The Hokey Pokey

This is the song that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends.

This past Saturday, the Rules & Bylaws Committee (is there any good reason for that word to have three pairs of double letters?) of the Democratic Party met in Washington to decide the fate of the Michigan and Florida primary votes. After much bloviating, rancor and a six hour lunch, they finally decided that they didn’t actually mean what they said six months ago and came to a compromise on the seating of the delegates. The entire Florida delegation will be seated in the proportions in which they were elected, each with half a vote. Michigan’s delegates will be split 69-59 in favor of Senator Clinton, again, each with half a vote. Net gain for Clinton - 4 delegates. Much ado about nothing.

This past Tuesday night, South Dakota and Montana cast their votes, officially wrapping up this interminable primary campaign. However, Senator Clinton’s game of Calvinball continued. The candidates split the final two states by wide margins for each. But by the time the polls closed in South Dakota, a sufficient number of superdelegates had migrated to Obama’s column to put him well over the revised magic number of 2,118. Clinton knew this when she took the podium in New York. Yet instead of acknowledging the reality that Obama had clinched the nomination, she appeared defiant, insisting that she was still the strongest candidate in the race, implying what she has stated previously multiple times - that if only the rules were different, she would have declared victory long ago. Informing the media that “superdelegates are always free to change their minds,” she continued to campaign, though the race was officially over, telling her supporters to visit her website and make their wishes known regarding what they wanted her to do. It is clear that she fully intends to use the delegates she has accumulated to ensure that Barack Obama is constantly reminded from now until November that his toughest opponent is not John McCain, but Hillary Clinton. A less-graceful non-exit strategy I have never seen.

Late Wednesday night, CNN reported that Senator Clinton will indeed “suspend” her campaign this weekend and endorse Senator Obama for president. Until I actually hear those words leave her lips, I have to assume otherwise. Such is the nature of Calvinball. What’s true right now, may not be in ten minutes.

I’m confused by the ardent Clinton supporter. Could I get one of you to help me out, please. I understand that you have/had a lot invested in your candidate and this campaign. But I don’t understand your willingness to abandon your principles, turn your back on everything your candidate stands for and vote against your interests because you’re upset that you lost. Many of you are baby-boomer feminists, whose core issues are universal health care, education and a woman’s right to choose. Are you seriously going to vote for a candidate who doesn’t care to change the current healthcare system and has promised to fill what could turn out to be three Supreme Court vacancies with clones of Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas, simply because the candidate you supported did not end up on the ticket? Seriously? Think about what that means for the issues you have spent your life fighting for. Will you turn your back on your ideals to express your dissatisfaction? Isn’t there a better way to do that than to throw the election to the candidate you have very little in common with? If you are upset with the way the media (read Chris Matthews) has covered Senator Clinton, take it out on the media, not your party’s presidential nominee. There are ways to express your frustration without providing aid and comfort to your enemy.

I am 31-years-old. (Is that right? Really?) I never thought I would live to see the day when a man with dark skin and a name like Barack Obama would have a real, legitimate chance to be President of the United States of America, leader of the free world. I still believe this country will have a female president before it elects a racial minority. But I will be more than happy to revise my assumptions should Obama continue this roller coaster all the way to the White House.

I am Canadian, so I feel I have to do this. A half-hearted congratulations to the Detroit Red Wings on defeating the Pittsburgh Penguins for the Stanley Cup. Maybe now 46-year-old Chris Chelios can finally retire before he’s too old to lace up his own skates.

Actress, best friend of Lenny Kravitz, and all around smokin’ hot babe Gina Gershon vehemently denies a Vanity Fair article claiming she has been having an affair with former President Bill Clinton. In fact, she’s so angry she’s threatening to sue the magazine and the author responsible for the article. I for one am inclined to believe Gina. She’s not the type of woman Bill Clinton has affairs with. She’s beautiful, successful and washes all her dresses after wearing them. Bill would never go for that.

During the French Open this week, Spanish superstar and “Federer killer” Raphael Nadal worked up quite an appetite during one of his matches. Not wanting to leave the court and forfeit the match, Nadal directed some random guy in the gallery to go to the concession stand and get him a sandwich. Several minutes later, errand boy returns - with a sandwich in a bag - which Nadal directed the ball boy to retrieve for him, then promptly consumed it during the next timeout. Leave it to the French to develop court-side catering.

Finally, thieves stole an eight foot tall plaster statue of Jesus from a cross outside a church in Detroit. The reasoning behind the theft remains unknown, although there is some speculation that since the statue was a greenish patina color the thieves may have mistaken it for copper and stolen it to sell from scrap. But more importantly, someone seriously stole a statue of Jesus? Do they know anything about Jesus? Are they aware of his position on things like theft, grand larceny and such? Besides, there are far easier, legal ways to welcome Jesus into your life.