Movin' On Up

What a difference a day makes. At bed time last night Barack Obama led Hillary Clinton in New Hampshire polls by somewhere between 9-13 percent. At bedtime tonight, it appears as though Hillary Clinton has defeated Barack Obama in the New Hampshire primary by two points. Oh, and John McCain rolled over Mitt Romney by five. But we’ll pay attention to that race once - if - it starts to get interesting.

So, keeping in mind that a small homogenous northeastern state may or may not accurately reflect the views of the rest of the country, what did we learn from the New Hampshire primary?

Number one; pollsters are idiots. Now we’ve known this for at least eight years, but every so often it sneaks up on us and bites us in the ass. There’s a lot of empty space between a 13-point victory and a two-point loss. Space that these jokers are desperately trying to fill with explanations of just what the hell happened Tuesday night. Opinion polls are not supposed to have a 15-point margin of error.

Number two; white people - at least in New Hampshire - MAY NOT be willing to vote for a black man. The afore-mentioned 15-point margin of error can be accounted for in some combination of the following three ways. Pollsters are idiots, 15% of primary voters made up their minds instantly – all for the same candidate, or, voters lie. My money’s on option three. It wouldn’t be the first time people said one thing in answer to an opinion poll yet voted the opposite, especially in relation to a black candidate. Tennessee Democratic Congressman Harold Ford Jr. entered election night 2006 a few points ahead of his rival, yet finished the evening several points behind. Why people feel the need to lie about their opinions in a randomly sampled completely anonymous poll is beyond my understanding. I can only guess that it somehow makes them feel special to hear themselves explain to a faceless, often automated voice how open-minded and enlightened they are. Then, once they’ve done their good deed for the day, they go vote the way they truly feel, then repeat the same lie to the moron taking the exit poll. You might think that highly educated, broad-minded, “independent” electorate such as New Hampshire claims to be wouldn’t feel the need to play this sort of game with themselves. Apparently, you ‘d be wrong.

Number three; I was completely and utterly wrong when I said that voters – especially women – did not want a candidate who would break down and cry under fairly friendly questioning. That is exactly what New Hampshire voters wanted. They ate it up. They decided it made her look human, in touch with the feelings of working mothers and emotional people everywhere. Can’t you just see bin Laden in his cave in Pakistan rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically at the video of that interview on YouTube? “Seriously? They wanna send the weeper after me?” Note to Obama and Edwards; learn to cry on cue.

Number four; political pundits have short memories. Last night, every single talking head predicted a thumping of senator Clinton, effectively killing her campaign and sweep up Obama in a wave of momentum which he would ride all the way to the nomination by the end of “Super-Tuesday” on February 5. Tonight, the heads have declared Clinton to be the Energizer Bunny of the Democratic Party; able to leap tall black men and slow-talking Southerners in a single bound on her way to the Presidency. If you don’t like the way the wind’s blowing in D.C., wait a minute.

Finally, could somebody please put Bill Clinton back in his travel crate and send him home? Enough of this guy already! After eight years as president and eight more years globe-trotting with the former President Bush, it’s about time for this guy to go gently into that goodnight. Get him a cheeseburger, handcuff him to a couple interns, stuff a cigar in his pocket and send him on his way. His time has come and gone. Bill Clinton is the past, not the future.