Going to the Chapel

Of all the rubber heads you could have worn to your wedding, you chose General Akbar? Really? Akbar? (Image reposted from The Daily Dish)

Comedian Ron White bases part of his routine on the idea that, “you can’t fix stupid.” He’s right. Ignorance can be combated with education. Foolishness can be countered with wisdom. Nothing can turn back stupid. Stupid just is. It is self-perpetuating. It exists independent of facts and/or evidence. And even after it has been completely and systematically dismantled by logic and reason, it somehow manages to persist as some form of folklore or legend. It really is a remarkable thing, this, stupid.

There’s a whole lot of stupid swirling in America right now. Much of it seems to be centered around the issue of the so-called “Ground Zero mosque,” which curiously is neither a mosque, nor at Ground Zero. One might think that these two facts alone might negate any controversy, but one who thought that obviously doesn’t understand the value of demagoguery in an election year. I have avoided writing about this up to now because I find the whole discussion mentally exhausting. But, stupid seems determined to make and issue out of something that shouldn’t be, so, here we are.

I don’t think I’m going out on a limb in saying that much of the stupid being perpetuated by the talking heads on Fox News and Twitter comes as the result of attempts by certain political figures to out-maverick other political figures on the road to the 2012 elections. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make the rhetoric any less disturbing or depressing. The common thread running through the hysteria seems to be the equating of “Muslim” with “terrorist.” For the peddlers of paranoia, there is no distinction. Muslims are terrorists. There is no such thing as a follower of Islam seeking to live in peace in these United States of America. And since they are all murders, they have no business constructing cultural centers/houses of worship two blocks from where their terrorist brothers destroyed 3,000 lives and a very expensive piece of real estate. That’s “hallowed ground” don’t you know. And that “hallowedness” extends all the way to the former Burlington Coat Factory building in which this cultural center is to be built.

In attempting to argue for the freedom of persons to worship where they like, reasonable people (if you’re lucky enough to find one) might point to a somewhat quaint folly of American law and political tradition commonly referred to the Bill of Rights, a collection of the first ten amendments to the original United States Constitution. I understand that a certain segment of the population seems to believe that said Bill of Rights actually begins with amendment number two, skips over amendments four and five and makes no mention eight. But in fact the Bill of Rights does begin with the aptly named, First Amendment. That amendment is quite clear (certainly more so than the Second Amendment) in demanding, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof....” American have generally understood that to mean that the government can neither force anyone to worship a certain way or in a certain place, nor prevent them from doing so, provided they are not violating the law in doing so. As it is not illegal to construct a cultural center containing a house of worship on private land in New York City, this would seem to be an open and shut case.

But this is where the intransigence of stupid just begins to sap the will to live. Since at least Roe vs. Wade - if not Brown vs. Board of Education, those making an issue of the proposed NYC Islamic cultural center have been adamant that the U.S. Constitution means exactly and only what it says, nothing more, nothing less. In this case, textualism and strict constructionalism don’t work in their favor. The First Amendment does not read, “Congress shall make no law... prohibiting the free expression thereof, unless one worships Allah.” It treats all religions equally by cleverly failing to mention any of them by name. But instead of admitting they have no case, some have devised a work-around. They’ve simply decided to claim that Islam, a religion of 1.4 billion followers, with 1,400 years of history, is in fact, not a religion at all. Standing in front of a fully functional television camera, the Lieutenant Governor of Tennessee tried to make the case that Islam is merely a cult. You know, like the Branch Davidians, or the Manson family. Republican presidential candidate and serial monogamist Newt Gingrich has gone so far as to claim there should be no talk of religious freedom for Muslims in America until Saudi Arabia allows Christians to build churches in their desert. Because why should America be any more enlightened and modern than Saudi Arabia? You know what would really stick it to them? If we reverted to a monarchy until they decided to allow free democratic elections. Yeah, that’ll show those SOBs we mean business! No rights in America until there are rights everywhere else!

Sometimes it’s difficult to see the real issue hidden in the smoke screen of fear mongering, paranoia and political posturing. This time it’s pretty simple. The mind-numbing stupidity of this controversy boils down to this; the far right cannot function without an external enemy. Therefore, in order to survive they must create an enemy - many enemies - even where there are none. They must create “others” in order to foster an ideology of “Us” vs. “Them.” They’ve done it with President Obama, (“He’s not one of us, he was born in Kenya!”), they did it with healthcare reform, (“The socialists want to pry my precious evil government-provided healthcare from my cold, dead, killed-by-a-death-panel hands!), they’re doing it with immigration, (They took our jobs! - that we didn’t want anyway.”), and Muslims are simply the next target. This is about a clash of cultures. White evangelical protestant pseudo-conservatives, vs. everyone else. It just so happens that during midterm elections, those are the only people that vote. So while this particular culture war may bode well for some during this election cycle, it’s going to be difficult to backpedal when all those “others” hit the polls two years from now.

Two weeks ago a federal judge in Arizona issued an injunction against the most controversial provisions of the state’s new anti-immigration law. The injunction covers the portions of the law the judge felt were most likely to be found unconstitutional in an upcoming court challenge, like the profiling provision, and demanding people produce papers on demand. I have little doubt that those parts of the bill would be tossed by a federal court on merit alone. What worries me is that the government will try to get too cute in prosecuting the case. In this situation, the simplest argument against the bill is also the most effective. Article 1, Section 8 makes it clear that immigration and immigration law are the exclusive purview of the federal government. I know discrimination is the sexy argument, but it is also the weaker one.

Last week, federal Judge Vaughn Walker ruled that California’s voter-approved ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional, then immediately issued a stay of his own ruling. Today (Thursday) he revisited that stay and decided that same-sex marriage will be allowed to resume in the Golden State on August 18, provided no additional stay is issued by a higher court. It is an incredibly well reasoned decision, detailed here if you care to read it for yourself. The next stop for this issue will be the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco, where I’m guessing the ruling will be upheld, then on to the Supreme Court. Personally, I don’t think the Supreme Court is ready rule on this. But if the Ninth Circuit upholds the decision, they may have no choice. It’s going to be an interesting few months.

Headline found on CNN.com two days ago; Justin Bieber hit by water bottle. Yeah. That isn’t news. If Justin Bieber gets hit by a truck (is it too early to make a Christmas wish?), that might be considered news. Are nine-year-old girls perusing CNN.com anyway? Why even bother posting that?

Levi Johnston, on-again off-again fiancée of Bristol Palin, and thorn in the side of Sarah Palin, is running for mayor of Wasilla. And, just to rub salt in the wound, he’s made a reality show out of it. A camera crew will follow him around Alaska and film him while he does this. I love this idea. There’s no way in hell I’ll watch the show, but I have to admit that anything that annoys Mama Grizzly makes me so very happy. If he wins the race for mayor, what are the odds he quits halfway through his first term to fun for governor of Alaska?

Finally, have any of the ladies out there ever been on a bad date? I don’t mean bad like the entrée took too long or the movie was sold out and you had to see something else. I mean bad. Bad like you got hit with a baseball because instead of catching the foul ball, like every six-year-old at the ballpark tries to do, your punk boyfriend dove out of the way and let it hit you, then picked it up off the ground and kept it for himself. Well, it happened to Sarah, at a Houston Astros game this past Monday night. See video below.



Her boyfriend, Bo (which should have been her first clue), claims he “lost it in the lights.” Sure you did buddy. You and Bill Buckner. Rumor has it that Sarah is currently reconsidering her relationship with this loser – as well she should. If this dude wasn’t willing to stick out his hand and snag a baseball to keep you from getting beaned, there was no way he was stepping in between her and the drunk guy sitting next to her at the bar repeatedly trying to grab her ass. Seriously, the LEAST he could have done was give her the ball for cryin’ out loud! Get out now Sarah, while you still can. There are plenty of second-graders who would have caught that ball for you, let alone men your age.