Six Ways From Sunday

It’s been a busy weekend in news, hasn’t it? I hadn’t planned on parking my lazy butt back in front of the computer for a couple days, but there’s just too much stuff to pass up here. Nothing particularly coherent, just a couple thoughts on things.

Rescuers are still unable to reach the miners trapped in the Utah coalmine. It’s hard work, it’s dangerous work, and it’s damn slow going. I wish them Godspeed and I sincerely hope there are miners to rescue when they get there.

Mitt Romney won the Iowa Straw Poll on Saturday. Whoopty-freakin’-do. If I understand this Straw Poll business correctly, once every four years some of the more conservative attendees of the Iowa State Fair pay $35 for the privilege to sit in a room, listen to some speeches, and cast an absolutely meaningless vote a solid fifteen months before the election. And this year, a third of the candidates didn’t even bother to show up, reducing the already negligible value of the results to less than nothing. So, congratulations Mitt Romney. You are officially the most popular – of the least popular candidates… in a bogus poll… by people dumb enough to actually pay good money to vote. It’s a little like being the most popular IRS agent. Besides, thirty-five dollars could have bought a couple hot dogs, an elephant ear and a stick of cotton candy at the fair. Now that’s money well spent.

Former Wisconsin governor Tommy Thompson announced he would be dropping out of the presidential race. Hmm. Tommy Thompson was running for president? Seriously? What are they putting in that cheese up there?

According to the Associated Press, the head of a Chinese manufacturing company accused of shipping hundreds of thousands of lead-tainted toys to the United States (which were later recalled) has committed suicide. Just a couple weeks ago the Chinese government executed the (now former) head of its Food and Drug Administration for accepting bribes and approving untested medicine. Seems like they’re taking this personal responsibility thing pretty seriously over there. I’d be happy to get any of our corrupt politicians and or businesspersons to simply admit they’ve made a mistake, never mind take responsibility for one.

NASA has discovered a three-inch gouge in one of the heat-resistant tiles on the underside of the shuttle. Apparently one of the possible methods of repair is to cover the scratch with a flexible pink goo. Yes, that’s right, pink goo. I know I can’t be the only person who finds it absurd that in the year 2007 we are trying to repair a billion dollar spacecraft with BUBBLE GUM! Come on people! It’s the future. Can we seriously not manufacture a tile that can’t be shredded by a rogue piece of foam? We can make a plastic blister package impossible to open, but we can’t make foam stick to a fuel tank. Obviously our priorities are in the wrong place. Looking back on all the shuttle missions now it’s amazing that we’ve only had two accidents all these years. NASA just recently started checking the spacecraft for damage and this isn’t the first thing they’ve found. Isn’t it reasonable to assume that scratches, bumps and loose blankets all happened before and we were lucky to get away with it?

The headline of this morning – and probably the week was the resignation of the president’s chief advisor Karl Rove. The “Great White Devil” himself is calling it quits to “spend more time with his family.” Karl, nobody’s buying the more time with the family line. It’s the political equivalent of “it’s not about the money.” The Balding Braniac resigned for one of two reasons. One, he was politely asked to vacate the premises. Or two, he is leaving to either run or consult for another political candidate’s campaign. So just because Rove is parting ways with the president, doesn’t’ mean he’s going softly into that sweet goodnight.

On a lighter note, Tiger Woods won his 13th major this weekend at the PGA Championship in Tulsa. Ho hum, another Tiger Woods victory. Somebody call me when he loses something. That’ll be news. You know I’ve often wondered what it must feel like to know that you are so much better at what you do than anyone else who does what you do. Do you think he ever gets the urge to throw the other guys a bone so they’ll feel a little better about themselves and stave off suicide for at least another week?

Dario Franchitti rolled his racecar again this week – the second time in six days. And when I say rolled I mean completely airborne, end over end, nose in the ground, grinding on the roll bar and breaking apart against the wall. For those of you who don’t know, Dario Franchitti is the husband of the one and only Ashley Judd. Which only begs the question, what motivation does this guy have to even get out of bed in the morning, let alone risk his life in a racecar every week? Seriously Dario. From every man in America. Go home. Please. Live our dreams.

Finally, I know that what I’m about to say may label me as a hippie, but that’s okay, I’m at peace with who I am. I’m addicted to History Detectives, a television show on PBS. Yes I said PBS. But the funny part is I think I have a crush on one of the appraisers, Elyse Luray. You don’t have to look at me that way, I know it’s weird. There’s nothing particularly special about her, yet there IS something special about her. I think it’s her smile. Nice white teeth. I don’t know. Is it wrong to find a regular middle-aged professional history-loving PBS personality attractive? Is it? It is, isn't it. Great. Now I feel dirty. Tell me I’m not alone here.