grand. They came to New Mexico damn it! A desert in the middle of a desert! Embrace it. It’s your heritage. As weird and freaky as that may be.
The Dumbass of the Week award goes - without question - to Denver Broncos punter and kickoff “specialist” Todd Sauerbrun. Not only did he waste a considerable amount of videotape and ink trash talking the greatest kick returner in the history of football, he actually displayed the hubris to kick him the ball! Not once, but twice! Both of which (one punt and one kick-off) were promptly returned for touchdowns. And as if sounding stupid and feeling stupid weren’t bad enough, Sauerbrun also made himself look ridiculous being hurdled by Hester on one return and juked out of his shoes in a feeble attempt to make a tackle on the other. Oh, and did I mention he also had a punt blocked? I’m not sure what he was thinking when he did those things - or if he was thinking at all, but one thing is for certain, Todd Sauerbrun ain’t no Josh Brown.
The city of San Francisco has banned the use of plastic grocery bags within the city limits. The city council has decided plastic bags take up too much room in landfills, damage the environment, and are just too darn convenient for its socially enlightened citizens. There is no word as yet on how this will affect the ability of the city’s homeless to collect the bottles and cans to return for the deposits. However, baggers will now be required to ask customers, “will that be paper or six acne-ridden teenaged boys to carry your seventeen paper bags up the three-hundred foot, sixty-degree incline to your apartment?”
According to a CNN report, ankle deep snowdrifts are sparking spontaneous snowball fights in parts of Texas. I realize CNN is a fairly reputable news organization, but that report is completely false. There is no such thing as an ankle deep snowdrift. Ankle deep snowfall, perhaps. But ankle deep snowdrifts do not exist. A snowdrift requires a considerable volume of snow - at least enough to build up into something resembling a mound or hill. A mound the size of ones ankle can be considered little more than a rut. Apparently the snowdrifts are the only things that are not bigger in Texas.
Doctors discovered this morning that Vice President Cheney suffers from an irregular heartbeat stemming from atrial fibrillation. I didn’t realize androids had atriums. It may be time to bring the real Cheney out of the bunker for a second round of cloning.
Authorities in the Netherlands arrested Joran van der Sloot for the millionth time Monday and shipped him back to Aruba, where he and Kalpoe brothers Deepak and Satish face charges of “involvement in the voluntary manslaughter of Natalee Holloway, or causing serious bodily harm to Natalee Holloway, resulting in her death.” Though we’ve been down this road before, and a body has yet to be found, Aruban authorities believe they may now have enough evidence to finally put this case to rest. I hope they’re right. The fewer unsolved disappearances of pretty white women, the better off the rest of us will be.
This coming Wednesday, CNN will waste everybody’s evening yet again with another YouTube debate – this time with the Republican candidates. The first time this happened viewers were treated to video after webcam video of yahoos donning costumes and stupid hats, and singing or acting out the same lame questions every debate moderator has asked since Kennedy made Nixon look like a stiff sweaty used car salesman in 1960. (Why is it that if you give someone a webcam they will immediately make an idiot of themselves) Then to top it off, we were told that this worthless pile of crap was great, and fantastic and the wave of the future. I can’t wait for round two. Seriously. Let’s hurry up and get this over with so I can go back to watching squirrels bury acorns in my front lawn.
State prosecutors have charged Dover, New Hampshire congressional candidate Gary Dodds of faking a car accident and disappearance in April in order to gain publicity for his 2006 Congressional campaign. After a 24 hour large scale search, Dodds was found with what his lawyer described as a concussion, situational amnesia, severe frostbite and nerve damage.” How terrible is your campaign that the best idea you can come up with is to careen into oncoming traffic, slither away from the wreckage and hide out in the woods for a day in what must have been inappropriate clothing? On second thought, maybe that’s why your campaign went so poorly.
Puerto Rican beauty queen Ingrid Marie Rivera won the right to represent her island at the 2008 Miss Universe pageant, despite first having her gowns stolen, then later having her make-up and collection of new evening gowns coated with pepper spray. Sorta lends a whole new meaning to the term “spicy Latina woman.” I know, bad joke, I’m sorry. Apparently people confused this beauty contest with an episode of the Jerry Springer Show. Take a step back people. It’s women in hideous one-piece swimsuits, strutting around in heels and praying for world peace. Not Survivor Puerto Rico.
Finally, in what may be the best Associated Press story of the week, the state of New Mexico has kicked off a new tourism campaign featuring “drooling, grotesque office workers from outer space chatting about their personal lives.” In an oblique reference to New Mexico’s world - and perhaps galaxy famous Roswell incident of 1947, the space alien conversations all lead back to the tag line that New Mexico might be “the best place in the universe.” Never having been there I can neither confirm nor deny the truth of that statement, but that is one seriously funny ad campaign. Of course, like all good advertisements, these have their detractors. Critics say the ads reduce the standards of the state and fail to feature the things New Mexico is known for. Okay, what is New Mexico known for? I have no idea. Colorado has skiing; Arizona has the Grand Canyon, Nevada has casinos, California has the ocean, Utah has Mormons, and New Mexico has... aliens, right? It seems like almost everything one could find in New Mexico could be found in any of the surrounding states. So in order to differentiate from the neighbors, you have to pick something that makes you unique and play that up. And if that something just happens to be aliens, then so be it. Perhaps the particular type of alien needs revision - a little less like Starship Troopers, a little more like ALF. But they came a REALLY long way to visit, and they didn’t stop off in the Napa Valley, or at a golf course in Flagstaff, or drop fifty large at the MGM Grand. They came to New Mexico damn it! A desert in the middle of a desert! Embrace it. It’s your heritage. As weird and freaky as that may be.
11.20.2007
Gobble Gobble
I’m going to try something new tonight. Writing the blog while watching the game. What could possibly go wrong? (I’ve already spelled seven words wrong.)
If any of you Pop Warner kids out there want to see how a running back is supposed to make a block, get a tape (or some sort of digital media recording) of Jacksonville / San Diego game Sunday afternoon and watch Maurice Jones-Drew’s block of Shawne Merriman - over and over again. Jones-Drew, who gives up 9 inches and 64 pounds to Merriman, stood his ground, stuck his helmet into the linebacker’s chest, and laid Merriman flat on his butt, allowing his quarterback to get off a hastle-free lob to the end-zone for a touchdown. Pound for pound, in all the football games I’ve watched, I have never seen a better block. Never.
Another football note, who said professional athletes are only in it for the money. In what may have been a touchdown-saving tackle, Seattle kicker Josh Brown ran several yards with the greatest kick-returner in the history of the NFL, took a wicked stiff-arm to the face, hung on for dear life and dragged him to the turf with a thud audible in the press box. He’s a kicker, he does not get paid to do that. No one would have blamed him if he had ran screaming like a little girl from the trail of scorched and blazing earth in Devin Hester’s wake. But he decided he wanted to be a real football player and go out a make a tackle. Then, as if that enough, Brown pops up off the ground like a pogo stick and starts flexing his guns and pointing to the name on the back of his jersey. One step at a time Josh. Make two tackles, then you can flex. Oh, by the way, a field goal try passing through the uprights is good, regardless of where the ball eventually ends up, and the New England Patriots blew out another CFL team on their way to an undefeated season. Ho hum, just another day at the office.
Michael Vick (remember him?) turned himself in to U.S. Marshals today to begin serving whatever sentence he will receive from the federal judge on December 10th of this year. He is reportedly most likely facing 18 to 24 months in jail for his illegal gambling and dogfighting activities. During his stay there’s a pretty good chance Vick will run into a few dogs - only this time he’ll find himself on the wrong end of the leash.
After alluding the next edition of his sorry excuse for a television show would feature A-list celebrity talent, reports indicate “The Donald” could round up no better than the likes of Stephen “yes I’m also a” Baldwin and Gene “the Tongue” Simmons. Is anyone surprised by this? Why would anyone with a real career subject themselves to being berated week in and week out by two hundred pounds of hot air and hair gel? What could an appearance on “The Apprentice possibly do for them, make them famous?
In the first of the two most ridiculous stories of the week, pop tarts everywhere can barely contain their excitement over the upcoming reunion tour of the British girls groups the Spice Girls. If anyone ever needed justification for the Revolutionary War, there it is.
And in stupid story number two, a 35 year-old Tampa Florida man hung on to a 12-foot statue of Disney’s “Hannah Montana” for six days in order to win tickets to a concert of the statue’s namesake. Yes, you read correctly, 35 year-old man, six days, “Hannah Montana”. Call me overly sensitive, but I think there might be something a little creepy about a middle-aged man taking six days off of work to hug a statue of a 14 year-old girl for some free tickets. Sounds like the kind of guy you may want to keep an eye on if you see him getting a little too cozy with the half-naked mannequins in Victoria’s Secret. Couple this with the scalping of “Hannah Montana” tickets for upwards of a thousand dollars, and the lawsuit filed against the “Hannah Montana Fan Club” for promising first crack at concert tickets, then not providing first crack at concert tickets, and it adds up to the biggest parental pain in the ass since Furby and Tickle Me Elmo. At least you could take the batteries out of Elmo.
In an interview with CNN’s Larry King, the perpetually angry Fred Goldman vowed to pursue and hold Simpson accountable for his son’s death, and continue to do so until Simpson’s death. I used to feel bad for Fred Goldman. I think O.J. hired better lawyers than were employed by the State of California and was able to escape justice. But in the years following the trial, since his victory in civil court, Fred Goldman has made it his life’s obsession to make O.J.’s life a living hell. While I support his right to be a thorn in O.J.’s side, there comes a point where you have to let the past be the past and get on with your life. And for whatever reason, Goldman seems to be unable to do this. Every breath he takes, every cent he makes is spent plotting O.J.’s misery, and that’s no way for anyone to live. When you dedicate you whole life to someone else - whether you intend to or not - you not only give them power over you, you risk losing your identity. O.J. has Fred Goldman wrapped around his finger, and Goldman is well on his way to losing his identity to Simpson - if he hasn’t done so already.
Taking a page from the Republican political playbook, the Senate Democrats have effectively blocked President Bush from making any recess appointments during the Thanksgiving recess by taking a non-recess recess. For the next two weeks, a couple (or fewer) senators will show up at the Capitol and essentially do nothing. How this differs from a regular session of Congress I don’t know, but it apparently enough to prevent the President from simply doing whatever he pleases. Strange, isn’t it. After all the attempts by the House and Senate to pass legislation and change direction, all they had to do was not show up to work. Take a vacation, solve your problems. Doesn’t get any better than that. Not sure that would go over too well at my job.
In a story of mainly local interest, the once proud Fighting Irish of Notre Dame football team has won all of two games this season. The Irish desperately need a victory over the Stanford Cardinals this coming weekend to avoid the worst season in school history. Charlie Weis’ third year as head coach has been an unmitigated disaster, with the program now the laughing stock of the NCAA. Despite the best efforts of some, you can’t blame the black man (read Tyrone Willingham) for this one. If Michigan coach Lloyd Carr can be forced out after an 8 and 4 season, what should a 2 and 10 season earn Charlie Weis?
Finally, in the spirit of Thanksgiving (sort of), five live turkeys were left at a Taco Bell drive-thru in California this morning. Non one has yet claimed responsibility for the turkey delivery, but the birds - one of which may have been injured - attempted to make the best of being stranded at the drive-thru by waving to passing vehicles and smiling for pictures. Word is they were just happy not to have been dropped of at a Subway or a Quiznos. Sort of takes the “Eat Fresh” moto to a whole new level, doesn’t it.
If any of you Pop Warner kids out there want to see how a running back is supposed to make a block, get a tape (or some sort of digital media recording) of Jacksonville / San Diego game Sunday afternoon and watch Maurice Jones-Drew’s block of Shawne Merriman - over and over again. Jones-Drew, who gives up 9 inches and 64 pounds to Merriman, stood his ground, stuck his helmet into the linebacker’s chest, and laid Merriman flat on his butt, allowing his quarterback to get off a hastle-free lob to the end-zone for a touchdown. Pound for pound, in all the football games I’ve watched, I have never seen a better block. Never.
Another football note, who said professional athletes are only in it for the money. In what may have been a touchdown-saving tackle, Seattle kicker Josh Brown ran several yards with the greatest kick-returner in the history of the NFL, took a wicked stiff-arm to the face, hung on for dear life and dragged him to the turf with a thud audible in the press box. He’s a kicker, he does not get paid to do that. No one would have blamed him if he had ran screaming like a little girl from the trail of scorched and blazing earth in Devin Hester’s wake. But he decided he wanted to be a real football player and go out a make a tackle. Then, as if that enough, Brown pops up off the ground like a pogo stick and starts flexing his guns and pointing to the name on the back of his jersey. One step at a time Josh. Make two tackles, then you can flex. Oh, by the way, a field goal try passing through the uprights is good, regardless of where the ball eventually ends up, and the New England Patriots blew out another CFL team on their way to an undefeated season. Ho hum, just another day at the office.
Michael Vick (remember him?) turned himself in to U.S. Marshals today to begin serving whatever sentence he will receive from the federal judge on December 10th of this year. He is reportedly most likely facing 18 to 24 months in jail for his illegal gambling and dogfighting activities. During his stay there’s a pretty good chance Vick will run into a few dogs - only this time he’ll find himself on the wrong end of the leash.
After alluding the next edition of his sorry excuse for a television show would feature A-list celebrity talent, reports indicate “The Donald” could round up no better than the likes of Stephen “yes I’m also a” Baldwin and Gene “the Tongue” Simmons. Is anyone surprised by this? Why would anyone with a real career subject themselves to being berated week in and week out by two hundred pounds of hot air and hair gel? What could an appearance on “The Apprentice possibly do for them, make them famous?
In the first of the two most ridiculous stories of the week, pop tarts everywhere can barely contain their excitement over the upcoming reunion tour of the British girls groups the Spice Girls. If anyone ever needed justification for the Revolutionary War, there it is.
And in stupid story number two, a 35 year-old Tampa Florida man hung on to a 12-foot statue of Disney’s “Hannah Montana” for six days in order to win tickets to a concert of the statue’s namesake. Yes, you read correctly, 35 year-old man, six days, “Hannah Montana”. Call me overly sensitive, but I think there might be something a little creepy about a middle-aged man taking six days off of work to hug a statue of a 14 year-old girl for some free tickets. Sounds like the kind of guy you may want to keep an eye on if you see him getting a little too cozy with the half-naked mannequins in Victoria’s Secret. Couple this with the scalping of “Hannah Montana” tickets for upwards of a thousand dollars, and the lawsuit filed against the “Hannah Montana Fan Club” for promising first crack at concert tickets, then not providing first crack at concert tickets, and it adds up to the biggest parental pain in the ass since Furby and Tickle Me Elmo. At least you could take the batteries out of Elmo.
In an interview with CNN’s Larry King, the perpetually angry Fred Goldman vowed to pursue and hold Simpson accountable for his son’s death, and continue to do so until Simpson’s death. I used to feel bad for Fred Goldman. I think O.J. hired better lawyers than were employed by the State of California and was able to escape justice. But in the years following the trial, since his victory in civil court, Fred Goldman has made it his life’s obsession to make O.J.’s life a living hell. While I support his right to be a thorn in O.J.’s side, there comes a point where you have to let the past be the past and get on with your life. And for whatever reason, Goldman seems to be unable to do this. Every breath he takes, every cent he makes is spent plotting O.J.’s misery, and that’s no way for anyone to live. When you dedicate you whole life to someone else - whether you intend to or not - you not only give them power over you, you risk losing your identity. O.J. has Fred Goldman wrapped around his finger, and Goldman is well on his way to losing his identity to Simpson - if he hasn’t done so already.
Taking a page from the Republican political playbook, the Senate Democrats have effectively blocked President Bush from making any recess appointments during the Thanksgiving recess by taking a non-recess recess. For the next two weeks, a couple (or fewer) senators will show up at the Capitol and essentially do nothing. How this differs from a regular session of Congress I don’t know, but it apparently enough to prevent the President from simply doing whatever he pleases. Strange, isn’t it. After all the attempts by the House and Senate to pass legislation and change direction, all they had to do was not show up to work. Take a vacation, solve your problems. Doesn’t get any better than that. Not sure that would go over too well at my job.
In a story of mainly local interest, the once proud Fighting Irish of Notre Dame football team has won all of two games this season. The Irish desperately need a victory over the Stanford Cardinals this coming weekend to avoid the worst season in school history. Charlie Weis’ third year as head coach has been an unmitigated disaster, with the program now the laughing stock of the NCAA. Despite the best efforts of some, you can’t blame the black man (read Tyrone Willingham) for this one. If Michigan coach Lloyd Carr can be forced out after an 8 and 4 season, what should a 2 and 10 season earn Charlie Weis?
Finally, in the spirit of Thanksgiving (sort of), five live turkeys were left at a Taco Bell drive-thru in California this morning. Non one has yet claimed responsibility for the turkey delivery, but the birds - one of which may have been injured - attempted to make the best of being stranded at the drive-thru by waving to passing vehicles and smiling for pictures. Word is they were just happy not to have been dropped of at a Subway or a Quiznos. Sort of takes the “Eat Fresh” moto to a whole new level, doesn’t it.
11.14.2007
Forty Days and Forty Nights
Let’s kick of this week in review with a nod to all our veterans. Yesterday was the celebration of Veteran’s Day here in the United States (Sunday was Remembrance Day in Canada), and I’d like to salute everyone who has spent time in military service to his or her country. Protecting a nation’s ideals and sovereignty is a difficult, dangerous and often thankless job that many people would not and/or could not do. Thank you for your sacrifice. Stay safe.
Can somebody tell me where Brett Favre is hiding his time machine? I’ve got some lottery numbers I’d like to play. At 38 years old, Favre is playing with the speed, vitality and enthusiasm of a man ten years younger. In a sport dominated by youth he somehow manages to look like he belongs. The very same sportscasters who were calling for his job at this time last season now find themselves stumbling over one another to be first in line to congratulate him on what may turn out to be the best season of his career. If Mr. Bundchen – I mean Tom Brady, sorry – were not on pace to throw 60 touchdowns and go undefeated this season, all the talk would be about how many candles would be able to fit on Favre’s MVP cake. Seems like it might just be true that for some people, you are only as old as you feel.
Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones has decided to plead no contest to conspiracy to commit disorderly conduct in relation to a shooting at a Las Vegas strip club in which a bouncer was paralyzed. In exchange for his plea Mr. Jones will accept one year suspended sentence, submission to anger management courses and 200 hours of community service. Hopefully the Pacman will be required to gobble up the anger management portion of his plea agreement before he tackles the community service. Can’t wait to see him “make it rain” while spearing trash off the sidewalk on the Strip on his off days.
Former NBA star – and cartoon character Dennis Rodman (remember him?) has expressed a desire to coach women’s basketball. Affectionately known during his playing days as “the Worm”, the former Piston, Spur, Bull and husband of one Carmen Electra believes he has the experience and basketball knowledge to be of benefit to a WNBA team. In his defense, despite all of his well-recorded antics, Rodman was a competent offensive player in his early years, and a defensive juggernaut later on. He might actually know something about the game. I’m just worried the wedding dress, feather boas and swirl-dyed hair will clash with the snazzy team uniforms.
22,000 Seattle area residents lost power yesterday as 90 mph wind gusts hit Peugeot Sound. When did the Pacific Northwest become Florida? Now my wife will never want to visit.
Over 50’000 gallons of crude oil have seeped into San Francisco Bay blackening beaches and killing birds after a tanker struck an abutment of the San Oakland/Oakland Bay bridge. Yeah, does anyone think that some type of intoxicant was NOT involved in this mishap? It’s a bridge people! It’s freakin' HUGE! You really can’t miss it. Except that you did.
In case you haven’t heard, the Southeastern United States is in the midst of a terrible drought. Some estimates have concluded that if the lack of rain continues, the reservoir supplying Atlanta with drinking water could be dry within four to five months. And Georgia governor Sonny Perdue is tired of waiting around for something to happen. He has decided to appeal to a higher power. The governor has requested that every member of the legislature join him in praying for rain to end the drought. This modern day Elisha has drawn the ire of local atheists who claim his call to prayer violates the Establishment Clause of the U.S. Constitution. There’s an old country song I think the atheists need to listen to. Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away, know when to run. You don’t have to fight every single battle. Not praying isn’t producing any results. So let the Governor pray for rain. You can continue to do nothing if you wish, or heck, do a little rain dance if it’ll make you feel batter. If the prayers go up and no rain comes down, maybe the Man Upstairs would prefer to see Atlanta shrivel up and wilt under the Georgia sun. If the prayers go up and the rain comes down, maybe He just wants you people to shut up.
Union stagehands in New York City walked off the job early this week, leaving Broadway dark and empty. First of all, the stagehands have a Union? Really? And second, when did we become France? Why don’t we just decide on two weeks every two years where everyone goes on strike and get it over with? Part of the reason this country actually functions is because we generally don’t have to worry about arriving at the subway station to find “Out of Order” signs taped to the doors of the cars. Let’s be honest about a couple things. In many – if not most cases, union workers occupy largely “unskilled” positions. It may be hard work, but it doesn’t take a college degree to tighten down the engine mounts in Chevy Malibu on the assembly line. And the reason grocery store clerks don’t bring in $80,000 a year is that there are hundreds of thousands – if not millions of people who could do that job. So union employees cannot expect to receive wages and benefits on par with those with more advanced skills and education. On the other hand, corporations like Wal-Mart, Safeway, General Motors and the like need to realize that the reason they are able to rake in ridiculous profits year after year is because they employ a large group of hard working individuals – now more productive than ever – who often sacrifice time with their families to put in the hours required to make the company a success. Without them, multi-billion dollar corporations would be mere shells of themselves. Both sides of these disputes need to get over themselves and learn how to reach fair and mutually beneficial agreements so we can avoid these strikes in the first place.
In a futile attempt to upstage the record spending Mitt Romney, Republican Congressman and Presidential candidate Tom Tancredo has produced a television ad depicting a man in a hooded sweatshirt walking through a shopping mall to the sound of a ticking clock with a bomb in a backpack, leaving it under a bench to explode as the picture fades to black. The white lettered words; “Tancredo …before it’s too late” are then displayed on the screen. Now Tancredo is a single-issue candidate (illegal immigration) with a snowball’s chance in the seventh level of hell of being elected, so in the grand scheme of things this ad is largely irrelevant. But this phenomenon isn’t limited to Tancredo, and if it isn’t the politics of fear, I don’t know what is. I may be Canadian, but I’m not an idiot. I know the threat of terrorism is real and this country needs to take measures to protect ourselves from those who would do us harm. But I refuse to live every day of my life in a perpetual state shear hysterical terror of being blown up at a mall by a guy in a hooded sweatshirt. Why does it seem like every single Republican candidate is desperately trying to frighten people into voting for them?
On the lighter side of the news, researchers at Rush University have released a study saying that women with wider hips are smarter than women with narrower hips. I’m not going to touch this one – except to say that thinking back to my high school graduating class, there might be something to this.
Finally, scientists have decided to genetically engineer super mice. Said mice can run continuously at high rates of speed for up to five hours, consume 60% more food without gaining weight, breed three times longer than regular mice, and – here’s the clincher – lack the gene which makes them afraid of cats. This can only end in tears. What possible practical purpose can this research serve? Why not just breed giant spiders with Nikes and eight pairs of night vision goggles? Do we have a problem with hordes of stray cats roaming the streets terrorizing neighborhood dogs that we need to sic mighty mice on them? Will researchers now be forced to carry giant concealed cheese wedges to protect themselves from mice that have bent the bars of their cages and made a dash for freedom? Can you imagine the mousetraps we’re going to need in order to catch these things when they inevitably escape from the laboratory? There must be something more useful – and less "Tales From the Darkside" we can train mice to do.
Can somebody tell me where Brett Favre is hiding his time machine? I’ve got some lottery numbers I’d like to play. At 38 years old, Favre is playing with the speed, vitality and enthusiasm of a man ten years younger. In a sport dominated by youth he somehow manages to look like he belongs. The very same sportscasters who were calling for his job at this time last season now find themselves stumbling over one another to be first in line to congratulate him on what may turn out to be the best season of his career. If Mr. Bundchen – I mean Tom Brady, sorry – were not on pace to throw 60 touchdowns and go undefeated this season, all the talk would be about how many candles would be able to fit on Favre’s MVP cake. Seems like it might just be true that for some people, you are only as old as you feel.
Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones has decided to plead no contest to conspiracy to commit disorderly conduct in relation to a shooting at a Las Vegas strip club in which a bouncer was paralyzed. In exchange for his plea Mr. Jones will accept one year suspended sentence, submission to anger management courses and 200 hours of community service. Hopefully the Pacman will be required to gobble up the anger management portion of his plea agreement before he tackles the community service. Can’t wait to see him “make it rain” while spearing trash off the sidewalk on the Strip on his off days.
Former NBA star – and cartoon character Dennis Rodman (remember him?) has expressed a desire to coach women’s basketball. Affectionately known during his playing days as “the Worm”, the former Piston, Spur, Bull and husband of one Carmen Electra believes he has the experience and basketball knowledge to be of benefit to a WNBA team. In his defense, despite all of his well-recorded antics, Rodman was a competent offensive player in his early years, and a defensive juggernaut later on. He might actually know something about the game. I’m just worried the wedding dress, feather boas and swirl-dyed hair will clash with the snazzy team uniforms.
22,000 Seattle area residents lost power yesterday as 90 mph wind gusts hit Peugeot Sound. When did the Pacific Northwest become Florida? Now my wife will never want to visit.
Over 50’000 gallons of crude oil have seeped into San Francisco Bay blackening beaches and killing birds after a tanker struck an abutment of the San Oakland/Oakland Bay bridge. Yeah, does anyone think that some type of intoxicant was NOT involved in this mishap? It’s a bridge people! It’s freakin' HUGE! You really can’t miss it. Except that you did.
In case you haven’t heard, the Southeastern United States is in the midst of a terrible drought. Some estimates have concluded that if the lack of rain continues, the reservoir supplying Atlanta with drinking water could be dry within four to five months. And Georgia governor Sonny Perdue is tired of waiting around for something to happen. He has decided to appeal to a higher power. The governor has requested that every member of the legislature join him in praying for rain to end the drought. This modern day Elisha has drawn the ire of local atheists who claim his call to prayer violates the Establishment Clause of the U.S. Constitution. There’s an old country song I think the atheists need to listen to. Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away, know when to run. You don’t have to fight every single battle. Not praying isn’t producing any results. So let the Governor pray for rain. You can continue to do nothing if you wish, or heck, do a little rain dance if it’ll make you feel batter. If the prayers go up and no rain comes down, maybe the Man Upstairs would prefer to see Atlanta shrivel up and wilt under the Georgia sun. If the prayers go up and the rain comes down, maybe He just wants you people to shut up.
Union stagehands in New York City walked off the job early this week, leaving Broadway dark and empty. First of all, the stagehands have a Union? Really? And second, when did we become France? Why don’t we just decide on two weeks every two years where everyone goes on strike and get it over with? Part of the reason this country actually functions is because we generally don’t have to worry about arriving at the subway station to find “Out of Order” signs taped to the doors of the cars. Let’s be honest about a couple things. In many – if not most cases, union workers occupy largely “unskilled” positions. It may be hard work, but it doesn’t take a college degree to tighten down the engine mounts in Chevy Malibu on the assembly line. And the reason grocery store clerks don’t bring in $80,000 a year is that there are hundreds of thousands – if not millions of people who could do that job. So union employees cannot expect to receive wages and benefits on par with those with more advanced skills and education. On the other hand, corporations like Wal-Mart, Safeway, General Motors and the like need to realize that the reason they are able to rake in ridiculous profits year after year is because they employ a large group of hard working individuals – now more productive than ever – who often sacrifice time with their families to put in the hours required to make the company a success. Without them, multi-billion dollar corporations would be mere shells of themselves. Both sides of these disputes need to get over themselves and learn how to reach fair and mutually beneficial agreements so we can avoid these strikes in the first place.
In a futile attempt to upstage the record spending Mitt Romney, Republican Congressman and Presidential candidate Tom Tancredo has produced a television ad depicting a man in a hooded sweatshirt walking through a shopping mall to the sound of a ticking clock with a bomb in a backpack, leaving it under a bench to explode as the picture fades to black. The white lettered words; “Tancredo …before it’s too late” are then displayed on the screen. Now Tancredo is a single-issue candidate (illegal immigration) with a snowball’s chance in the seventh level of hell of being elected, so in the grand scheme of things this ad is largely irrelevant. But this phenomenon isn’t limited to Tancredo, and if it isn’t the politics of fear, I don’t know what is. I may be Canadian, but I’m not an idiot. I know the threat of terrorism is real and this country needs to take measures to protect ourselves from those who would do us harm. But I refuse to live every day of my life in a perpetual state shear hysterical terror of being blown up at a mall by a guy in a hooded sweatshirt. Why does it seem like every single Republican candidate is desperately trying to frighten people into voting for them?
On the lighter side of the news, researchers at Rush University have released a study saying that women with wider hips are smarter than women with narrower hips. I’m not going to touch this one – except to say that thinking back to my high school graduating class, there might be something to this.
Finally, scientists have decided to genetically engineer super mice. Said mice can run continuously at high rates of speed for up to five hours, consume 60% more food without gaining weight, breed three times longer than regular mice, and – here’s the clincher – lack the gene which makes them afraid of cats. This can only end in tears. What possible practical purpose can this research serve? Why not just breed giant spiders with Nikes and eight pairs of night vision goggles? Do we have a problem with hordes of stray cats roaming the streets terrorizing neighborhood dogs that we need to sic mighty mice on them? Will researchers now be forced to carry giant concealed cheese wedges to protect themselves from mice that have bent the bars of their cages and made a dash for freedom? Can you imagine the mousetraps we’re going to need in order to catch these things when they inevitably escape from the laboratory? There must be something more useful – and less "Tales From the Darkside" we can train mice to do.
11.09.2007
Say Uncle!
In recent weeks there’s been a lot of talk about torture. No, not endless reruns of American Idol on the Fox Reality channel. Real torture. Spanish Inquisition, locked in a concrete room, toothpicks under the fingernails torture. Or maybe those are just “tough interrogation techniques.” Apparently it’s difficult to say exactly what torture is. Some of the brightest minds in our country seem to be having trouble deciding what constitutes torture, with the latest controversy coming over the practice of waterboarding.
I am neither a government agent, nor a former prisoner of war, so I have no firsthand experience with waterboarding. But from what I have been able to understand, the practice involves strapping someone to a board at an incline, covering the head with some sort of material, and pouring water over the face to simulate the sensation of drowning. Depending on which variation is used, it may also involve pouring water directly into the mouth to force inhalation of water into the lungs. The practice dates back at least as far as the Spanish Inquisition, has been practiced by the likes of the Khmer Rouge regime in Cambodia and has long been considered serious enough to be prosecuted as a war crime by many countries – including the United States. However, during the past several years, several Administration officials, including both the CIA and FBI directors and Vice President Cheney have confirmed the use of waterboarding on some prisoners and have made the statement that our government does not (or more accurately, no longer) considers the practice to be a form of torture.
So, is waterboarding torture? Well, sometimes, things are what they are. That contraption parked in front of your desk with a seat, a back, possibly arms, maybe some wheels, that is a chair. You sit in it, you recline in it, you spin around in it and sometimes fall asleep in it. Regardless of who sits in it, or what they may do in it, it’s still a chair. That big flat thing in your bedroom with a mattress, blankets and pillows, that’s a bed. Not a chair. You can call it a chair if you want, but it will still be a bed. You can sit on it, recline on it, jump on it, fall asleep on it, perform whatever chair function you want on it. Doesn’t matter. It’s not a chair. It’s a bed. If waterboarding has been used as torture for hundreds of years, prosecuted as torture when engaged in by other entities, and labeled torture by those who may have been victims of it (i.e. Senator John McCain), then you’ll forgive me if I don’t believe the Vice President when he tries to tell me it isn’t torture. He knows it is. He simply doesn’t care. He’s decided that he will do whatever he damn well pleases, whenever he damn well pleases, whether anyone likes it or not.
There is a difference between an aggressive interrogation and a torture session. Making someone uncomfortable - maybe roughing him up a little – is not the same as drowning him. We can – and will continue to debate the effectiveness and the morality of torturing a suspect for information we believe to be vital. These are questions we will be wrestling with long after this war is over. Let’s not cheapen the discourse by pretending we don’t understand what it is we’re talking about. Waterboarding is torture. Agents of our government have waterboarded prisoners in the past and are prepared to do it again. Let’s take it from there.
I am neither a government agent, nor a former prisoner of war, so I have no firsthand experience with waterboarding. But from what I have been able to understand, the practice involves strapping someone to a board at an incline, covering the head with some sort of material, and pouring water over the face to simulate the sensation of drowning. Depending on which variation is used, it may also involve pouring water directly into the mouth to force inhalation of water into the lungs. The practice dates back at least as far as the Spanish Inquisition, has been practiced by the likes of the Khmer Rouge regime in Cambodia and has long been considered serious enough to be prosecuted as a war crime by many countries – including the United States. However, during the past several years, several Administration officials, including both the CIA and FBI directors and Vice President Cheney have confirmed the use of waterboarding on some prisoners and have made the statement that our government does not (or more accurately, no longer) considers the practice to be a form of torture.
So, is waterboarding torture? Well, sometimes, things are what they are. That contraption parked in front of your desk with a seat, a back, possibly arms, maybe some wheels, that is a chair. You sit in it, you recline in it, you spin around in it and sometimes fall asleep in it. Regardless of who sits in it, or what they may do in it, it’s still a chair. That big flat thing in your bedroom with a mattress, blankets and pillows, that’s a bed. Not a chair. You can call it a chair if you want, but it will still be a bed. You can sit on it, recline on it, jump on it, fall asleep on it, perform whatever chair function you want on it. Doesn’t matter. It’s not a chair. It’s a bed. If waterboarding has been used as torture for hundreds of years, prosecuted as torture when engaged in by other entities, and labeled torture by those who may have been victims of it (i.e. Senator John McCain), then you’ll forgive me if I don’t believe the Vice President when he tries to tell me it isn’t torture. He knows it is. He simply doesn’t care. He’s decided that he will do whatever he damn well pleases, whenever he damn well pleases, whether anyone likes it or not.
There is a difference between an aggressive interrogation and a torture session. Making someone uncomfortable - maybe roughing him up a little – is not the same as drowning him. We can – and will continue to debate the effectiveness and the morality of torturing a suspect for information we believe to be vital. These are questions we will be wrestling with long after this war is over. Let’s not cheapen the discourse by pretending we don’t understand what it is we’re talking about. Waterboarding is torture. Agents of our government have waterboarded prisoners in the past and are prepared to do it again. Let’s take it from there.
11.07.2007
Next Question...
Late again this week. Good thing the news has been about as slow as I’ve been.
Well, I did have to watch half of Superbowl 41.5 in fast forward in order to catch up, but it was everything it was cracked up to be. Fortunately for football fans everywhere, we may get to see this game again for the AFC Championship, in a little something I’ll refer to as Superbowl 41.75. Un fortunately, whatever pathetic excuse for a team manages to stumble out of the NFC to meet either of these two juggernauts in Superbowl 42 is only setting themselves up for complete and total embarrassment. Hope the ’72 Dolphins enjoyed their champagne last year. It might be the last bottle they ever drink.
In a stunning display of utter stupidity, the Federal Emergency Management Agency held a fake press conference to congratulate themselves for their handling of the California wildfires. Deputy Administrator Harvey Johnson easily answered softball questions lobed at him by “reporters” in the room, who later turned out to be FEMA public relations employees. Now FEMA must have known that once the video of the phony press conference hit the media, the reporters who would normally attend such conferences might realize they weren’t the ones asking the questions and become a little suspicious. Yet they went through with it anyway. I guess common sense really isn’t all that common.
In another example of a lapse in judgment, a Department of Homeland Security employee has been placed on administrative leave after showing up to a costume party hosed by the head of Immigration and Customs Enforcement dressed in a striped prison outfit, dreadlocks and artificially darkened skin. I think I know what happened here. The employee got wind of Detroit Lions quarterback Jon Kitna’s costume (taking a jab at a Lions coach who rolled through a Wendy’s drive-thru in his birthday suit) and decided he too could make a funny. Maybe he should have thought that one through a little more carefully. Naked guy in a fast food drive-thru? Funny. Rastafarian prisoner in blackface? Not so much.
In keeping with the theme, in a pitiful display of futility, Congressman and Presidential hopeless Dennis Kucinich introduced a measure attempting to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney. The measure was roundly defeated no sooner than the words had exited Kucinich’s mouth. Is it any wonder the approval rating for congress is so low? With all the work they need to get done, fixing the tax code, uninsured children, out of control war funding, Dennis Kucinich chooses to waste everyone’s time on an initiative he knows will and has failed time and time again? Cheney is yesterday’s news. He is on his way out. The damage has already been done, and trying to stick a finger in his eye will only result in the loss of that finger. Even if the zealots in the Democratic party could somehow push some kind of punitive measure against the Vice President Congress, by the time any action could be taken, Cheney would have long left office, indulging himself in a canned hunting trip shooting domestic pheasants and old friends in the face. Let it go and move on. You can’t drive the car by staring in the rear view mirror. You will wreck the car.
The Senate judiciary committee voted to send Attorney General nominee Michael Mukasey to the full Senate for confirmation, despite his inability to admit that tying someone to a board and pouring water over their face and into their mouth to make them believe they are drowning just might be considered torture under certain circumstances. Circumstances like say… international war crimes tribunals, …or the Spanish Inquisition perhaps. More on this on Thursday. President Bush 346, Democrats, 0.
Congressman Ron Paul raised more than $4 million dollars over the Internet for his Presidential campaign this past Monday. Rumor has it that in the upcoming weeks Paul will introduce his “Dollars for Votes” exchange program in an attempt to translate this bonanza into something more valuable than a lifetime supply of Krispy Kremes.
An Indian girl born with eight limbs (among other things) has undergone surgery to have four of them removed. The additional limbs belonged to a conjoined twin that died in the womb. Aren’t there horror movies that start out like this?
Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf has declared martial law, suspended the country’s constitution, fired the Supreme Court judges and arrested all the lawyers. You know, aside from the suppression of individual freedom and a complete disregard for the law this action isn’t half bad. Can you imagine a country without lawyers? I believe there are words for places like that. Utopia. Shangri-la. Heaven on earth. Musharraf might be on to something.
Finally, in what could be the least important most covered story of the year, film and television writers have gone on strike. Unlike recent strikes at General Motors and Chrysler, this one promises to last longer than six hours. So, what does that mean for the average television viewer? A thrilling winter of reruns and reality shows. I know I can’t wait for Survivor Des Moines and the gazillionth repeat of Law & Order. Maybe this will force some people to get up off the couch and do something productive. Perhaps months of reruns and unscripted blather will spark a reduction in the collective girth of the nation. The entire epidemic of obesity could be reversed in one fell swoop! I won’t hold my breath.
Well, I did have to watch half of Superbowl 41.5 in fast forward in order to catch up, but it was everything it was cracked up to be. Fortunately for football fans everywhere, we may get to see this game again for the AFC Championship, in a little something I’ll refer to as Superbowl 41.75. Un fortunately, whatever pathetic excuse for a team manages to stumble out of the NFC to meet either of these two juggernauts in Superbowl 42 is only setting themselves up for complete and total embarrassment. Hope the ’72 Dolphins enjoyed their champagne last year. It might be the last bottle they ever drink.
In a stunning display of utter stupidity, the Federal Emergency Management Agency held a fake press conference to congratulate themselves for their handling of the California wildfires. Deputy Administrator Harvey Johnson easily answered softball questions lobed at him by “reporters” in the room, who later turned out to be FEMA public relations employees. Now FEMA must have known that once the video of the phony press conference hit the media, the reporters who would normally attend such conferences might realize they weren’t the ones asking the questions and become a little suspicious. Yet they went through with it anyway. I guess common sense really isn’t all that common.
In another example of a lapse in judgment, a Department of Homeland Security employee has been placed on administrative leave after showing up to a costume party hosed by the head of Immigration and Customs Enforcement dressed in a striped prison outfit, dreadlocks and artificially darkened skin. I think I know what happened here. The employee got wind of Detroit Lions quarterback Jon Kitna’s costume (taking a jab at a Lions coach who rolled through a Wendy’s drive-thru in his birthday suit) and decided he too could make a funny. Maybe he should have thought that one through a little more carefully. Naked guy in a fast food drive-thru? Funny. Rastafarian prisoner in blackface? Not so much.
In keeping with the theme, in a pitiful display of futility, Congressman and Presidential hopeless Dennis Kucinich introduced a measure attempting to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney. The measure was roundly defeated no sooner than the words had exited Kucinich’s mouth. Is it any wonder the approval rating for congress is so low? With all the work they need to get done, fixing the tax code, uninsured children, out of control war funding, Dennis Kucinich chooses to waste everyone’s time on an initiative he knows will and has failed time and time again? Cheney is yesterday’s news. He is on his way out. The damage has already been done, and trying to stick a finger in his eye will only result in the loss of that finger. Even if the zealots in the Democratic party could somehow push some kind of punitive measure against the Vice President Congress, by the time any action could be taken, Cheney would have long left office, indulging himself in a canned hunting trip shooting domestic pheasants and old friends in the face. Let it go and move on. You can’t drive the car by staring in the rear view mirror. You will wreck the car.
The Senate judiciary committee voted to send Attorney General nominee Michael Mukasey to the full Senate for confirmation, despite his inability to admit that tying someone to a board and pouring water over their face and into their mouth to make them believe they are drowning just might be considered torture under certain circumstances. Circumstances like say… international war crimes tribunals, …or the Spanish Inquisition perhaps. More on this on Thursday. President Bush 346, Democrats, 0.
Congressman Ron Paul raised more than $4 million dollars over the Internet for his Presidential campaign this past Monday. Rumor has it that in the upcoming weeks Paul will introduce his “Dollars for Votes” exchange program in an attempt to translate this bonanza into something more valuable than a lifetime supply of Krispy Kremes.
An Indian girl born with eight limbs (among other things) has undergone surgery to have four of them removed. The additional limbs belonged to a conjoined twin that died in the womb. Aren’t there horror movies that start out like this?
Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf has declared martial law, suspended the country’s constitution, fired the Supreme Court judges and arrested all the lawyers. You know, aside from the suppression of individual freedom and a complete disregard for the law this action isn’t half bad. Can you imagine a country without lawyers? I believe there are words for places like that. Utopia. Shangri-la. Heaven on earth. Musharraf might be on to something.
Finally, in what could be the least important most covered story of the year, film and television writers have gone on strike. Unlike recent strikes at General Motors and Chrysler, this one promises to last longer than six hours. So, what does that mean for the average television viewer? A thrilling winter of reruns and reality shows. I know I can’t wait for Survivor Des Moines and the gazillionth repeat of Law & Order. Maybe this will force some people to get up off the couch and do something productive. Perhaps months of reruns and unscripted blather will spark a reduction in the collective girth of the nation. The entire epidemic of obesity could be reversed in one fell swoop! I won’t hold my breath.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
