Off To The Races

Two consecutive Monday nights without football. Yeah, the withdrawal’s kicking in, big time. The January thunderstorms and tornadoes aren’t helping either.

I know it is both the Monday after the Iowa caucuses and the Monday before the New Hampshire primary, but I’m going to sneak in a couple quick football hits – and a hockey hit – first.

The Redskins were dramatically overrated; the Titans desperately need an offense, the Bucs never recovered from getting the last two weeks off and the Jaguars are for real. Note to Cowboys fans, Tony Romo just returned from a vacation with Jessica Simpson. Get your popcorn ready.

On New Year’s Day NBC broadcast the second (not quite) annual outdoor hockey game between the Buffalo Sabers and the Pittsburgh Penguins at Ralph Wilson Stadium in Buffalo. Heck of a game! Rain, sleet, snow, wind and 75,000 screaming fans in a football stadium soaking up the greatest game on earth. Best hockey viewing experience I’ve had since the last outdoor game three years ago. (Yes, I am intentionally disregarding the loses of both the Oilers and the Flames in the Stanley Cup Finals.) I don’t care what it takes; the NHL has got to make this a tradition. How about Toronto and Detroit next year, or Montreal vs. Boston? I love it already.

On to the subject on everyone’s lips. Last Thursday night former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee and Illinois senator Barack Obama left the competition in the dust at the Iowa caucuses. Spurred on by a record 80% increase in democratic turnout, Obama defeated senators Edwards and Clinton by eight and nine points respectively, while Huckabee (whom my spell-checker insists I refer to as Mike Chickadee) did nearly as well against former governor Mitt Romney. By the time this blog is posted the polls will open in New Hampshire with Obama cruising with a double-digit lead and McCain with a slight edge over Romney.

So, with the understanding that a tiny, homogeneous mid-western state may not accurately represent the views of the country at large, what did we learn from the first official week of the 2008 election cycle?

Number one, white people WILL vote for a black man. If there was ever any doubt – and there was considerable doubt – Iowa Democrats proved that at least to them, blackness does not disqualify Barack Obama from the race for the nomination. Whether that sentiment is national or not remains to be seen. But if he can continue to draw the kind of broad-ranging support he’s getting now, (defeating senator Clinton in every major demographic with voters under 65), it’s hard to see this train derailing any time before it docks at the convention.

Number two; John Edwards is in a bit of doo doo. He has spent every waking moment since his defeat in the 2004 election campaigning in Iowa. Despite all that, the best he could muster was an eight point second place finish to a guy six people had heard of three years ago. He focused his entire effort in Iowa ignoring the rest of the country, and as a result trails the front-runner by double digits in almost every remaining state. It seems like a guy who ran for Vice President just four years ago should have done better with his core voters than Edwards has.

Number three; money might not solve every problem. Part time bass player and former heavyweight southern minister Mike Huckabee laid a six point Hammer of God down upon the fast talking, cash burning, broad smiling Ken doll Mitt Romney, despite being out spent nearly $20 million to $680,000. That is insane! That is like the Kansas City Royals defeating the New York Yankees for the World Series. Yeah, I’ll bet you didn’t even know Kansas City still had a baseball team. I reckon that’s about how Mitt Romney feels right about now. When you spend 20 million dollars you expect to get something for your money. All Romney got was embarrassed and a ticket to New Hampshire to watch the whole thing happen to him all over again. Much of Huckabee’s success in Iowa can be credited to evangelical Christians, many of whom Romney felt he could convince to support him. Apparently – at least in Iowa – the term evangelical Christian does not include Mormons.

Number four; senator Clinton’s display of “emotion” during a televised response to a question Monday morning does nothing for her already damaged image. It’s hard enough to be a woman playing a man’s game without breaking down and sobbing on camera. When people said they wanted to see your softer side, that is not what they meant.

Finally, IF Obamamania continues in the manner in which it is taking place right now – and there is no guarantee it will - we could be witnessing the birth of the most incredible political phenomenon since John Kennedy ran for president in 1960. Forget Bill Clinton, forget Ronald Reagan, (try not to remember Jimmy Carter and Richard Nixon), Barack Obama has the potential to be the greatest American political icon of the past 50 years – and maybe 50 years to come. That may sound like a gross overstatement, but think about what an Obama presidency would represent. He would become America’s first black president, first bi-racial president, second youngest president since Kennedy and the greatest orator since Martin Luther King. And if you don’t think the latter is important, consider the linguistic disaster currently inhabiting (inhibiting) the oval office.

I’m old enough to understand that regardless of how strong your political convictions, there’s only so much you can do once you get to Washington and butt heads with Congress and the special interests and Wall Street and the courts, so policy specifics no longer concern me. What I want in a president is someone who will represent the America in which I live and the America in which I aspire to live. I want a president who will not embarrass me in front of the world by forgetting the names of the honored guests at his own peace conference. I want a president who can correctly pronounce three – and even four syllable words. A president who can clearly articulate a thought without mentioning 911, or attempting to frighten me into submission. A president who never has to warn those nearby not to touch the hair for fear of catastrophic collapse. I’d like a president who allows me the luxury of pride in this nation and its people. But what do I know. I’m Canadian, I can’t vote.

Does the name Amy fisher ring a bell? You might remember her from such headlines as “Long Island Teenager Shoots Lover’s Wife in the Face,” and “Buttafuoco’s Babe Tries to Murder Wife.” Well, the former “Long Island Lolita” has decided to join her husband (not Buttafuoco) in promoting a sex tape the two of them made prior to filing for divorce, and then subsequently reconciling. Renown for her strong moral ethic, Fisher decided to take a six-figure payout rather than sue to have the tape pulled from the Internet. Only in America can you shoot someone in the face, then take a six-figure to allow people to watch you get sh… well… I should probably stop here.

Finally, in a stroke of utter childhood genius, a 10-year-old Mexican boy glued himself to his bed to avoid having to return to school following Christmas vacation. Diego told news reporters that he thought if he was glued to the bed, his mother couldn’t make him go to school. And really, give Diego some credit. He didn’t mess around with faking the flu; setting all the clocks back seven hours, burning the house down or any of those other lame excuses other kids use to stay home from school. He went straight for the industrial strength shoe glue. You’ve got to love the initiative. Unfortunately for Diego, paramedics were able to dissolve the adhesive and send his sorry butt off to school anyway a mere two hours late. So, let that be a lesson to all the kids out there. If you’re going to glue yourself to the bed to avoid going to school, use better glue. I recommend high-grade construction adhesive. Something that will keep you at home AT LEAST until after lunch.