Five Feet High and Rising

How high's the water mama?

The bigger story this week is that the Midwest is under water. Still. Over 1300 city blocks of Cedar Rapids, Iowa are under water, not to mention hundreds of other little towns all across Iowa, Indiana, Minnesota, Wisconsin and now Missouri and Illinois. Rampaging waters have caused what may turn out to be billions of dollars in damage to property, tourism and crops, and even though the the rains have stopped for the time being, swollen rivers are just now reaching stressed levees in other parts of the country. How many people in Iowa and Indiana do you suppose have flood insurance?

The big story this week is that as of 5:00 p.m. Monday afternoon, the State of California began to legally recognize and perform homosexual marriages. A recent ruling by the California Supreme Court struck down the state's ban on homosexual marriage, virtually invalidating any law discriminating on the basis of sexual orientation. Great for same-sex couples wishing to be married. Not-so-great for heterosexuals wishing to prevent same-sex couples from getting married. Thousands of gay couples have either already taken advantage of the new law or are busy making plans for their ceremonies. However, all of the pomp and circumstance might be premature. Opponents of the decision have already collected over a million signatures for a petition to place a constitutional amendment on the November ballot defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman. Were such an amendment to pass, it would likely invalidate every same-sex union performed between now and then. The county clerk of conservative Bakersfield, California has decided to stop performing all wedding ceremonies, citing the increased budgetary demands of performing same-sex weddings. Apparently it is against the clerk's religious beliefs to certify a homosexual marriage, but not against her religious beliefs to lie about her reasons for not wanting to do so.

The issue with same sex marriage in America seems to be the word "marriage." Polls indicate that a decent majority support the concept of civil unions. But when it comes to marriage, as evidenced by the 26 states which have already amended their state constitutions, most Americans seem disinterested - if not hostile to the idea. The reason is that the word "marriage" is closely associated with religion, and most religions frown on the whole man lying with man deal. So allow me to propose a solution. Contrary to popular belief, marriage is not a constitutionally guaranteed civil right. It is, however, one or both of two things. In the eyes of the state, it is a civil contract between two individuals who agree to maintain a domestic partnership and share certain responsibilities for an unspecified period of time. In the eyes of the church, it is a sacred covenant between a man, a woman and God to share their lives, love and responsibilities. Statistics overwhelmingly indicate that children raised in a two parent household have a much better chance of succeeding in society and place far less of a burden on the resources of the state. Therefore, the state has a compelling interest in promoting a healthy two person civil union to maintain societal stability. But the state has no business involving itself in such an intimate religious ceremony. So, states should issue only licenses for civil unions and leave the marriages to the churches. That way, every couple is equal in the eyes of the law and no religious institution has to recognize or perform a union they believe is wrong in the eyes of God. Everybody wins. Don't they?

Israel and Hamas announced a six month cease fire to take effect this coming Thursday. Right. If there's no shooting on Sunday night we might take them seriously.

In less controversial news, Tiger Woods won his 14th Major title Monday afternoon defeating Rocco Mediate in a sudden death playoff at the U.S. Open in San Diego. The sudden death playoff came following a full 18-hole playoff played right before that, which had followed the traditional four full rounds over the weekend. That's 91 holes of golf! I can barely make it through nine! And the most impressive part of the whole thing is that he did it on one leg and about as much consistency as a five year swinging a stick at a pinata. Coming off of knee surgery Tiger was visibly in serious pain hitting shots off the tee and as a result put the ball all over the course. He double bogeyed the first hole four consecutive rounds. Yet despite all of that he was still able to pull out a victory before announcing he will be taking the remainder of the season off to focus on rehabilitation his knee. There are two ways to look at this win. Either 45-year-old all-round nice guy Mediate jumped from the 158th ranked player in the world to the second best player ever over the course of four days, or Tiger Woods on one leg really is better than everyone else in the field. My money's on number two.

After mounting the greatest comeback in NBA Playoff history in game four, the Boston Celtics embarrassed the Los Angeles Lakers last night to claim their 17 NBA Championship, and first since 1986. With only minutes remaining in the game the Celtics lead by as much as 43 points and ended up grubbing their opponents by 39 points. I have to admit, I haven't cared much about basketball since the end of the Michael Jordan era in the late 90s. And after the Phoenix Suns were eliminated six weeks ago I more or less tuned out of these playoffs as well. But, I did watch the final game and I would like to congratulate Kevin Garnett on the first NBA title of his 13 year career. If anyone deserves a championship, it's Garnett. No one works harder, no one is more intense, and a nicer guy does not exist in the entire league. Oh, and at least the Spurs didn't win again.

Eighteen-year-old Princess Eugenie was reprimanded by the her boarding school following an alcohol-induced incident in which she was caught frolicking naked under the "midnight moonlight" on campus. Umm, there's a princess Eugenie? And her parents named her "Eugenie?" Seriously? Good thing people are no longer executed for looking upon the princess in her birthday suit. That could have lead to a lot of unhappy high school boys.

Finally, Meet The Press anchor and political reporting legend Tim Russert died of a heart attack late last week. As 16-year anchor and Washington bureau chief for NBC News, Russert interviewed everybody who was anybody in politics and never pulled any punches. If you went in to sit for a Tim Russert interview you knew there were going to be questions that you wouldn't want to answer. He loved the news and the newsmakers loved and respected him. He was one of the last of a disappearing breed of journalist. He will be sorely missed. Sunday mornings won't be the same without him.