Gin & Juice

It is said that good things come to those who wait. So I waited two additional days before filing this post. I’m still waiting.

ABC News hosted the 21st debate between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama last night in Philadelphia. At least I’m told it was the 21st debate. I lost count after six. From the clips foisted upon me by PBS and cable news, this one seemed perhaps a little less civil than previous incarnations. Plenty of sniping about not really being shot at in Bosnia, not wearing little flag lapel pins, crazy people some candidate might have passed on the street on a moped twenty years ago, blah, blah, blah. I’ve said from the beginning that since Obama and Clinton agree on the issues, this campaign is essentially about personality. And while last night’s debate was considerably more about personality than policy, the only thing we learned about the candidates is that the personalities on display last night seem to be pushing potential voters toward McCain. The worse they make each other look, the better McCain looks. And he’s already a fairly likable guy.

Ever wonder where your hard earned tax dollars go when they vanish from your paycheck? Well, I might have an answer for you. The Government Accountability Office - the ONLY government agency which actually works the way it is supposed to - released its audit of federal government credit and debit cards for the 2006 fiscal year. Surprise surprise, close to half of the transactions made that year were considered to be improper. In this case, the term improper refers to things like clothing, iPods, Internet dating services, digital cameras, laptops, $13,500 steak dinners, and lingerie “to be worn during jungle training in Ecuador.” What kind of training that is, I don’t know, and I’m not sure I want to speculate. But I am pretty sure it has nothing to do with legitimate expenses relating to the tanking economy, $115 per barrel oil or the war in Iraq. Maybe we’re just expecting too much from our civil servants. After all, what’s the point of having an expense account if you can’t abuse it by purchasing camouflage g-strings.

Pope Benedict is making his first visit to the United States this week. This morning he held mass for close to 50,000 faithful at the Washington Nationals cathedral... er... stadium, (sorry), during which time priests attempted (and I assume succeeded) to give communion to all in attendance in less than 15 minutes. Tomorrow he’ll move to New York City to hold mass at Yankee Stadium. You know, if he wanted to tour America’s great ballparks he could have just bought a ticket.

Not a Ford guy? Don’t like the styling (or lack thereof) of your GMC pick-up? Xenophobic and refuse to purchase anything from a company not founded by a white anglo-saxon male? You have new options my friend. Welcome to the newest monster merger creation, Nisysler. That’s Nissan and Chrysler in case you were wondering. The "best" of both worlds. Nissan has been experiencing a 40% decline in sales of its new Titan pick-up truck. Instead of sitting around and letting the losses pile up until the company is billions in debt and on the verge of bankruptcy as some other manufactures have done, (ahem, General Motors, ahem), Nissan has come up with a novel idea. Pawn their problem off on some other sucker. Beginning in 2010, they will no longer manufacture their own trucks in North America. That task will fall to Chrysler, which will churn out Nissan’s new trucks from Chrysler factories, built by Chrysler employees. In exchange, Nissan will develop a new small car for Chrysler to market as its own. With this deal the Japanese gain a little street-cred in the truck market, and Americans will hopefully never have to be subjected to the likes of the Neon ever again.

A New Jersey man scored a win for all geeks this past December when he utilized his ninja-like computer skills to propose to his real-life girlfriend. Yes, I used ninja-like computer skills and girlfriend in the same sentence. Bernie Peng hacked into a video game and rigged it to propose to his girlfriend once she reached a predetermined score. No word on how low said score was set to, but nevertheless she did play the game long enough to reach the plateau, unlock the proposal and render Bernie the happiest geek ever to barricade himself in his parent’s basement. Way to go Bernie. You are an inspiration to pimple-faced adolescent boys everywhere.

Finally, a funny thing happened on the way to the Country Music Awards. It seems one Snoop Doggy Dogg showed up and stole the show. Dressed in black with cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat, Mr. Dogg dropped in to wax nostalgic on Johnny Cash, pose for pictures with petite blonde country starlets I’ve never heard of, and hit on LeAnn Rimes. Yes, that LeAnn Rimes. Apparently the D-O-double G was in the midst of another interview when Ms. Rimes strolled by in what could only be described as a set of sagging venetian blinds and caught his attention. Not one to allow a pair of legs in a low-cut dress pass him by without comment, Snoop extricated himself from his interview and ask Ms. Rimes if he could “meet her”. I don’t know if she would know the difference between a Snoop Dogg and a chili dog, but she was courteous and graciously refrained from laughing when he told her she looked like Marilyn Monroe. It’s also unclear whether Snoop could distinguish Marilyn Monroe from Marilyn Manson, but hey, they were at the Country Music Awards. I’m surprised he could distinguish her from anyone else through the tight jeans, wife-beaters and clouds of hairspray backstage.