Number 4

Today marks the end of an era. Brett Favre has retired. For the past 16 years the immortal Number 4 has led the Green Bay Packers into battle every Sunday against the NFL’s elite. This morning, 61,665 passing yards, 160 wins, 442 touchdowns, 275 consecutive starts, three league MVP awards and one Superbowl victory later, he has decided to hang up the jersey for good. For the past three years the off-season has brought rampant speculation as to whether or not he would finally walk away from the game he so obviously loved. But this year was different. At the age of 38, after a resurgence the likes of which has not been seen in sports in recent memory, everyone assumed Favre would return to Green Bay at least one last time to try to get over the hump and back to the Superbowl. Instead he has decided he will not return to Lambeau Field in a uniform in the fall. He is leaving on his own terms, after a stellar season, uninjured and with his legend intact, which is more than can be said for so many athletes in his position. Everyone wants to go out like John Elway, hoisting the championship trophy high above one’s head. But if you can’t go out on top, there are few better ways to go out that the way he has chosen to go. Packer fans will miss him, football fans will miss him and most of all, the game will miss him. The NFL has had no better ambassador over the past decade. So grill up a bratwurst and pour yourself a cold one. Here’s to Number 4.

Not wanting to be outdone by a certain Texas icon’s endorsement of a political candidate, Patriots superstar receiver Randy Moss secured a divine endorsement of his own last week. Patriots quarterback and all-round suave, debonaire ladies-man Tom Brady was reported as saying, “Wherever (Moss) goes, I go.” For anyone unfamiliar with the dynamics of New England high society, that qualifies as Boston’s equivalent of an endorsement by Jesus. It may not carry quite the same weight in Massachusetts as it does in Texas, but props from the Golden Boy are special none the less.

From the best of the best to the worst of the worst. The once proud New York Knicks have become the laughing stock of professional basketball. As if it wasn’t enough that head coach and general manager Isiah Thomas has traded away every decent draft pick for the next fifty years, drastically overpays every single one of the mediocre players on his roster and was found guilty of sexually harassing an employee, Thomas has now reportedly banned his underachieving star guard and fashion diva Stephon Marbury from the arena. Rumor has it that Marbury is still under contract with the Knicks and expected to play, so banning him for his place of employment doesn’t make any sense to me. Then again, nothing about the Knicks makes sense, does it.

It’s good to know that rumor, innuendo and good old-fashioned fear-mongering are not only alive and well in American politics, but frightening effective. On the eve of “Critical Tuesday” (why do people feel the need to give stupid little nicknames to everything?), Senator Clinton seems to be enjoying a bit of a resurgence in the polls. Somehow she has managed to convince voters and media alike that even if she loses a close election in Ohio and/or Texas, she can still be considered a winner for over coming Senator Obama’s momentum. I guess I don’t understand how the evaporation of 20+ point Clinton leads in Ohio and Texas in just three weeks can be legitimately viewed as anything but disaster, but maybe I’m just not looking hard enough. Regardless of whether or not winning races you were always projected to win can be considered a comeback, it’s the manner in which the “comeback” was launched that upsets me. Clinton didn’t come out hammering Obama on his stance on the issues - his stance is nearly identical to hers. No, first she complained about the referees - the media. They just weren’t being fair to her, not making any calls in her favor. So of course, as all referees do when the superstar complains about the officiating, they stopped calling fouls on her and started calling fouls on Obama. And once that started to work, her campaign began to try to paint her Obama as some kind of closet black supremacist, slum lord, cloak-and-dagger Muslim secretly plotting to turn the country over to the United Arab Emirates the day after he’s inaugurated. And for some reason, “progressive, enlighten” Democratic voters seem to be bought into it hook, line and sinker. I expect that kind of reaction from American fascists - they are afraid of their own shadows. But I should be able to expect more from people who claim to be free-thinkers. The American electorate never ceases to disappoint me.

By the way, Mike Huckabee ended his bid for the presidency this evening. After running a race perhaps much longer than he should have, the former Arkansas governor finally decided to call it quits, leaving John McCain the unquestioned Republican presidential nominee. By winning Texas this evening McCain accumulated the magic number of delegates to clinch the nomination - whether or not Huckabee dropped out of the race. But now McCain can take the next three months off relaxing at home in Arizona while the Democrats continue to waste time deciding on a nominee.

Apparently there is a video making the rounds on YouTube depicting a U.S. Marine gleefully tossing a puppy off a cliff. Or rather there WAS a video depicting a U.S. Marine gleefully tossing a puppy off a cliff. YouTube received thousands of complaints about the clip and pulled it from circulation. Protests even reached the point where the Marine Corp. has opened an investigation into whether or not the video is real, and if so, what punishment he will face. Don’t hold your breath for anything significant. Isn’t this how serial killers start out. Executing animals, graduating to people? I’m not sure which disgusts me more. The fact that some mentally deficient excuse for a human being thought it was funny hurl a helpless animal to its death, or the fact that thousands of people knew the content of this clip and still proceeded to watch it.

The price of oil hit an all-time high of over $104 during trading this past Monday. Adjusted for inflation that cost exceeds the high set during the peak of the oil crisis in 1980. Finally, the media no longer has to interview that one idiot who always says, “Well, adjusted for inflation oil still costs less than it did during the Carter administration.” That moron will have to come up with some other, equally lame rationalization for why speculators and oil producers/extractors/refiners should be allowed to continue to rip off the consumer. I’m sure he’s already working on it.

Finally, a Japanese pin-up model was convicted last year of property destruction after a man accused her of kicking in his door and confronting her about his activities with another woman. But her conviction was overturned on Monday after the Tokyo High Court agreed that her 44-inch bust was simply too large for her to gain entry through the hole in the man’s door. What do you know. Over-sized breasts getting someone OUT of trouble. How about that. All this time all Larry Craig needed was a 44-inch bust.