Leggo My Eggo

I love Seattle. And Vancouver. South Bend? Meh.

Yesterday, the White House announced that tonight (Tuesday) the President would announce an increase of 30,000 soldiers to Afghanistan, to be deployed within six months and commence withdrawal in 18 months. According to the cable news networks, no one is happy with this decision. According to an old proverb, if both sides are unhappy with you, you’re probably doing something right.

First, a pet peeve of mine. If you announce that you’re going to announce something, haven’t you already announced it? I’m watching the “reaction” to the speech as I write this. I use reaction in quotations because everything being said in “reaction” to the speech was formulated eight weeks before the speech was given. Predictably, the conservative pundits wanted the President to send more than 30,000 soldiers in an open-ended U.S. military commitment to Afghanistan. The liberal pundits wanted him to announce that all U.S. military personnel would return home by Christmas and promise that this country would never fire a bullet at any other nation ever again. Obviously neither of those things were going to happen. But the bumper sticker mentality of the American media, and by proxy the American public seems unable to accept that the resolution to complex problems simply does not fit on a 3”x 5” index card.

For nearly two years, Senator Obama campaigned on the premise that the Afghan war was the just war, the war that should have been fought correctly in the first place and the war that needs to be won. He was elected by a margin of nine million votes, by 69 million voters who knew his stance on both Afghanistan and Iraq before they checked the box with his name in it. Why does it surprise anyone that President Obama would want to take some action to resolve a deteriorating situation in a country ignored for seven years by the previous administration? The former vice president from that era is running around yammering about how this President is putting America in danger by thoughtfully and carefully considering how to proceed with the current conflicts. Let’s be very clear about something. If Richard Cheney had resolved the Afghanistan problem he and his president created then deliberately neglected for seven long years, he would not now have to beg Barack Obama to clean up his mess. Richard Cheney has no one to blame for the perceived insecurity of this nation but himself.

This country seems to suffer from unrealistic expectations. We don’t really understand what it means to win the “war on terror.” The only definition we have for victory is complete and utter destruction of the enemy. If we attempt to apply that definition to this case, victory can NEVER be accomplished. Our enemy is an idea, and ideas cannot be defeated with bombs and bullets. For 20 years, the Soviet Union tried to suppress and control the same ideas in Afghanistan. They had no Constitution to restrain their actions, no Congress or media to hold them accountable. And for 20 years they failed. Almost 20 years later we are attempting a similar action and expecting a different result. What’s the definition of insanity again? Perhaps it’s time we re-examined our mid-20th century definition of “victory” and adapted it to the 21st century situation we find ourselves in today.

Enough with Dick and the disaster of the previous administration. How about something imminently more relevant - like Tiger Woods maybe. Late last week, the uber-celebrity was involved in a single vehicle accident with the fire hydrant at the end of his driveway and the tree in his neighbor’s front yard. There were no injuries sustained, except those suffered by Woods himself, and the police stated that alcohol was not a factor in the accident. He provided the required documentation to the authorities, has been fined $164 and docked four points on his license. End of story, right? Not bloody likely.

The way the media reacted you could be forgiven if you thought Tiger had shot four police officers to death in a coffee shop before being killed in a shoot out with police. Oh wait, that was that other guy in Tacoma who got the thirty seconds of news coverage not devoted to the fire hydrant at the end of Tiger’s driveway. The mayhem of Woods’ single car pile up made lead headlines on Entertainment Tonight and The O’Reilly Factor. TMZ.com stationed reporters outside the gates of Tiger’s gated Florida community while dutifully tracking down a Vegas nightclub hostess someone claimed had been seen with Woods on some occasion. Talking heads with legal degrees on CNN wondered aloud where Tiger’s wife Elin found the golf club she used to break the window of the SUV in order to extract her injured husband. (Here’s a hint; he’s a professional golfer.) And morons on sports talk radio demanded to know what Tiger Woods was doing backing out of his driveway at 2:55 in the morning. I’ve got news for you people. Tiger may owe the city of Orlando $164 dollars and a new fire hydrant, but he owes you people NOTHING! It doesn’t matter why he left his house at 3:00 am. It’s his house. He can leave it whenever he wants to! In fact, if he so desires, he can leave his house, return, leave again, come back and park crooked across his driveway, all without your permission! It is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS! Seriously. Get lives people!

Strange piece of financial news made headlines last week. Dubai asked for additional time to make payments on $60 billion worth of debt obligations. That’s right. The richest (per capita) nation in the world is flat broke. I guess indoor ski resorts in the middle of the desert and islands in the shape of palm trees just don’t sell for what they used to.

My NFL Thoughts for Week 12:

When the Indianapolis Colts went 13 points down to the Houston Texans at halftime on Sunday my wife looked over at me and said, “You know, these second half comebacks are getting a little dull.” Thirty minutes later the Colts had rallied to beat the Texans for the 15th time in 16 games on their way to remaining undefeated. It’s like the game isn’t any fun for Peyton Manning unless he’s trailing in the fourth quarter.

Five weeks ago the Tennessee Titans were 0-6 coming off a 59-0 in the snow in New England and people were wondering if the longest tenured coach in the league would be filing for unemployment before the year was up. But a funny thing happened on the way to the graveyard. A young quarterback named Vince Young, the third pick of the 2007 draft, a guy that absolutely everyone had written off as a bust and left for dead, lead his team on a four game winning streak, and back into the playoff hunt. On Sunday, his college nemesis rolled into town at the helm of the Arizona Cardinals, looking to avenge a devastating National Championship defeat. Matt Leinart’s Cardinals took an early lead and held on to it until the final 2:37 of the final quarter. Beginning at that point, Young led a 99-yard drive, converting two fourth-downs in the process, until again on fourth-down and with no time remaining on the clock he hit his receiver in the back of the end zone for the game winning touchdown. I swear I saw Matt Leinart watching on the sideline mumbling under his breath, “He’s doing it to me AGAIN!” All of a sudden the Titans are a force to be reckoned with, lead by a mature, veteran-like Vince Young and a running back who is a legitimate threat to Eric Dickerson’s single season 2,105 yard rushing record. They’ve gone from laughing stock to a team NOBODY wants to play.

The New Orleans Saints remain undefeated today, abusing the Golden Boy and his Patriots 38-17 in the Big Easy on Monday Night Football. Drew Brees looked like Peyton Manning out there, tossing as many touchdowns (5) as incomplete passes and commanding his team to the defining win of its history thus far. Tom Brady on the other hand, looked like, well, Marsha Brady, frazzled and a little confused, at one point chucking up a pass to Saints safety Darren Sharper at least ten yards away from any Patriots receiver. New Orleans did everything well, an astonishing feat considering two of their best players did not play due to injuries and both starting cornerbacks have been with the team less than two weeks. The only legitimate threat to an undefeated regular season is a visit from the Dallas Cowboys in a few weeks. If they make it through that we could have our second prefect regular season in three years.

There is an adage that football is a young man’s game. This year that adage has been turned upside down. In Minnesota, 40-year-old Brett Favre is playing MVP football, with 25 touchdowns and only 3 interceptions. A 33-year-old Peyton Manning is right behind him on that list. In Green Bay, a 33-year-old Charles Woodson is playing his best football since he became the only full-time defensive player to win the Heisman Trophy in 60 years at Michigan 12 years ago. Also at 33, Darren Sharper leads the league in interceptions and his 33-year-old teammate of six days Mike MacKenzie spent Monday night making the most decorated quarterback of the decade look like he belonged with the Cleveland Browns. This may be a young man’s game, but the old guys still have a few tricks up their sleeves.

What kind of masochist would want to coach the Cleveland Browns? This is a team who’s best wide receiver is apparently also its quarterback. Hakes it difficult to design plays when the guy throwing the ball also has to catch it.

When it rains it pours for Jake Delhomme, who threw four more interceptions in a loss to the Jets, including a bizarre pass that bounced off the back of his receiver’s leg into the arms of a defender. Seriously, is Jeff Garcia not available? This team is wasting the best years of the careers of several excellent players due to terrible quarterback play. Do you want to end up like Cleveland and Detroit?

My Superbowl picks for Week 12: Indianapolis Colts vs. New Orleans Saints.

There is something that caught my attention this week that I simply don’t have time to get into in this post, so I’ll get to it next week instead. To build the suspense I’ll drop this teaser; men are idiots. I’m sure that comes as no surprise to most women, but the level of this stupidity is truly astounding.

Finally, you may have noticed a dwindling number of Kellogg’s Eggo Waffles in your grocer’s freezer lately. Well, that’s because there is a nationwide shortage of Eggo waffles. Apparently, production interruptions at two of the four plants that produce the frozen flaky golden goodness have so reduced the supply that the remaining boxes will be rationed throughout the country until normal Eggo production can be resumed. Said company spokeswoman Kris Charles in a public relations e-mail regarding the subject, “We are working around the clock to restore Eggo store inventories to normal levels as quickly as possible.” Seriously? You’re working “around the clock” to restore waffles inventories? Can we put you in charge of Iraq reconstruction?