Sex on the Beach

I’ve been avoiding this subject like the plague since the rumors first began to surface several months ago. But, now that things have reached the level of exchanged text messages, I guess I have to say something. Apparently, Brett Favre wants to play football. Who could have seen that one coming. It seems as though both Favre and his agent have made unreciprocated e-contact with Packers management, and there may even have been uncomfortable phone calls between Number 4 and head coach Mike McCarthy about the possibility of returning to the team this season to reclaim his old job. A position now occupied by a guy who waited three years for his turn under center. It’s déjà vu all over again.

How do you tell a living legend, NFL icon and ambassador of the game that you no longer want him around? I don’t’ think you can. And I don’t think you should. Especially when he can still play the game at a Pro Bowl level. (Is there any doubt that if the Golden Boy hadn’t thrown 50 touchdowns, Favre would have been league MVP at the age of 38?) At the same time, it isn’t fair to the Green Bay Packers organization who took steps to retool the franchise when notified of his retirement, or to the quarterback groomed for three seasons to replace him.

In light of that, I’d like to propose the following rule. Retirement is forever. Period. No more un-retirement. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And that goes double for boxers.

In other sports news this past week, 41-year-old swimmer Dara Torres has emerged from double retirement to qualify for her fifth U.S. Olympic Team. See previous paragraph.

A new poll claims that Senator Obama trails Senator McCain among pet owners. I had macaroni for dinner. So what. Are there hamsters running around in their wheels holding up little placards that say “rodents for McCain?” Come on. Take a poll that matters.

Obama threw the DNC convention planners a curve ball this past week when he announced he wanted to move his acceptance speech from the 20,000-seat Pepsi Center where the rest of the festivities will be held, to (Invesco Field at) Mile High (stadium), a 76,000-seat venue. (The whole stadium name story is complicated.) The precedent for this was set shortly before the Oregon primary when approximately 80,000 people turned out to see him on a riverbank in Portland. Obama has referred to this as taking the convention to the people. The McCain campaign refers to this as, “Oh crap, do we really have to try to follow that?”

In a piece of campaign news that may interest only me, McCain hired former Mayor Rudi Giuliani’s presidential campaign manager to assist with managing his own. Really? Does he remember what happened to Giuliani’s campaign? I wouldn’t hire that guy to get coffee.

Die-hard Hillary Clinton supporters continue to perplex me. Recent polls seem to indicate that although a lower number of Clinton supporters now plan to vote for McCain, an increased number now plan to stay home on Election Day. So, I guess I made a mistake. From listening to debate and speak during the primary (still think an extended Democratic primary was a great idea?) I came to the conclusion that Senator Clinton and Senator Obama had staked out similar positions on most – if not all the issues. But obviously, if so many Clinton supporters would rather vote for McCain than for Obama, (and yes, this year, a non-voting Democrat is by default, voting for McCain), they must feel that Senator Clinton and her policies aren’t much – if any different from Senator McCain. Either that, or they are tremendously childish, petty, sore losers. I’d prefer to think they were throwing the election to the Republicans on principle, and not because they’re throwing a tantrum. Even Yankee fans don’t cheer on the Red Sox when the Yankees don’t make the playoffs. Please tell me Democrats are more loyal than drunken baseball fans.

North Carolina Senator Jesse Helms died last Friday, five years removed from a 30-year Senate career. Why don’t we just leave it at that.

Radio Talk Show Mogul Rush Limbaugh inked a deal to continue his radio program at least eight more years for between $300 and $400 million. Who said video killed the radio star?

Oklahoma oil tycoon and hedge fund manager T. Boone Pickens has decided there’s no need to limit himself to making a killing in the oil business. He’s decided to expand the killing making to the alternative energy arena. Pickens has unveiled plans to construct a 2,500 unit, 4,000-megawatt wind farm in the Texas panhandle. Once complete it will be the world’s largest wind farm, supplying enough electricity to power about 1.3 million homes. Well kudos to Pickens for bucking the industrialist stereotype and attempting to do something to drag this country kicking and screaming into the 21-century energy future.

Finally, whale watchers off the coast of Massachusetts got more than they bargained for when they stumbled across a group of nude men engaging in sexual activities on a Cape Cod beach. In light of a tripling of complaints, Cape Cod National Seashore Officials say they are cracking down on public sex acts. It seems families, boaters and whale watchers aren’t all that interested in sharing the beaches with writhing masses of sweaty men – and sometimes women working sand into places they didn’t know they had. What, like people are just supposed to know that’s inappropriate behavior? Come on. What kind of country are we living in that we don’t condone gay sex orgies on public beaches? What’s wrong with people? No word on Senator Larry Craig’s whereabouts during the incident.