Snow Angels

I hate this state. This past weekend was my birthday weekend. So ask me what I did. Go ahead, ask me. That’s right, shoveling snow. Snowed in, stuck in my house, shoveling 14 inches of snow. Burn in hell Indiana. Burn in hell.

Looks like I was wrong about Roland Burris. That’s okay; I like being wrong every now and then. Makes me seem more human. After proclaiming they would not under any circumstances seat a nominee of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, the U.S. Senate revealed itself to be the quivering mass of pseudo-humanity it truly is and caved completely, deciding to seat “the junior Senator from the State of Illinois” (as he likes to refer to himself) in spite of their previous pronouncements. So, the man who built a monument to himself in a Chicago park will in fact replace President-elect Barack Obama as “the-other-guy-from-that-State-with-the-corrupt-governors.” He should be so proud.

“Joe the Plumber” made the…. You know what, never mind. He isn’t news.

You know the best part about financing a $700 billion financial rescue package? Listening to all the people begging for money trying to explain to the government why they should be allowed to stick their hands in the national cookie jar. Case in point. In witnessing the success of the bankers and automakers at extracting money from the Treasury, Hustler Magazine publisher, and notorious dirty old man, Larry Flynt has decided to try his hand at lobbying. Together with Girls Gone Wild founder – and convicted felon – Joe Francis, Flynt announced he would request $5 billion in bailout funds to help stimulate the sagging American porn industry. Apparently, “professional” porn sales have slumped 20% over the past couple years, facing increased competition from amateurs with digital video cameras and peer-to-peer file sharing. So, finding it more difficult to innovate and compete, Larry and Joe decided that if the government is willing to spend money to stabilize the cornerstones of the American economy, they should be willing to support what they claim to be the chief cornerstone, sex. It remains to be seen whether or not Flynt and Francis will actually follow through on their promise to present their request on Capitol Hill. Good luck with that, guys. Let me know how that goes. Better yet, make a movie out of it.

Middle East Update: Israel continues its assault on Hamas in Gaza. Hamas continues its rocket attacks on Israeli cities. Tune in next week when I will likely repeat the previous statement.

A demonstration against the shooting of a detained black teenager by a Bay Area Rapid Transit officer last week in Oakland quickly degenerated into violence and vandalism. Surprise! Who could have imagined a protest in California might turn violent? The incident that sparked the demonstration is reportedly still under investigation. Apparently there is cell phone video circulating through the Internet, which captures the officer shooting the restrained man in the back. I have not seen the video. I have no interest in watching people get killed on television. From what I understand, people have a right to be upset – maybe even outraged with what happened. What I don’t understand is why some idiot always has to go and dilute the message of the protest by throwing a brick through a window and starting a fight. I realize there are certain individuals who use whatever excuse they can find to perpetuate anarchy, But it’s a shame that those individuals feel the need to corrupt and de-legitimize (in the eyes of many) a valid, justified response (an angry, yet peaceful demonstration) to a terrible situation.

My NFL Thoughts for Divisional Weekend:

Wow. What an abysmal weekend of football. I have absolutely zero interest in any of the remaining teams, and a strong disinterest in at least three of them. I think I can say with a certain degree of confidence that this will be the first Superbowl I can remember that I will not be watching. And we don’t even know who’ll be playing in it yet.

Apparently the Giants missed Plaxico Burress more than they thought they did. Without him they were simply unable to spread the Eagles defense out enough to create space for Brandon Jacobs to run. Donovan McNabb will never admit this, but his benching six weeks ago was the best thing to happen to him all year.

I don’t care what the Ravens say, Tennessee got robbed on a delay of game non-call and everybody knows it. Why have a play clock if there are no consequences for taking longer than the time allotted? The NBA has a 24 second clock that buzzes when time expires so that there is no question as to when the penalty should be called. Why can’t we do that in football?

I don’t think I’ve ever been more disappointed by a team’s performance than I was with the Carolina Panthers. How can you win 12 games during the regular season, run all over people like they weren’t even there, have a receiver finish with 1500 yards after missing two games, then come out and play the you did Saturday night. Six turnovers? All by the quarterback? Arizona might as well have been playing against an empty field! The Panthers defense only had one responsibility – cover Larry Fitzgerald. Didn’t do it. Nice job losers. There’s always next year, right?

Once again the San Diego Chargers steamroll into the playoffs, only to be dispatched by a team they were certainly capable of defeating. I feel a bit sorry for LaDanian Tomlinson. A few years ago when the Chargers were terrible he had the opportunity to leave for a more lucrative contract somewhere else. He didn’t. He took less money to remain in San Diego because in his words, he is “not a quitter.” He wanted to stay and help make the Chargers into a Superbowl contender. I’m sorry it hasn’t worked out the way he hoped it would.

The prospect of an all-Pennsylvania Superbowl makes my brain hurt.

Adam “Pac-man” Jones is…. You know what? See the Joe the Plumber comments above.

The coaching carousel is in full spin. Late last week the Cleveland Browns announced that next year’s attempt at futility will be lead by former New York Jets coach Eric “mangenius” Mangini. That’s right. The Browns traded one former defensive coordinator of Bill Belichick for another former defensive coordinator of Bill Belichick. hoping for different results. What’s the definition of insanity again?

Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy announced his retirement this past Monday. Dungy forever etched his name in the history books a couple years ago when he became the first black coach to win the Superbowl. (And really, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Superbowl victory of 2003 belongs more to him than it does to John Gruden.) Most people thought Dungy would remain coach of the Colts at least as long as Peyton Manning remained the quarterback, but Dungy has other things he wants to do. He is one of the classiest guys ever to grace the sidelines and the game will miss him.

My Picks for the upcoming Conference Championship weekend:

Philadelphia over Arizona
Pittsburgh over Baltimore

Heaven help us.

Finally, the incoming Obama administration has requested that the FCC delay – AGAIN – the upcoming transition to digital television. Apparently, some people still aren’t ready. Really? After four years of preparing people for the switch with endless television commercials and mailings and radio ads and whatnot, there are still people who aren’t ready for this switch? Maybe those people simply shouldn’t be watching television!