The Right Thing to Do

Tonight, (Tuesday) President Obama will address a joint session of Congress and, through the magic of television, the rest of the country as well. Although technically not a State of the Union address, it might as well be. It will be broadcast on every major television network (no, the CW is not a major television network), every cable news outlet and every politically-related blog on the Internet. But, I’m going to save everyone a lot of time by providing a summary of the night’s events. Ready? Here goes. The President will stand up in the house chamber and tell everyone that things are pretty bad right now. But with the hard work and sacrifice of the American people, and the policies of his administration, things will turn around and America will once again lead the world in everything, just in time for the next election. After which, a representative of the opposition will sit in front of a television camera and explain how everything the President just told us was a lie, and that only by cutting taxes will we solve the economic crisis, eradicate poverty, find a cure cancer and stop global warming - if such a thing actually existed. There you go. The State of the Union in two sentences. Now you can use that hour you would have wasted watching it on television to laugh at YouTube clips of skateboarders sliding down handrails and face-planting in the concrete.

There is very little more entertaining than political hypocrisy. A handful of Congressional Republicans are now attempting to take credit for any economic benefit brought to their districts by the very stimulus bill they fought tooth and nail to obstruct. It must be liberating not to be weighed down by ethics or a conscience. In a related story, about a half-dozen Republican state governors seem prepared to take up the challenge issued by several last week and stand on principle and refuse federal stimulus money if they so opposed the bill - sort of. They intend to accept some of the money, but decline anything they don’t view as stimulus. Unfortunately the President doesn’t have the same option to veto portions of legislation he dislikes, but I guess there are advantages to not holding the highest office in the land. I’m sure it’s also no coincidence that the governors in question all have designs on the White House.

Just when you were beginning to miss disgraced former Governor Rod Blagojevich, someone else has stepped in to fill the void. We don’t even have to waste time getting acquainted. That special someone is the new junior Illinois Senator Roland Burris. Oh yes, the same Roland Burris appointed to the vacant senate seat under dubious circumstances just weeks ago by the afore mentioned Blagojevich. When he was deposed regarding the scandal, Burris insisted he had no contact with anyone associated with Blago, and certainly never discussed anything to do with fundraising. Well, turns out that wasn’t entirely accurate. In fact, not only did Burris have extensive contact with the Governor’s brother, but he also raised upwards of $10,000 for the Blagojevich campaign. Awkward. This new information has forced even some of the characters who insisted Burris be seated despite Blagojevich’s troubles to change their tune and call for his resignation. But for his part, Burris has plucked a page from his appointer and refuses to step down, claiming he’s done nothing wrong and blaming the media for distorting the facts and exaggerating his misdeeds. If only Senate Democrats had stood on principle and denied him the seat in the first place, he/we could have been spared all this additional embarrassment. Wait, did I just use senate and principle in the same sentence?

General Motors and Chrysler returned to Capitol Hill last week with their restructuring plans in one hand, and their stick-up notes in the other. After telling everyone they planned trim their fleets and lay off almost 100,000 employees between them, they also added a request for an additional $21.6 billion in government loans, just to stay afloat. I think we’ve seen this movie before. I’m not sure this sequel will end as well for Detroit as the original. You can only go to the well so many times before you find there’s no water left. Unfortunately, before this is all over, it is likely that the Big Three will become the Big Two, and Detroit’s influence over the automotive industry will diminish significantly. Sad for them. Worse for hundreds of thousands who used to work for them.

Early this week, Indiana Senator Richard Lugar called the 42-year-old U.S. embargo of Cuba “ineffective.” Really? Is there a school these guys go to where they learn different ways to state the obvious? Of course the Cuban embargo has been ineffective. It’s been an absolute failure. If the best way to open closed societies and closed markets like communist China is through free and fair trade, why would the opposite be true for communist Cuba? Hasn’t this farce gone on long enough?

California Republican Congressman Darrell Issa has demanded the new administration establish procedures to ensure all government e-mail communications are preserved, whether they were sent on official government accounts or not. He might have more credibility on this issue had he not ridiculed this very concept for the past eight years.

There has been a significant amount of chatter in recent days about the possible nationalization of several of the nations largest banks. The President, the Treasury Secretary and the Chairman of the Federal Reserve have stated repeated that they have no interest in nationalization, but that doesn’t seem to matter. Part of the problem might stem from the fact that there is a significant portion of the population that has no idea what the term actually means. USA Today reported a poll in which 54% of respondents indicated they approved of the government “temporarily taking over major banks in danger of failing.” However, only 43% of respondents in the same survey approved of the government “temporarily nationalizing major banks in danger of failing.” Apparently, 11% of respondents didn’t realize they were asked the same question twice. That survey is more than just an illustration of Americans’ lack of understanding of the concept of nationalization, it is a microcosm of our collective political and economic illiteracy. Too many Americans don’t seem to understand how serious this problem is and just how close this economy came to - and hovers around - complete financial collapse. This is so far beyond simply punishing people who made bad decisions or bought more house than they could afford it isn’t funny.

Two Pennsylvania judges have plead guilty to receiving $2.6 million in kickbacks to send about 5,000 juveniles to two privately run youth detention centers. You just can’t make this stuff up. Did they seriously think no one would notice two-and-a-half million dollars? I hope they get sent to boot camp.

Former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was released from jail today. Rumor is he is off to Texas to try to find employment in the private sector. Good luck Texas. He’s your problem now. Unfortunately, due to some stupid election rules, the city of Detroit must hold two elections to determine who will finish Kilpatrick’s current term, then two more elections to decide who the new mayor will be. Four elections in the space of one year, at a cost of $6 million dollars. Three guesses as to why Detroit is such a mess.

To aid in closing budget shortfalls, a California state legislator has offered a solution. Legalize marijuana, then tax the hell out of it. According to this particular lawmaker, weed is a $14 billion-a-year business in the state and if it were legal, and taxed at a rate of $50-an-ounce, it would net California an additional billion dollars in revenue. That’s a pretty big pot of money. (Sorry. I couldn’t resist.) But noting that the deficit California just closed was in the neighborhood of $42 billion, and additional billion dollars hardly seems worth it.

Finally, last week an Illinois high school boys basketball team provided us a poignant lesson in sportsmanship. Rival Milwaukee Madison senior Johntell Franklin, who had lost his mother to cancer the previous week, decided he wanted to play in a game against DeKalb, Illinois. He arrived at the game - from the hospital - in the second quarter. But because his coach was not expecting him to play, his name was not listed on the roster. In order to place Franklin in the game, Milwaukee Madison would be assessed a technical foul - two free throws and the ball to the opposition. DeKalb coach Dave Rohlman and his team knew of Franklins situation and told the referees they did not want the penalty assessed. But the rules are the rules, and DeKalb was instructed to select someone to shoot the two free-throws. Darius McNeal walked to the line, spotted up to take the shots, and intentionally missed them both. “I did it for the guy who lost his mom,” McNeal said after the game. “It was the right thing to do.” Even though Milwaukee Madison won the game, no one from DeKalb regrets their decision, or would do anything differently given the opportunity. Madison coach Aaron Womack was so impressed with the gesture, he wrote a letter to the DeKalb Daily Chronicle praising the DeKalb players and coaches and thanked them for not only coaching their young men, but teaching them how to be leaders. Compare that story to the story out of Dallas a few months ago in which a Christian high school girls basketball team defeated a vastly inferior rival 100-0, jacking up three-pointers with less than five minutes remaining in the game and tell me which kids and coaching staffs acted more Christ-like. Christians do not have a monopoly on values.

Major Malfunctions

Congratulations. You’ve been stimulated. Feel any different?

Congressional Republicans spent Sunday morning rounding the talk show circuit trying to convince America that President Obama failed miserably in his first legislative battle. A battle over the passage of an economic stimulus package, which he then signed into law two days later in Denver. Now I was under the impression that getting Congress to pass a bill you wanted passed would be considered a victory. After all, that’s how legislative victory has been defined for at least the past eight years. But apparently I lost something in translation. According to Senators Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell and John McCain, the new measure of success and failure is how many Republicans sing on to an article of legislation. I don’t know how this bogus determination was made, but this is national politics, not college football. A win is a win – even if you don’t run up the score.

When they weren’t busy trying to label victory as defeat and complaining about not having time to read a bill they never intended to vote for anyway, GOP leaders were pushing the talking point that since the President promised a new era of bipartisanship, and because Congressional Republicans failed to unclench their fists to accept the outstretched hand, Obama did not deliver on his promise. It’s sort of like a shopkeeper closing his store, and then complaining he can’t sell any goods. Bipartisanship requires the co-operation of two parties, hence the term bipartisan, “bi” meaning two and “partisan” meaning parties. If one party demands concessions from the other, yet refuses to concede anything of its own, there is never going to be a workable agreement – which was the intention of the Republican Party all along. As if to prove this point, on Monday afternoon, House Minority Whip Eric Cantor informed reporters that House Republicans intend to oppose the President’s foreclosure prevention plan. Only the President has yet to inform anyone of what that plan is. They don’t even know what it is they plan to oppose. Cantor and company will obstruct anything coming out of the White House, regardless of what it is. If Republicans want someone to blame for the failure of bipartisanship, they need only look in the mirror.

If no budget compromise is reached this week, the State of California will issue lay-off notices to 20,000 state employees, to take effect at the end of the month. Somehow, California has managed to dig itself a $42 billion deficit, and for the past year have been unable to agree on how to remedy the problem. The sticking point now is a budget proposal containing $15 billion in spending cuts and $14 billion in tax increases. California law requires both a balanced budget and a supermajority to pass any budget and/or tax increase. I’m sure that seemed like a good idea at the time that law was passed, but it sure looks like a royal pain in the ass now. Republicans in the Statehouse refuse to approve the tax increase, and Democrats refuse to cut spending any further. And so the stalemate continues. California has already issued I.O.Us in lieu of income tax refunds, and if no solution is reached by the end of the month, state government will essentially be shut down and California will be forced to issue I.O.Us for all their debt obligations. The sad part about this is that 20,000 public employees, and exponentially more in the private sector are being held hostage by ideologues in the Statehouse who can’t seem to understand that this is not some academic exercise in some classroom somewhere, isolated from reality. Real live human beings are going to be damaged by their gamesmanship.

Ditto for Kansas. Although the Kansas state budget deficit of $186 million seems laughable next to that of California.

Former presidential candidate and would-be Revlon spokesman Mitt Romney has placed two of his four houses on the market - including his Utah ski resort (described as a 9,500 square foot cabin) for which he is asking $5.25 million. I’m almost an architect. I don’t think a 9,500 square foot residence qualifies as a “cabin,” even if it is made out of logs. Lodge, maybe. Cabin, no. But at least Romney knows how many houses he has.

British and French military officials admitted this week that two of their nuclear submarines suffered significant damage when they collided with each other while submerged in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean earlier this month. I’m sorry, what? Do you realize how vast the Atlantic Ocean is? How do you collide with another ship in the ocean? Don’t you have sonar to prevent crap like that from happening? That’s like two bumblebees flying into each other over Texas! If you can’t avoid hitting another submarine in the Atlantic, maybe you shouldn’t be piloting a submarine.

The lead-in for a story appearing today on CNN.com: “The founder of an upstate New York TV station aimed at countering Muslim stereotypes has been arrested on suspicion of killing his wife, who was beheaded, authorities say.” Sometimes the irony writes itself.

In an interview with U.S. News and World Report, televangelist Pat Robertson was asked if he subscribed to the Rush Limbaugh, “I hope (Obama) fails,” school of thought with regard to the new administration. In a stunning moment of clarity, Robertson responded with the following: That was a terrible thing to say. I mean, he’s the president of all the country. If he succees, the country succeeds. And if he doesn’t, it hurts us all. Anybody who would pull against our president is not exactly thinking rationally.” Note to Rush: if Pat Robertson thinks you’re crazy, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate

Bristol Palin told Fox News that although she wishes she had waited ten years to have a baby, simply telling young people to be abstinent and expecting that to work is “not realistic at all.” I guess she would know.

Finally, in case you missed it, last Friday at 6:31 p.m. marked 1234567890 o’clock in Unix time. For those of us without pocket protectors and coke-bottle glasses, that means 1,234,567,890 seconds since the computer operating system Unix was created. Apparently that’s important.

This Judd's For You

After lobbying President Obama for the position, New Hampshire Republican Senator Judd Gregg has withdrawn his name from consideration for Commerce Secretary, citing “irresolvable conflicts” with his new administration. According to Gregg, he and the President “are functioning from a different set of views on many critical items of policy.” Really? You mean Republicans and Democrats actually differ on items of policy? Question, Judd; did you not know that the President is a Democrat? Were you somehow under the impression that McCain had won the election? I don’t understand what you thought was going to happen once you became Commerce Secretary. Did you think you would be able to get up in front of the cameras at every subsequent press conference and say, “You know, I really respect my employer and all, but I think everything he does wrong?” Why did you ask for the position if you weren’t going to be able to do the job? What is wrong with you?

Ordinarily I would appreciate the idea of a piece of legislation devoid of earmarks. But this time I think the lack of earmarks might be doing more harm than good. In a way, the inability to specifically target the economic aid is making it easier for Congressional Republicans to obstruct the process. Devoid of earmarks, opponents can simply claim the stimulus will help no one, without ever having to justify their statements. And, in the event it does work, they still reap the benefits of the legislation they fought tooth and nail to kill. However, with earmarks, the writers of the bill could target tax cuts and spending to the home districts of the most stalwart opponents of the stimulus package and force them to explain why they would vote to deny their own constituents desperately needed assistance. How many Republicans in Congress would actually vote against money targeted to their voters?

To help resolve this issue, I propose an experiment. Divide the stimulus spending and tax cuts by Congressional district. Provide stimulus benefits to districts that voted in favor of the package, provide nothing for districts that voted against it. Then wait a year and evaluate the progress. If the stimulus opponents are correct, there should be no economic difference between districts that received stimulus money and those that didn’t. If that’s the case, stimulus backers should admit they were wrong and capitulate to their opponents’ demands for doubling the tax cuts and eliminate all the spending. But, if the communities that received stimulus money are faring better than those that received nothing, then the constituents of the obstructionists should demand they be thrown out of office.

Vitamin T

Our snow finally melted this week. You’re forgiven Indiana. Until Thursday when it snows again.

Note to CNN.com: “Obama Bumps His Head,” is NOT news, and is certainly not a headline. Seriously, what’s next? Biden takes a dump? Get a hobby people.

Got a headache? Take a tax cut, it’ll make you feel better. Lose your job this week? Here, have a tax cut; don’t spend it all in one place. Run your airplane into a flock of geese killing both your engines and think you need to ditch that bird in the Hudson River? Don’t worry; a tax cut will get you back to cruising altitude in no time. Haven’t you heard? They’re the new penicillin.

President Obama held his first primetime news conference this week. He answered 13 questions in about an hour – including the obligatory sports question – which apparently wasn’t good enough for some members of the media. Apparently they would prefer single sentence answers to 50 questions in 60 minutes, which they could then later criticize as glib and inadequate. I thought he was serious, thoughtful and thorough with his answers, carefully explaining his position in complete sentences. After eight years of press conferences in which we were treated to incoherent answers revealing nothing, I found Obama’s parlance refreshing.



After a week of bickering, Senate Democrats and the three Senate Republicans that don’t despise the American worker finally passed a version of an economic stimulus package. Following that breakthrough, the revised bill headed to conference committee, where in less than 24 hours, House and Senate negotiators honed it into a $790 billion morsel they believe will survive votes in both chambers. House Republicans continue to perpetuate their fraudulent claims that no GOP ideas were considered – let alone adopted by negotiators, while Senate Republicans insist that none of the spending present in the bill can really be considered stimulus. They are, at best, either ignorant or stupid, and at this point it matters little which. But at worst, they’re walking the very fine line between stretching the truth and outright lying. The stimulus bill, in its original form, was comprised of approximately 30% tax cuts and 70% spending. The current version of the bill is approximately 40% tax cuts and 60% spending. To my knowledge, Democratic representatives didn’t demand a reduction in spending and an increase in tax cuts, and 600-plus page legislation simply doesn’t edit itself. And the idea that things like replacing the federal fleet with hybrid vehicles and funding school construction and/or renovation do not amount to economic stimulus is just preposterous. Allow me to demonstrate.

When the government authorizes the construction of a new school building, the school corporation goes out and hires an architectural firm – like the one I work for. We have about 14 employees. The architecture firm then hires consultants to help plan the project, a civil engineering firm, structural engineering firm, mechanical engineering firm, information systems firm, lighting designer, and so on and so one. Each of those firms employs maybe ten or twelve people. Once the building is designed and the construction drawings have been completed, the project is turned over to a contractor to build. For something like a school, the contractor will need to employ several hundred workers of various disciplines in order to complete the job. Each of those carpenters and glazers and drivers and roofers eat lunch at local restaurants, sometimes stay in local hotels, purchase new jeans and work boots from the local Wal-Mart and go out for drinks at the local taverns – all of which employ people raising families in the community. Every single person in that chain owes some portion of his or her paycheck to the fact that the local government provided funding for the construction of a new school.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the spending of money – regardless or who is doing the spending – stimulates economic growth. The same Republican politicians now arguing against that fact, admitted it as recently as last year. In fact, for five years, Congressional Republicans insisted that it was our moral obligation to rebuild the country we had blown to smithereens the year before by dumping hundreds of billions of American dollars into Iraqi infrastructure, security and education. They told the nation that those dollars would put Iraqis to work building roads and bridges and power plants and schools and help improve their standard of living. How can these clowns get up on television and with straight faces insist that infrastructure spending creates jobs in Iraq, yet absolutely WILL NOT create jobs in America? The answer is, they can’t. Not with any credibility. Instead, they continue to peddle tax cuts as the panacea for all that ails the economy. News flash: people without jobs don’t have any income, and therefore don’t pay taxes. Your proposed tax cuts provide absolutely NOTHING for the 600,000 people who lost their jobs last month! Why do so many people still take these charlatans seriously?

This past Monday, New York Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez admitted he used steroids during his stint with the Texas Rangers early in this decade. Surprise! The highest-paid player in the history of baseball cheated the game on his way to the top. Does this surprise ANYBODY? Anyone? Didn’t think so. Baseball is a fraud. It always has been, always will be. For decades the Powers-That-Be in Major League Baseball have known players were taking illegal substances and done absolutely nothing about it, because the game desperately needed the fastball and the long ball. Baseball sold its soul for ratings and deserves every single line of bad press it gets.

Brett Favre retired from football today. Again. We’ll miss you Brett. But please, stay retired this time.

The Grammys were awarded on Sunday. No one cared. The real drama apparently took place on the way to the awards show. Some dude named Chris Brown (I’m told he’s some sort of pop star) and his girlfriend Rhianna (another pop star – apparently with no last name) got into an argument in her vehicle as they were heading to the event. Brown reportedly physically assaulted Rhianna, and then fled the scene before the police arrived. Brown has since been charged with making criminal threats and released from jail on $50,000 bail, with additional charges pending. Much of the subsequent ink devoted to this story has discussed whether or not Mr. Brown has permanently tarnished his image. No one seems to remember the woman in this story with the bruises on her face. The moral of this story? Stop beating up your girlfriend! Among other things.

Finally this week, a group of fisherman decided to bridge two Lake Erie ice flows in order to gain access to water further from shore. (You know where this is going, don’t you?) After about a hundred or so fisherman made the pilgrimage, the flow broke away from the ice pack and began floating out into the lake. (Un)Fortunately, someone had a cell phone and called for help, forcing the Coast Guard to rescue a hundred people who probably should have been left to float across the lake to Canada, be denied entry by Canada Customs and sent back to where ever it is they came from on the iceberg they floated in on. Once again nature attempts to weed out those unfit to procreate and we interfere to stop it. When are we going to learn?

100 Percent Lambswool

“It’s the NASCAR of sheep shearing!” I actually heard that phrase today. That's just wrong, on so many levels.

An Ode to Rod Blagojevich, former Governor of Illinois.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light;
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
And that fair place is Springfield, mighty Blago's been thrown out.

Congressional Republicans continue their “Just Say No” campaign on Capitol Hill this week, manufacturing opposition to the much-needed economic stimulus package. The latest obstructions du jour came in the form of a “wasteful spending list” and a $700 billion counter-stimulus proposal, heavy on tax cuts and light on spending. If the situation weren’t so serious, it might actually be somewhat amusing. Republicans are now demanding “relief for underwater homeowners,” and provisions that would “keep families in their homes.” The irony that these same Republicans have blocked every attempt by the Democratic Congress and leaders in the Treasury Department to do exactly what they are now demanding should be lost on no one. It’s like they’re living in a time warp, convinced that Bush is still President and they are still in control of Congress with the mandate to set the agenda. When asked why the Republican Party insists on needlessly bickering and stalling while hundreds of thousands of Americans continue to lose their jobs, one apologist on a radio talk show this morning stated, “...we have a better idea.” Really? Seems to me that if you truly did have better ideas, you and the Republican majority in Washington could cajole President McCain into signing all the tax cut legislation you want. But the people decided otherwise. Get out of the way or get out of the way.

What is with all these people who can’t pay their taxes? Former Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle withdrew his name from consideration for Secretary of Health and Human Services today following his mea culpa for failing to pay $140,000 in back taxes until he was nominated to head HHS. This came on the heels of the withdrawal of Nancy Killefer for the position of Chief Performance Officer due to her failure to pay the employment taxes for her domestic help. Don’t these people have accountants? If not, shouldn’t they get accountants? If you can afford to have a driver, or domestic help, you can probably afford to hire an accountant to prevent embarrassing situations such as these.

Is it me, or is the media obsessed with the economic crisis? Eight out of every ten news stories play up some aspect of the downturn. Five of those stories are about how awful things are and how much worse they’re going to get if we don’t pour trillions of dollars into fixing the problem immediately, while the remaining three stories caution us of how unbelievably expensive it’s going to be to fix the problem. It’s like they’re urging us to take action while paralyzing us with the fear of the consequences. It make for a good story. But it does nothing to solve the problem.

Word came late last week that Wall Street payed out $18.4 billion in bonuses this past year. That is the sixth-highest bonus total ever. Hmm. I guess that means Wall Street had it’s sixth-best year ever, right? Wait, what do you mean the markets lost 45% of their value? Then why the hell... oh never mind. Answered my own question. Note that when asked for his opinion on the subject, former mayor Rudi Giuliani stated that it is exactly that type of excess which helps makes New York City the world class destination it is. That’s right Rudi. Nip that 2012 Presidential campaign in the bud. I’m sure that will go over well in “Real America.”

My NFL Thoughts for Superbowl Week:

Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers on their sixth Superbowl championship. Someone had to break the record. At least it wasn’t the Cowboys.

I have to admit this was the first Superbowl I can remember that I had absolutely no interest in. I did catch the last two minutes of each half, and from everything I heard it was a fantastic game - one of the best ever. I just couldn’t muster any interest. At least this time - unlike their victory over the Seahawks in Superbowl XL - they earned the trophy. Nobody handed them the title on phantom holding calls or non-existent chop-blocks or touchdowns that never broke the plane. Just football. Until next year.

My Superbowl Predictions for 2010: New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts.

Miley Cyrus decided she didn’t like the just barely pre-owned Porsche her mother gave her for her birthday, trading it in for a brand new, Toyota Prius. At least we’ll never have to read about an intoxicated Hanna Montana wrapping her Porsche around a tree at 90 miles-an-hour. Seriously. No one drives drunk - or fast - in a Prius.

Olympic superstar Michael Phelps found himself in the spotlight again this weekend, only this time, not for swimming. A British tabloid published a photo of Aquaman a party taking a hit of marijuana from an object resembling a bong. One could be forgiven for thinking the sports world had come to an end with the amount of ink devoted to said photograph and subsequent discussion of how Phelps had embarrassed himself and abandoned his position as a role model for children and should forfeit his medals and blah blah blah blah blah. Let’s get a few things straight. First, marijuana is not a performance-enhancing drug. It is nothing like injecting one’s self with steroids to gain a physical advantage over one’s opponent. There is no evidence and are no allegations of a positive drug test during the Olympics, but if Michael Phelps could go out and win eight Olympic gold medals high on the reefer, then he deserves every single one of those medals. Second, is it really surprising to anyone that a 23-year-old kid at a party with other 23-year-old kids took a hit from a bong? Finally, people need to quite pretending that only drop-outs, hippies and musicians smoke pot. Some of the best students I knew in college were regular connoisseurs of cannabis. As a matter of fact, approximately 40% of people surveyed (including three former Presidents) admitted to at least trying marijuana. Some of the “good kids” get high too. Be your own child’s role model. Don’t leave it up to people you see on television.

London, England has been completely shut down by what is being called the worst snowstorm in the past 18 years. Or, as we Canadians refer to it, flurries. Yes, the financial capital of Europe ground to a halt this past Monday when it was hit with three inches of snow. Seriously? Three inches? What are you people, Texans? It’s not even enough to shovel. Just think of the snow flakes as cold crispy raindrops. Londoners understand rain, right?

Finally, I ran across an interesting statistic this weekend. Apparently, the only major restaurant chain to turn a profit in 2008, was Hooters. Imagine that. Who would have thought wings, thighs and breasts would be such a winning combination?

Not Just A River In Egypt

Yup, still snowing. Keep burning, Indiana. Keep burning.

The Rod Blagojevich Road Show is now in full swing. His impeachment trial opened without him this week, as he was off roaming the country in search of additional television cameras in front of which to make statements. Blago dropped in on Larry King yesterday to make his case to “the American people” that he is being unjustly persecuted by the Illinois State Senate for being a great guy. I don’t really understand what good the support of 30 people in Arizona will do him in his Illinois trial, but I’m willing to admit that I might simply be missing the big picture. Or not. Every time he opens his mouth, a quote from some Hollywood production falls out, in his mind providing a metaphor for his struggle on behalf of people against The Man. Like a modern day Robin Hood – with a medieval hair cut. He’s even demanded the editorial boards of major newspapers get involved in attempting to save him from impeachment. Of course, several happen to be the very same editorial boards he is on tape trying to have fired for negative coverage of his misdeeds, but he’s proved he isn’t willing to let reality get in the way of a good performance. This whole saga is so bizarre it’s almost humorous. Okay, that’s not true, it’s so bizarre it is definitely humorous. But it’s humor I’d be more than happy to go without. Where’s Larry Craig when you need him?

Closing out their first official in the minority under the Obama administration, Congressional Republicans answered the President’s calls for bi-partisan cooperation by obstructing every single thing he attempted to do. First came the meaningless hold on Clinton’s nomination to Secretary of State. (The senator that requested the hold voted in favor of confirmation anyway.) Then there was the delay of the confirmation votes of the Treasury Secretary and the Attorney General. Tax-hating Republicans – all of whom would never pay a cent if they felt they could get away with it - admonished the now Treasury Secretary for failing to pay $35,000 in self-employment taxes six years ago when he worked for the International Monetary Fund. Never mind that when the error was discovered in 2006, Geithner acknowledged his mistake, filed the correct paperwork and repaid the outstanding balance. Clinton-hating Republicans – apparently and inexplicably still upset with Bill Clinton eight years after he went away – held up the nomination of Eric Holder for his failure to prevent President Clinton from pardoning a tax cheat (notice a pattern here?) he had every right to pardon if he so desired. Then, even before Obama made the trip to the floor to listen to their concerns, (something President Bush NEVER did), House Republican leaders announced they would be demanding their members vote against whatever stimulus bill is brought up for a vote tomorrow, claiming the stimulus package, forty percent of which is comprised of tax cuts, simply gives them nothing to vote for and shuts them out of the process. I don’t want to go so far as to call these clowns liars, but they certainly are adept at failing to tell the truth. Newsflash; YOU JOKERS LOST THE ELECTION! Barack Obama and Joe Biden were inaugurated last week, not John McCain and She-of-Whom-We-Do-Not-Speak. You didn’t lose because eight million people mistakenly checked the wrong box on the ballot. You lost because 63 million Americans rejected your IDEAS. The people reduced you to 41 votes Senatorial votes, why on earth should you and your ideas have a greater percentage of input in the stimulus package than you have representation in Congress? Get a grip! I realize that during the Bush terms you came to believe that the meaning of bi-partisanship is that the Republican Party automatically gets everything it wants, but President Bush was pretty good at mangling words and their definitions. Now that we have a leader who reads, writes, speaks and understands English, perhaps we can finally reunite words with their proper meanings. The words bi-partisan, cooperation and compromise ARE NOT synonyms for obstruction.

As much as it irks me that he’s doing it, I think it’s wonderful that Obama is making the effort to ensure the concerns and ideas of the minority are received, considered and sometimes even implemented in the policies of his administration. If the previous president had but attempted such a brazen act of leadership but once, it might have softened the way he is now viewed in hindsight. For the good of the nation, I hope all the factions of the government can agree on a package to provide help to struggling citizens. But personally, deep down somewhere, I hope the Republicans continue to obstruct, the stimulus passes over their objections, and is a wild, unbelievable success, leaving three of them in Congress to try to explain why they intentionally tried to sabotage this country’s recovery.

I don’t understand the “sky is falling” panic among some resulting from the President’s decision to outlaw the practice of torture. I actually heard a guest on a Nation Public Radio show assert that torture is the ONLY way to obtain information from suspected terrorists. Sounds like someone’s been watching too many episodes of 24. Seriously, it cannot be the stated policy of a free and democratic nation to torture anybody, for any reason. I hope the reasoning behind that statement is self-evident. The leaders of the free world must take a stand and say that inhumane behavior diminishes both the victim and the torturer and we will not engage in it. Will that end torture? Of course not. But it will re-establish the precedent that it terrible and wrong. To those of you soiling yourselves in fear of the now impending suitcase nuclear strike, allow me to ease you mind. Every U.S. interrogator is going to do absolutely everything they can to obtain whatever information they believe a suspect is hiding. If an interrogator is convinced the suspect they are holding is privy to information needed to halt an attack scheduled to commence in five minutes, and they feel the only way to ascertain that information is to rip out the suspect’s fingernails with pliers, they aren’t going to let a little something like a law get in their way. But after they have done that, saving your city from imminent destruction, they will have to stand before a judge and a jury of their peers and explain why they felt it was necessary to him or herself and dehumanize another human being. If the judge and jury agree with that decision, then so be it. But the days of abusing any Rasheed, Habib and Ahmed for whatever reason tickles someone’s fancy are over. Abuse has to be the exception, not the rule.

A Los Angeles man killed his wife, five children and himself today because he was upset over being fired from his job. Why can’t disturbed people just kill themselves BEFORE turning the guns on everyone else?

Read a headline today that said something to the effect of, “Prince Harry’s longtime girlfriend dumped him through Facebook this week, reportedly because she was tired of the lifestyle.” Hmm. She broke up with the prince because she was tired of being treated like a princess? Wow. She just set women back about a hundred years. Actually, further reading of the story revealed that is was Prince Harry’s lifestyle that Chelsy Daly was tired of, not hers. Apparently the prince is something of a flirt. A ladies man, if you will. I don’t know. What’s the point of being the prince if you can’t make out with any woman you want? But seriously, how lame is it to break up with someone through Facebook? Isn’t that like asking your friend to break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend for you? Weak.

This past weekend, a 14 -year-old Chicago kid dressed in a police uniform strolled into a police station and stood in line. He was promptly assigned a partner and sent out on patrol. Only five hours later did the real police discover that he - the kid - was not. Five hours? No wonder there aren’t any detective shows based in Chicago.

Finally, Japan has a population problem. It is in decline. No worries. They’ve come up with a novel solution. Japanese companies are trimming hours from the workday and encouraging their employees to use the additional time to… well… procreate. That’s right, they’re giving workers time off to have sex. Now where did I put that plane ticket?

Yes We Did

My mother called me last week and demanded I apologize for instructing the State of Indiana to “burn in hell,” following last weekend’s snow storms. I considered it, and I was fully prepared to do so. But, I decided not to. You know why? It’s still snowing! Still! No apology until the snow stops.

Well, it’s official. Barack Obama is now is the 44th President of the United States of America. Congratulations sir. This mess is all yours. But setting that aside for a moment, this inauguration truly was one of the most impressive things I have ever witnessed. This is a fantastic time I live in. When I was was growing up, the idea of a black president was little more than a bizarre fantasy at best and a bad joke at worst. Today at 12:00 p.m. it became a reality. I think one would have to be slightly less than sane to want the job at this point, but I’m glad someone someone does, and I’m glad that someone is Barack Obama. Good luck sir. And Godspeed.

Of course, the inauguration of Barack Obama signals the end of the eight year presidency of one George W. Bush. Late last week former President Bush asked for 15 minutes of network television time to issue a farewell address to the nation. In it he basically told the country that in spite of everything that may have gone wrong, his intentions were good and he did the best he could with the tools he had, and then made up. Fine. I’ll accept that he tried. I’ll accept that he did what he thought was right. But the presidency is not some kindergarten graduation. You don’t get points for trying. You don’t get trophies for failing the tests. It’s fine to do your best and to do what you think is right - it would be ludicrous to expect you to do otherwise. But when those things result in the circumvention of Constitutional protections, extra-legal interrogations, an ill-advised war, manufactured justifications, unwarranted secrecy, callous disregard and a litany of other grievances, good intentions just don’t cut it. The road to hell is paved with them.

There has been a call by some on the left for the Obama administration to prosecute members of the Bush Administration for war crimes. Let me say in no uncertain terms, this is the dumbest idea I’ve heard since “...the fundamentals of the economy are sound.” I understand there are still some people who haven’t gotten over the 2000 election, feel that Bush stole the election and has been an illegitimate leader ever since. But Barack Obama’s presidency is not your personal revenge project. We are in the midst of the biggest economic crisis since the Great Depression. We have 150,000 American soldiers being shot at over seas, tens of thousands of families losing their homes, millions losing their jobs, and some people want the new President to expend valuable political capital by essentially giving the finger to every single Republican in Congress and 47% of the electorate. If you want to end an historic presidency before it begins, go ahead, start a prosecution. All that’ll get you is 8 more years of Bush.

The biggest story of last week was by far the ditching of a U.S. Airways A320 Airbus in the Hudson River after a “double bird strike” disabled both engines. First of all, the idea that a $60 million airplane can be brought down by two Canada geese is more than a little disturbing to someone who already hates to fly. But second, there was absolutely no more qualified pilot on the face of the earth to ditch an airliner in a river than Chesley B. Sullenberger. “Sully,” as he is apparently known to his friends - and now everyone in New York City - is an ex-air force pilot, head of a pilots organization and aviation safety inspector in his spare time. If you believe in miracles, it is nothing short of a miracle that this man was at the controls of that aircraft last Thursday afternoon. If you don’t believe in miracles, then the 155 passengers onboard are the luckiest S.O.Bs in America. It’s also a beautiful illustration of the difference between New York City and many other places in America. According to survivor reports, within 90 seconds of the plane hitting the water, rescue boats, commercial ferry boats and personal pleasure boats we on the scene, plucking people from the wings of the floating aircraft and out of the frigid Hudson River. You know that if that crash had occurred just off Los Angeles, people would have been trampling each other charging down the beach beating each other with their camera phones, snapping pictures and screaming, “oh my goodness, why won’t somebody help them!” New York City is the biggest community in the world.

The Senate Foreign Relations Committee held confirmation hearings for Hillary Clinton last. It immediately became evident to everyone unfortunate enough to be watching said hearings that most of the time, policy discussions are incredibly boring. All but one committee member voted in favor of confirmation. The lone holdout? Louisiana Republican David Vitter. As justification for his no vote, Vitter sighted reservations he had regarding some of the names on the list of donors to former President Clinton’s Global Initiative. This is of course the same David Vitter who threw himself at the mercy of his wife 18 months ago when his phone number appeared on a list of clientele belonging to the infamous “D.C. Madam.” Refresh my memory. What is it that people who live in glass houses should never do?

Cementing its status as a farce of a banana republic (without even the sharp linen shirts) Zimbabwe announced last week that in an effort to curb long lines at the banks and wheelbarrows full of cash at the grocery store, it will introduce a new 100 trillion dollar note, with 10, 20 and 50 trillion dollar denominations to follow shortly. Zimbabwe is about to become the first country in the world with trillionaires starving in the streets. It’s difficult to see how this country is ever going to be able to turn itself around.

My NFL Thoughts for Conference Championship Weekend:

I’m afraid I’m no more interested in the playoffs than I was last week. The Arizona Cardinals were kind enough to spare us the pain of an all-Pennsylvania Superbowl, but I just can’t work up any excitement to watch the Steelers try for title number six against a team that should never have made the playoffs. But, it is what it is. Steelers vs. Cardinals, February 1, 2009. Can I watch the commercials and skip the game?

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers selected newly appointed defensive coordinator Raheem Morris to replace Jon “Chucky” Gruden as head coach. At 32, Morris will become the youngest head coach in the league, and the seventh African-American - barring the as-yet unannounced firing of Herman Edwards and/or Marvin Lewis. Morris will more-than-likely find himself coaching players several years older than he. This seems to have become somewhat of a trend around the league. Old experienced coaches are suddenly passe, left at the wayside in favor of much younger, fresher faces. The 2009-2010 season ought to be awfully interesting.

My Superbowl Picks: Pittsburgh Steelers over Arizona Cardinals.

Some girl is attempting to auction off her virginity online. At last count, bids are up to $3.7 million. Really? Some IDIOT is seriously willing to pay this girl nearly four million dollars to be the first man to have sex with her? I don’t mean to be insensitive, but for four million dollars, she’d better bring along about 40,000 of her closest friends. Seriously, does she even have to prove she’s a virgin? Because there’s no error-proof test for that. And what kind of creep gets his jollies by dropping four million dollars just to deflower a teenaged girl?

At the Consumer Electronics Show last week in Las Vegas, (which, coincidently, is held at the same time and place as the Adult Video Awards), Philips debuted the world’s first commercially available anamorphic widescreen television. It has been the bane of my existence that televisions came in a 4:3 picture ratio while movies were shot in 16:9, so in order to view a film the way it was meant to be seen I had to watch it with little black bars at the top and bottom of the screen. Naturally I was elated when televisions became available in the 16:9 format, as I would now be able to watch movies - and soon television - in its native ratio. But of course, as if to spite me, filmmakers started producing movies in the 21:9 anamorphic ratio, rendering my brand new high-definition widescreen television less than useful. And while an anamorphic television would be great for watching 21:9 movies, it would make viewing 16:9 television with big black bars along the sides annoying as all get-out. As much as I want one of these fancy new anamorphic widescreen high-definition televisions, I think I’m going to wait until the industry figures which ratio they want to go with.

Finally, 80’s pop star Boy George was sentenced to 15 months in jail last week for handcuffing an escort to a radiator and beating him with a chain. Hmm. I guess he really did want to hurt you. Guess he really did want to make you cry.