100 Percent Lambswool

“It’s the NASCAR of sheep shearing!” I actually heard that phrase today. That's just wrong, on so many levels.

An Ode to Rod Blagojevich, former Governor of Illinois.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light;
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
And that fair place is Springfield, mighty Blago's been thrown out.

Congressional Republicans continue their “Just Say No” campaign on Capitol Hill this week, manufacturing opposition to the much-needed economic stimulus package. The latest obstructions du jour came in the form of a “wasteful spending list” and a $700 billion counter-stimulus proposal, heavy on tax cuts and light on spending. If the situation weren’t so serious, it might actually be somewhat amusing. Republicans are now demanding “relief for underwater homeowners,” and provisions that would “keep families in their homes.” The irony that these same Republicans have blocked every attempt by the Democratic Congress and leaders in the Treasury Department to do exactly what they are now demanding should be lost on no one. It’s like they’re living in a time warp, convinced that Bush is still President and they are still in control of Congress with the mandate to set the agenda. When asked why the Republican Party insists on needlessly bickering and stalling while hundreds of thousands of Americans continue to lose their jobs, one apologist on a radio talk show this morning stated, “...we have a better idea.” Really? Seems to me that if you truly did have better ideas, you and the Republican majority in Washington could cajole President McCain into signing all the tax cut legislation you want. But the people decided otherwise. Get out of the way or get out of the way.

What is with all these people who can’t pay their taxes? Former Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle withdrew his name from consideration for Secretary of Health and Human Services today following his mea culpa for failing to pay $140,000 in back taxes until he was nominated to head HHS. This came on the heels of the withdrawal of Nancy Killefer for the position of Chief Performance Officer due to her failure to pay the employment taxes for her domestic help. Don’t these people have accountants? If not, shouldn’t they get accountants? If you can afford to have a driver, or domestic help, you can probably afford to hire an accountant to prevent embarrassing situations such as these.

Is it me, or is the media obsessed with the economic crisis? Eight out of every ten news stories play up some aspect of the downturn. Five of those stories are about how awful things are and how much worse they’re going to get if we don’t pour trillions of dollars into fixing the problem immediately, while the remaining three stories caution us of how unbelievably expensive it’s going to be to fix the problem. It’s like they’re urging us to take action while paralyzing us with the fear of the consequences. It make for a good story. But it does nothing to solve the problem.

Word came late last week that Wall Street payed out $18.4 billion in bonuses this past year. That is the sixth-highest bonus total ever. Hmm. I guess that means Wall Street had it’s sixth-best year ever, right? Wait, what do you mean the markets lost 45% of their value? Then why the hell... oh never mind. Answered my own question. Note that when asked for his opinion on the subject, former mayor Rudi Giuliani stated that it is exactly that type of excess which helps makes New York City the world class destination it is. That’s right Rudi. Nip that 2012 Presidential campaign in the bud. I’m sure that will go over well in “Real America.”

My NFL Thoughts for Superbowl Week:

Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers on their sixth Superbowl championship. Someone had to break the record. At least it wasn’t the Cowboys.

I have to admit this was the first Superbowl I can remember that I had absolutely no interest in. I did catch the last two minutes of each half, and from everything I heard it was a fantastic game - one of the best ever. I just couldn’t muster any interest. At least this time - unlike their victory over the Seahawks in Superbowl XL - they earned the trophy. Nobody handed them the title on phantom holding calls or non-existent chop-blocks or touchdowns that never broke the plane. Just football. Until next year.

My Superbowl Predictions for 2010: New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts.

Miley Cyrus decided she didn’t like the just barely pre-owned Porsche her mother gave her for her birthday, trading it in for a brand new, Toyota Prius. At least we’ll never have to read about an intoxicated Hanna Montana wrapping her Porsche around a tree at 90 miles-an-hour. Seriously. No one drives drunk - or fast - in a Prius.

Olympic superstar Michael Phelps found himself in the spotlight again this weekend, only this time, not for swimming. A British tabloid published a photo of Aquaman a party taking a hit of marijuana from an object resembling a bong. One could be forgiven for thinking the sports world had come to an end with the amount of ink devoted to said photograph and subsequent discussion of how Phelps had embarrassed himself and abandoned his position as a role model for children and should forfeit his medals and blah blah blah blah blah. Let’s get a few things straight. First, marijuana is not a performance-enhancing drug. It is nothing like injecting one’s self with steroids to gain a physical advantage over one’s opponent. There is no evidence and are no allegations of a positive drug test during the Olympics, but if Michael Phelps could go out and win eight Olympic gold medals high on the reefer, then he deserves every single one of those medals. Second, is it really surprising to anyone that a 23-year-old kid at a party with other 23-year-old kids took a hit from a bong? Finally, people need to quite pretending that only drop-outs, hippies and musicians smoke pot. Some of the best students I knew in college were regular connoisseurs of cannabis. As a matter of fact, approximately 40% of people surveyed (including three former Presidents) admitted to at least trying marijuana. Some of the “good kids” get high too. Be your own child’s role model. Don’t leave it up to people you see on television.

London, England has been completely shut down by what is being called the worst snowstorm in the past 18 years. Or, as we Canadians refer to it, flurries. Yes, the financial capital of Europe ground to a halt this past Monday when it was hit with three inches of snow. Seriously? Three inches? What are you people, Texans? It’s not even enough to shovel. Just think of the snow flakes as cold crispy raindrops. Londoners understand rain, right?

Finally, I ran across an interesting statistic this weekend. Apparently, the only major restaurant chain to turn a profit in 2008, was Hooters. Imagine that. Who would have thought wings, thighs and breasts would be such a winning combination?