Bullets

Enough of the Pittsburgh Steelers already!

Twenty years ago tonight I remember sitting in front of the television with my dad, watching the ten o’clock news on CBC. I’m pretty sure I was supposed to be in bed, but my parents were less strict about that sort of thing if something important was going on. And young as I was, I was aware enough of the world to know that I was witnessing much more than a group of people swinging sledge hammers at a graffiti-covered concrete wall. That night, 40 years of Communist control over the Eastern Bloc collapsed, a city was reunited, and the red-headed step child of the Cold War, the German Democratic Republic, ceased to exist. Of course, it didn’t happen overnight, and there were numerous factors that brought about the change, but the fact that it happened at all was a fulfillment of a dream many - if not most people at the time considered impossible. If you told anybody in the summer of 1989 that by October the following year, East and West Germany would be replaced on the map by a single, unified Germany, they would have laughed at you. Here’s to the fall of the Iron Curtain.

My condolences to the families of those all those affected by the tragedy that took place at Fort Hood, Texas a week ago. Last Thursday, Army psychologist Nidal Hasan allegedly walked into a readiness center on base and started shooting. By the time it was over, 13 people were dead and 31 injured. It’s bad enough that this sort of thing continues to happen in this country, only made worse by the fact that this time, it happened to the very people ready and willing to give their lives to protect us, by someone they thought was one of their own.

In an unusual twist of fate, the alleged Fort Hood shooter survived his rampage, and is currently recuperating under guard at an undisclosed hospital location. Typically these maniacs get to take the easy way out, either by taking their own lives or being cut down in an exchange of gunfire with police. But this time we’ll get to ask why, and maybe even get an answer, before final justice is dispensed. No, Hasan’s fate is not in doubt. This is Texas after all.

As soon as the name of the Fort Hood shooter was released, Muslim groups across the country scrambled to find a microphone to denounce Hasan’s actions, while some at another end of the political spectrum stumbled over themselves to suggest that perhaps all Muslim soldiers - if not all Muslims as a whole - should be viewed with suspicion and maybe even questioned as to their allegiances. I have a dream. I have a dream, that one day, minorities in America will not have to rush to a television camera to emphatically state the obvious, that the actions of one individual who happens to share some aspect of their faith or culture, do not represent the group as a whole. When a white man blew the side off a twelve story building in Oklahoma City, spokespersons for the “white community” did not have to waste airtime explaining that the actions of a single 27-year-old anti-government white man did not reflect the sentiments of the entire caucasian population. When Scott Roder allegedly assassinated Dr. George Tiller several months ago, cable news anchors were not calling for the detention and interrogation of all pro-life activists. When are we going to get to the point in this country when the actions of a single minority are accepted as just that, and not a reflection upon everyone else?

November 10, 2009 is scheduled to be the last day of John Allen Muhammad's life. Better known as the D.C. Sniper, Muhammad will be executed in Virginia on Tuesday for the murder of a local man during a seventeen day shooting spree in October of 2002. The details of this case have largely been forgotten in the years since, but at the time, this was the most terrifying thing to happen on U.S. soil since the attack on New York City. Maryland and Virginia were absolutely paralyzed with fear for more than two weeks, as people were simply murdered at random by a phantom marksman, while the police and the FBI seemed powerless to stop the bloodshed. People were ducking behind their cars as they pumped gas, zig zagging on their way into stores, sneaking their kids into school through back doors in an attempt to avoid being shot. Where the anthrax letters failed, Muhammad succeeded in holding the entire country hostage to the will of a pathetic vindictive man, angry at his ex-wife and intent on killing her when he got through with his rampage. I don’t believe in the death penalty, but I won’t be sorry to see this man go.

In the aftermath of Republican victories in New Jersey and Virginia last week that apparently heralded the end of the Obama presidency, RNC chairman Michael Steele decided that Conservatism - and by extension the Republican Party - is now such a juggernaut that they no longer need so-called “moderates” under the tent. When asked about the loss of the NY-23 Congressional District to a Democrat for the first time since the Grant Presidency, Steele dismissed it as being about local issues, (although I guess none of the other races were), then launched into a pseudo-tirade in which he threatened to “come after” any moderate Republican politician that so much as entertained the thought of working with the President or Congressional Democrats for the good of the country. Nice work Mike. Way to grow the party. Way to make people feel welcome. I can’t tell you how comforted I am to know that Michael Steele is running the GOP.

Oh, by the way, the House voted to pass its version of healthcare reform on Saturday by a margin of three votes. Three votes. In the Senate, a three vote margin of victory would be equivalent to a four game sweep of the World Series. But a three vote margin of victory with a forty-seat majority is so much more than pathetic. Of course, this is par for the course from a party that still hasn’t figured out how to or is too afraid to act like winners. How long is it going take before Democrats figure out that sniping at each other and picking each other off is the quickest, surest route back to minority status?

In an attempt to prove they are more than the “party of no,” House Republicans introduced their version of healthcare reform last week. A couple days later the Congressional Budget Office released it’s evaluation. Over the next 10 years, the Republican healthcare bill will cover an additional 3 million people and reduce the deficit by about $68 billion. Not bad. Unless you consider that the same CBO scored the Democratic reform version as covering an additional 36 million people while reducing the federal deficit by $104 billion. That’s right. The Democratic bill, already gutted by the special interests and watered down by three legislative committees covers 12 times more people and saves $36 billion more than the non-alternative offered as political cover by a disingenuous, obstructionist Republican Party claiming to be concerned with fiscal responsibility and the well-being of Americans.

My NFL Thoughts for Week 9:

The two best teams in the league struggled a little this week against inferior teams, yet still managed to pull out a victory. Neither the Saints nor the Colts played their best football. But great teams find ways to win, regardless of the circumstances. The only thing standing between these two teams and a date in Miami are the defending champs and some guy named Favre.

The Cleveland Browns did not lose this week. Of course they didn’t play either. That might have had something to do with it.

I’m ashamed to admit I lived in Wisconsin for a few years, and even now consider myself a fan of the Green Bay Packers. Aaron Rodgers and company were defeated Sunday by the previously winless Tampa Bay Buccaneers and their rookie quarterback Josh Freeman. Embarrassing doesn’t begin to describe it. Hard to believe that merely two years ago this team was one interception away from the Superbowl.

If the NFC East Division were to suddenly drop off the face of the earth I don’t think I’d miss it. Well, every team but the Cowboys of course. Sorry honey.

With the exception of New Orleans, no team in the league is more fun to watch than the Cincinnati Bengals. Halfway through the season they find themselves on top of a pretty competitive division, half-a-game ahead of the the defending champion Steelers, with a trip to Pittsburgh coming up next Sunday. And I don’t care what anybody says, Ochocinco attempting to “bribe” the official with a single dollar bill to change a call was funny stuff. The league needs to lighten up a little.

My Superbowl picks for Week 9: New Orleans Saints vs. Pittsburgh Steelers.

Against the best interests of his school and his team, University of Central Florida basketball star Marcus Jordan (son of Michael Jordan), stepped on the court for his first preseason game last week wearing his Nike sneakers. They might have been the most expensive pair of shoes any athlete has ever laced up. That act constituted a violation of the school’s endorsement deal with Adidas, and cost UCF over three million dollars. What a team player. I realize three million dollars is nothing more than an evening in Vegas to the Jordan family, but to a small school trying to make a name for itself in big time college sports, three million dollars is a pretty big deal.

Remember way back in the 80’s when the VCR hit the market? Remember how Hollywood freaked out, claiming that if people could watch and record movies in their own homes, no one would bother going to the theater? Funny how all that fear completely disappeared when they realized that not only did people continue to go to the theater, they also dropped million - nay, billions - of dollars a year to rent, and then purchase a copy of the same movie they had just seen on the big screen the week before. Several years ago when the digital video recorder first appeared in stores, television and cable networks tore their hair out trying to figure out how they were going to stay in business if people could just skip right over the commercials. However, it turns out they had nothing to fear from DVRs after all. Recent studies have revealed that, lo and behold, people are now watching more commercials than ever before. You see, back in the days before DVR, if there was more than one television show broadcast at the same time on different networks, viewers would have to choose one to watch, neglecting the others. But now, no one has to choose. They can watch all the shows they want, whenever they want to watch them. And as if that weren’t enough, it seems people are just too lazy to pick up the remote and skip through the commercials after all. Three times the programing means three times the advertising, which means three times the revenue.

Funny thing about fear. The fear itself is often - if not usually - far worse than the feared result. The fear of change is more frightening than the actual change. It’s true for television, it’s true for politics and it’s true in life. We would all be better off if we spent a little more time understanding and a little less time afraid.

Finally, remember Carrie Prejean? Ex-beauty queen turned traditional marriage activist, family values crusader and hero/darling of conservative media? Well she’s back. This time it’s not about pageant questions or topless photos or performance-enhancing breast implants. This time, there’s a sex tape. That’s right. Turns out this symbol of purity filmed herself engaging in a little “quality time” with... herself, and sent the video to her boyfriend. Sigh. We’ve gone down this road enough times with people like Prejean before that what I’m about to say shouldn’t have to be said. But, just in case, nobody cares that a reasonably attractive young woman sent naked video of herself to her boyfriend. What turns Carrie Prejean and her apologists into objects of ire is the fact that she has made a name and is making a living off of extolling the evils of some of the same behavior she herself has engaged/is engaging in. Americans like their celebrities to be flawed. They don’t like them to be hypocrites.

...The Sincerest Form...

I was going to hold on to this until next Tuesday for the regular update, but I can't. It's just too funny. Jon Stewart as Glenn Beck. If you've never watched Beck's show, now you don't have to. The best part is, it's only slightly hyperbolic. Enjoy.

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Vote For Pedro

Apparently, today is Election Day. How about that. Figures that the first election I’m eligible to vote in is referendum on some kind of regional transportation authority that doesn’t even apply to my district. Stupid off-year elections.

According to persons far wiser than I, there are actually elections of consequence today. And somehow, despite the fact that he has been in office only ten months, these elections in New Jersey and Virginia have been billed as a referendum on the entire Obama presidency. Interesting, considering that the New Jersey race is really about how much the people of the swamp hate the highest property taxes in the nation, and that since Richard Nixon in 1974, the party in the White House has never also occupied the governor’s mansion in Virginia. Yes, even Ronald Reagan, the savior himself, failed to keep Virginia out of Democratic hands. I don’t remember Reagan’s legacy being defined ten months into his presidency by races for governor he wasn’t actually involved in, but the political news narrative isn’t required to make sense, is it. Especially when it comes to Obama.

And then there’s the strange case of NY-23. New York’s 23rd Congressional District has sent a Republican representative to Washington since 1856. That is not a type-o. For 153 years, Republicans have controlled that seat in the House. Things looked on track to maintain that perfect record this year, as the local Republican Party nominated Dede Scozzafava to cruise to an easy victory against the token Democratic challenger Bill Owens. But that didn’t sit well with the new conservative rage machine. Angered by her moderate to liberal positions on abortion and same-sex marriage, (despite very conservative positions on, well, everything else), the local Conservative Party re-animated a wax figurine they then named Doug Hoffman, made sure he passed the anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-government litmus test, and hustled him out to run against Scozzafava. As Hoffman received national media attention and the endorsement of Fox News, everyone wanting to be someone in the Republican Party, from Tim Pawlenty to Mike Huckabee to Sarah Palin to Glenn Beck, stumbled over themselves to endorse the man they labeled “the true conservative” in the race. As typically happens in primaries and off-year elections, those who scream the loudest tend to get the best results. Support for Hoffman among conservatives surged, while support for Scozzafava plummeted, until, less than a week before the election, she dropped out of the race. The following day, Scozzafava, the Republican candidate, fully endorsed her Democratic opponent and began campaigning for him. As a result of all this drama, the reliably conservative NY-23 is now a statistical toss-up between Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman and Democrat Bill Owens.

The case of NY-23 is less about the President than it is about the Republican Party. There is a debate raging inside the party over its identity. For some, the lesson of the 2008 election was that the Republican Party is shrinking, and in order to recapture national prominence, in must grow and become more inclusive. Statistics seem to back up this opinion. Only 20 percent of American voters identify as Republican – the lowest in 26 years – while 35 percent identify as Democrats. (There is an interesting disconnect in the numbers, since far more Americans still identify themselves as ideologically conservative than ideologically liberal, but, one subject at a time.) With Blacks voting 96% Democratic, and a rapidly increasing Latino population trending Democratic by a two to one margin, Republicans are finding It increasingly difficult to maintain national relevance. But there is a significant – and vocal – portion of the Republican Party that feels the reason they were defeated in 2008 was because their candidates simply weren’t pure enough. They have made it their mission to purge from the party, anyone they deem to be insufficiently conservative. Translation; anyone Republican supporting a woman’s right to choose and/or same-sex marriage and/or any tax increase of any kind, should shut up and get the bleep out, because they aren’t welcome anymore. District 23 is a battle of conservative ideology. But I’m not sure the results will translate well to other races in other parts of the country. It’s no more difficult to send an ultra-conservative instead of a moderate conservative to Congress from a white, middle-class district that ALWAYS sends a conservative to Congress. It’s a different ballgame to attempt to repeat that feat in a far more diverse swing district.

Update. As of 10:30 Eastern time, Republicans are victorious in Virginia and New Jersey. Results for NY-23 are not yet in.

Even more recent update. As of Wednesday morning, Democrat Bill Owens becomes the first Democrat since the Ulysses Grant presidency to represent NY-23 in Washington. Ouch.

Last week President Obama signed the defense budget into law, and with it, finally killed production of the F-22 fighter. In his farewell address in 1961, President Eisenhower warned of the evolution of a “military industrial complex,” a self-perpetuating system that will continue to grow, regardless of whether or not it is needed. The F-22 was the textbook example. In the early ‘80’s, the Air Force decided they needed a new generation of fighter aircraft as a deterrent to combat and deter any Soviet aggression. So, the search for a new plane began as a competition between the Lockheed Martin YF-22 concept, and the Northrop/McDonnell Douglas concept YF-23. Eventually, Lockheed won the competition and the F-22 went into production. From the very beginning, the program has been somewhat of a disaster. Even before manufacturing of the aircraft began, the reason for its existence, the Soviet Union, dissolved. But, because Lockheed had spread the manufacturing of the F-22 amongst 38 states, no one in Congress had the political courage to vote against jobs, so production continued. The plane was then plagued with problems, like parts that didn’t fit because they were manufactured in 38 different places. By the summer of 2009, the Air Force was the proud owner of 187 fighters that had never been used in combat, cannot be flown in the rain and cost 2 1/3 times more than they originally contracted for them. For eight years, representatives claiming to value fiscal responsibility above all else had the opportunity to end this waste of money, yet didn’t. Why not? Why did it take a “tax and spend liberal” government to trim a bloated defense budget?

After news of his refusal to marry an interracial couple went national a couple weeks ago, Louisiana Justice of the Peace Keith Bardwell resigned his office, effective today (Tuesday). He offered no explanation with his resignation, but I don’t think an explanation is necessary. In writing about him in my last column I suggested that Justice Bardwell should either perform the mandated duties of his office or find a career that did not conflict with his personal ethics. My congratulations to Bardwell for this flash of integrity, and good luck to him in whatever that new career may be.

Both Ford and General Motors released quarterly earning this week showing an increase in sales. Ford even reported a profit of nearly a billion dollars, both due in part to the success of the Cash for Clunkers program. The Commerce Department also reported a 3.5% increase in the national Gross Domestic Product – the first increase in 2 years, due also in part to the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, which also has reportedly saved 650,000 jobs since its enactment in March. So much for the stimulus being a failure. Let’s be clear about exactly what our $787 billion was supposed to do. The bill was designed to pick up the economic slack in a severe downturn until the private section could get back on its feet, protecting a number of jobs in the process. At this point, about 30% of stimulus funds have been spent, with the rest to be distributed through 2010. Seems like 3.5% growth and more than half-a-million jobs (not including the multiplier effect) is a decent return on investment, considering the market is still doing fairly well and inflation remains at 0%. Republicans argue that despite the positive economic numbers, unemployment continues to rise; therefore, the stimulus was a failure. Measured against what it was supposed to accomplish, that statement is obviously false. If there is an argument to be made it is that if $787 billion resulted in 3.5% growth and 650,000 jobs with no inflation at 30% completion, then a larger stimulus bill designed to spend more money earlier would have produced better results. They don’t seem to be making that argument.

My NFL Thoughts for Week 8:

The Saints keep finding different ways to win football games. Again, New Orleans still has more than half its schedule left to play, but great teams find ways to win games that by all rights they should lose. New England did it to Baltimore two years ago, and New Orleans has done it to two different teams, two weeks in a row. At this point in time the Saints are every bit as good as the Patriots or the Colts.

Tough win for the Colts this week. But, to paraphrase what I said in the previous paragraph, it doesn’t matter how you win, as long as you win.

Congratulations to the Rams and Titans for notching their first win of the season on Sunday. No small irony that the Rams first – as possibly only – win of the season came against the team that went winless all of last season. The sidebar to the Titans victory is that for the first time in two seasons, former third pick in the draft Vince Young got the opportunity to start a game. True, the game was virtually meaningless, but a start is a start nonetheless. Perhaps this is the beginning of better days for a troubled VY. That leaves only the Buccaneers left without a win. I’m not holding my breath.

I’ve ripped Carolina defensive end Julius Peppers more than once this season for his abysmal play/salary ratio. But over the past three games Peppers has begun working his way out of the doghouse, throwing in an interception return for a touchdown this week against Arizona. If only they could get this quarterback on the same road to recovery.

What the heck happened to the New York Giants?

There was a Terrell Owens sighting in Buffalo this weekend. And me without my popcorn. I had forgotten what he looks like.

Play of the week goes to New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez, in a losing effort against the Dolphins at the Meadowlands. With the Jets lined up near the Miami goal line, Sanchez fakes the handoff to his running back and rolls left, right into what might as well have been an empty stadium. Everybody – and I mean EVERYBODY – all 21 other players, the fans and even the referee thought the ball was at the bottom of the pile. It’s too bad that a play that spectacular was wasted on a loss.

In case you were living under a rock, Brett Favre returned to face his old team in Green Bay Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately for the Packers, this game ended just like the last one, with a Minnesota victory. Favre has accomplished what he set out to do, prove to the team that let him walk away that he can still play the game at the top tier of his profession. But in doing so I think he forever altered the way Wisconsin feel about him and his legacy. I hope it was worth it.

My Superbowl Picks for Week 8: New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts.

If you've seen the movie "Office Space," this is the greatest thing you've seen since.



Finally, a football story with non-football application. Kansas City Chiefs running back and long time pain in the butt Larry Johnson was suspended this week for comments he made during a post-game interview. On several occasions, Johnson used gay slurs in reference to various individuals and other things, and then abruptly ended the interview. This, in addition to Johnson ripping his coach on Twitter pushed Chiefs management to decide to discipline Johnson, and I can’t say I blame them. Have we really not yet reached the point were we understand that it is not acceptable to degrade people in public? Yes, this is America. You can think whatever you want. For the most part, you can say whatever you want. But just because you CAN do something, doesn’t mean you SHOULD. Is it really so difficult to run your words past your brain before they exit your mouth? Especially for someone who talks to cameras after games every week?

Do As I Wish I'd Done, Not As I Did

Following his benching in a 38-0 blowout by the New York Jets during which he fumbled the football 12 seconds into the game and followed up with two more interceptions - all of which resulted in New York touchdowns, a reporter asked Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell what he thought the problem was. Russell’s response? “Well, I don’t think it’s me.” Uh huh.

In less than 24 hours, the prospect of an healthcare reform public option has gone from being mostly dead, to being somewhat alive, to being the target of a likely filibuster, and thus, dead again. While other moderate to conservative Democratic senators decided to at least reserve judgement until the Congressional Budget Office returned with the cost numbers, Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman virtually stumbled over himself racing to the nearest television camera to issue the statement that he will vote with Republicans to filibuster any attempt to pass legislation containing any form of public insurance option.

Yes, that Joe Lieberman. Remember him? Ran for vice president on the Democratic ticket in 2000. Six years later he was defeated in the Democratic primary, then ran as an Independent, supported by many prominent Democrats - including Senator Obama, and retained his seat. Two years later he campaigned vigorously against now President Obama, yet somehow managed to retain his Democratic senate committee chairmanship at the start of the current session in January of this year. Since then, we haven’t heard much from Joe Lieberman. So now, like a petulant child throwing Cheerios on the floor for attention, he has re-asserted himself on the national stage, intent on holding his former party ransom for reasons only he understands at this point. He claims his opposition stems from a belief that any sort of public option will only increase the deficit, and that Americans simply don’t want a government-run insurance plan. I guess he could come to that conclusion if he chose to ignore all the CBO scores to date showing that reform plans containing a public option will reduce the deficit/debt by between 25 and 100 billion dollars over the ten year projection period, depending on which version of the public option is used. Of course he would also have to ignore the opinion polling which indicates residents of Connecticut support a public option by a margin of 64-31. But since when have actual facts and official projections meant anything to those in opposition to reform.

There is an astonishing amount of fear in this country. Much - if not most of it irrational. In the wild, fear is a tool of self-preservation. It perpetuates the survival of species. It prevents the zebras from wandering away from the herd and into the pride of lions across the savanna. It triggers rabbits to zig zag for the nearest gap in the fence when they hear my dogs barking with glee as they round the corner of the house into the yard. But in civilized society, fear is far more often nothing more than a knee-jerk reaction to a change in an established condition. It doesn’t seem to matter how absurd the established condition was. The very fact that a condition had been previously established is enough to make any alteration in said condition the equivalent of global Armageddon to those opposed to the change. This afternoon on PBS, Ray Suarez interviewed two “experts” with competing views on a public health insurance option. One expert was appalled that under a public option, as outlined in the current Senate proposal, a family of four earning $74,000 per year would have to pay the first $7,000 in premiums out of pocket, before any government subsidies would kick in to assist them. Oh my goodness! Seven thousand dollars! We can’t ask a family earning only $74,000 a year to spend 9.5% of their income on health insurance! That’s preposterous! Then I looked at how much I would be paying for a family of four under my current employer-provided, private, health insurance plan. Yeah. That comes to $11,568 per year. Only a paltry $4,568 MORE than proposed insurance costs under the dreaded public option. In what bizarro universe is it preferable to ask people to pay 65% more for insurance under the current system than they might under a reformed one? Yet, fear of anything outside the status quo motivates obstructionists like Lieberman to paralyze this Congress. Sometimes, the devil you know, is worse than the devil you don’t.

Speaking of the devil, former vice president Cheney crawled out from under his rock again last week, accusing President Obama of “dithering” on Afghanistan policy. Translation, please, oh please oh please, clean up the mess I created and then ignored for seven years. Once you stop laughing, take a couple deep breaths, grab a drink of water and consider the following. The reason Barack Obama has to make any kind of decision regarding troop levels in Afghanistan is because Richard B. Cheney and his administration refused to make any such decisions for EIGHT years! The previous administration rolled into Afghanistan in October of 2001, slapped a victory stamp on the folder in December, then apparently forgot about it until last week. To hear Cheney tell the story, the war was going great until President Obama took over and changed nothing except increase troop levels. That was the point at which the whole thing went to hell. And if he doesn’t send 40,000 more soldiers off to war yesterday, he’s putting more American lives at risk. I’d like to remind Cheney - since he obviously doesn’t remember - that it took President Bush THREE MONTHS to decide to surge 20,000 troops into Iraq, FOUR YEARS after the suggestion was made that not enough troops had been sent in the first place! It’s like he doesn’t remember anything that happened, or failed to happen on his watch.

In response to discovering his “scoop” on Obama’s Columbia thesis was really a satirical paper issued by a comedy website, Rush Limbaugh responded, and I quote, “We stand by the fabricated quote because (I) know (Obama) thinks it!” And that’s about all you need to know about Rush.

My NFL thoughts for Week 7:

How about them Saints. Down 24-3 to Miami just minutes before halftime, New Orleans rallied to score 43 points in 32 minutes, while holding the Dolphins to only ten, cementing their status as the best team in the league thus far. As for Miami, this is the second time this season they’ve lost a game to an undefeated opponent that they really should have won. Good teams don’t relinquish 21-point leads.

In the past two games, the Patriots have scored 94 points. Their opponents have combined for seven. What happened to parity in this league?

Game of the week goes to the Minnesota Vikings and the Pittsburgh Steelers In a league which discourages defense, it was the Steelers defense that ended the Vikings run of perfection with two returns for touchdowns in the final five minutes. I don’t particularly care for Pittsburgh, but I like defense, so that makes me happy.

Last Sunday the Washington Redskins decided that poor play-calling was the reason they had only defeated two of the six winless teams they’d faced. So they stripped their head coach of the play-calling duties and turned them over to a guy who only two weeks ago was calling bingo games in a Michigan retirement home. The result? A 27-10 loss to the Eagles on Monday night. Seriously. At what point does the ownership have to break down and admit that the real problem in Washington, is the ownership?

I hate to dwell on losers, but the Cleveland Browns have got to be the most inept professional football team I’ve ever seen. That includes the 2009 Raiders, and the 2008 Detroit Lions. The best they could manage against a suspect Packers defense was 3-points, even with a first and goal from the two yard line. Challenging the Browns for the cellar are the Panthers, with a quarterback who has four times as many turnovers as touchdowns, and has made the most explosive receiver in football about as effective as Homer Simpson after a two-foot hoagie. Yet, in the face of such utter incompetence, the head coaches of both franchises steadfastly refuse to consider making a changing quarterbacks. Granted, there are very few options behind Anderson and Delhomme, but little MUST be better than nothing, right?

Seven games into the season, I’m still not sure how good the Cincinnati Bengals are, but they certainly are fun to watch. To the chagrin of everyone football fan in Chicago, ex-Bears running back Cedric Benson and his new team lit them up for 45-points, and looked very much like the 2005 division championship team. The Steelers are better now than they were earlier in the season, and there are ten weeks left to play, but the Superbowl champs might be looking up at Cincinnati come January.

Contrary to what the sports writers would have you believe, the play of the week was not Adrian Peterson steamrolling a Steelers cornerback for a big gain Sunday afternoon. He does that every week. The play of the week was Reggie Bush doing his best Michael Jordan impersonation, launching himself from the six yard line over two defenders and into the end zone. See video below. Case closed.



Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez was filmed eating a hot dog on the sidelines during a defensive series. I am still trying to figure out why this made news. Apparently no media outlet in New York has ever witnessed a football player eating anything.

My Superbowl picks for Week 7: New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts.

Finally tonight, sports and business collide at the University of Central Florida. Marcus Jordan, son of the legendary Michael Jordan, has decided to attend school, and play college basketball at UCF. The school has a standing contract with Adidas, requiring every player on the basketball team to wear Adidas shoes. However, due to his father’s status as a Nike icon, Marcus is adamant that he be allowed to wear Nike sneakers. If he does so, the team would be in violation of its contract with Adidas, and would risk losing upwards of $3 million dollars. Marcus seems to be having trouble deciding what to do. I am not. Setting aside the idea that perhaps scholarships should be reserved for students that need scholarships, Marcus Jordan is attending UCF on a basketball scholarship. Not a golf scholarship or a tennis scholarship, a basketball scholarship. Basketball is a team sport. It requires five individuals to act in concert, with a single purpose to achieve an objective. Therefore, if Jordan the lesser wants to be a team player, he will choose not cost his teammates, his team and his school 3 million dollars in sponsorship money and wear the Adidas shoes on the court during his games. Or, if he still insists on thinking only of himself, reimburse UCF for the money they will lose due to his choice. Sometimes, doing the right thing, really is just that simple.

Just A Good Old Boy

The Dow Jones Industrial Average climbed past 10,000 points last week. My 401K no longer looks like a steaming pile of cow dung. It still isn't much of a nest egg, but I guess I’ll take what I can get.

Another slow week – unless you count “Balloon Boy,” which I don’t. The sad part about this whole balloon boy hoax is that in spite of all this nonsense, someone in the television business is likely to give this disgrace of a family 15 more minutes of fame.

There was one story that caught my eye late last week. A Louisiana justice of the peace refused to issue a marriage license to a couple because the would-be husband was black and his fiancée was white. And all out of concern for the children. Apparently, Justice Keith Bardwell is opposed to interracial marriage. “I’m not a racist,” he said, (insert eye-roll here), “I just don’t believe in mixing the races that way. I have piles and piles of black friends.” (Of course you do.) “They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom.” (You mean you’re so enlightened you even let black people use your bathroom? How magnanimous of you.) “I treat them just like everyone else.” But, “I think (biracial) children suffer and I won’t help put them through it.”

I know I conceal it pretty well, but I have a pretty low tolerance for $%^! like this. I don’t give a crap about Justice Bardwell personally. He can approve or disapprove of whomever or whatever he likes, that’s his business. He could be the grand wizard of his local chapter of the Ku Klux Klan for all I care, that’s not my problem. What he CANNOT do is deny American citizens their rights under the law.

On June 12th, 1967, the Supreme Court, in Loving v. Virginia, ruled 9-0 to end all race-based legal restrictions on marriage in the United States. In the State of Louisiana, applicants for a marriage license must provide a birth certificate, Social Security card, proof that any previous marriages have been dissolved, and $35. That’s it. Justice Bardwell’s “feelings” regarding interracial marriage and the effects on children are completely irrelevant. As an officer of the court, he is required to follow the law as it IS, not as he thinks it should be. He must perform his duties as justice of the peace, or resign his position and find a career that either does not require him to violate his principles, or otherwise accommodates his intolerance. He cannot have his cake and eat it too.

In recent weeks there has been some controversy over whether or not first responders and other healthcare workers should be required to be vaccinated against the swine flu. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t understand the bizarre anti-vaccine hysteria plaguing this country, but this one seems like a no-brainer to me. For the most part I think people should be able to decide whether or not they wish to be vaccinated against whatever. If you want to risk your own health, that’s your business. But first responders and healthcare workers are a slightly different story. Their work environment is rife with sickness and disease and weakened immune systems. They operate under the principle of “first, do no harm.” If the best way to reduce the potential harm from swine flu is to be vaccinated, why should they not be required to do so? A patient, bleeding and unconscious in the back of an ambulance does not have the luxury of tapping on the window and asking the driver to please reroute to the hospital where all the nurses have had their vaccinations. By choosing to work in a hospital or a clinic, one accepts a greater risk to one’s self. That greater risk should include the miniscule threat – posed by vaccination.

My NFL thoughts for Week 6:

The New Orleans Saints roundly defeated the “best team in football” 48-27 on Sunday, and it wasn’t nearly as close as that score makes it sound. I know it's only week 6, but Ill be sorely disappointed if this team isn’t playing football in February.

Despite a snowstorm in New England, the Patriots defeated what can only be described as the junior varsity Tennessee Titans, 59-0. That is not a misprint. For the sole purpose of sticking his thumbs in the eyes of his critics, the Golden Boy threw five touchdowns in ten minutes, and finished with six overall, to compliment his 370 passing on the day. Did I mention it was snowing the whole time?

On a related note, I’m a little tired of hearing analysts say that you have to run the ball in order to win game. That’s a sack of doo doo. The Patriots scored eight touchdowns Sunday afternoon, only two of which came on the ground. Two years ago that same team went 18-1 without any discernable rushing attack. You sure as hell can win games passing the ball. The Colts have been doing it for years, and the Saints and Patriots are doing it now.

I know there are still three teams without a victory, but the 2-4 Redskins look like the worst team in the league. I would rather pull out my fingernails with white-hot pliers than watch this team play football. Of the six teams they’ve played thus far, not one had a single victory at the time the Redskins played them. Things are so bad in Washington; the coach is no longer being allowed to call the plays. If you have a coach who isn’t allowed to call plays, why bother with a coach? You’d be better off dressing a mannequin in a sweatshirt and sitting it on the bench.

Three weeks ago, Jets rookie quarterback Mark Sanchez was the toast of Broadway. This week he is one Kellen Clemens away from riding the bench. Welcome to New York, Mark.

What happened to the Baltimore Ravens defense? A year ago the idea that they could be lit up for 30 points every week seemed about as absurd as the idea that the stock market would lose half its value.

The Philadelphia Eagles are an embarrassment to birds of prey everywhere. The real live pigeon on the field during that game did a better job of covering receivers than the Eagles defense.

My Superbowl picks for Week 6: New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts.

Finally, could somebody please explain to me the appeal of the ridiculous YouTube dancing baby? Seriously. Why do people watch this drivel? Are people lives really so devoid of joy that it’s more enjoyable to watch an animated baby gyrate to Beyonce than to, I don’t know, speak to a real person maybe?

Making Sausage

I’m watching a Barry Levinson film about the Baltimore Colts Band and the years they spent in limbo while the city was without a team. There is a certain amount of irony in the fact that a city so devastated by the loss of their football team was only eventually healed by the arrival of a team from a city so devastated by the loss of their football team.

Finally, after months of mind-numbing discussions about witch doctors and death panels and fascism, the Senate Finance Committee passed its version of healthcare reform by a vote of 14-9. Since there are only 13 Democrats on the committee, that means that one brave Republican, Senator Olympia Snowe of Maine, cast at least this vote against the Party of No, to send this jambalaya gumbo of a bill to conference committee with “bipartisan support,” if in name only. All that hysterical, fingernails-raking-the-chalkboard nonsense Max Baucus mistook for productive negotiation netted him all of one vote. A vote he didn’t actually need to get the legislation out of committee. Good work Max. At least now we can get on with the real business of crafting legislation.

Yesterday, not 24 hours prior to the Finance Committee vote, the health insurance industry released a “study” finding that healthcare reform will increase the cost of insurance premiums for many families, primarily because the Baucus bill does not have a strict enough requirement for individuals to purchase coverage. First of all, I am stunned, blown away if you will, to hear insurance industry claims that reducing healthcare costs will make health insurance cost more. I am also shocked to learn that there is no Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny is a fraud, and there really was no magic in that old silk hat they found and placed on Frosty’s head after all. Second, let’s call this “report” what it is, a poorly disguised attempt at extortion. The goal in releasing this study one day before the vote was to frighten the easily terrified conservative Democrats on the committee into reworking the bill to provide them with additional subsidies and a stronger mandate. What they would like to do is force all Americans to purchase insurance, thereby netting themselves 30 million new customers, without having to be accountable to cost-cutting, premium-controlling measures.

I’m not entirely opposed to an insurance mandate. In fact, I think it’s probably fairly important. The most effective way to manage the risk is to have everyone in the pool. So I could be persuaded to accept a mandate - on one condition. That mandate comes complete with a public insurance option, forcing private insurers to compete for my insurance dollar. I may not see double digit decreases in my premiums or similar improvements in my coverage, but I will see benefits and I will know that I am getting the best value I can for my dollar. That’s the trade-off. They get an individual insurance mandate guaranteeing them 30 million plus new customers. I get a public option to ensure that they play fair.

In case you don’t have ears and haven’t heard, President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize last Friday. Congratulations Mr. President! I’m not sure that he meets what I would consider to be the qualifications for a Nobel Peace Prize at this early stage of your presidency, but what do I know, I’m not on the committee. So, once again, congratulations. To paraphrase the State Department, better to the thrown accolades than shoes.”

Among those upset with the award of the Peace Prize to President Obama were Hamas, the Taliban in Afghanistan, and Rush Limbaugh. In fact, on his radio show on Friday Limbaugh mused about finding himself in absolute agreement with the Taliban. Excuse me while I drown myself in my soup. I’m not going to waste any more bytes of data trying to understand Rush, I’ll just let his words speak for themselves. Rush Limbaugh agrees with the Taliban. Yeah. He said that.

Ever watched an awards show and wondered why a particular person or band captured an award you were certain should have gone to someone else? Ever get the feeling that perhaps the organization passing out the awards should perhaps have done a little more thinking and a little less drinking? Enter former Republican Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich. Last week, Gingrich and his Business Defense and Advisory Council issued their Entrepreneur Awards, then rescinded two of them when they discovered two of them had been awarded to a strip club and an adult DVD superstore respectively. I guess the names of the businesses “The Lodge” and “Pink Visual” offered Gingrich no clues as to the nature of their businesses. Or perhaps he did know, and fully intended for The Lodge and Pink Visual to receive his award. You never know with Newt, do you.

Several weeks ago, Fox News took out a full page ad accusing the other networks of “failing to cover” the Tea Party march on Washington last month, (even though CNN et al provided live coverage throughout the day). Their prime-time talking heads all wondered aloud how the “mainstream media” could have missed any gathering in the District of Columbia with 75,000 people - millions, according to Glenn Beck. Over the weekend, about 75,000 gay rights activists marched on Washington demanding an end to the military’s “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy and the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act. So we can safely assume that Fox sent at least a camera crew and a couple of reporters to cover the rally, can’t we? Can’t we?

Much has been made by the political left of the President’s inaction on issues of paramount importance to gay rights activists. Let’s get this straight right off the top. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is a stupid policy and should be repealed. If you are adult enough to control multi-million dollar military hardware and to fight and kill and die for your country, you should be, no, must be adult enough to respect and co-exist with someone of a differing sexual orientation. Same goes for the DoMA. Unfortunately, changing these laws will require an act of Congress, and Congress is a little busy right now. Should they be able to walk and chew gum at the same time? Maybe. But they’ve proven time and time again that they can barely get the walking right, never mind extricating the gum from the wrapper. So, be patient. I know that’s difficult. Some people in this country waited hundreds of years for the right not to be strung up from a tree for doing nothing more than glancing at a woman with skin lighter than theirs. You’ll get your rights. Attempting to cast the President as a traitor to your cause only ten months into his term only damages your credibility. Did you honestly expect him to drop the economic crisis and the unemployment numbers and the healthcare debate and push through repeal of DoMA and DADT instead? Would you honestly be better off with John McCain and Sarah Palin? Honestly?

My NFL thoughts for Week 5:

Over the last 18 years, since I have been paying attention to professional football, I have never seen so many bad teams playing such terrible football in one season. Five weeks into the season, four teams remain winless, and two others narrowly escaped that fate by defeating teams almost as bad as they are. The state of Missouri is 0-10, with 0-12 looking more probable than possible. Through five games, the Washington Redskins have yet to play a team with even one win, yet are somehow 2-3. I thought there was parity in this league.

Game of the week this coming Sunday, the New York giants vs. the New Orleans Saints. The winner of this game will be the odds on favorite to represent the NFC in the Superbowl. I can think of no better story than New Orleans winning their first title. Hope this is nothing more than a bump in the road.

I continue to be amazed at the utter incompetence of the Oakland Raiders. Even the Detroit Lions, at their lowest point in last year’s winless season, were never as inept as the Raiders have been thus far. They could replace JaMarcus Russell with the Big Boy statue, save themselves $50 million and certainly not be any worse than they already are.

Speaking of ineptitude, Cleveland quarterback Derek Anderson completed an astounding 2 of 17 passes for a whopping 22 yards in the Browns’ mind-numbing 6-3 “victory” over the Buffalo Bills. The Mangenius replaced Brady Quinn with this guy? Really? And then he traded his only remaining offensive talent not named Josh Cribbs to the Jets - where he immediately scores two touchdowns - in return for absolutely nothing. Looks like there’s going to be a coaching vacancy - among other things - in Cleveland come January.

The Denver Broncos really are 5-0. Surprise! By defeating the Golden Boy and his minutemen in overtime, in uniforms that made them look like mustard-splattered hot dog buns, the Broncos cemented themselves as the phenomenon of the season. Same thing happened to Eric Mangini in his first year coaching the Jets. Here’s hoping Josh McDaniels fares better than the Mangenius.

Both Matt Hasselbeck and Donovan McNabb returned from broken ribs on Sunday to light up their opponents for 41 and 33 points respectively. In the two games in which Hasselbeck has completed this season, the Seahawks have out scored their opponents 69-0. In the two games in which McNabb has played, the Eagles have outscored their opponents 81-24. Imagine what these two teams could do these two guys could stay healthy for an entire season.

These are not the same old Bengals. They have somehow stopped finding ways to lose and instead have pulled out a victory in the last minute of each of their last three games - all against division rivals. This might be a bandwagon worth hopping on.

Peyton Manning is the best quarterback I have ever seen play pro football. Period.

My Superbowl picks for Week 5: New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts.

Finally, I can’t believe I’m mentioning his name twice in one post, but Rush Limbaugh and others have submitted a bid to purchase the miserable Saint Louis Rams. Limbaugh is from Missouri and a football fan, but he’s also a jackass, and, in the view of many, a racist. Unfortunately for him, about 65% of the players in the league are black, and several of them, with the support of the players union and at least one team owner have spoken out against the idea of Limbaugh buying the team. Several prominent players have gone so far as to indicate they would write clauses into their contracts stipulating they could not be traded to a Rams team under Limbaugh ownership. I suppose Rush could try to field a team without any black players, you know, just to stick it to the mainstream media who so desperately want black players to do well. But he would have to do so from a pool of four starting defensive ends, a handful of wide receivers, one (yes, one) running back and zero (count ‘em, zero) cornerbacks. The Rams are fully capable of going 0-16 on their own. They don’t need Limbaugh to make things any worse.

Freedom Incorporated

Headline on CNN.com last week; “Pet Bear Kills Pennsylvania Woman.” Now there’s something you don’t see every day.

I don’t have much this week. Spent too much time working and not enough time raging at the world. There is one thing that drew my ire however. This past Monday marked the beginning of the new Supreme Court term, the first for newly confirmed Justice Sonia Sotomayor. In addition to the usual smattering of cases, the Court will issue a ruling that could fundamentally change the way political campaigns are conducted. If you thought the 2008 presidential campaign was expensive, wait until 2012.

The issue before the Court is whether or not corporations should have the right to spend unlimited amounts of money on advertisements for or against specific candidates. The law currently disallows these ads 30 days prior to a primary and to 60 days prior to the general election. In an attempt to evade the law, conservative interest group Citizens United produced what they labeled a “documentary” about now Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and attempted to run commercials promoting the film during the 30 day exclusionary period. At the time, the U.S. District Court for the the District of Columbia ruled that the commercials violated the law in that they were to be run within the 30 day period, and that the “documentary” clearly had no other purpose than to discredit Hillary Clinton. Citizens United appealed, and here we are.

The argument of Citizens United is that the campaign finance law violates their corporate right free speech. Since the Court has ruled in the past that when it comes to politics, money equals speech, their corporation should be allowed to spend any amount of money, at any point in time, to exercise their right to free political speech. It is widely known that two Justices agree with their position, and is suspected that three others do as well, making an uncapped 2012 campaign certainly possible - if not likely. But there is a flaw in Citizens United argument. A flaw so glaring it's difficult to understand how it could be ignored.

Justice Scalia believes that all campaign finance legislation is unconstitutional and should be invalidated, that people should be able to spend whatever they like in support or opposition to the candidate of their choice. On this point I would have to agree with him. The “Congress shall make no law... abridging the freedom of speech...” portion of the First Amendment refers primarily to political speech, and if money really is the equivalent of speech, as the Court has ruled it is, then people should be able to spend whatever they want on an election. Where we differ seems to be on our definition of a person.

I can’t believe I have to say this, but corporations are not people. They are not born, and they do not die. (In fact, they can exist in perpetuity.) They do not eat, they do not sleep, they do not procreate. They don’t watch football on sunday afternoon, they don’t pick up their kids from school promptly at 3:15 p.m., they don’t cry at movies and they don’t forget their wedding anniversary. Corporations are documents. They are agreements to conduct business in a particular manner. They are created by statute and can be dissolved by statute. They exist in no small part to remove responsibility from individuals and redistribute it amongst vast pools of money. They have no rights except those granted to them by the statute under which they were created and the State in which they operate. What Justice Scalia would like to do in this case is bestow inalienable rights, endowed by the Creator, upon a piece of paper.

Reduced to its core, the argument is exposed as the absurdity that it is. People have rights. Paper does not. Acceptance of Scalia’s argument means that corporations are, for all intents and purposes, persons. Obviously this has the potential to go very wrong, very quickly. Do corporations then have the right to bear arms? Are they protected from cruel and unusual punishment? Can they be charged with crimes, like rape, or murder, or illegal possession of a controlled substance? If they are persons, created in the United States, are they then citizens? Do they have the right to vote? Can they run for office? Could Wal-mart be elected president? There is already enough foolishness tottering around Washington. Let’s not add to the steaming pile by transforming pieces of paper into people.

My NFL thoughts for Week 4:

The Green Bay Packers are the second most disappointing team in the league. And I’m not just saying that because my parents live in Wisconsin. How can you hold the most explosive player in the National Football League to 55 yards - and still lose the game?

The Panthers didn’t lose this week. Oh wait, they didn’t play this week either. My bad.

Does any team look more inept than the Kansas City Chiefs? No, the Raiders don’t count as a team. The state of Missouri is 0-8 so far this season. At least Michigan has only one terrible football team.

The Saints are off Week 5, but they will meet the currently undefeated New York Giants two Sundays from now. Against the Jets this week, the Saints proved they can get it done any way they have to, through the air, on the ground and with the defense. If Drew Brees and company defeat the Giants in Week 6, I’ll be looking for them to line up across from the Colts in the Superbowl in February.

Chargers punter Mike Scifres booted a 63 yard punt with about five seconds of hang time against the Steelers Sunday night. Note to Jerry Jones; pinch your pennies, get ready to raise that scoreboard.

Patrick Willis is the best defensive football player I have ever seen play the game, and that includes Ray Lewis. (I’m not old enough to remember Lawrence Taylor or Deacon Jones.) He seems to make every tackle, force and recover every fumble, and record every sack the 49ers make. He is so good, San Francisco could almost remove the other ten players from the field and not notice the difference.

My Superbowl Picks for Week 4: New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts

American Girl (a toy company producing dolls and doll accessories that come with a backstory) has released a “homeless doll” to add to its collection. The doll costs $95. At that price she won’t be homeless very long, will she.

Finally, some people (read “two guys in a basement with a fax machine”) are upset over a breast cancer awareness ad featuring a woman in a skimpy white bikini jubbling her way around a crowded pool party, ogled by men and women alike, with the phrase, “You know you love them, now it’s time to save them,” cut in amongst the frames. The criticism is that the ad is to risque and detracts from the seriousness of the issue. I’m going to have to disagree. I think this is brilliant. The purpose of the ad campaign is to get men to pay attention to breast cancer. Women already know that breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer death among women age 20 to 49. But men don’t. And most of them don’t care. It’s had enough to get a man to take himself to the doctor, let alone encourage someone else to go. But maybe, if we can link health issues to something men really care about, like breasts in bikinis, they might at least remember to mention it to their significant other. Cancer is a ruthless killer. Fight it with any and every tool available.