Yes We Did

My mother called me last week and demanded I apologize for instructing the State of Indiana to “burn in hell,” following last weekend’s snow storms. I considered it, and I was fully prepared to do so. But, I decided not to. You know why? It’s still snowing! Still! No apology until the snow stops.

Well, it’s official. Barack Obama is now is the 44th President of the United States of America. Congratulations sir. This mess is all yours. But setting that aside for a moment, this inauguration truly was one of the most impressive things I have ever witnessed. This is a fantastic time I live in. When I was was growing up, the idea of a black president was little more than a bizarre fantasy at best and a bad joke at worst. Today at 12:00 p.m. it became a reality. I think one would have to be slightly less than sane to want the job at this point, but I’m glad someone someone does, and I’m glad that someone is Barack Obama. Good luck sir. And Godspeed.

Of course, the inauguration of Barack Obama signals the end of the eight year presidency of one George W. Bush. Late last week former President Bush asked for 15 minutes of network television time to issue a farewell address to the nation. In it he basically told the country that in spite of everything that may have gone wrong, his intentions were good and he did the best he could with the tools he had, and then made up. Fine. I’ll accept that he tried. I’ll accept that he did what he thought was right. But the presidency is not some kindergarten graduation. You don’t get points for trying. You don’t get trophies for failing the tests. It’s fine to do your best and to do what you think is right - it would be ludicrous to expect you to do otherwise. But when those things result in the circumvention of Constitutional protections, extra-legal interrogations, an ill-advised war, manufactured justifications, unwarranted secrecy, callous disregard and a litany of other grievances, good intentions just don’t cut it. The road to hell is paved with them.

There has been a call by some on the left for the Obama administration to prosecute members of the Bush Administration for war crimes. Let me say in no uncertain terms, this is the dumbest idea I’ve heard since “...the fundamentals of the economy are sound.” I understand there are still some people who haven’t gotten over the 2000 election, feel that Bush stole the election and has been an illegitimate leader ever since. But Barack Obama’s presidency is not your personal revenge project. We are in the midst of the biggest economic crisis since the Great Depression. We have 150,000 American soldiers being shot at over seas, tens of thousands of families losing their homes, millions losing their jobs, and some people want the new President to expend valuable political capital by essentially giving the finger to every single Republican in Congress and 47% of the electorate. If you want to end an historic presidency before it begins, go ahead, start a prosecution. All that’ll get you is 8 more years of Bush.

The biggest story of last week was by far the ditching of a U.S. Airways A320 Airbus in the Hudson River after a “double bird strike” disabled both engines. First of all, the idea that a $60 million airplane can be brought down by two Canada geese is more than a little disturbing to someone who already hates to fly. But second, there was absolutely no more qualified pilot on the face of the earth to ditch an airliner in a river than Chesley B. Sullenberger. “Sully,” as he is apparently known to his friends - and now everyone in New York City - is an ex-air force pilot, head of a pilots organization and aviation safety inspector in his spare time. If you believe in miracles, it is nothing short of a miracle that this man was at the controls of that aircraft last Thursday afternoon. If you don’t believe in miracles, then the 155 passengers onboard are the luckiest S.O.Bs in America. It’s also a beautiful illustration of the difference between New York City and many other places in America. According to survivor reports, within 90 seconds of the plane hitting the water, rescue boats, commercial ferry boats and personal pleasure boats we on the scene, plucking people from the wings of the floating aircraft and out of the frigid Hudson River. You know that if that crash had occurred just off Los Angeles, people would have been trampling each other charging down the beach beating each other with their camera phones, snapping pictures and screaming, “oh my goodness, why won’t somebody help them!” New York City is the biggest community in the world.

The Senate Foreign Relations Committee held confirmation hearings for Hillary Clinton last. It immediately became evident to everyone unfortunate enough to be watching said hearings that most of the time, policy discussions are incredibly boring. All but one committee member voted in favor of confirmation. The lone holdout? Louisiana Republican David Vitter. As justification for his no vote, Vitter sighted reservations he had regarding some of the names on the list of donors to former President Clinton’s Global Initiative. This is of course the same David Vitter who threw himself at the mercy of his wife 18 months ago when his phone number appeared on a list of clientele belonging to the infamous “D.C. Madam.” Refresh my memory. What is it that people who live in glass houses should never do?

Cementing its status as a farce of a banana republic (without even the sharp linen shirts) Zimbabwe announced last week that in an effort to curb long lines at the banks and wheelbarrows full of cash at the grocery store, it will introduce a new 100 trillion dollar note, with 10, 20 and 50 trillion dollar denominations to follow shortly. Zimbabwe is about to become the first country in the world with trillionaires starving in the streets. It’s difficult to see how this country is ever going to be able to turn itself around.

My NFL Thoughts for Conference Championship Weekend:

I’m afraid I’m no more interested in the playoffs than I was last week. The Arizona Cardinals were kind enough to spare us the pain of an all-Pennsylvania Superbowl, but I just can’t work up any excitement to watch the Steelers try for title number six against a team that should never have made the playoffs. But, it is what it is. Steelers vs. Cardinals, February 1, 2009. Can I watch the commercials and skip the game?

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers selected newly appointed defensive coordinator Raheem Morris to replace Jon “Chucky” Gruden as head coach. At 32, Morris will become the youngest head coach in the league, and the seventh African-American - barring the as-yet unannounced firing of Herman Edwards and/or Marvin Lewis. Morris will more-than-likely find himself coaching players several years older than he. This seems to have become somewhat of a trend around the league. Old experienced coaches are suddenly passe, left at the wayside in favor of much younger, fresher faces. The 2009-2010 season ought to be awfully interesting.

My Superbowl Picks: Pittsburgh Steelers over Arizona Cardinals.

Some girl is attempting to auction off her virginity online. At last count, bids are up to $3.7 million. Really? Some IDIOT is seriously willing to pay this girl nearly four million dollars to be the first man to have sex with her? I don’t mean to be insensitive, but for four million dollars, she’d better bring along about 40,000 of her closest friends. Seriously, does she even have to prove she’s a virgin? Because there’s no error-proof test for that. And what kind of creep gets his jollies by dropping four million dollars just to deflower a teenaged girl?

At the Consumer Electronics Show last week in Las Vegas, (which, coincidently, is held at the same time and place as the Adult Video Awards), Philips debuted the world’s first commercially available anamorphic widescreen television. It has been the bane of my existence that televisions came in a 4:3 picture ratio while movies were shot in 16:9, so in order to view a film the way it was meant to be seen I had to watch it with little black bars at the top and bottom of the screen. Naturally I was elated when televisions became available in the 16:9 format, as I would now be able to watch movies - and soon television - in its native ratio. But of course, as if to spite me, filmmakers started producing movies in the 21:9 anamorphic ratio, rendering my brand new high-definition widescreen television less than useful. And while an anamorphic television would be great for watching 21:9 movies, it would make viewing 16:9 television with big black bars along the sides annoying as all get-out. As much as I want one of these fancy new anamorphic widescreen high-definition televisions, I think I’m going to wait until the industry figures which ratio they want to go with.

Finally, 80’s pop star Boy George was sentenced to 15 months in jail last week for handcuffing an escort to a radiator and beating him with a chain. Hmm. I guess he really did want to hurt you. Guess he really did want to make you cry.