Janus

Well, so much for 2008. There’s 366 days of your life you’ll never get back.

Right off the top I want to thank Timothy for his response to my comment about the latest phony memoir story. Thanks for reminding us that we don’t need to people trying to pass off fabricated tales as fact where there are so many fascinating inspirational true stories out there to discover.

I spent a little quality time Friday afternoon in a futile attempt to learn a little German. Scouring the Volkswagen “Deutschland” website for some explanation as to why the new Scirocco will not be offered in the United States I found nothing at all to mollify my rage, except what might be the recipe for some pretty sweet Black Forest Cake, but I can’t be sure. I did learn something about Germans though. They don’t seem to like pictures. The Scirocco brochure consists of one sepia-toned photograph on the cover, followed by eight pages of text. Of course it has subsequently been pointed out to me by the Google translator that what I thought was the brochure was actually the technical specifications brochure, and that the actual brochure is far more colorful and much less German than I originally thought, completely dashing every misconception I had formulated over the past three days. Damn that Google translator!

Rod Blagojevich is like the Christmas fruitcake that just won’t go away. You know, the one you send to your aunt in Florida every even-numbered year, only to get it back every odd-numbered Christmas? No matter how many times you send it, or how many dents it picks up en route, or how many sticks of dynamite you pack into the center, it just keeps coming back? While stupid enough to make incriminating statements while suspecting he might be under investigation, Blagojevich was clever enough to resort to the Ace-in-the-Hole of any floundering, cynical, opportunistic politician with a large minority constituency, the race card. Tomorrow, the Senate appointee for the State of Illinois, Roland Burris, will show up on Capitol Hill and attempt to gain entry to the Senate chamber. At that point, every C-Span geek will likely be treated to the unsettling images of Capitol Police refusing entry to what would be the only black United States Senator and escorting him from the building. Within the hour someone will make a comparison to Governor Wallace standing in the doorway of the Alabama schoolhouse refusing to allow the first black children inside and everybody will immediately forget what this is actually about. By all accounts Roland Burris is an extremely qualified, nice guy. Why he would insist on involving himself in this circus is beyond me. Have a little self-respect. Take a step back and out of this ridiculous spitting match between Blagojevich and the rest of the Illinois government. Don’t taint an otherwise spotless record as the pawn of a poorly coifed corrupt governor.

Sixty-two days after the election, the Canvassing Board of the State of Minnesota certified Democrat Al Franken as the winner of his Senatorial race, defeating incumbent Republican Senator Norm Coleman by 225 votes. Great. Too bad it means absolutely nothing. Coleman, or course, charges that the recount process was unfair and has promised to challenge the results in court, a process which could take weeks – maybe moths to resolve. Hmm. This all sounds vaguely familiar. I swear I’ve heard this somewhere before. Come on. We had to wait 62 days to find out that the election isn’t really over, 62 days after the election was over. The morons in Palm Beach County don’t look so bad right now.

Middle East Update: Israel continues its assault on Hamas in Gaza. Hamas continues its rocket attacks on Israeli cities. Stay tuned for next week’s update in which I will likely just repeat this week’s update. This is sad.

Bill Richardson was withdrawn from his nomination as President-elect Obama's Secretary of Commerce. Apparently the New Mexico Governor is a target of a grand jury probe in his home state investigating whether a California financial firm improperly benefited from campaign contributions in receiving state contracts totaling nearly $1.5 million. At this point there are no reports of any wiretaps or audiotapes of Richardson telling motherbleepers to go bleep themselves, so it certainly does not rise to Blagojevich stature yet. No indication that it will. What it does is allow the media to blather on about hiccups in the otherwise smooth Obama transition. Better that than shark attacks I guess.

My NFL Thoughts for Wildcard Weekend:

The Dolphins simply didn’t belong on the same field as the Ravens on Sunday. Somebody forgot to tell Ray Lewis he’s 33 years old. And I can’t believe Ed Reed picked off two passes and never even attempted a lateral. Unbelievable. I would have put good money on that one.

Where did that Cardinals defense come from? How do you go from being completely incapable of defending against blindfolded fourth-graders to shutting down one of the most impressive rushing attacks in the league in one week? I’m a little nervous for my Panthers this weekend. Oh, and Matt Ryan picked a heck of a time to play like a rookie.

The Eagles ain’t too bad. When healthy, Brian Westbrook is the most dangerous offensive player in the league. Steve Smith (the greater) is more explosive, but Westbrook touches the ball four to five times more than Smith does. If I’m the New York Giants, I’m not looking forward to this weekend.

Somebody lit a fire under the San Diego Chargers. His name is Darren Sproles. Three hundred twenty-five total yards and two touchdowns for one player are ridiculous numbers. So are six punts averaging 53 yards each. The San Diego punter and the back-up runningback almost single-handedly defeated a defense anchored by two top-tier defensive ends, the league MVP and one of the most prolific offenses of the twenty years. I’m still not sure the Chargers deserved to make the playoffs, but they’re out to prove they belong there now.

My Picks for Divisional Championship Weekend:

Giants over Eagles
Panthers over Cardinals
Titans over Ravens
Chargers over Steelers

My Superbowl Picks for Wildcard Weekend: New York Giants vs. Tennessee Titans.

Majel Barrett-Roddenberry, wife of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry and voice of the U.S.S. Enterprise passed away two weeks ago, shortly after recording the audio for the upcoming Star Trek film. I’m sure that someday all our computers will talk to us, and as a pseudo-Trekkie I will hope they all sound like Ms. Barrett-Roddenberry.

Old Bush (41) suggested over the weekend that he would like to see young Bush (Jeb) as President of the United States. I think I speak for at least several people when I say NO MORE BUSH! NO MORE. NONE.

This week the United States will open a $700 million embassy in Iraq. That's right. Seven hundred million dollars. The largest, most expensive American embassy in the world. Over the next few weeks we're going to hear a lot of whining and complaining from certain members of Congress about the excessive size of a proposed economic stimulus package. Keep in mind, not one of these hypocrites uttered a peep against building the afore mentioned three-quarters of a billion dollar building (guaranteed to be damaged by an explosive within six months) in what now amounts to a borderline third-world country. Not one.

Finally, owners of 30GB Microsoft Zune mp3 players awoke last Tuesday morning (December 31) to find that their devices didn’t work. Turns out that the internal clock is programmed for a 365-day year, with no provision for a 366-day leap year, like the one we just experienced. Unable to overcome such a boneheaded programming error, the poor little devices simply shut down and refused to function, some permanently. I guess I only have one comment. My iPod works just fine, thank you very much. Tee hee hee.