Magic Carpet Ride

It’s back. That’s right people, gay sex has returned to the news. Break out the margaritas and dust off the Larry Craig jokes. Okay, so it’s not necessarily humorous, but it’s great material all the same. More on that later.

Ever have one of those days where you regret getting out of bed? Seriously, have you?

In case you weren’t aware, today is primary Tuesday. Again. Oregon and Kentucky are at the plate today. Results from the latter are rolling in and, as expected, Clinton will handily defeat Obama in the second poorest state in the union, on the strength of her “hard-working blue-collar white voter” base. The polls in Oregon (such as they are in a mail-in only primary) don’t close until 8:00 pm Pacific time, but it is expected that Obama will handily defeat Clinton in that election and score himself a majority of the available pledged delegates. That means nothing in particular since he will more than likely still require additional superdelegates to secure the nomination, but it is a nice thing to have in one’s portfolio.

Regardless of tonight’s outcome, Senator Clinton has vowed to continue this fruitless endeavor of continuing to seek a nomination she has been more or less mathematically eliminated from, and in doing so, continues to deepen the rift between the party faithful. Or, as some moron from a news program put it this afternoon, Starbucks Democrats vs. Wal-Mart Democrats. (Can we please stop creating stupid little monikers for groups of voters? Soccer moms, NASCAR dads, Broadway brothers, tractor pull cousins, whatever. Enough already. Are their votes somehow more valuable if you refer to them as part of some cutesy collective?) It’s still unclear to me what Senator Clinton is attempting to accomplish by continuing in this race. Does she honestly believe she can walk into the convention trailing Obama in pledged delegates, superdelegates and popular vote and somehow walk away with the nomination without completely destroying the Democratic Party? Or, maybe the question really is, does she care?

Ron Paul is still running for president. Who knew?

In a related story, former Georgia Congressman Bob Barr announced last week he would be seeking the nomination of the Libertarian Party for President of the United States. Far be it from me to discourage anyone from chasing a dream and reaching for the stars, but if you’re going to have your head in the clouds, you should at least plant your feet on the ground, shouldn’t you? I’m going to crawl out on a very skinny limb and say that the chances of a President Barr are about as good as the chances of a President Paul. What’s that saying? Slim to none and slim left town?

Senator Ted Kennedy suffered several seizures early Saturday morning, and was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor Tuesday afternoon. Doctors have indicated they will begin the standard treatments shortly. Kennedy is the second most senior member of the U.S. Senate (over 40 years) and an icon of the Democratic Party. Cancer is a terrible thing. Good luck to Senator Kennedy.

ASIMO, a 4-foot 3-inch shiny white walking robot conducted the Detroit Symphony last Tuesday evening in a performance of “The Impossible Dream” from “Man of La Mancha.” According to several of the musicians, although he was a little stiff, the Honda robot did a decent job filling in for the conductor. I guess the next step will be to replace the musicians, and then finally the audience. Progress.

The family of a then 12-year old boy who suffered brain damage after being hit with a line drive off an aluminum bat has sued everyone with a checkbook related to the manufacture of the bat, claiming they should have know it was dangerous. Now I shouldn’t have to say this, but I feel sorry for the injured kid. It’s an incredibly unfortunate thing to happen to anyone, let alone a child. But I have no patience for this lawsuit. There’s nothing to it. Sometimes players get hit with the ball. It happens. It’s a risk you accept when you step on the diamond. I guess we could replace the implements of the sport with a whiffle ball and a big red plastic bat, or replace the players with 4-foot Japanese robots to prevent anyone from getting hurt, but then nobody would care about baseball, would they. So instead we sue the manufacturer of the bat, the store that sold it and the league in which the bat is typically used. Two points of clarification. The child was not struck by the bat. He was hit by a ball struck by the bat. And he wasn’t playing in a Little League Baseball game at the time. Yet Little League Baseball is named in the lawsuit and the manufacturer of the ball isn’t. Neither is the pitcher nor the batter, the two parties most directly responsible for the incident. Why? They don’t have any money. People without money don’t get sued. Deep pockets do.

And finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, more gay sex. Sort of. Last week the California Supreme Court ruled that the state’s ban on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional. The ruling makes California only the second state in the union to legalize gay marriage. The following day, comedian Ellen Degeneres announced to her studio audience that she will wed longtime girlfriend Portia De Rossi as soon as next month. (Is it me, or could Portia do so much better than Ellen? I guess Ellen is funny and all, but she’s 15 years older, slightly odd-looking and a terrible dancer. But I guess if that’s what floats her boat….) The marital bliss may be short-lived. Opponents of same-sex marriage claim to have enough signatures to place a constitutional amendment banning such unions on the ballot in November. California voters have approved similar ballot initiatives in the past, and seem likely to treat this measure the same way. But, just because something may turn out to be fruitless, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be done. Ask Hillary Clinton.