Guess You Should Have Gone to Rehab...

Today’s word is irony. Say it with me. Irony.

Late last week, in a move that surprised absolutely no one, presidential hopeful Barack Obama announced that he will forego $80 million in public financing and continue to raise record-breaking amounts of money on his own. This drew the ire of the McCain campaign, which wasted no time in labeling Obama a “flip-flopper” on the issue of public financing of political campaigns. According to McCain, Obama promised to accept public financing and abide by the rules of such a campaign if his opponent did the same. Of course, as it always is in politics, the truth is actually a little more nuanced. Obama promised to aggressively pursue an agreement with the opposing candidate to utilize public funding, if the opponent did the same. McCain, the opponent, did not officially accept public financing of his campaign until after Obama declared he would not. But truthfully, the facts are neither here nor there. The essence of the argument is as follows. A long time ago, Obama implied he would accept public financing. At the time he made said nuanced statement, no one anticipated the ridiculous amounts of money that would be raised during this campaign season. The candidates thought this would be a campaign on par with campaigns of the past. Oops. At this point, John McCain can’t buy fundraising, while Obama is growing greenbacks in his back yard. Why would Obama want to be limited to $80 million when he has already raised three times that during the primaries alone? And of course McCain wants to limit his opponent to public financing. He would be fortunate to raise another $80 million without the help of the system.

I guess I’m not as disturbed by Obama’s reversal on public financing than some other people. The purpose of the public financing system is to ensure that the public is not excluded from political influence at the expense of larger, wealthier donors. The Obama campaign has amassed over 1.5 million donors contributing less than $200 each. Sounds like public financing to me. Besides, conservatives should have two reasons to be excited. One, they hate public financing anyway. Because the government shouldn't pay for anything that doesn't blow stuff up, invade people's privacy, or keep out Mexicans. And two, Obama just saved the taxpayers $84 million. What’s not to like?

Candidates need to be careful when throwing around charges of “flip-flopping.” First, “flip-flopping” is a ridiculous word. No one should use it. Second, no one is immune from this type of charge. There isn’t a single politician who has not changed his or her mind on some issue at some point in time. Circumstances change and opinions evolve over time and as evidence becomes available. Now, I’m sure there are legitimate circumstances under which a candidate can be labeled as changing one’s mind for political gain. But if Obama “flip-flopped” on campaign finance, did McCain “flip-flop” on offshore drilling, immigration reform or certain interrogation techniques? There seems to be a fine line between “flip-flopping” and refining one’s position.

Oh, by the way, I'm a little tired of people pretending they don't know anything about Barack Obama's policies, and using that to justify their "uncertainty" about voting for him. If you truly don't know anything, it's because you've intentionally turned him out every time he's tried to tell you. How many policy speeches does he need to give on financial market reform, alternative energy, tax reform, the Iraq war, foreign policy and the like before people will admit he has a plan? How many times does he need to explain that he wants to eliminate income taxes for seniors making less than $50,000 a year, return the capital gains tax rate to between 25% and 28%, increase fuel economy standards, dramatically increase the amount spent on alternative energy, remove up to two brigades from Iraq per month, regulate Wall Street speculators, etc., before some people will admit that they really do know all that stuff and it has little to do with their "uncertainty" about voting for him? If you don't like what Senator Obama stands for, just say so. But don't pretend you don't know what he stands for.

A report issued today revealed that during the past seven years, the Justice Department routinely turned down highly qualified applicants with sparkling resumes from the nation’s finest institutions because they were deemed “liberal” or “Democratic”, and instead accepted less qualified applicants found to be more “conservative.” Is ANYONE remotely surprised by this? Anyone at all? The Bush Justice Department put politics ahead of justice. I’m stunned.

Zimbabwean opposition leader Morgan Tvsangirai has withdrawn from what he terms a “...sham of an election process,” and taken refuge in the Dutch embassy amidst rampant violence and the murder of his party members by persons affiliated with President Robert Mugabe’s ruling party. As a result, Mugabe will be declared the winner of the upcoming “election” this Friday, ensuring the continuation of what may be the most self-destructive African regime of the last quarter century. As usual, the rest of the world, including Zimbabwe’s African neighbors, gave speeches condemning Mugabe’s campaign of violence, but took no action whatsoever to correct the situation. Many question Tvsangirai’s decision to revoke his candidacy so close to an election which could potentially end the 26-year disaster that has been Mugabe’s rule. But people need to understand something. Heroes are still human beings. Tsvangirai has family and friends and co-workers and many others whom are put at risk of life and limb by his candidacy, and he has to be conscious of that fact. It’s not like America where more often that not the worst thing that happens to you when you disagree with the establishment is that you change the channel. At least for now, Tsvangirai lives to fight another day.

Two presidential tracking polls released within the past few days show Barack Obama leading John McCain by 12 to 15 points. These pollsters need to put down the marijuana cigarettes and get themselves a cup of coffee to calm their nerves. Polls should reflect what is happening, not what could or might or should happen. Yes, given all the factors, this is an election Democrats should win in a landslide. But, almost in spite of themselves, the Republicans have managed to nominate the one candidate they had who could give the Democrats a run for their money. Despite seven years of (insert noun /adjective combination here), this country is still closely divided and this will be a close election. Attempting to lull people into false senses of security or panic with voodoo polling does a disservice to this process.

Don Imus once again finds himself waist deep in the big muddy. The apparently 700-year-old Imus has decided to follow his much-publicized episode with the Rutgers women’s basketball team last year with a new racially-charged senior moment involving Dallas Cowboys cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones. In discussing Jones’ multiple arrests with his sportscaster, Imus seemed to imply that the reason Jones has found himself in so much trouble is because that is what young black men do. Imus said - the following day - that he was making a sarcastic point that blacks are often unfairly targeted by police. “What people should be outraged about is that they arrest blacks for no reason, and I mean there's no reason to arrest this kid six times," he said. "They shoot blacks for no reason." It might have helped his case had he made that point a little clearer at the time he made the original comment.

The U.S. Conference of Mayors met in Miami this past week and resolved to ban bottled water from all city buildings. Right. No resolution to reduce gun violence, no mass transit initiatives, no plans for community redevelopment. Just a ban on bottled water. Way to take a stand.

Saudi Arabia agreed to increase oil production by 300,000 barrels this week. Due to attacks on their oil pipelines, Nigeria decreased production by 300,000 barrels a day. The market yawned and gas prices rose three cents.

New York-based architect David Fisher has unveiled plans to construct an 80-story shape-shifting skyscraper in Dubai. It will be the first building in the world which will be able to continuously alter its physical appearance. Each floor, powered by wind turbines, will reportedly be able to rotate independently, allowing someone to reshape the building according to the shapes he or she finds in their Spaghetti O’s. Units will sell for approximately $3,000 per square foot. No, that is not a misprint. This just goes to prove, you just can’t give rich people money.

Finally, the denials issued by her publicist would seem to confirm reports that British pop-tart Amy Winehouse may have developed emphysema at the tender age of 24. Sigh. According to her father, Winehouse’s chain smoking and use of crack cocaine may have contributed to her condition. Guess that’s why you shouldn’t smoke crack. Let’s not downplay what she’s accomplished here. Amy Winehouse has managed to achieve in a quarter century what takes many people 70 or 80 years to accomplish.

99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall...

Short one this week. The news was dry and television is really interesting. I’m watching “Storm Over Everest” on PBS. Not only is the story compelling, but the high-definition film of Mt. Everest is absolutely breath-taking. Forget American Idol. Learn something people. Watch PBS.

Today’s post is brought to you by the numbers 2, 4 and 7, and by the letter ‘D’. ‘D’ is for Disasterpalooza. And if we weren’t completely engaged before, we certainly are now. Over the past two weeks we’ve been inundated with cyclones, floods, volcanoes, thunderstorms, tornadoes, wildfires, shark attacks and now, a 7.9 magnitude earthquake in the southwestern Chinese province of Sichuan. Early estimates estimate more than 12,000 dead, 26,000 injured, 7,800 missing and 9,600 trapped beneath debris. The shear scale of tragedy demands that pictures of screaming parents and dust-covered rescue workers lead off every television newscast (although at 8 p.m. tonight cable news instantly replaced Disasterpalooza with wall-to-wall coverage of a meaningless West Virginia Democratic primary.) But there comes a point where we no longer need to see the cameraman wrapped around the reporter’s ankles to prevent him from blowing off the hotel balcony to know that it’s windy outside. I think we’ve reached that point.

As mentioned in the previous paragraph, there was a primary in West Virginia today. As expected, Senator Clinton defeated Barack Obama by what looks like at least 35 points. As a result Clinton will collect the majority of the state’s 28 delegates. In terms of pledged delegate count, superdelegate count and popular vote count, this primary is about as valuable as a canoe in the desert. Obama now leads in all three of those categories, and is likely to hold that lead through the final primary on June 3rd. But the victory allows Senator Clinton to continue to claim that she should be handed the nomination, in spite of the will of the voters. Kentucky and Oregon are up next on the primary calendar, Kentucky leaning toward Clinton, Oregon toward Obama. And the beat goes on.

The good news is that this primary nonsense is almost over. The bad news continues to be the exit polls. Even accounting for the fact that these surveys were taken in a state in which the demographics overwhelmingly favor Clinton (under-educated, under-wealthy, over-aged, “hard-working white voters”), the results are very disturbing. Over 60% of both Clinton and Obama supporters now say they will be dissatisfied if the other candidate receives the nomination. Ninety days ago most Democratic voters said they would be happy with either candidate at the top of the ticket. A lot of “healing” needs to take place between now and November if the nominee is to mount a strong challenge to McCain.

In a related story, there may be a bright spot for Democrats this primary season. Even if voters can’t agree on a presidential candidate, they seem to agree that they aren’t terribly interested in renewing Republican rule. As Clinton rolled to victory in West Virginia, Democrat Travis Childers defeated Republican Greg Davis for an open congressional seat in northern Mississippi. This is the third time in as many special elections this season that a Democrat has captured a seat in a traditional Republican stronghold. During all three of these campaigns, Republicans attempted to link the local candidate with Barack Obama and other members of the “liberal” Democratic Party leadership - a strategy which has served them well in the past in the districts in question. But it would appear that for the time being, that strategy seems to be failing. There could be several reasons for this - including the idea that perhaps, after eight years of a Republican administration, the mood in the country has shifted a little. Perhaps the country is ready for ideas like universal health care and alternative energy. Perhaps America has shifted - at least in some respects - to the left.

Oil prices continue to rise to record heights, topping $126 a barrel last week. As a result, regular gasoline in some locations is selling for over $4.00 a gallon. Where is my flying car that runs on water?

Finally, according to the New York Post, Beyonce Knowles is pregnant. Is Jay-Z really the father? Quick, somebody call Maury Povich.

Number 4

Today marks the end of an era. Brett Favre has retired. For the past 16 years the immortal Number 4 has led the Green Bay Packers into battle every Sunday against the NFL’s elite. This morning, 61,665 passing yards, 160 wins, 442 touchdowns, 275 consecutive starts, three league MVP awards and one Superbowl victory later, he has decided to hang up the jersey for good. For the past three years the off-season has brought rampant speculation as to whether or not he would finally walk away from the game he so obviously loved. But this year was different. At the age of 38, after a resurgence the likes of which has not been seen in sports in recent memory, everyone assumed Favre would return to Green Bay at least one last time to try to get over the hump and back to the Superbowl. Instead he has decided he will not return to Lambeau Field in a uniform in the fall. He is leaving on his own terms, after a stellar season, uninjured and with his legend intact, which is more than can be said for so many athletes in his position. Everyone wants to go out like John Elway, hoisting the championship trophy high above one’s head. But if you can’t go out on top, there are few better ways to go out that the way he has chosen to go. Packer fans will miss him, football fans will miss him and most of all, the game will miss him. The NFL has had no better ambassador over the past decade. So grill up a bratwurst and pour yourself a cold one. Here’s to Number 4.

Not wanting to be outdone by a certain Texas icon’s endorsement of a political candidate, Patriots superstar receiver Randy Moss secured a divine endorsement of his own last week. Patriots quarterback and all-round suave, debonaire ladies-man Tom Brady was reported as saying, “Wherever (Moss) goes, I go.” For anyone unfamiliar with the dynamics of New England high society, that qualifies as Boston’s equivalent of an endorsement by Jesus. It may not carry quite the same weight in Massachusetts as it does in Texas, but props from the Golden Boy are special none the less.

From the best of the best to the worst of the worst. The once proud New York Knicks have become the laughing stock of professional basketball. As if it wasn’t enough that head coach and general manager Isiah Thomas has traded away every decent draft pick for the next fifty years, drastically overpays every single one of the mediocre players on his roster and was found guilty of sexually harassing an employee, Thomas has now reportedly banned his underachieving star guard and fashion diva Stephon Marbury from the arena. Rumor has it that Marbury is still under contract with the Knicks and expected to play, so banning him for his place of employment doesn’t make any sense to me. Then again, nothing about the Knicks makes sense, does it.

It’s good to know that rumor, innuendo and good old-fashioned fear-mongering are not only alive and well in American politics, but frightening effective. On the eve of “Critical Tuesday” (why do people feel the need to give stupid little nicknames to everything?), Senator Clinton seems to be enjoying a bit of a resurgence in the polls. Somehow she has managed to convince voters and media alike that even if she loses a close election in Ohio and/or Texas, she can still be considered a winner for over coming Senator Obama’s momentum. I guess I don’t understand how the evaporation of 20+ point Clinton leads in Ohio and Texas in just three weeks can be legitimately viewed as anything but disaster, but maybe I’m just not looking hard enough. Regardless of whether or not winning races you were always projected to win can be considered a comeback, it’s the manner in which the “comeback” was launched that upsets me. Clinton didn’t come out hammering Obama on his stance on the issues - his stance is nearly identical to hers. No, first she complained about the referees - the media. They just weren’t being fair to her, not making any calls in her favor. So of course, as all referees do when the superstar complains about the officiating, they stopped calling fouls on her and started calling fouls on Obama. And once that started to work, her campaign began to try to paint her Obama as some kind of closet black supremacist, slum lord, cloak-and-dagger Muslim secretly plotting to turn the country over to the United Arab Emirates the day after he’s inaugurated. And for some reason, “progressive, enlighten” Democratic voters seem to be bought into it hook, line and sinker. I expect that kind of reaction from American fascists - they are afraid of their own shadows. But I should be able to expect more from people who claim to be free-thinkers. The American electorate never ceases to disappoint me.

By the way, Mike Huckabee ended his bid for the presidency this evening. After running a race perhaps much longer than he should have, the former Arkansas governor finally decided to call it quits, leaving John McCain the unquestioned Republican presidential nominee. By winning Texas this evening McCain accumulated the magic number of delegates to clinch the nomination - whether or not Huckabee dropped out of the race. But now McCain can take the next three months off relaxing at home in Arizona while the Democrats continue to waste time deciding on a nominee.

Apparently there is a video making the rounds on YouTube depicting a U.S. Marine gleefully tossing a puppy off a cliff. Or rather there WAS a video depicting a U.S. Marine gleefully tossing a puppy off a cliff. YouTube received thousands of complaints about the clip and pulled it from circulation. Protests even reached the point where the Marine Corp. has opened an investigation into whether or not the video is real, and if so, what punishment he will face. Don’t hold your breath for anything significant. Isn’t this how serial killers start out. Executing animals, graduating to people? I’m not sure which disgusts me more. The fact that some mentally deficient excuse for a human being thought it was funny hurl a helpless animal to its death, or the fact that thousands of people knew the content of this clip and still proceeded to watch it.

The price of oil hit an all-time high of over $104 during trading this past Monday. Adjusted for inflation that cost exceeds the high set during the peak of the oil crisis in 1980. Finally, the media no longer has to interview that one idiot who always says, “Well, adjusted for inflation oil still costs less than it did during the Carter administration.” That moron will have to come up with some other, equally lame rationalization for why speculators and oil producers/extractors/refiners should be allowed to continue to rip off the consumer. I’m sure he’s already working on it.

Finally, a Japanese pin-up model was convicted last year of property destruction after a man accused her of kicking in his door and confronting her about his activities with another woman. But her conviction was overturned on Monday after the Tokyo High Court agreed that her 44-inch bust was simply too large for her to gain entry through the hole in the man’s door. What do you know. Over-sized breasts getting someone OUT of trouble. How about that. All this time all Larry Craig needed was a 44-inch bust.