Real America

Greetings from "fake" America! I know, traditionally Indiana has been considered part of "real" America. But the city I live in is home to at least one institute of higher learning, so that would seem to place us firmly in the "fake" America category.

CNN is reporting that Senator Obama will leave the campaign trail this coming Thursday and Friday to visit his ailing 86-year-old grandmother in Hawaii. Apparently she has been ill for quite some time now and has taken a turn for the worse. Obama was scheduled to appear in Wisconsin and Iowa those two days, but will instead make the flight to Honolulu to be with the woman he credits with rearing him to be the man he is today. I wish Senator Obama and his grandmother the best and hope he finds her well.

Be careful what you wish for, Samuel Wurzelbacher. You just might get it. The now infamous "Joe the Plumber" mentioned by McCain some 20 times during the final debate actively courted his fifteen minutes of fame, doing more interviews in 24 hours than Sarah Palin has given in six weeks of campaigning. But Wurzelbacher apparently didn't realize that when you turn your life over to the camera, you turn your whole life over to the media. And the media discovered a few things about him that didn't quite mesh with his self-crafted entrepreneur persona. First, Joe is not a licensed plumber. I know one does not have to be a licensed plumber to perform plumbing work. But I guess "Joe the Journeyman" just doesn't have the same ring to it. Second, according to both his most recently available federal income tax returns and his own admission, Joe made only $40,000 last year, which qualifies him for a larger tax cut under Barack Obama's tax plan than under John McCain's tax plan. And finally, Joe owes the State of Ohio $1,200 in back taxes. The man who told Obama that high taxes were discouraging him from purchasing his own plumbing business, had to rely on the charity of two conservative radio hosts in Portland to raise the $1,700 he needs to pay off the lien against him and cover the cost of obtaining his plumber's license. Say it ain't so Joe. Say it ain't so.

The biggest news of the weekend - and there was some pretty big news this weekend - was the endorsement of Senator Obama by former Secretary of State and retired four-star general Colin Powell. Citing, among other things, the scorn of intellectual rigor, embrace of ignorance, degenerating tone of the campaign, McCain's erratic response to the financial crisis and the selection of Governor Palin as a Vice Presidential nominee as reasons for his decision. With those words, Powell joined the growing list of prominent Republican / conservative intellectuals who have expressed their displeasure with the direction of the Republican Party and campaign, and endorsed Obama. The haters stepped forward immediately, lead by the man behind the "golden EIB microphone" Rush Limbaugh, who flat out called Powell a racist for endorsing the black "liberal" instead of the white conservative. Maybe the Oxycontin is impairing Limbaugh's judgment, but if Powell's endorsement was simply about one black man voting for another black man, Powell could have endorsed Obama 20 months ago. He was black then, and he's black now. Is it possible that Powell might have endorsed Barack Obama simply because he believes that he would make a better president than McCain? Possible?

Obama set a new fundraising record for September, collecting a whopping $150 million in 30 days, with over 600,000 new donors and an average donation of 86 dollars. Wow. While there is no reason to assume that just any candidate could accomplish what Obama has in terms of fund-raising, but is it too early to declare the death of public financing?

Obama drew 175,000 people to his rallies in Missouri this past weekend, 100,000 in St. Louis and 75,000 in Kansas City. I'm still fairly young, but I don't remember any other American political figure drawing the kind of individual attention Obama has garnered during this campaign. A substantial number of people in this country are searching for something different. And whatever it is, they seem to be finding it in Barack Obama.



For as long as I can remember, the Republican Party has accused the Democratic Party of class warfare, divide-and-conquer politics. I guess mother never told them that every time you point a finger, there are three fingers pointing back at you. During an interview with NBC News earlier this week, McCain campaign spokeswoman Nancy Pfotenhauer remarked that although northern Virginia has drifted Democratic in recent years, the rest of Virginia, or "real Virginia" if you will, is still very receptive to McCain's message. When given the opportunity to back away from dividing the state into legitimate and illegitimate citizens, Pfotenhauer pressed on, adding portions of Minnesota, Wisconsin, Ohio and Pennsylvania to her definition of "real" America. Earlier that day while campaigning in North Carolina, Governor Palin told her adoring fans that, she was proud to be visiting "the pro-American parts of the country," talking to "...real Americans..., running our factories and teaching our children..." with "...small town American values." I think I'm going to be sick.

A few months from now, I will become an American citizen. But I find it a little disconcerting that my citizenship has been de-legitimized even before it's been bestowed upon me. Because I was born and raised in a city of half-a-million people, I can never be a "real" American. Because I've had a passport since I was two years old, I can never be a "real" American. Because I graduated from (one) college, with a professional degree instead of working in a factory or as an unlicensed plumber (because somehow what I do every day doesn't qualify as work) I can never be considered a "real" American. Because I drive an Acura and never learned how to field-dress a moose, I can never be considered a "real" American. Because I can remember what newspapers and magazines I read, and am fully capable of forming a coherent sentence featuring nouns, verbs, adjectives, articles, conjunctions and pronouns, I can never be a real American. Forgive my sarcasm, but I'm freakin' tired of being told by middle-aged men with multiple homes making $40 million dollars a year to sit in a leather recliner and blather into a microphone three hours a day that I am some kind of elitist while they are, and speak for, "everyday Americans." I'm tired of being told that people from small towns who smoke meth, drop out school, vandalize property, beat their wives and children in drunken rages and get pregnant at the age of fifteen are somehow more virtuous than big city “folks” guilty of the same offenses. I’m tired of being told that because I don’t think American soldiers should still be dying on Iraqi soil I don’t “support the troops” and because I believe that patriotism is something more than a brass pin made in China that I’m somehow “un-American.”

During the final debate last week, Senator McCain commented that if only Senator Obama had agreed to the series of town hall meeting he had suggested this summer, the current tone of the campaign would be very different. Translation, everything would be perfect if Obama had simply done everything McCain wanted him to. I’m old enough to understand that politics is a dirty business. And that in order to get elected, both McCain and Obama must attempt to make themselves look better than their opponent. But the hard reality is that come November 5th, we all have to figure out how to make this system work for the next four years with whoever was elected the night before. It’s one thing to function in an environment of philosophical differences. It’s quite something else to carve up the country into small town and big city America, populated by real and fake Americans who supported either a “war hero” or a “terrorist sympathizer” and expect the system to work. It’s foolish, it’s dangerous and it’s got to stop.

In an interview earlier this week, Governor Palin told Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family that "God will do the right thing on November 4th." I hope she still feels that way if Senator Obama wins the presidency.

Still trying to distill a coherent message out of the cacophony of his campaign, McCain has now resorted to throwing tired cold war labels at his opponent, hoping that something – anything – will stick. This week he seems to have dropped the “palling around with terrorists” mantra and reverted to the more traditional “tax and spend liberal” label, accenting it here and there with charges of “socialism.” I guess the term “borrow and spend conservative” doesn’t have the same historical connotations as tax and spend liberal, but I fail to understand how anyone proposing to spend as much money as McCain can try to negatively paint his opponent as a big spender. I also find it laughable that he would try to pin the socialist label on someone with the endorsement of perhaps the greatest living free market American capitalist and richest man in the world, Warren Buffet. But judging by the poll numbers, I’m not the only one befuddled by the flailing.

My NFL thoughts for Week 7:

I’ve lived long enough to witness the perfect 16-0 season. I hope I live long enough to witness the perfect 0-16 season. I thought I might score both in the same year last season, but Miami killed that dream for me. But this season, I have two chances. And I’m counting on at least the Lions to come through for me.

The Dallas Cowboys are in serious doo doo. All of a sudden, their all-star offensive line can’t block, their all-star running back can’t run, their all-star quarterback can’t throw, their all-star tight end can’t catch, and then there’s Terrell Owens and Terrence Newman and Pacman Jones and Roy Williams and, well, you get the picture. Jerry Jones insists everything is just fine. But when you have that much money, you can pay other people to tell the truth for you.

I love Seattle. Really, I do. What’s not to love about a city with bikini-clad baristas and a lingerie football league? But the Seahawks are embarrassing to watch. It’s like watching the short stubby kid with the greasy hair and freckles ask the head cheerleader to the prom, over and over again, with the same depressing result. Somebody take pity on them, please.

The Carolina Panthers and the San Diego Chargers are the two most perplexing teams in football. After seven weeks there’s still no consensus on whether or not they are any good. And L.T. is still ruining my fantasy football season.

Nothing perplexing about Tennessee. The Titans are the real deal. I know they played the Chiefs, but 330 rushing yards by two players in one game is unheard of. Only the Steelers stand between them and the AFC title.

Something is terribly wrong in Indianapolis. The most efficient offence in the league now looks barely average, and an average defense now looks like the Denver Broncos. Peyton Manning’s not happy and it’s showing.

Following their loss to the Giants on Sunday, the 49ers fired head coach Mike Nolan and replaced him with linebackers coach and legendary Chicago Bear Mike Singletary. Nothing against Singletary, but I don't think any coach not named Bill Walsh could fix the problems in San Fransisco.

My Superbowl picks as of Week 7: New York Giants vs. Pittsburgh Steelers

Nebraska's Safe Haven law allowing parents to turn over children they cannot care for to the State without fear of prosecution is causing a bit of a problem. The law was intended to prevent newborns from being left for dead in trash cans by frightened (mostly teen) mothers who couldn't or didn't want to care for them. However, in writing the statute, some genius replaced the word infant with the word child, thereby broadening the law to include all children up to the age of 18. Since the law was titled "Safe Haven" and billed as protecting children, no one actually bothered to read it carefully before voting on it. Naturally, bumbling ensued. Bad parents all over Nebraska have been leaving their babies, toddlers, tweens and even teenagers with child services for the State to care for. Bad parents from surrounding states have even gotten in on the action. Finally realizing the error of their ways the legislature promises to rewrite the law to suit the original intent. But this should serve as a lesson to every politican in America. READ THE BILLS BEFORE YOU SIGN THEM! When you don't, we end up with things like the Iraq war authorization and the Patriot Act.

Tiger Woods turned up on a golf course this week for the first time since the knee surgery that ended his season - as a caddy. He pulled up to the fifth hole at Torrey Pines in a Buick SUV golf cart to help some dude with his putting. Heckuva day for that guy, huh? How many people get to tell their friends that Tiger Woods caddied for them on the fifth hole at Torrey Pines?

The Fox television network’s worst nightmare has come true. And I’m not talking about the cancellation of American Idol. The Tampa Bay Rays and the Philadelphia Phillies will meet in the World Series this year. If you don’t know anything about either of those two teams, you’re not alone. Fox has invested millions in what might as well be a hockey game between the Columbus Blue Jackets and the Atlanta Thrashers.

I love Rashida Jones. Love her.

Finally, Andy Roddick auctioned off a one hour-long nude tennis lesson for charity for an exorbitant $15,000 to a delighted female fan/donor. It’s not clear whether only Roddick will serve and volley in the nude or if his pupil will join him in her birthday suit. But there is just something unsettling about nude male tennis. Way too much going on there. Too much.