Yup, still snowing. Keep burning, Indiana. Keep burning.
The Rod Blagojevich Road Show is now in full swing. His impeachment trial opened without him this week, as he was off roaming the country in search of additional television cameras in front of which to make statements. Blago dropped in on Larry King yesterday to make his case to “the American people” that he is being unjustly persecuted by the Illinois State Senate for being a great guy. I don’t really understand what good the support of 30 people in Arizona will do him in his Illinois trial, but I’m willing to admit that I might simply be missing the big picture. Or not. Every time he opens his mouth, a quote from some Hollywood production falls out, in his mind providing a metaphor for his struggle on behalf of people against The Man. Like a modern day Robin Hood – with a medieval hair cut. He’s even demanded the editorial boards of major newspapers get involved in attempting to save him from impeachment. Of course, several happen to be the very same editorial boards he is on tape trying to have fired for negative coverage of his misdeeds, but he’s proved he isn’t willing to let reality get in the way of a good performance. This whole saga is so bizarre it’s almost humorous. Okay, that’s not true, it’s so bizarre it is definitely humorous. But it’s humor I’d be more than happy to go without. Where’s Larry Craig when you need him?
Closing out their first official in the minority under the Obama administration, Congressional Republicans answered the President’s calls for bi-partisan cooperation by obstructing every single thing he attempted to do. First came the meaningless hold on Clinton’s nomination to Secretary of State. (The senator that requested the hold voted in favor of confirmation anyway.) Then there was the delay of the confirmation votes of the Treasury Secretary and the Attorney General. Tax-hating Republicans – all of whom would never pay a cent if they felt they could get away with it - admonished the now Treasury Secretary for failing to pay $35,000 in self-employment taxes six years ago when he worked for the International Monetary Fund. Never mind that when the error was discovered in 2006, Geithner acknowledged his mistake, filed the correct paperwork and repaid the outstanding balance. Clinton-hating Republicans – apparently and inexplicably still upset with Bill Clinton eight years after he went away – held up the nomination of Eric Holder for his failure to prevent President Clinton from pardoning a tax cheat (notice a pattern here?) he had every right to pardon if he so desired. Then, even before Obama made the trip to the floor to listen to their concerns, (something President Bush NEVER did), House Republican leaders announced they would be demanding their members vote against whatever stimulus bill is brought up for a vote tomorrow, claiming the stimulus package, forty percent of which is comprised of tax cuts, simply gives them nothing to vote for and shuts them out of the process. I don’t want to go so far as to call these clowns liars, but they certainly are adept at failing to tell the truth. Newsflash; YOU JOKERS LOST THE ELECTION! Barack Obama and Joe Biden were inaugurated last week, not John McCain and She-of-Whom-We-Do-Not-Speak. You didn’t lose because eight million people mistakenly checked the wrong box on the ballot. You lost because 63 million Americans rejected your IDEAS. The people reduced you to 41 votes Senatorial votes, why on earth should you and your ideas have a greater percentage of input in the stimulus package than you have representation in Congress? Get a grip! I realize that during the Bush terms you came to believe that the meaning of bi-partisanship is that the Republican Party automatically gets everything it wants, but President Bush was pretty good at mangling words and their definitions. Now that we have a leader who reads, writes, speaks and understands English, perhaps we can finally reunite words with their proper meanings. The words bi-partisan, cooperation and compromise ARE NOT synonyms for obstruction.
As much as it irks me that he’s doing it, I think it’s wonderful that Obama is making the effort to ensure the concerns and ideas of the minority are received, considered and sometimes even implemented in the policies of his administration. If the previous president had but attempted such a brazen act of leadership but once, it might have softened the way he is now viewed in hindsight. For the good of the nation, I hope all the factions of the government can agree on a package to provide help to struggling citizens. But personally, deep down somewhere, I hope the Republicans continue to obstruct, the stimulus passes over their objections, and is a wild, unbelievable success, leaving three of them in Congress to try to explain why they intentionally tried to sabotage this country’s recovery.
I don’t understand the “sky is falling” panic among some resulting from the President’s decision to outlaw the practice of torture. I actually heard a guest on a Nation Public Radio show assert that torture is the ONLY way to obtain information from suspected terrorists. Sounds like someone’s been watching too many episodes of 24. Seriously, it cannot be the stated policy of a free and democratic nation to torture anybody, for any reason. I hope the reasoning behind that statement is self-evident. The leaders of the free world must take a stand and say that inhumane behavior diminishes both the victim and the torturer and we will not engage in it. Will that end torture? Of course not. But it will re-establish the precedent that it terrible and wrong. To those of you soiling yourselves in fear of the now impending suitcase nuclear strike, allow me to ease you mind. Every U.S. interrogator is going to do absolutely everything they can to obtain whatever information they believe a suspect is hiding. If an interrogator is convinced the suspect they are holding is privy to information needed to halt an attack scheduled to commence in five minutes, and they feel the only way to ascertain that information is to rip out the suspect’s fingernails with pliers, they aren’t going to let a little something like a law get in their way. But after they have done that, saving your city from imminent destruction, they will have to stand before a judge and a jury of their peers and explain why they felt it was necessary to him or herself and dehumanize another human being. If the judge and jury agree with that decision, then so be it. But the days of abusing any Rasheed, Habib and Ahmed for whatever reason tickles someone’s fancy are over. Abuse has to be the exception, not the rule.
A Los Angeles man killed his wife, five children and himself today because he was upset over being fired from his job. Why can’t disturbed people just kill themselves BEFORE turning the guns on everyone else?
Read a headline today that said something to the effect of, “Prince Harry’s longtime girlfriend dumped him through Facebook this week, reportedly because she was tired of the lifestyle.” Hmm. She broke up with the prince because she was tired of being treated like a princess? Wow. She just set women back about a hundred years. Actually, further reading of the story revealed that is was Prince Harry’s lifestyle that Chelsy Daly was tired of, not hers. Apparently the prince is something of a flirt. A ladies man, if you will. I don’t know. What’s the point of being the prince if you can’t make out with any woman you want? But seriously, how lame is it to break up with someone through Facebook? Isn’t that like asking your friend to break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend for you? Weak.
This past weekend, a 14 -year-old Chicago kid dressed in a police uniform strolled into a police station and stood in line. He was promptly assigned a partner and sent out on patrol. Only five hours later did the real police discover that he - the kid - was not. Five hours? No wonder there aren’t any detective shows based in Chicago.
Finally, Japan has a population problem. It is in decline. No worries. They’ve come up with a novel solution. Japanese companies are trimming hours from the workday and encouraging their employees to use the additional time to… well… procreate. That’s right, they’re giving workers time off to have sex. Now where did I put that plane ticket?
1.28.2009
1.21.2009
Yes We Did
My mother called me last week and demanded I apologize for instructing the State of Indiana to “burn in hell,” following last weekend’s snow storms. I considered it, and I was fully prepared to do so. But, I decided not to. You know why? It’s still snowing! Still! No apology until the snow stops.
Well, it’s official. Barack Obama is now is the 44th President of the United States of America. Congratulations sir. This mess is all yours. But setting that aside for a moment, this inauguration truly was one of the most impressive things I have ever witnessed. This is a fantastic time I live in. When I was was growing up, the idea of a black president was little more than a bizarre fantasy at best and a bad joke at worst. Today at 12:00 p.m. it became a reality. I think one would have to be slightly less than sane to want the job at this point, but I’m glad someone someone does, and I’m glad that someone is Barack Obama. Good luck sir. And Godspeed.
Of course, the inauguration of Barack Obama signals the end of the eight year presidency of one George W. Bush. Late last week former President Bush asked for 15 minutes of network television time to issue a farewell address to the nation. In it he basically told the country that in spite of everything that may have gone wrong, his intentions were good and he did the best he could with the tools he had, and then made up. Fine. I’ll accept that he tried. I’ll accept that he did what he thought was right. But the presidency is not some kindergarten graduation. You don’t get points for trying. You don’t get trophies for failing the tests. It’s fine to do your best and to do what you think is right - it would be ludicrous to expect you to do otherwise. But when those things result in the circumvention of Constitutional protections, extra-legal interrogations, an ill-advised war, manufactured justifications, unwarranted secrecy, callous disregard and a litany of other grievances, good intentions just don’t cut it. The road to hell is paved with them.
There has been a call by some on the left for the Obama administration to prosecute members of the Bush Administration for war crimes. Let me say in no uncertain terms, this is the dumbest idea I’ve heard since “...the fundamentals of the economy are sound.” I understand there are still some people who haven’t gotten over the 2000 election, feel that Bush stole the election and has been an illegitimate leader ever since. But Barack Obama’s presidency is not your personal revenge project. We are in the midst of the biggest economic crisis since the Great Depression. We have 150,000 American soldiers being shot at over seas, tens of thousands of families losing their homes, millions losing their jobs, and some people want the new President to expend valuable political capital by essentially giving the finger to every single Republican in Congress and 47% of the electorate. If you want to end an historic presidency before it begins, go ahead, start a prosecution. All that’ll get you is 8 more years of Bush.
The biggest story of last week was by far the ditching of a U.S. Airways A320 Airbus in the Hudson River after a “double bird strike” disabled both engines. First of all, the idea that a $60 million airplane can be brought down by two Canada geese is more than a little disturbing to someone who already hates to fly. But second, there was absolutely no more qualified pilot on the face of the earth to ditch an airliner in a river than Chesley B. Sullenberger. “Sully,” as he is apparently known to his friends - and now everyone in New York City - is an ex-air force pilot, head of a pilots organization and aviation safety inspector in his spare time. If you believe in miracles, it is nothing short of a miracle that this man was at the controls of that aircraft last Thursday afternoon. If you don’t believe in miracles, then the 155 passengers onboard are the luckiest S.O.Bs in America. It’s also a beautiful illustration of the difference between New York City and many other places in America. According to survivor reports, within 90 seconds of the plane hitting the water, rescue boats, commercial ferry boats and personal pleasure boats we on the scene, plucking people from the wings of the floating aircraft and out of the frigid Hudson River. You know that if that crash had occurred just off Los Angeles, people would have been trampling each other charging down the beach beating each other with their camera phones, snapping pictures and screaming, “oh my goodness, why won’t somebody help them!” New York City is the biggest community in the world.
The Senate Foreign Relations Committee held confirmation hearings for Hillary Clinton last. It immediately became evident to everyone unfortunate enough to be watching said hearings that most of the time, policy discussions are incredibly boring. All but one committee member voted in favor of confirmation. The lone holdout? Louisiana Republican David Vitter. As justification for his no vote, Vitter sighted reservations he had regarding some of the names on the list of donors to former President Clinton’s Global Initiative. This is of course the same David Vitter who threw himself at the mercy of his wife 18 months ago when his phone number appeared on a list of clientele belonging to the infamous “D.C. Madam.” Refresh my memory. What is it that people who live in glass houses should never do?
Cementing its status as a farce of a banana republic (without even the sharp linen shirts) Zimbabwe announced last week that in an effort to curb long lines at the banks and wheelbarrows full of cash at the grocery store, it will introduce a new 100 trillion dollar note, with 10, 20 and 50 trillion dollar denominations to follow shortly. Zimbabwe is about to become the first country in the world with trillionaires starving in the streets. It’s difficult to see how this country is ever going to be able to turn itself around.
My NFL Thoughts for Conference Championship Weekend:
I’m afraid I’m no more interested in the playoffs than I was last week. The Arizona Cardinals were kind enough to spare us the pain of an all-Pennsylvania Superbowl, but I just can’t work up any excitement to watch the Steelers try for title number six against a team that should never have made the playoffs. But, it is what it is. Steelers vs. Cardinals, February 1, 2009. Can I watch the commercials and skip the game?
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers selected newly appointed defensive coordinator Raheem Morris to replace Jon “Chucky” Gruden as head coach. At 32, Morris will become the youngest head coach in the league, and the seventh African-American - barring the as-yet unannounced firing of Herman Edwards and/or Marvin Lewis. Morris will more-than-likely find himself coaching players several years older than he. This seems to have become somewhat of a trend around the league. Old experienced coaches are suddenly passe, left at the wayside in favor of much younger, fresher faces. The 2009-2010 season ought to be awfully interesting.
My Superbowl Picks: Pittsburgh Steelers over Arizona Cardinals.
Some girl is attempting to auction off her virginity online. At last count, bids are up to $3.7 million. Really? Some IDIOT is seriously willing to pay this girl nearly four million dollars to be the first man to have sex with her? I don’t mean to be insensitive, but for four million dollars, she’d better bring along about 40,000 of her closest friends. Seriously, does she even have to prove she’s a virgin? Because there’s no error-proof test for that. And what kind of creep gets his jollies by dropping four million dollars just to deflower a teenaged girl?
At the Consumer Electronics Show last week in Las Vegas, (which, coincidently, is held at the same time and place as the Adult Video Awards), Philips debuted the world’s first commercially available anamorphic widescreen television. It has been the bane of my existence that televisions came in a 4:3 picture ratio while movies were shot in 16:9, so in order to view a film the way it was meant to be seen I had to watch it with little black bars at the top and bottom of the screen. Naturally I was elated when televisions became available in the 16:9 format, as I would now be able to watch movies - and soon television - in its native ratio. But of course, as if to spite me, filmmakers started producing movies in the 21:9 anamorphic ratio, rendering my brand new high-definition widescreen television less than useful. And while an anamorphic television would be great for watching 21:9 movies, it would make viewing 16:9 television with big black bars along the sides annoying as all get-out. As much as I want one of these fancy new anamorphic widescreen high-definition televisions, I think I’m going to wait until the industry figures which ratio they want to go with.
Finally, 80’s pop star Boy George was sentenced to 15 months in jail last week for handcuffing an escort to a radiator and beating him with a chain. Hmm. I guess he really did want to hurt you. Guess he really did want to make you cry.
Well, it’s official. Barack Obama is now is the 44th President of the United States of America. Congratulations sir. This mess is all yours. But setting that aside for a moment, this inauguration truly was one of the most impressive things I have ever witnessed. This is a fantastic time I live in. When I was was growing up, the idea of a black president was little more than a bizarre fantasy at best and a bad joke at worst. Today at 12:00 p.m. it became a reality. I think one would have to be slightly less than sane to want the job at this point, but I’m glad someone someone does, and I’m glad that someone is Barack Obama. Good luck sir. And Godspeed.
Of course, the inauguration of Barack Obama signals the end of the eight year presidency of one George W. Bush. Late last week former President Bush asked for 15 minutes of network television time to issue a farewell address to the nation. In it he basically told the country that in spite of everything that may have gone wrong, his intentions were good and he did the best he could with the tools he had, and then made up. Fine. I’ll accept that he tried. I’ll accept that he did what he thought was right. But the presidency is not some kindergarten graduation. You don’t get points for trying. You don’t get trophies for failing the tests. It’s fine to do your best and to do what you think is right - it would be ludicrous to expect you to do otherwise. But when those things result in the circumvention of Constitutional protections, extra-legal interrogations, an ill-advised war, manufactured justifications, unwarranted secrecy, callous disregard and a litany of other grievances, good intentions just don’t cut it. The road to hell is paved with them.
There has been a call by some on the left for the Obama administration to prosecute members of the Bush Administration for war crimes. Let me say in no uncertain terms, this is the dumbest idea I’ve heard since “...the fundamentals of the economy are sound.” I understand there are still some people who haven’t gotten over the 2000 election, feel that Bush stole the election and has been an illegitimate leader ever since. But Barack Obama’s presidency is not your personal revenge project. We are in the midst of the biggest economic crisis since the Great Depression. We have 150,000 American soldiers being shot at over seas, tens of thousands of families losing their homes, millions losing their jobs, and some people want the new President to expend valuable political capital by essentially giving the finger to every single Republican in Congress and 47% of the electorate. If you want to end an historic presidency before it begins, go ahead, start a prosecution. All that’ll get you is 8 more years of Bush.
The biggest story of last week was by far the ditching of a U.S. Airways A320 Airbus in the Hudson River after a “double bird strike” disabled both engines. First of all, the idea that a $60 million airplane can be brought down by two Canada geese is more than a little disturbing to someone who already hates to fly. But second, there was absolutely no more qualified pilot on the face of the earth to ditch an airliner in a river than Chesley B. Sullenberger. “Sully,” as he is apparently known to his friends - and now everyone in New York City - is an ex-air force pilot, head of a pilots organization and aviation safety inspector in his spare time. If you believe in miracles, it is nothing short of a miracle that this man was at the controls of that aircraft last Thursday afternoon. If you don’t believe in miracles, then the 155 passengers onboard are the luckiest S.O.Bs in America. It’s also a beautiful illustration of the difference between New York City and many other places in America. According to survivor reports, within 90 seconds of the plane hitting the water, rescue boats, commercial ferry boats and personal pleasure boats we on the scene, plucking people from the wings of the floating aircraft and out of the frigid Hudson River. You know that if that crash had occurred just off Los Angeles, people would have been trampling each other charging down the beach beating each other with their camera phones, snapping pictures and screaming, “oh my goodness, why won’t somebody help them!” New York City is the biggest community in the world.
The Senate Foreign Relations Committee held confirmation hearings for Hillary Clinton last. It immediately became evident to everyone unfortunate enough to be watching said hearings that most of the time, policy discussions are incredibly boring. All but one committee member voted in favor of confirmation. The lone holdout? Louisiana Republican David Vitter. As justification for his no vote, Vitter sighted reservations he had regarding some of the names on the list of donors to former President Clinton’s Global Initiative. This is of course the same David Vitter who threw himself at the mercy of his wife 18 months ago when his phone number appeared on a list of clientele belonging to the infamous “D.C. Madam.” Refresh my memory. What is it that people who live in glass houses should never do?
Cementing its status as a farce of a banana republic (without even the sharp linen shirts) Zimbabwe announced last week that in an effort to curb long lines at the banks and wheelbarrows full of cash at the grocery store, it will introduce a new 100 trillion dollar note, with 10, 20 and 50 trillion dollar denominations to follow shortly. Zimbabwe is about to become the first country in the world with trillionaires starving in the streets. It’s difficult to see how this country is ever going to be able to turn itself around.
My NFL Thoughts for Conference Championship Weekend:
I’m afraid I’m no more interested in the playoffs than I was last week. The Arizona Cardinals were kind enough to spare us the pain of an all-Pennsylvania Superbowl, but I just can’t work up any excitement to watch the Steelers try for title number six against a team that should never have made the playoffs. But, it is what it is. Steelers vs. Cardinals, February 1, 2009. Can I watch the commercials and skip the game?
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers selected newly appointed defensive coordinator Raheem Morris to replace Jon “Chucky” Gruden as head coach. At 32, Morris will become the youngest head coach in the league, and the seventh African-American - barring the as-yet unannounced firing of Herman Edwards and/or Marvin Lewis. Morris will more-than-likely find himself coaching players several years older than he. This seems to have become somewhat of a trend around the league. Old experienced coaches are suddenly passe, left at the wayside in favor of much younger, fresher faces. The 2009-2010 season ought to be awfully interesting.
My Superbowl Picks: Pittsburgh Steelers over Arizona Cardinals.
Some girl is attempting to auction off her virginity online. At last count, bids are up to $3.7 million. Really? Some IDIOT is seriously willing to pay this girl nearly four million dollars to be the first man to have sex with her? I don’t mean to be insensitive, but for four million dollars, she’d better bring along about 40,000 of her closest friends. Seriously, does she even have to prove she’s a virgin? Because there’s no error-proof test for that. And what kind of creep gets his jollies by dropping four million dollars just to deflower a teenaged girl?
At the Consumer Electronics Show last week in Las Vegas, (which, coincidently, is held at the same time and place as the Adult Video Awards), Philips debuted the world’s first commercially available anamorphic widescreen television. It has been the bane of my existence that televisions came in a 4:3 picture ratio while movies were shot in 16:9, so in order to view a film the way it was meant to be seen I had to watch it with little black bars at the top and bottom of the screen. Naturally I was elated when televisions became available in the 16:9 format, as I would now be able to watch movies - and soon television - in its native ratio. But of course, as if to spite me, filmmakers started producing movies in the 21:9 anamorphic ratio, rendering my brand new high-definition widescreen television less than useful. And while an anamorphic television would be great for watching 21:9 movies, it would make viewing 16:9 television with big black bars along the sides annoying as all get-out. As much as I want one of these fancy new anamorphic widescreen high-definition televisions, I think I’m going to wait until the industry figures which ratio they want to go with.
Finally, 80’s pop star Boy George was sentenced to 15 months in jail last week for handcuffing an escort to a radiator and beating him with a chain. Hmm. I guess he really did want to hurt you. Guess he really did want to make you cry.
1.14.2009
Snow Angels
I hate this state. This past weekend was my birthday weekend. So ask me what I did. Go ahead, ask me. That’s right, shoveling snow. Snowed in, stuck in my house, shoveling 14 inches of snow. Burn in hell Indiana. Burn in hell.
Looks like I was wrong about Roland Burris. That’s okay; I like being wrong every now and then. Makes me seem more human. After proclaiming they would not under any circumstances seat a nominee of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, the U.S. Senate revealed itself to be the quivering mass of pseudo-humanity it truly is and caved completely, deciding to seat “the junior Senator from the State of Illinois” (as he likes to refer to himself) in spite of their previous pronouncements. So, the man who built a monument to himself in a Chicago park will in fact replace President-elect Barack Obama as “the-other-guy-from-that-State-with-the-corrupt-governors.” He should be so proud.
“Joe the Plumber” made the…. You know what, never mind. He isn’t news.
You know the best part about financing a $700 billion financial rescue package? Listening to all the people begging for money trying to explain to the government why they should be allowed to stick their hands in the national cookie jar. Case in point. In witnessing the success of the bankers and automakers at extracting money from the Treasury, Hustler Magazine publisher, and notorious dirty old man, Larry Flynt has decided to try his hand at lobbying. Together with Girls Gone Wild founder – and convicted felon – Joe Francis, Flynt announced he would request $5 billion in bailout funds to help stimulate the sagging American porn industry. Apparently, “professional” porn sales have slumped 20% over the past couple years, facing increased competition from amateurs with digital video cameras and peer-to-peer file sharing. So, finding it more difficult to innovate and compete, Larry and Joe decided that if the government is willing to spend money to stabilize the cornerstones of the American economy, they should be willing to support what they claim to be the chief cornerstone, sex. It remains to be seen whether or not Flynt and Francis will actually follow through on their promise to present their request on Capitol Hill. Good luck with that, guys. Let me know how that goes. Better yet, make a movie out of it.
Middle East Update: Israel continues its assault on Hamas in Gaza. Hamas continues its rocket attacks on Israeli cities. Tune in next week when I will likely repeat the previous statement.
A demonstration against the shooting of a detained black teenager by a Bay Area Rapid Transit officer last week in Oakland quickly degenerated into violence and vandalism. Surprise! Who could have imagined a protest in California might turn violent? The incident that sparked the demonstration is reportedly still under investigation. Apparently there is cell phone video circulating through the Internet, which captures the officer shooting the restrained man in the back. I have not seen the video. I have no interest in watching people get killed on television. From what I understand, people have a right to be upset – maybe even outraged with what happened. What I don’t understand is why some idiot always has to go and dilute the message of the protest by throwing a brick through a window and starting a fight. I realize there are certain individuals who use whatever excuse they can find to perpetuate anarchy, But it’s a shame that those individuals feel the need to corrupt and de-legitimize (in the eyes of many) a valid, justified response (an angry, yet peaceful demonstration) to a terrible situation.
My NFL Thoughts for Divisional Weekend:
Wow. What an abysmal weekend of football. I have absolutely zero interest in any of the remaining teams, and a strong disinterest in at least three of them. I think I can say with a certain degree of confidence that this will be the first Superbowl I can remember that I will not be watching. And we don’t even know who’ll be playing in it yet.
Apparently the Giants missed Plaxico Burress more than they thought they did. Without him they were simply unable to spread the Eagles defense out enough to create space for Brandon Jacobs to run. Donovan McNabb will never admit this, but his benching six weeks ago was the best thing to happen to him all year.
I don’t care what the Ravens say, Tennessee got robbed on a delay of game non-call and everybody knows it. Why have a play clock if there are no consequences for taking longer than the time allotted? The NBA has a 24 second clock that buzzes when time expires so that there is no question as to when the penalty should be called. Why can’t we do that in football?
I don’t think I’ve ever been more disappointed by a team’s performance than I was with the Carolina Panthers. How can you win 12 games during the regular season, run all over people like they weren’t even there, have a receiver finish with 1500 yards after missing two games, then come out and play the you did Saturday night. Six turnovers? All by the quarterback? Arizona might as well have been playing against an empty field! The Panthers defense only had one responsibility – cover Larry Fitzgerald. Didn’t do it. Nice job losers. There’s always next year, right?
Once again the San Diego Chargers steamroll into the playoffs, only to be dispatched by a team they were certainly capable of defeating. I feel a bit sorry for LaDanian Tomlinson. A few years ago when the Chargers were terrible he had the opportunity to leave for a more lucrative contract somewhere else. He didn’t. He took less money to remain in San Diego because in his words, he is “not a quitter.” He wanted to stay and help make the Chargers into a Superbowl contender. I’m sorry it hasn’t worked out the way he hoped it would.
The prospect of an all-Pennsylvania Superbowl makes my brain hurt.
Adam “Pac-man” Jones is…. You know what? See the Joe the Plumber comments above.
The coaching carousel is in full spin. Late last week the Cleveland Browns announced that next year’s attempt at futility will be lead by former New York Jets coach Eric “mangenius” Mangini. That’s right. The Browns traded one former defensive coordinator of Bill Belichick for another former defensive coordinator of Bill Belichick. hoping for different results. What’s the definition of insanity again?
Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy announced his retirement this past Monday. Dungy forever etched his name in the history books a couple years ago when he became the first black coach to win the Superbowl. (And really, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Superbowl victory of 2003 belongs more to him than it does to John Gruden.) Most people thought Dungy would remain coach of the Colts at least as long as Peyton Manning remained the quarterback, but Dungy has other things he wants to do. He is one of the classiest guys ever to grace the sidelines and the game will miss him.
My Picks for the upcoming Conference Championship weekend:
Philadelphia over Arizona
Pittsburgh over Baltimore
Heaven help us.
Finally, the incoming Obama administration has requested that the FCC delay – AGAIN – the upcoming transition to digital television. Apparently, some people still aren’t ready. Really? After four years of preparing people for the switch with endless television commercials and mailings and radio ads and whatnot, there are still people who aren’t ready for this switch? Maybe those people simply shouldn’t be watching television!
Looks like I was wrong about Roland Burris. That’s okay; I like being wrong every now and then. Makes me seem more human. After proclaiming they would not under any circumstances seat a nominee of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, the U.S. Senate revealed itself to be the quivering mass of pseudo-humanity it truly is and caved completely, deciding to seat “the junior Senator from the State of Illinois” (as he likes to refer to himself) in spite of their previous pronouncements. So, the man who built a monument to himself in a Chicago park will in fact replace President-elect Barack Obama as “the-other-guy-from-that-State-with-the-corrupt-governors.” He should be so proud.
“Joe the Plumber” made the…. You know what, never mind. He isn’t news.
You know the best part about financing a $700 billion financial rescue package? Listening to all the people begging for money trying to explain to the government why they should be allowed to stick their hands in the national cookie jar. Case in point. In witnessing the success of the bankers and automakers at extracting money from the Treasury, Hustler Magazine publisher, and notorious dirty old man, Larry Flynt has decided to try his hand at lobbying. Together with Girls Gone Wild founder – and convicted felon – Joe Francis, Flynt announced he would request $5 billion in bailout funds to help stimulate the sagging American porn industry. Apparently, “professional” porn sales have slumped 20% over the past couple years, facing increased competition from amateurs with digital video cameras and peer-to-peer file sharing. So, finding it more difficult to innovate and compete, Larry and Joe decided that if the government is willing to spend money to stabilize the cornerstones of the American economy, they should be willing to support what they claim to be the chief cornerstone, sex. It remains to be seen whether or not Flynt and Francis will actually follow through on their promise to present their request on Capitol Hill. Good luck with that, guys. Let me know how that goes. Better yet, make a movie out of it.
Middle East Update: Israel continues its assault on Hamas in Gaza. Hamas continues its rocket attacks on Israeli cities. Tune in next week when I will likely repeat the previous statement.
A demonstration against the shooting of a detained black teenager by a Bay Area Rapid Transit officer last week in Oakland quickly degenerated into violence and vandalism. Surprise! Who could have imagined a protest in California might turn violent? The incident that sparked the demonstration is reportedly still under investigation. Apparently there is cell phone video circulating through the Internet, which captures the officer shooting the restrained man in the back. I have not seen the video. I have no interest in watching people get killed on television. From what I understand, people have a right to be upset – maybe even outraged with what happened. What I don’t understand is why some idiot always has to go and dilute the message of the protest by throwing a brick through a window and starting a fight. I realize there are certain individuals who use whatever excuse they can find to perpetuate anarchy, But it’s a shame that those individuals feel the need to corrupt and de-legitimize (in the eyes of many) a valid, justified response (an angry, yet peaceful demonstration) to a terrible situation.
My NFL Thoughts for Divisional Weekend:
Wow. What an abysmal weekend of football. I have absolutely zero interest in any of the remaining teams, and a strong disinterest in at least three of them. I think I can say with a certain degree of confidence that this will be the first Superbowl I can remember that I will not be watching. And we don’t even know who’ll be playing in it yet.
Apparently the Giants missed Plaxico Burress more than they thought they did. Without him they were simply unable to spread the Eagles defense out enough to create space for Brandon Jacobs to run. Donovan McNabb will never admit this, but his benching six weeks ago was the best thing to happen to him all year.
I don’t care what the Ravens say, Tennessee got robbed on a delay of game non-call and everybody knows it. Why have a play clock if there are no consequences for taking longer than the time allotted? The NBA has a 24 second clock that buzzes when time expires so that there is no question as to when the penalty should be called. Why can’t we do that in football?
I don’t think I’ve ever been more disappointed by a team’s performance than I was with the Carolina Panthers. How can you win 12 games during the regular season, run all over people like they weren’t even there, have a receiver finish with 1500 yards after missing two games, then come out and play the you did Saturday night. Six turnovers? All by the quarterback? Arizona might as well have been playing against an empty field! The Panthers defense only had one responsibility – cover Larry Fitzgerald. Didn’t do it. Nice job losers. There’s always next year, right?
Once again the San Diego Chargers steamroll into the playoffs, only to be dispatched by a team they were certainly capable of defeating. I feel a bit sorry for LaDanian Tomlinson. A few years ago when the Chargers were terrible he had the opportunity to leave for a more lucrative contract somewhere else. He didn’t. He took less money to remain in San Diego because in his words, he is “not a quitter.” He wanted to stay and help make the Chargers into a Superbowl contender. I’m sorry it hasn’t worked out the way he hoped it would.
The prospect of an all-Pennsylvania Superbowl makes my brain hurt.
Adam “Pac-man” Jones is…. You know what? See the Joe the Plumber comments above.
The coaching carousel is in full spin. Late last week the Cleveland Browns announced that next year’s attempt at futility will be lead by former New York Jets coach Eric “mangenius” Mangini. That’s right. The Browns traded one former defensive coordinator of Bill Belichick for another former defensive coordinator of Bill Belichick. hoping for different results. What’s the definition of insanity again?
Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy announced his retirement this past Monday. Dungy forever etched his name in the history books a couple years ago when he became the first black coach to win the Superbowl. (And really, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Superbowl victory of 2003 belongs more to him than it does to John Gruden.) Most people thought Dungy would remain coach of the Colts at least as long as Peyton Manning remained the quarterback, but Dungy has other things he wants to do. He is one of the classiest guys ever to grace the sidelines and the game will miss him.
My Picks for the upcoming Conference Championship weekend:
Philadelphia over Arizona
Pittsburgh over Baltimore
Heaven help us.
Finally, the incoming Obama administration has requested that the FCC delay – AGAIN – the upcoming transition to digital television. Apparently, some people still aren’t ready. Really? After four years of preparing people for the switch with endless television commercials and mailings and radio ads and whatnot, there are still people who aren’t ready for this switch? Maybe those people simply shouldn’t be watching television!
1.06.2009
Janus
Well, so much for 2008. There’s 366 days of your life you’ll never get back.
Right off the top I want to thank Timothy for his response to my comment about the latest phony memoir story. Thanks for reminding us that we don’t need to people trying to pass off fabricated tales as fact where there are so many fascinating inspirational true stories out there to discover.
I spent a little quality time Friday afternoon in a futile attempt to learn a little German. Scouring the Volkswagen “Deutschland” website for some explanation as to why the new Scirocco will not be offered in the United States I found nothing at all to mollify my rage, except what might be the recipe for some pretty sweet Black Forest Cake, but I can’t be sure. I did learn something about Germans though. They don’t seem to like pictures. The Scirocco brochure consists of one sepia-toned photograph on the cover, followed by eight pages of text. Of course it has subsequently been pointed out to me by the Google translator that what I thought was the brochure was actually the technical specifications brochure, and that the actual brochure is far more colorful and much less German than I originally thought, completely dashing every misconception I had formulated over the past three days. Damn that Google translator!
Rod Blagojevich is like the Christmas fruitcake that just won’t go away. You know, the one you send to your aunt in Florida every even-numbered year, only to get it back every odd-numbered Christmas? No matter how many times you send it, or how many dents it picks up en route, or how many sticks of dynamite you pack into the center, it just keeps coming back? While stupid enough to make incriminating statements while suspecting he might be under investigation, Blagojevich was clever enough to resort to the Ace-in-the-Hole of any floundering, cynical, opportunistic politician with a large minority constituency, the race card. Tomorrow, the Senate appointee for the State of Illinois, Roland Burris, will show up on Capitol Hill and attempt to gain entry to the Senate chamber. At that point, every C-Span geek will likely be treated to the unsettling images of Capitol Police refusing entry to what would be the only black United States Senator and escorting him from the building. Within the hour someone will make a comparison to Governor Wallace standing in the doorway of the Alabama schoolhouse refusing to allow the first black children inside and everybody will immediately forget what this is actually about. By all accounts Roland Burris is an extremely qualified, nice guy. Why he would insist on involving himself in this circus is beyond me. Have a little self-respect. Take a step back and out of this ridiculous spitting match between Blagojevich and the rest of the Illinois government. Don’t taint an otherwise spotless record as the pawn of a poorly coifed corrupt governor.
Sixty-two days after the election, the Canvassing Board of the State of Minnesota certified Democrat Al Franken as the winner of his Senatorial race, defeating incumbent Republican Senator Norm Coleman by 225 votes. Great. Too bad it means absolutely nothing. Coleman, or course, charges that the recount process was unfair and has promised to challenge the results in court, a process which could take weeks – maybe moths to resolve. Hmm. This all sounds vaguely familiar. I swear I’ve heard this somewhere before. Come on. We had to wait 62 days to find out that the election isn’t really over, 62 days after the election was over. The morons in Palm Beach County don’t look so bad right now.
Middle East Update: Israel continues its assault on Hamas in Gaza. Hamas continues its rocket attacks on Israeli cities. Stay tuned for next week’s update in which I will likely just repeat this week’s update. This is sad.
Bill Richardson was withdrawn from his nomination as President-elect Obama's Secretary of Commerce. Apparently the New Mexico Governor is a target of a grand jury probe in his home state investigating whether a California financial firm improperly benefited from campaign contributions in receiving state contracts totaling nearly $1.5 million. At this point there are no reports of any wiretaps or audiotapes of Richardson telling motherbleepers to go bleep themselves, so it certainly does not rise to Blagojevich stature yet. No indication that it will. What it does is allow the media to blather on about hiccups in the otherwise smooth Obama transition. Better that than shark attacks I guess.
My NFL Thoughts for Wildcard Weekend:
The Dolphins simply didn’t belong on the same field as the Ravens on Sunday. Somebody forgot to tell Ray Lewis he’s 33 years old. And I can’t believe Ed Reed picked off two passes and never even attempted a lateral. Unbelievable. I would have put good money on that one.
Where did that Cardinals defense come from? How do you go from being completely incapable of defending against blindfolded fourth-graders to shutting down one of the most impressive rushing attacks in the league in one week? I’m a little nervous for my Panthers this weekend. Oh, and Matt Ryan picked a heck of a time to play like a rookie.
The Eagles ain’t too bad. When healthy, Brian Westbrook is the most dangerous offensive player in the league. Steve Smith (the greater) is more explosive, but Westbrook touches the ball four to five times more than Smith does. If I’m the New York Giants, I’m not looking forward to this weekend.
Somebody lit a fire under the San Diego Chargers. His name is Darren Sproles. Three hundred twenty-five total yards and two touchdowns for one player are ridiculous numbers. So are six punts averaging 53 yards each. The San Diego punter and the back-up runningback almost single-handedly defeated a defense anchored by two top-tier defensive ends, the league MVP and one of the most prolific offenses of the twenty years. I’m still not sure the Chargers deserved to make the playoffs, but they’re out to prove they belong there now.
My Picks for Divisional Championship Weekend:
Giants over Eagles
Panthers over Cardinals
Titans over Ravens
Chargers over Steelers
My Superbowl Picks for Wildcard Weekend: New York Giants vs. Tennessee Titans.
Majel Barrett-Roddenberry, wife of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry and voice of the U.S.S. Enterprise passed away two weeks ago, shortly after recording the audio for the upcoming Star Trek film. I’m sure that someday all our computers will talk to us, and as a pseudo-Trekkie I will hope they all sound like Ms. Barrett-Roddenberry.
Old Bush (41) suggested over the weekend that he would like to see young Bush (Jeb) as President of the United States. I think I speak for at least several people when I say NO MORE BUSH! NO MORE. NONE.
This week the United States will open a $700 million embassy in Iraq. That's right. Seven hundred million dollars. The largest, most expensive American embassy in the world. Over the next few weeks we're going to hear a lot of whining and complaining from certain members of Congress about the excessive size of a proposed economic stimulus package. Keep in mind, not one of these hypocrites uttered a peep against building the afore mentioned three-quarters of a billion dollar building (guaranteed to be damaged by an explosive within six months) in what now amounts to a borderline third-world country. Not one.
Finally, owners of 30GB Microsoft Zune mp3 players awoke last Tuesday morning (December 31) to find that their devices didn’t work. Turns out that the internal clock is programmed for a 365-day year, with no provision for a 366-day leap year, like the one we just experienced. Unable to overcome such a boneheaded programming error, the poor little devices simply shut down and refused to function, some permanently. I guess I only have one comment. My iPod works just fine, thank you very much. Tee hee hee.
Right off the top I want to thank Timothy for his response to my comment about the latest phony memoir story. Thanks for reminding us that we don’t need to people trying to pass off fabricated tales as fact where there are so many fascinating inspirational true stories out there to discover.
I spent a little quality time Friday afternoon in a futile attempt to learn a little German. Scouring the Volkswagen “Deutschland” website for some explanation as to why the new Scirocco will not be offered in the United States I found nothing at all to mollify my rage, except what might be the recipe for some pretty sweet Black Forest Cake, but I can’t be sure. I did learn something about Germans though. They don’t seem to like pictures. The Scirocco brochure consists of one sepia-toned photograph on the cover, followed by eight pages of text. Of course it has subsequently been pointed out to me by the Google translator that what I thought was the brochure was actually the technical specifications brochure, and that the actual brochure is far more colorful and much less German than I originally thought, completely dashing every misconception I had formulated over the past three days. Damn that Google translator!
Rod Blagojevich is like the Christmas fruitcake that just won’t go away. You know, the one you send to your aunt in Florida every even-numbered year, only to get it back every odd-numbered Christmas? No matter how many times you send it, or how many dents it picks up en route, or how many sticks of dynamite you pack into the center, it just keeps coming back? While stupid enough to make incriminating statements while suspecting he might be under investigation, Blagojevich was clever enough to resort to the Ace-in-the-Hole of any floundering, cynical, opportunistic politician with a large minority constituency, the race card. Tomorrow, the Senate appointee for the State of Illinois, Roland Burris, will show up on Capitol Hill and attempt to gain entry to the Senate chamber. At that point, every C-Span geek will likely be treated to the unsettling images of Capitol Police refusing entry to what would be the only black United States Senator and escorting him from the building. Within the hour someone will make a comparison to Governor Wallace standing in the doorway of the Alabama schoolhouse refusing to allow the first black children inside and everybody will immediately forget what this is actually about. By all accounts Roland Burris is an extremely qualified, nice guy. Why he would insist on involving himself in this circus is beyond me. Have a little self-respect. Take a step back and out of this ridiculous spitting match between Blagojevich and the rest of the Illinois government. Don’t taint an otherwise spotless record as the pawn of a poorly coifed corrupt governor.
Sixty-two days after the election, the Canvassing Board of the State of Minnesota certified Democrat Al Franken as the winner of his Senatorial race, defeating incumbent Republican Senator Norm Coleman by 225 votes. Great. Too bad it means absolutely nothing. Coleman, or course, charges that the recount process was unfair and has promised to challenge the results in court, a process which could take weeks – maybe moths to resolve. Hmm. This all sounds vaguely familiar. I swear I’ve heard this somewhere before. Come on. We had to wait 62 days to find out that the election isn’t really over, 62 days after the election was over. The morons in Palm Beach County don’t look so bad right now.
Middle East Update: Israel continues its assault on Hamas in Gaza. Hamas continues its rocket attacks on Israeli cities. Stay tuned for next week’s update in which I will likely just repeat this week’s update. This is sad.
Bill Richardson was withdrawn from his nomination as President-elect Obama's Secretary of Commerce. Apparently the New Mexico Governor is a target of a grand jury probe in his home state investigating whether a California financial firm improperly benefited from campaign contributions in receiving state contracts totaling nearly $1.5 million. At this point there are no reports of any wiretaps or audiotapes of Richardson telling motherbleepers to go bleep themselves, so it certainly does not rise to Blagojevich stature yet. No indication that it will. What it does is allow the media to blather on about hiccups in the otherwise smooth Obama transition. Better that than shark attacks I guess.
My NFL Thoughts for Wildcard Weekend:
The Dolphins simply didn’t belong on the same field as the Ravens on Sunday. Somebody forgot to tell Ray Lewis he’s 33 years old. And I can’t believe Ed Reed picked off two passes and never even attempted a lateral. Unbelievable. I would have put good money on that one.
Where did that Cardinals defense come from? How do you go from being completely incapable of defending against blindfolded fourth-graders to shutting down one of the most impressive rushing attacks in the league in one week? I’m a little nervous for my Panthers this weekend. Oh, and Matt Ryan picked a heck of a time to play like a rookie.
The Eagles ain’t too bad. When healthy, Brian Westbrook is the most dangerous offensive player in the league. Steve Smith (the greater) is more explosive, but Westbrook touches the ball four to five times more than Smith does. If I’m the New York Giants, I’m not looking forward to this weekend.
Somebody lit a fire under the San Diego Chargers. His name is Darren Sproles. Three hundred twenty-five total yards and two touchdowns for one player are ridiculous numbers. So are six punts averaging 53 yards each. The San Diego punter and the back-up runningback almost single-handedly defeated a defense anchored by two top-tier defensive ends, the league MVP and one of the most prolific offenses of the twenty years. I’m still not sure the Chargers deserved to make the playoffs, but they’re out to prove they belong there now.
My Picks for Divisional Championship Weekend:
Giants over Eagles
Panthers over Cardinals
Titans over Ravens
Chargers over Steelers
My Superbowl Picks for Wildcard Weekend: New York Giants vs. Tennessee Titans.
Majel Barrett-Roddenberry, wife of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry and voice of the U.S.S. Enterprise passed away two weeks ago, shortly after recording the audio for the upcoming Star Trek film. I’m sure that someday all our computers will talk to us, and as a pseudo-Trekkie I will hope they all sound like Ms. Barrett-Roddenberry.
Old Bush (41) suggested over the weekend that he would like to see young Bush (Jeb) as President of the United States. I think I speak for at least several people when I say NO MORE BUSH! NO MORE. NONE.
This week the United States will open a $700 million embassy in Iraq. That's right. Seven hundred million dollars. The largest, most expensive American embassy in the world. Over the next few weeks we're going to hear a lot of whining and complaining from certain members of Congress about the excessive size of a proposed economic stimulus package. Keep in mind, not one of these hypocrites uttered a peep against building the afore mentioned three-quarters of a billion dollar building (guaranteed to be damaged by an explosive within six months) in what now amounts to a borderline third-world country. Not one.
Finally, owners of 30GB Microsoft Zune mp3 players awoke last Tuesday morning (December 31) to find that their devices didn’t work. Turns out that the internal clock is programmed for a 365-day year, with no provision for a 366-day leap year, like the one we just experienced. Unable to overcome such a boneheaded programming error, the poor little devices simply shut down and refused to function, some permanently. I guess I only have one comment. My iPod works just fine, thank you very much. Tee hee hee.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
