Mostly Harmless

Baseball fans and commentators have a saying, “That’s just Manny being Manny.” It refers to Boston Red Sox outfielder Manny Ramirez. Every time Manny does something stupid - which is damn near all the time, people just shrug and say, “Hey, that’s just Manny being Manny.” I think I’ll be co-opting that for use throughout my daily routine. Let’s go with it and see what happens.

This week is the fifth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq. The fifth anniversary of “shock and awe”, if you will. In the coming days, General Petraeus will return to Capitol Hill to report to give Congress his annual report on on what is taking place in Iraq. Conventional wisdom is that he will tell us the same thing he told us before. Progress is being made, but more progress is needed. That’s the funny thing about progress. When you’re making it, you feel good about it, and you get excited about making more. But when you aren’t making it, you feel like you should be and you put more time and resources into making it - regardless of whether or not you should be. At this point, I have no idea what will happen with Iraq, and frankly, I’m not sure I care. The only thing I can be sure of is that progress will be made - toward something... maybe. On a lighter note, Vice President Cheney’s android double emerged from his super secret location just long enough to swing by Baghdad to celebrate a “mission accomplished” with the troops in the theater. No word yet on whether his power cell technology has advanced enough to allow him to be seen in public more often. But hey, that’s just Cheney being Cheney, right?

The Supreme Court heard oral arguments today regarding the definition of the Second Amendment. With all the babble surrounding gun control in this country, it’s difficult to believe that this case involving the District of Columbia’s 32 year ban on the possession of handguns within city limits is the first gun rights case expected to yield a Supreme Court decision since 1939. What this all boils down to is whether or not the Second Amendment grants individuals or militias the right to keep and bear arms. For those of you who are unfamiliar with your Constitution’s Bill of Rights, the amendment reads as follows: A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state; the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. Intelligent people continue to disagree on exactly what that phrase means, but it’s obvious to anyone who can read that 217 years of confusion could have been avoided if James Madison had simply written a better sentence. But you know, that’s just Madison being Madison. Remember, guns don’t kill people. Bullets do.

In response to the circulation of video clips featuring his pastor of twenty years saying some very stupid things, Barack Obama did something today in Philadelphia that no politician I can remember has ever done. He talked openly and honestly about race. I did not hear the speech live this morning, but since then I have heard sound bites and read excerpts and several things are very clear to me. First and perhaps most importantly, Barack Obama gets it. He understands where American race relations have come from and he understands where they could be going. Nobody with anything to lose ever wants to talk about race. To be fair, Obama didn’t really want to talk about race either. He’s based his entire campaign on the idea that race is largely irrelevant as a qualification for the highest office in this country. Unfortunately, a significant portion of the population is not adult enough to accept that. So, instead of trying to sweep it back under the rug where it belongs, he decided to confront it head on, in a well-crafted, well-delivered, intelligent, effective speech. But in reaching that conclusion, I also realized this: some people in this country just don’t get it - and never will, and others just can’t seem to let go. Men like Obama’s pastor, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, are products of a different era. He grew up in an America with separate water fountains, “colored” entrances and segregated schools where black children needed the protection of the National Guard to simply get to class. His social and political views are a product of that experience. And despite the fact that the America of 2007 does not resemble the America of 1957, people like Jeremiah Wright are simply unable to let go of the past. On the other hand, there is a segment of this country which believes that racial intolerance, injustice and animus ended with the July 2, 1964 signing of the Civil Rights Act. According to them, the playing field has been level and fair opportunities have been available for the past 44 years and black people should just shut up about it and get on with life. Both these groups damage the discourse and make it difficult to achieve any sort of understanding. The good news is that men like Wright are a dying breed. Relics of a bygone era, being replaced by men like Obama. The bad news is that for some people, that progress is not enough. Odd, isn’t it. The mere mention of progress is enough to sustain a multi-billion dollar war in a foreign country, but it may not be enough to sustain the political candidacy of a single man.

Prior to this incident, I had convinced myself that there was actually a chance that a bi-racial man really could be elected president of a mostly white country based on his ideas and vision for the country. I don’t believe that anymore. I’ve seen too many farcical roundtable discussions, listened to too many ignorant talk show callers and read too many disturbing blog comments to continue in that belief. Hillary Clinton’s entire pitch to super delegates is that there are Democratic voters who simply will not vote for Obama because of who he is, nudge nudge, wink wink. It’s sad, but America is what it is. It isn’t going to change. Not in my lifetime.

It looks like there might be a Democratic primary re-vote in Michigan on June 3. As part of a compromise plan to have their delegate seated at the upcoming Democratic convention, Michigan Democrats have agreed in principle to hold a privately funded re-vote, this time with the participation of both of the remaining candidates and both names on the ballot. Florida on the other hand, remains stubborn, refusing to hold any kind of re-vote and trying to force the Democratic Party to capitulate to their demands. Does it surprise anyone that the state of Florida is incapable of properly conducting a voting exercise? I guess that’s just Florida being Florida.

The Dalai Lama has “threatened” to resign if protests throughout Tibet continue to turn violent. I don’t know much about the Dalai Lama. I know he’s been a thorn in China’s side for as long as he’s been the Lama, and beloved throughout the rest of the world during that same period. But it is difficult to imagine a pacifist threatening anything, doesn’t it?

Private Lynndie England (you may remember her from her poses with stacked, naked prisoners on leashes and guard dogs at Abu Ghraib prison) gave an interview to a German news magazine in which she blamed the media for turning “something that happens in war” into an international scandal. According to England, if the media simply hadn’t reported the story, insurgents would not have been able to use the photos as a recruiting tool and “thousands of lives would have been saved.” Come on Lynndie. Can I call you Lynndie? Isn’t that a little like saying that the problem with the fork stuck in your brother’s eye is not that you stuck it there, but that he told your parents that you did it. I’d like to offer a suggestion to Ms. England. Perhaps if you hadn’t placed naked men on leashes, had them bitten by guard dogs and photographed yourself doing it, the media would not have had anything to report. Sometimes people simply need to take responsibility for their own actions. Guess that’s just Lynndie being Lynndie.

The first person who can adequately explain the current economic situation to me gets ten dollars. Of course, by the time I get an answer that ten dollars will probably be worth only five dollars, so, the sooner the better.

Tiger Woods won his fifth straight PGA tournament this past weekend. Yawn. Let me know when he loses a tournament. That will be news. How did the sport of golf get to the point where something as difficult as defeating a field full of the best players in the world every weekend has become mundane and routine? How good is this guy?

On a lighter note, Mariah Carey claims that her sexed-up image makes her look ditzy, and that she would like for people to take her more seriously. I think this one writes its own jokes.

Finally, rapper and producer P. Diddy (formerly Puff Daddy, formerly Sean “Puffy” Combs) has denied rumors that he was involved in the as yet unsolved 1996 Las Vegas murder of rap superstar Tupac Shakur. Ordinarily I like to stay away from the murder mystery speculation at least until there is some measure of evidence to substantiate the claim. But I think I have to throw in with Mr. Diddy on this one. Anyone remotely familiar with Diddy’s earlier work knows he had only one skill: nodding his head in time with the music. He made a name for himself this way, standing around nodding his head in the music videos of more talented performers - occasionally varying his act by waving his arms and repeating, “yeah, yeah,” every second and fourth beat. None of those actions are remotely related to driving a car, holding a firearm or squeezing a trigger. His absolute ineptitude virtually assures he could have had nothing to do with it. Just Diddy being Diddy.