Can You Hear Me Now?

Senator Robert Byrd, longest serving member of the United State Senate, passed away on Monday at the age of 92.  He was in his 51st year of Senate service to the people of West Virginia.  Since nobody who has lived eight years shy of a century could be fairly eulogized in a paragraph, I won’t bother to attempt it.  Legislatively, he was remarkably effective at directing federal funding to his State, managing - among other things - to get Coast Guard offices stationed in West Virginia, which is nowhere near the coast of anything.  Personally, He was a reformed segregationist with a love of poetry whom some people liked and some people didn’t.  The Senate will certainly be different without him.

Nearly two years after the triggering events of the financial collapse and subsequent recession, Congress has finally reached agreement on legislation to reform the financial system.  Maybe.  Chances for passage seems pretty good after Democratic negotiators bought the vote of Senator Scott Brown by carving out exceptions to the bank tax for several Massachusetts institutions.  Then, the wheels started to come off.  First, Senator Byrd, Democrat from West Virginia passed away.  Then, in a move that is fast becoming a pattern for him, Scott Brown pulled his support for the bill, claiming he had additional concerns that weren’t addressed during the previous negotiations, the outcome of which he previously supported.  Following that, Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe decided that if Brown could score a windfall by weakening the bill and still not voting for it, they wanted in on that jackpot as well.  By Wednesday morning the Democrats had caved and dropped the entire bank tax from the bill.  This seems to have appeased Brown and company for the moment.  But it is only Wednesday.  Since the Senate won’t vote on the bill until after the Independence Day recess, Brown and company will have another week to fabricate additional objections and withdraw their support yet again.  The most moronic part of all this is that the Scott Brown appeasement could largely have been avoided if the two Democratic holdouts had learned not to allow the perfect to be the enemy of the good and agreed to vote for the damn bill to begin with.  But I guess hoping for Democratic unity on ANYTHING is a little like hoping the Cubs will win the World Series.  There’s always next year, right?

As an aside however, let’s give credit where credit is due.  It didn’t take Scott Brown very long to the formula of how to roll over the Democrats and get what he wants, without having to give up anything in return.  Of course, it’s not that complex of a formula.  Feign interest in bipartisanship, demand concessions in exchange for vote, receive said concessions, then deny vote citing “additional concerns.”  Lather, rinse, repeat.  It’s brilliant strategy really.  If the weakened bill eventually passes without his support, he claims to his base that his involvement in the process removed all the “egregious” elements from the legislation.  And if the bill goes down in flames, he claims to moderates that he tried to work with Democrats, they just weren’t interested in addressing his concerns.  I envy that sort of genius.

Among the many decisions rendered by the Supreme Court on the final day of the term Monday morning was the decision to overturn Chicago’s ban on the ownership of handguns within the city limits.  The ruling effectively nullifies - at least for the time being - any restriction on the ownership of firearms anywhere in the country.  While it surprised absolutely no one in the wake of a similar court decision regarding the handgun ban in Washington D.C. over a year ago, it does set up an interesting set of circumstances for the upcoming deluge of gun rights-related lawsuits.  Up to this point, all the other amendments comprising the Bill of Rights have been subject to time place and manner restrictions.  You have the right to speak freely, but you cannot yell fire in a crowed theater is there is in fact, no fire.  In striking down the Chicago law, the Court essentially struck down the long-standing presiding view of the right to “bear arms” as a collective right, instead asserting that right to be an individual one.  Under this new interpretation, there are no such time, place and manner restrictions.  The Second Amendment is freer than the First.  The people have the right to “bear arms.”  Does that mean, all people?  Including persons convicted of crimes?  What about those who are mentally ill?  Where can said arms be borne?  In the office?  In the classroom?  In stadiums at sporting events?  And what exactly are these “arms” anyway?  Automatic weapons?  Grenades?  Mortars?  Surface-to-air missiles perhaps?  (Will the Constitutional originalists on the court argue that the right of the people to bear flint-lock rifles and pistols shall not be infringed?)  We’re starting from scratch on this one people.

I know I’ve asked this before, but I still haven’t received an answer. Could someone please explain to me the American fascination with guns and shooting people? Immediately following the Second Amendment decision, several of the plaintiffs in the case found some television cameras to inform the rest of us that “open season on the citizens of Chicago is over.” They served notice that now that Chicagoans will be allowed to have handguns in their homes, crime in the city will soon be a thing of the past. If I recall correctly, the ban only applied to handguns. Rifles and shotguns were still legal. That didn’t seem to deter the criminals? Why would the addition of a handgun to the inventory make a significant difference? If the number of handguns present in a city was some sort of indication of its relative safety, the city of Houston, and by extension the State of Texas, would, by far, be the safest in the Union. They are not. Handguns have one purpose, and one purpose only; to shoot people. Again. What is the American fascination with shooting people?

In an interview last week, Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona (again?) made the following statement:

Well, we all know that the majority of the people that are coming to Arizona and trespassing are now becoming drug mules," Brewer said. "They're coming across our borders in huge numbers. The drug cartels have taken control of the immigration. … So they are criminals. They're breaking the law when they are trespassing and they're criminals when they pack the marijuana and the drugs on their backs.

I believe today and in the circumstances that we are facing, that the majority of the illegal trespassers that are coming in the state of Arizona are under the direction and control of organized drug cartels, and they are bringing drugs in.

If the Governor of the State of Arizona has no qualms about making such a ridiculous statement - completely devoid of any factual basis, let alone common sense - and still enjoy 70%+ support for her anti-immigration policies, then I certainly feel comfortable saying this.  It’s blatantly obvious that the majority of Arizonans are morons at best, paranoid fear-mongering racist xenophobes at worst. Everybody knows that.

Apple officially released the newest version of its iPhone last week. They have since sold almost two million phones. There is however, one slight problem. If someone actually decides to use their iPhone to, say, make a phone call, (can you believe people still do that with their cellphones?), holding said phone the way most human beings would hold a phone, significantly decreases reception quality. Oops. The issue appears to be the design of the integrated antenna in the metal band surrounding the phone. Touching the band at any two points on the lower half of the phone seems to disrupt its ability to receive a signal. Thus far, Apple’s response to consumer complaints has been, “Well, don’t hold it that way.” Hmm. Not sure that’s going to fly. For a company that typically introduces advanced, reliable, quality products to market, this hardware issue is a major problem. But even more problematic has been their lackluster, somewhat condescending refusal to even acknowledge that there is indeed an issue. Typically, consumers would reward such a non-response by refusing to purchase the products of said company. It remains to be seen whether of not that fate will befall Apple in this case.

Finally, Pampers is set to introduce a new line of laid, striped and ruffled designer diapers, to be sold exclusively at Target stores. They are designed to compete with a new line of Huggies denim printed designer diapers that cost about 40% more than “regular” diapers. In an interview with NPR, marketing consultant Amy Colton explained that diapers have always been kid-oriented.

...It was really more about them. But this is more about mom, to have a little more fun and infuse a little fashion into their mominess.

You know, because your child is really little more than a high-priced fashion accessory. Sigh.

I Got Your Evidence Right Here

What’s worse than three days without power in 85 degree heat and humidity? Being kept awake by the lights of the neighbors across the street.

In a related story, from the online edition of Tuesday’s Seattle Times:

Seattle is on a stretch of 271 days and counting without reaching 75 degrees, said Dennis D'Amico, a meteorologist with the National Weather Service. The previous record was 254 days.
"We have crushed that," Mass said, adding it's likely temperatures won't reach 75 until July.
It's not just that it's not warm — it's been far colder than June's usual high of 70.
At 56 degrees, Sunday's high was just 1 degree above the lowest high ever recorded at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport on a June 20. That's a typical mid-April high.

Seriously. Where do I sign up?

Not much this week. For some reason, very little of interest takes place between May and September. I suppose there are three nuggets of interest.

It seems General Stanley McChrystal has found himself in something of a SNAFU. It seems he has been caught on the record disparaging nearly the entire civilian command structure of the military. From the ambassadors all the way up to the President, no one was spared his cutting sarcasm and dismissive nonchalance. Ordinarily this wouldn’t be a problem, the leaders of the opposition party do worse than that multiple times a day every day. The issue in this case is that Stanley McChrystal is an active member of the U.S. military. A G.I. Government Issue. And by a strange quirk of U.S. law, the First Amendment, guaranteeing the freedom of political speech, does not apply to government issues while they are on active duty - and especially in the theater of war. According to the UCMJ, use of contemptuous words against the President, Vice President, and so forth, is grounds for a court martial and whatever punishment may result from that.

Am I surprised at McChrystal’s apparent contempt for the civilian command structure? Not really. In the same way many civilians view the military brass as trigger-happy cowboys itching for the next thing to blow up, military brass view civilians - politicians in particular - as soft, lazy busybodies, always getting in the way of crushing the enemy. However, as an active duty general, he is not at liberty to disparage the Commander-in-Chief or the chain of command. He knew that. And if he didn’t, he should have. Now he has to face the consequences. If I had money to burn I would wager that the President will choose to retain him in spite of his actions. This isn’t the first time McChrystal has “gone off the reservation.” But Democratic administrations are notoriously paranoid of taking any actions whatsoever that might be construed as “failing to support the troops,” regardless of how those necessary those actions may be. The smart money here is on the Afghan war continuing with McChrystal at the helm.

Last week, in a televised address to the nation, President Obama announced he had instructed British Petroleum to set up a $20 billion escrow fund to provide compensation and clean-up funds for the ongoing spill. Two days later, BP CEO Tony Hayward made the trek up to Capitol Hill for his turn at punching bag before the dog and pony show that is the United States Congress. The act was proceeding largely according to script, with House members raising their voices and waving their arms and Hayward apologizing profusely while insisting he knew nothing about anything, until the microphone was turned over to Representative Joe Barton, Republican, of Texas. A fool without corneas could see where this was going. Barton proceeded to apologize to Hayward for his company’s “treatment” at the hands of the government, calling the White House’s demands for the escrow fund a “shameful act... of extortion” by the President, and expressing his dismay that a private company would be forced to cover the costs of the damage caused by their negligence. Before the words had even left his mouth, the minority leaders in the House and Senate were scrambling to find a television camera into which they could distance themselves from Barton’s idiocy. And only minutes later, after apparently being struck by a bolt of, “wow-did-I-really-say-something-that-stupid-out-loud,” Barton attempted to clarify himself, claiming his remarks were “misinterpreted,” and “taken out of context,” and that he certainly didn’t mean to imply that BP should not be held responsible for the clean-up.

Unfortunately, stupidity travels faster than common sense, and before they could get the memo to shut up and keep their moronic, baseless criticism to themselves, several Republican party leaders including the Republican Policy Committee (consisting of 115 House Republicans) and the Governor of Mississippi rallied around Barton’s comments. Well, they rallied until someone informed them that the only entity involved in the oil spill less popular than the government is British Petroleum, and most Americans still feel as though BP hasn’t done enough to compensate the region for the disaster, and given the opportunity, will refuse to do so. Once they were made aware of that fact, most of them retreated, claiming they never actually said the very things they’d said on camera and in print merely hours earlier. Why did they have to be made aware of that fact by other people?

Finally, on Tuesday afternoon a federal judge in Louisiana overturned the Obama administration’s six month moratorium on new deep water drilling. The oil and gas industry argued, somehow successfully, that there is “no evidence that deep water drilling operations pose a threat to the Gulf of Mexico.” Excuse me? No evidence? Really? Then what the *bleep* is this?

And this.

And this.

(Images from Boston.com/bigpicture)

I guess I might argue that the 80 millions gallons (and counting) of oil sloshing about the Gulf of Mexico could be considered “evidence” of the threat posed by deep water drilling. Look. If you as a judge believe that the short term danger to the Gulf coast economy by a drilling moratorium outweighs any possible danger to the Gulf coast ecology, just say so. Don’t lend credibility to an obviously absurd argument with an even more ludicrous justification for your decision.

Idiocracy

Hockey is over for at least two weeks and football is still almost three months away. Good thing I’ve got the World Cup to save me from watching baseball. My completely uneducated prediction, based solely upon the highlights I’ve seen so far: Argentina vs. Germany in the final.

A programming note off the top. I am through talking about oil. Let me know when the well is capped. At that point we might have something to talk about again.

Oh South Carolina. How do we love thee. What other group of philandering, scheming and racist politicians could make us forget - even temporarily - about the whack-jobs in Arizona. Last Tuesday, former South Carolina state legislator Vic Rawls was defeated in the Democratic senate primary by one Alvin Greene, a previously unknown, middle-aged, unemployed military veteran with a pending obscenity charge, living in his father’s basement. Better yet, in a barrage of interviews since his victory, Greene seems completely incapable of articulating his position on any issues, failed to demonstrate even rudimentary knowledge of any issues, and at times, appears unable to maintain a coherent conversation. He spent no money on advertising, raised no money, did little to no campaigning, yet somehow defeated a seasoned - albeit little-known - state politician. How? The best explanation anyone can come up with is that his name happened to come first on the ballot. That’s right. The alphabet handed Alvin Greene a 20 point primary victory. Sigh.

Is it possible Alvin Greene defeated Vic Rawls because voters determined Greene’s stance on the issues to be superior to that of Rawls? Sure. Is it likely? About as likely as Paris Hilton wearing underwear out in public. Is Alvin Greene to blame for this farce? Not really. It’s hard to fault a guy down on his luck for attempting to make something of himself. Even if that something is a complete, unadulterated fool. Typically, the political system counts on the electorate to weed out the Alvin Greenes of the world, ensuring that only reasonably qualified candidates make it to the general election. But obviously, South Carolina voters are idiots. This wasn’t a contest for county commissioner or city council stenographer. This was for a shot at the United States Senate. Ineffective as it may be it’s still a pretty big deal. It should have occurred to... well, everybody, that if the only thing you know about a candidate is his name, the responsible thing to do might be to leave that segment blank. What’s that saying? The problem with common sense is that its not all that common?

Which brings us back to Arizona. South Carolina’s got nothing on you. Not satisfied with demanding to see citizenship papers from “suspicious-looking (brown) people,” firing English teachers with accents, eliminating ethnic studies courses and verbally abusing third-graders painting a mural, legislators in this backward wasteland are attempting to draft legislation to deny citizenship to children of illegal immigrants born in the United States. This, of course, is in direct violation of the Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution, which states, “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”

In spite of everything they claim the Constitution means nothing to these yahoos. In their opinion, only two Amendments, the Second and the Tenth are worth the paper they are printed on. The rest can burn in hell with their liberal defenders. In order to enforce any law they would pass to strip citizenship from American-born children of illegal immigrants, Arizona would first have to assert state control over immigration, which it is Constitutionally (there’s that word again) prohibited from doing so. Then, they would have to successfully make one of the following arguments; babies (newly born human beings existing outside their mother’s womb) are not persons, the definition of the word “born” is something other than, “brought forth by birth,” Arizona is not a state of the Union, or that it is not subject to the jurisdiction of the United States government. All of those arguments are obviously preposterous. But sound reasoning does not seem to be something at which Arizona politicians excel. Instead their twisted drive to foster and sustain fear and loathing among a certain group of people toward another group overrides even their stated reverence to the founding documents of this nation. At this point it’s so pathetic I’m running out of adjectives to describe how stupid these scenarios are. Maybe we can cut them loose, release them back to Mexico or something.

Finally, according to a two-year-old U.S. geological report, Afghanistan is sitting on what might be a trillion dollars of untapped mineral wealth. Oh yay. Now we can never leave that god-forsaken desert.

50 Years In The Making

Congratulations to the Chicago Blackhawks on winning their first Stanley Cup in 49 years. Yes, you trounced my Canucks in the process, but at least you knocked off the pain-in-the-butt Flyers in their hideous neon orange Hamburger Helper mascot-looking jerseys. One should never be able to score against an NHL goaltender from twelve feet out at a five degree angle perpendicular to the net. Yet somehow, four minutes into overtime, Blackhawks forward Patrick Kane managed to do exactly that. So I guess that just leaves the Cubs as the losers in Chicago.

The New Math

I have a new favorite television show. Top Gear, on BBC America. Three middle-aged British guys that love cars, love engineering and love to drive. And they have British accents. Everything is better with a British accent. I don’t know why, it just is. And I would like to know where they managed to find a Nissan 300 ZX Twin Turbo with only 103,000 miles on it for $3,000. I tried today. Wasn’t happening.

Although the relief wells will not be completed until at least August, British Petroleum now claims they have partially fitted a siphon over the severed pipe and is containing approximately 10,000 to 15,000 barrels a day. While this sounds like significant improvement over containment of zero barrels a day, it also provides a little bit of clarity to some of the dubious accounting BP was attempting to feed the public as recently as a week ago. Prior to “operation top kill,” BP’s oil leakage estimate was 5,000 barrels a day. According to their own press release, cutting the top off the pipe in order to install this siphon increased the flow of oil into the water by about 20%. Today they claim between one-third and three-quarters of the oil is being piped to their surface containment ships. So, a couple quick calculations, and we have an interesting scenario. Five percent of 5,000 barrels is 250 barrels. And one-third or three-quarters of 5,250 barrels is either 1,733 or 3,938 barrels. Both of those numbers are significantly less than 10,000 barrels per day, which is what BP claims they are currently collecting. Obviously, 5,000 barrels a day was a gross underestimation of the spill. A more accurate estimation of the spillage, according to British Petroleum’s most recent capture claims, is somewhere in the neighborhood of 13,334 to 45,000 barrels a day - much closer to the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration estimates BP spent so much time and effort disputing. Only to inadvertently confirm them in the process of trumpeting their progress.

Last week, a prominent South Carolina Republican lobbyist came forward claiming that he too had an affair with Republican gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley. Then, in a radio interview discussing the primary race, Republican State Senator Jake Knotts said of Haley, “We already got one raghead in the White House. We don’t need another in the governor’s mansion.” “Raghead” is a racial slur referring to people of Arab decent. President Obama is Hawaiian. Nikki Haley is Indian. Jake Knotts later claimed he was “joking.” Jake Knotts is an idiot. When did it become acceptable for idiots who make racist comments in public to be elected to public office in South Carolina. Wait. We are talking about South Carolina, right? Perhaps I’m asking the wrong question.

For the past 2 months, artists have been painting a mural on two walls of the Miller Valley Elementary School in Prescott, Arizona. The purpose of the mural is to promote environmentally friendly transportation, and prominently features the images of four children - all students at the school the largest of which is an Hispanic boy. Of the 380 K-5th grade students attending, 179 of them are Hispanic. This, apparently, was too much for City Councilman Steve Blair, who used his radio show to launch a campaign to have the mural removed. Three guesses as to why. Don’t worry, you’ll only need one. During his May 21st broadcast, Blair complained to his audience that the most prominent child in the painting was black, (which, he isn’t), saying, “I am not a racist individual, but I will tell you depicting a black guy in the middle of that mural, based upon who's president of the United States today and based upon the history of this community when I grew up, we had four black families - who I have been very good friends with for years - to depict the biggest picture on that building as a black person, I would have to ask the question, 'Why?’” Shortly following this outburst, Principal Jeff Lane asked the artists - who claim they and the students helping them paint have been subjected to months of racial epithets hurled at them by some passing drivers (Blair listeners perhaps?) - to “lighten” the faces of the children depicted in the mural.

Fortunately, saner heads seem to have prevailed, and the principal has apologized to the artists, the kids and the community and insisted the mural go forward as originally planned. Good times, noodle salad. But there are also three life lessons and at least two good questions we can take away from this incident. First, if ever someone starts a sentence with the phrase, “I am not a racist, but...,” that person is probably a racist. Second, if ever someone utters the phrase, “I don’t hate black people, I have black friends,” that person does not have any black friends. They may know of some black people, or have seen some black people in the frozen food aisle at Walmart that one time, but they do not have any black friends. Third, it doesn’t matter to Steve Blair that the boy in the mural is Hispanic, and not black. His point is perfectly clear. Steve Blair doesn’t like people who don’t resemble Steve Blair. The fact that in this case those people are only eight years old is irrelevant to Steve Blair. Fourth, how morally bankrupt and devoid of humanity do you have to be to yell racial epithets at K thru 5th graders painting a mural on the walls of their school? How miserable is your life that you get pleasure from verbally abusing an eight-year-old? And finally, what the HELL is the problem with Arizona? Almost every week - sometimes twice a week - someone in Arizona does something stupid enough to make the state look like a 21st century version of George Wallace’s Alabama. Seriously. Is it the heat? Is it the lack of water? What is it? Help us Arizona. Help us, so we can help you.

Finally, Apple released its fourth generation iPhone on Monday, to the collective orgasm of billions of people. During the demonstration of several of the new features, Steve Jobs experienced trouble getting an Internet web page to load on his brand new super phone. To may iPhone users, this came as no surprise. What was surprising, was AT&T’s announcement that it will no longer offer an unlimited data plan for any of its smart phones or the iPad. Plans will now cost $25 and have a 2GB limit, with a $10 charge for each additional GB after that. People who purchased iPads with the intention of burning up Netflix and streaming Internet radio and all those wonderful modern conveniences are going to have to pay significantly more for the privilege, and many of them are not happy about it. They claim that AT&T should use some of the profit they make from charging their customers ridiculous overage fees and upgrade their network. But the company is sticking to it’s guns and making no apologies. Bandwidth, they claim, is a finite resource, and when a few people utilize so much bandwidth, they slow down the network for everyone else.

I would like to postulate a theory. Is it possible that the iPhone’s exclusivity to AT&T is the proximate cause of its decision to move away from an unlimited data plan model? According to Steve Jobs, 58% of smart phone web browsing was done on iPhones, and 100% of that browsing was done over the AT&T network. If that browsing had been shared across the other two major networks (Sprint and Verizon), would AT&T be experiencing the bandwidth crunch it currently has to deal with, especially in high-traffic areas like New York City? It seems like a little less exclusivity might have benefitted everyone in this case.

Killer Bees

...comic from The Daily Dish

Operation “Top Kill,” is dead. Almost 50 days out and no end in sight. And what many experts feared from the beginning is now almost certain: this well is going to continue to spew oil into the Gulf of Mexico until both relief wells come online to relieve the pressure in August or September. Three or four months into hurricane season. Drill baby drill.

If it isn’t obvious to everyone by now, British Petroleum - and by extension, every other petroleum company operating in deep water - did not and does not have ANY IDEA how to deal with an accident in deep water. They claimed they did, but they lied. Should the government have done a better job verifying their claims? Absolutely. I guess if you tell a government agency it is a miserable failure and completely unnecessary for eight years it will act like a miserable failure. Stupid is as stupid does, right?

Last week, former vice presidential candidate/train wreck Sarah Palin accused President Obama of “not doing enough about the oil spill because he is in the pocket of big oil.” It might be amusing if it weren’t so stupid. In the two years prior to that little gem, Palin and her cohorts have spent every waking moment accusing Barack Obama of establishing himself as the second coming of Vladimir Lenin, driving the country toward socialism. But as soon it it became evident that BP did not have and could not get a handle on their oil spill, Palin and company tried to paint the President as some sort of capitalist pig, refusing to commandeer a private corporation and replace it with the awesome omnipotence of the federal government. Government can be either impotent or omnipotent. Not both.

For 50 years, conservatives have insisted on beating the tar out of the idea of competent, responsible government. The conservative icon himself, Ronald Reagan was elected twice on the platform that “government is the problem.” He didn’t say big government was the problem. He didn’t say bad government is the problem. He said government is the problem. All of it. In the 30 years since then, Reagan and his disciples ran whatever branch of government they controlled as if government were indeed the problem. And instead of attempting to improve it, they simply attempted to downsize and eliminate, competence be damned. Well, at some point that mantra was bound to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There is a lot of chatter among the talking heads in the media about the “reality of the narrative.” Proof that once again, the media has failed - and continues to fail in it’s primary responsibility, reporting the news. According to the heads, the “reality of the narrative” is that the President must “do more.” More what, nobody seems to know, but he must do something. He must stop the leak, presumably by donning his secret Iron Man armor and descend to the bottom of the ocean to crimp the pipe with his repulser beams. He must single-handedly prevent all the oil from reaching shore, I guess by skimming it from the surface with a magic pooper-scooper and filling all our gas tanks at a ridiculous discount. He must maintain his cool in a crisis, while simultaneously conveying that he is mad as hell and not going to take it anymore, scowling and wringing his hands and stamping his feet like a petulant child. You know, so people can feel assured that he “feels our pain.” Because if he isn’t running around like a chicken with his head cut off, he’s really not “doing enough.” Bull. Forget the reality of the narrative. How about reporting the reality of reality. Regardless of the level of weeping and gnashing of teeth, the well will continue to leak until either the internal and external pressures equalize, or it is capped by British Petroleum. No amount of “feeling our pain” is going to change that. Fretting on camera about a now threatened seafood industry isn’t going to stop all that dispersed oil from settling in the oyster beds and ruining the crop. This just in: reality bites. Always has. And it’s never been as fun and sexy as the “narrative” the media likes to peddle. But it is what it is. And last time I checked, the truth - or at least some reasonable facsimile - is what the news media has been tasked to deliver to us. Are we really at the point as a nation where we allow the voices in our heads and our fact-deficient narratives to crowd out the cold harsh light of reality?

Violence erupted in Kingston, Jamaica last week as police attempted to arrest and deport notorious cocaine trafficker and arms dealer Michael Christopher Coke to the United States. The shooting started when police appeared at the Tivoli Gardens garrison to take Coke into custody after news broke that Jamaican president Bruce Golding had hired a lobbying firm to lobby the U.S. government against extraditing Coke to Miami to face trafficking and murder charges. Many people in Jamaica believe - and perhaps rightly so - that if Coke were to be taken into custody by the police he might never make it to the United States to stand trial. For decades the country has been plagued by political corruption and the incestuous relationship between the government and the drug trade. Eighteen years ago, Coke’s father, Lloyd Lester Coke burned to death in his prison cell just days before his scheduled extradition to the United States on trafficking and murder charges. Speculation is that he knew too many things about the government/drug dealer relationship, and that his son now faces the same fate. Though negotiations are ongoing, Coke has thus far refused to turn himself in. I used to wonder why my Dad hasn’t returned to Jamaica since he left it at the age of 18. I don’t wonder anymore.

Researchers at the Boston University School of Medicine, utilizing technology developed by a small Canadian bio-tech firm has developed what might be a cure for the Ebola virus. When administered to the group of test monkeys, the anti-viral agent proved 100% effective in neutralizing the Ebola virus. Human trials have yet to be conducted and more research is being made into extending the window for administering the drug beyond 48 hours, but if it holds up to testing, we may be looking at the ability to control - if not eliminate - the threat posed by one of the most deadly strains of virus known to man. How’s that for some good news.

In advance of a ridiculously positive earnings report, Toyota announced last week that it is entering into a 50 million dollar partnership with Tesla Motors to build electric cars. For those who do not follow the automobile universe, the Palo Alto-based Tesla produces all-electric vehicles for public consumption. Their flagship vehicle is the Tesla Roadster, a 2-seater sports car that travels 245 miles on a single charge and shreds 0-60 in 3.7 seconds, as seen below.

All this with a 7-year, 100,000 mile battery that charges in 3.5 hours from a 240V outlet. A couple years ago, the company announced plans to produce a 4-door luxury all-electric sedan with a 300-mile charge range in the $50,000 price range, about $14,000 less than what one might expect to pay for a Cadillac Escalade. (As a point of comparison, the Chevrolet Volt travels only 40 miles on a single charge and is estimated to cost about $40,000 prior to the $7,500 energy rebate.) Reference the following image.

The announcement of the Toyota partnership and the Toyota production factory that goes along with it means that perhaps Tesla will be able to reduce that $50,000 price point and bring the all-electric vehicle to a wider audience. I am very interested.

Did a double take at this statistic when it flashed across my screen the other day. Apple Computer is now worth more money than Microsoft and Wal-mart. That is not a misprint. In fact, the only company in the United States worth more than Apple is Exxon. And with 2 million iPads sold and counting, and a new iPhone set to be unveiled next week, That may be only a short term deficiency. Seriously. How many iTunes downloads can they possibly be selling!

Al and Tipper Gore announced that they are separating after 40 years of marriage. Come on, forty years? After all this time? What's the point?

Finally, late last week, Lower Manhattan, Wall Street in particular, was attacked by a swarm of bees. Yes, bees. After a brief panic, the bees were sedated and captured by the NYPD’s resident beekeeper. I don’t know which is more frightening. The fact that entire swaths of New York City are attacked by bees, or the fact that it happens often enough for the New York City Police Department to keep a beekeeper on staff. Rumor has it the bees were upset over Bank of America’s refusal to renegotiate the adjustable rate mortgage they used to purchase that new hive in Hoboken.