12.30.2009

You Are Not the Father

Help! I think I’m having a flashback.

On December 22, 2001, Richard Reed attempted to destroy American Airlines Flight 63 from Paris to Miami by detonating explosives formed into his shoes. Four days ago on Christmas Day - just over eight years later - Umar Farouk AbdulMutallab tried to bring down a Delta Airlines Airbus 330 as it was landing in Detroit from Nigeria via Amsterdam by detonating explosives sewn into his underwear. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Aside from the obvious question - how would anyone know that a bomb had gone off in Detroit - why is it still easier for some guy to carry a bomb onboard an airplane in his underwear than for me to get a bottle of water past the security checkpoint? Why? After eight years and billions of dollars we’ve supposedly spent addressing this problem, how is that still possible? Never mind. I think I know the answer. It starts with “inept” and ends with “itude.” Or maybe it starts with “bureau” and ends with “cracy.” Whichever it is, could we please get it fixed now? Please?

In the second most bizarre story of the week, Florida Gators National Championship-winning football coach Urban Meyer officially retired, un-retired then took an indefinite leave of absence in less than 24 hours. Citing health concerns, and specifically stress-induced chest pains and heart palpitations, Meyer informed universal officials on Saturday night that he would be leaving following the team’s upcoming Sugar Bowl appearance. But following practice on Sunday afternoon (and no doubt countless phone calls and e-mails from boosters and school officials, Meyer announced he would not retire after all, but instead take time off to focus on improving his heath, and return at some point in the future when he felt better. Now, 24-hour retirements are nothing new to the University of Florida. Several years ago championship-winning basketball coach Billy Donovan left the school to coach in the NBA, only to return a day later claiming he never really wanted to leave in the first place. But this is a little different in that, by Meyer’s own admission, the problems driving him into retirement/leave of absence are directly related to his job. The stress of his job is causing his heart problems. How is taking a year off supposed to fix that? Coaching in 2011 isn’t going to be any easier than coaching in 2010.

Supermodel-turned Oprah wannabe-turned reality show producer Tyra Banks is wrapping up her Emmy-winning daytime talk show. First Phil Donahue, then Sally Jesse Raphael, then Oprah, and now Tyra? What am I going to do with this additional hour in the middle of my afternoon? At least I’ll still have Maury to tell me whether or not the guy with the six kids by seven different women really is the father of the eighth woman’s mother’s child. I guess daytime talk just isn’t what it used to be.

My NFL Thoughts for Week 16:

All right Saints fans, it is officially time to panic. Even though last week’s loss was preventable, there is no shame in losing to the 10-5, playoff-bound Dallas Cowboys. The same cannot be said for losing to the previously 2-12 Buccaneers. Over the past six weeks the offense has been incapable of stringing together more than 30 minutes of good football, and the defense looks like an 80-pound bespectacled ninth-grader with a “kick me” sign stapled to his back. Thanks to a Minnesota loss on Monday night, New Orleans will have two weeks to right the ship before their next game of any consequence, and are perfectly capable of doing it. But right now, everything is headed in the wrong direction.

With a five point lead early in the third quarter on Sunday afternoon, the Colts pulled Peyton Manning and the rest of the starters from the remainder of the game. A visibly upset Manning proceeded to watch from the sideline as both an easily winnable game and the perfect season swirled down the toilet in the hands of the Colts third string to the New York Jets. The crowd didn’t like it either. In all the years of the Peyton Manning era, I have never heard a righteous chorus of boos directed at the team by their own fans prior to last Sunday. And I don’t blame them. Let’s not sugar coat what happened, Indianapolis ownership and management threw the game. What they did on Sunday was absolutely no different and no less shameful than what Randy Moss did (or did not do) against Carolina two weeks ago. Former Chief’s coach Herman Edwards said it best in a post-game press conference several years ago. You play to win the game. Whether it matters or not. By the Colts logic, every team left out of the playoff race should just stay home next Sunday. If the games don’t matter, why bother playing them?

How about them Bears. Despite numerous injuries, inferior talent and absolutely nothing to play for, Chicago came out possessed last night and handed the reeling Vikings their third loss in four games. Minnesota now finds itself in danger of losing a first round bye they could have wrapped up three weeks ago. Like New Orleans, the flaws in this team have been exposed and the question now is can they find enough band-aids to patch themselves up with before their first playoff game?

The Panthers put up 41 points on the previously playoff-contending New York Giants on Sunday. Where the heck was THIS Carolina team eight weeks ago?

Over the past two seasons, the Detroit Lions and Saint Louis Rams have combined for a total of five victories. Five. In 64 games. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.

My Super Bowl Picks for Week 16: San Diego Chargers vs. Philadelphia Eagles.

New York City is on pace to record its lowest murder rate since record-keeping began in 1962. Currently, places like Omaha, Raleigh and Tampa all have more murders per capita than Gotham. Not bad for a city of 10 million.

Finally, White House Budget Office Director, economics wizard and bad toupee wearer Peter Orszag has announced he is engaged to ABC reporter Bianna Golodryga. For those of you unfamiliar with the inner workings of your government, that means that this man,

is engaged to this woman.

Peter Orszag. Bringing hope to nerds and balding men everywhere.

12.22.2009

Winter Wonderland

Yesterday was the shortest day of the year. Funny. Work didn’t feel any shorter. Oh well. In the spirit of the season, here are your Christmas quick hits.

After almost a year of futzing around, the Senate is finally ready to vote to continue wrangling. In a brilliant display of politicking, Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson held Democrats hostage until they offered him billions of dollars in healthcare-related bribes in exchange for his 60th and final vote to break the Republican-led filibuster. In addition to Lieberman’s objections, Nelson claimed the language in the Senate bill restriction abortion was not strict enough, favoring instead the language used in the House version. But his hold-out was somewhat of a red herring, if you’ll pardon the cliche expression. Public funding for abortion has never been part of the bill, and Nelson is well aware that the “Blue Dog” coalition of Democrats in the House will refuse to vote for final passage if their version of the abortion language is not included. So it was never necessary for both versions of the bill to have the same abortion language. However, due to the way the Senate functions, Nelson was able to hold the entire process hostage until Democratic leaders payed his ransom.

Following a final vote Thursday morning, the House and Senate versions of the Healthcare reform bill with go to conference committee where they will be spliced together to form one bill messy piece of legislation, which will then be returned to Congress for yet another vote before reaching the President’s desk. That of course means Congressional Democrats will get yet other opportunity to fail at something they’ve been attempting to accomplish since before man landed on the moon. Failure is still very much an option.

Republican Senators have been complaining since the weekend about the bribes offered to Ben Nelson in exchange for his vote. Right. Like they somehow weren’t aware of the way Congress works. Some of the grumbling is due to the fact that they will no longer be able to hold up this round of voting. And the rest might be more credible if those moaning loudest about corruption of the process weren’t busy taking full advantage of said corrupt process for the past ten months. Chief sourpuss South Carolina Republican Lindsey Graham, while complaining bitterly about all the “pork” being written into the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (stimulus bill) this past February, inserted hundreds of millions of dollars of his own “pork” into a bill he never intended to vote for. On some level it feels as if the criticism of Nelson’s deal is a little bit of sour grapes. Truth is, any one of 40 Republican Senators could have gotten the same deal Nebraska received - maybe even better. I’m sure there would have been some premium attached to the only Republican vote for a Democratic bill. Instead, the GOP opted for a policy of “just say no.” It remains to be seen where that will leave them as the economy picks up in the coming months.

The Department of Transportation has issued new rules regarding air travel delays. Among them is a mandate that passengers onboard an airplane stranded on the tarmac must be allowed to return to the gate and deplane if the problem preventing take-off lasts longer than three hours. The changes come in response to horror stories reported earlier this year about passengers being stuck on airplanes without air conditioning and overflowing toilets for up to eight hours, while the airlines did nothing but make excuses as to why it would be impossible for them to reform their practices. Amazing how the impossible becomes possible when lawsuits are threatened.

The World Conference on Climate Change in Denmark wrapped up last week with a global agreement to..., well..., work toward an agreement. Sigh. Ten years ago in Kyoto, world leaders decided that over the next decade they would determine a target for reduction of greenhouse gases and a global temperature rise limit, and fold them into a binding treaty they would sign this year in Copenhagen. Ten years later, nothing has been resolved. Lofty goals have been set, and promises have been made, but no one is winning to codify anything in writing. So, after two weeks of haggling, world leaders finally agreed that they couldn’t agree, and vowed to do the same thing they vowed to do ten years ago - keep talking. What’s the definition of insanity? Repeating the same action while expecting a different result? Head, meet wall.

In what was perhaps the most bizarre story of the week, authorities in Poland awoke last Friday morning to discover the infamous iron sign above the entrance to the Auschwitz concentration camp had been stolen. Police did manage to recover the sign two days later, cut into three pieces and stuffed in the back of a car. Five men have been arrested in connection to the theft. I guess I didn’t realize there was a market for concentration camp signage.

Around the NFL, Week 15:

The Colts won again, and the Saints lost their first. That, in combination with my three point elimination from my fantasy football league playoffs totally killed my weekend. New Orleans can make it up to everyone by being the last team standing on February 3rd.

Despite the Colts perfect record, the San Diego Chargers might be the best football team this week, and going into the playoffs. They are certainly the only team in the AFC capable of knocking off Indianapolis.

After their loss to previously one-win Tampa Bay, I’m almost ashamed to admit I purchased a Seahawks jersey during my trip out there two weeks ago. I mean come on! The Bucs? Even losing to Cleveland or Kansas City would have been more respectable.

Six months ago the Chicago Bears traded one Kyle Orton to Denver for Jay “the Messiah” Cutler. Every single pundit waxed poetic about how the Bears were now an instant contended and that the Broncos obviously got the short end of the stick. Turns out Denver scored a fairly consistent passer and a playoff spot, while Chicago wound up with the league interception leader and a share of the NFC cellar with Detroit. Oops.

The bloom is off the rose in Minnesota. The Vikings dropped another game to a mediocre team, Adrian Peterson was less than impressive - again, the defense gave up big plays to a backup quarterback, and the legendary quarterback is feuding with the coach. Don’t be surprised if this team is picked off before the conference championship.

The Cincinnati Bengals lost wide receiver Chis Henry last week after he fell from a moving vehicle and later died from his injuries. Even though they lost to San Diego on Sunday, they played inspired football in Henry’s honor, and will be a serious contender for the title in the weeks to come. These are not the same old Bengals.

My Super Bowl picks for Week 15; New Orleans Saints vs. San Diego Chargers.

Finally, Merry Christmas everyone! Or, Happy Holidays. Whichever is more applicable. And, between stuffing yourself with Christmas pudding and stuffing the trunk of the car with presents, don’t forget to spend a little time with the people you care about. Those are the things you’ll remember long after you’ve worn holes in that new sweater grandma gives you.

12.16.2009

How High?

I swear I've seen this movie before.

Last week Senate Democrats announced they had reached a deal which would allow them to move forward on healthcare legislation. They would drop the “public option,” replacing it instead with a combination of an early buy-in provision for medicare and a nationwide private plan administered by the same agency that handles healthcare plans for members of Congress. Apparently upset that he wasn’t hugged enough during the process, Joe Lieberman has decided - again - that he will vote with Republicans to kill the bill. At this point it’s a little difficult to understand the rationale of the senior senator from Connecticut, as the reasons for his discontent seem to change depending on what he’s had for breakfast. (As an aside, Democrats probably should have seen trouble coming when they saw Lieberman campaigning against now President Obama a year ago.) It has nothing to do with him representing his constituents, since he isn’t - Connecticut residents support healthcare reform with a “public option” by a margin of nearly two to one. So his motivations are left to speculation. I choose to speculate that his opposition has something to do with his defeat in the 2006 Democratic primary, but that may or may not be accurate.

In a way, Republicans relish Democrats in power, because Democrats can always be counted on to cannibalize one another. Like the winners they are, Congressional Democrats have managed to take an issue they easily had majority support for at the beginning of the process and run it into the ground. Approval and disapproval ratings for reform have virtually flipped since September, due in no small measure to their inability to agree on a policy and success at alienating their base. And with so much time invested in the process, failure to pass a reform bill would spell disaster for the party. So, they leave themselves with two options. They can capitulate to Lieberman’s demands, strip out the public option and the medicare buy-in and the national private option completely neutering the bill, pass a 2,000 page paperweight and try to patch the holes in years to come. Or, they can revert to the bill that passed the first vote, tether the public option to some sort of trigger mechanism thereby courting Olympia Snowe’s vote to reach the cloture vote and kick Lieberman to the curb. Whichever road they decide to take, it is clear that after the vote - if there is one - senate Democrats must re-evaluate Lieberman's position and influence in the Democratic caucus.

After healthcare reform failed under the President Clinton during the 90’s, conventional wisdom was that the failure was due to Congress largely being left out of the picture. As healthcare reform goes down in flames in 2008, the consensus seems to be that the impending doom is a result of the President allowing Congress to take the lead in shaping the bill. The common denominator here appears to be Congress.

In other news, the Congressional.... I’m sorry. I was distracted by Alicia Keys on television. Wow.

In an interview with Tavis Smiley on PBS last week, Jesse Jackson spent much of his time discussing a developing feud between the President and the Congressional Black Caucus. Apparently the caucus - and the reverend - feel that the White House has not done enough to help African Americans weather the recession. They have threatened to hold up and/or defeat aspects of Obama’s legislative agenda unless he responds to their concerns. Listening to the interview I couldn’t help but get the impression that what the activists want is for the President to propose and support legislation specifically targeting black people. Sigh. I guess it was only a matter of time before this issue cropped up. And in some respect it’s no different from issues resulting from any other election. When 95% of a voting block helps elect a particular candidate, that block expects their concerns to be addressed. But it is worth reminding Reverend Jackson and the Congressional Black Caucus that Barack Obama is President of the United States of America, not President of the United States of Black America. He cannot play favorites. Whatever policies he initiates must apply to everyone, not just certain segments of the electorate. This President will be held responsible for lifting the entire country out of economic catastrophe, not simply those with which he shares certain characteristics.

It was a good news/bad news kind of week for Mark Sanford last week. Over the past several months, the Governor has spent much of his time trekking around the state apologizing for misusing public funds to see his mistress/soul mate in Argentina. Last week, while the South Carolina legislature voted against his impeachment, his wife did something wives of politicians seldom do - she filed for divorce. Jenny Sanford decided that in the wake of her husband’s much publicized affair, the time had come for her to move on without him. Can’t say I blame her. Mark Sanford is term limited and is required to leave office in January of 2011. No word on whether or not he plans to relocate to South America. I hear it’s nice that time of year.

Last Friday President Obama spent the four hours of daylight available in Norway this time of year accepting his Nobel Peace Prize. Like most other awards, it is customary for the winner of the prize to deliver an acceptance speech, and deliver he did. According to many pundits on both ends of the political spectrum, it was his finest rhetorical hour since his reflections on race from Philadelphia during the campaign. While offering a vigorous defense of the role of war and particularly American military power in a dangerous world, the President also made a spirited case for the non-violent pursuit of peace and the power of individuals to affect positive change through dialogue and debate. Some liberals - perhaps some members of the Nobel committee - while moved by the plea for peace through non-violence, were disappointed by the defense of armed conflict under certain circumstances and probably wished they could rescind the award. However, some conservatives - Newt Gingrich for example - while dismissing the plea for non-violent peace, were surprised and impressed by Obama’s eloquent defense of a “just” armed conflict. Neither of these reactions are unexpected. What is surprising however, is the surprise.

During the campaign, too many people were so busy seeing what they wanted Barack Obama to be, that they failed to see Barack Obama as he actually is. This President is an idealistic pragmatist. He is not now and never has been a pacifist. From the very beginning he based his presidential campaign on the idea that while Iraq was the wrong war, Afghanistan was the right war and ought to be prosecuted judiciously and effectively. When challenged during a Democratic primary debate he stood by his statement that if the United States possessed actionable intelligence regarding the location of terrorists inside Pakistan’s borders, the United States should take military action to kill or capture those suspects, even if Pakistan refused to grant permission to cross the border. However, it is also clear that he believes war must be the last resort, turned to only AFTER EVERY diplomatic avenue has been explored and exhausted. “Supporting the troops” is as much about not placing them in harms way as it is about protecting them once they are in harms way.

According to Oscar Wilde, the test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in a mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. Very few public personalities perform this task better than Barack Obama. His Nobel acceptance speech was a perfect example of one adult talking to other adults as though we are capable of understanding concepts too long to fit on a bumper sticker. Writers far more articulate than I have already expounded upon the essence of the speech, so I refer to you to one of my favorites, Andrew Sullivan of The Atlantic, for deeper analysis. If you take the time to read it you will not be disappointed. http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2009/12/the-tragedy-of-hope.html

In hopes of developing an energy policy slightly more bipartisan than, well, anything to come out of Congress thus far, senators John Kerry, Lindsey Graham and yes, Joe Lieberman have announced they will be working together to present a draft bill palatable enough to gain support from both sides of the isle. Let me guess. Heavy on wind power. I know, too easy.

My NFL Thoughts for Week 14:

The Saints squeaked out another victory while the Colts held off a methodical Denver offense to continue their unbeaten streaks. However, careful observers may have noticed cracks beginning to show in the armor of both teams. A New Orleans defense that was chewing up opponents and spitting them out earlier this season now appears merely average. And the typically unflappable Peyton Manning has revealed himself to be less than superhuman, throwing at least two interceptions in the past four games. Fortunately for the undefeated, the quality of their opponents have been less than stellar, as better teams might have been able to take advantage of those mistakes. But with only three games left it looks as though all that stands in the way of two perfect regular seasons are a pair of coaching decisions. Will Indianapolis and New Orleans actually put any effort into winning the next three games? Or will they simply shut it down and rest their players in preparation for the playoffs? Conventional wisdom says they will shut it down - although history is weighted against that option. But, I’d like to look at it a little differently.

Following a loss to the New England Patriots Sunday afternoon, Carolina Panthers cornerback Chris Gamble accused Patriots superstar wide receiver Randy Moss of “shutting it down,” or taking more than a few plays off. Unfortunately for Moss, that statement is more or less true, and he has been ripped by every football talking head in every media since the first pass he dropped on Sunday. Sure, Moss’s history of this type of behavior makes him an easy target for people to question his work ethic, but why is he being held to a higher standard than the entire Indianapolis Colts organization? As a player under contract in the National Football League, Randy Moss has an obligation to show up to work every week and leave his best performance on the field. And when he neglects to do so he should be roundly and rightly criticized. Likewise, every NFL team has an obligation to put their best product on the field week in and week out - including New Orleans and Indianapolis. With a record of 1-12, the St. Louis Rams have absolutely nothing to play for. But if their players go out and mail it in for the next three games, they should be - and will be shredded in the media. If the Saints and Colts sent out the third string to play out the schedule in preparation for the playoffs, why should they be treated any different?

Is there a team in the league more schizophrenic than the Arizona Cardinals? After rolling up to Minnesota and soundly defeating the previously one-loss Vikings, the division leaders made the relatively short trip up to San Francisco only to be soundly walloped by a 49ers team three games behind them in the standings. Arizona turned the ball over SEVEN times, leaving San Francisco no choice but to clobber them and prevent them from clinching the division title. While the Cardinals are capable of performing to the level of a Super Bowl-caliber team, they are also fully capable of being blown out in the first round in much the same manner they disposed of Carolina a year ago. Looks like we’ll just have to wait and see which Cardinals team shows up to play in January.

Last week I accused the Cleveland Browns of being awful. Worse than the Detroit Lions. I was wrong. No, the Browns are still awful. But after defeating the defending Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers in a grass-covered icebox last Thursday I can no longer consider them worse than the Lions. That dishonor falls to the Buccaneers, who failed to record a first down against the Jets last weekend until they were gifted one on a penalty midway through the third quarter.

Don’t look now, but the San Diego Chargers have crept into second place in the conference behind Indianapolis look very capable of playing through to February. They are the one team absolutely no one wants to face right now.

My Super Bowl Picks for Week 14: New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts.

Last week the city of Houston, Texas elected its first openly-gay mayor. While this is not unique in America, (cities like Portland Oregon already have gay mayors), Houston is the fourth-largest city in the country, and smack in the middle of the Bible-belt. I guess sometimes little things like issues matter more than the color of one’s skin or one’s sexual orientation.

Finally, I ran across an interesting statistic this morning. There are more medical marijuana dispensaries in the city of Los Angeles than there are Starbucks and McDonalds restaurants combined. Would you like a joint with that Big Mac and Frappuccino?

12.09.2009

Mixed Metaphors

Highlights from our trip to the Vancouver Aquarium.

"What 'chu talkin' 'bout Willis!"

I’d like to start with a few remainders from last week. In watching the post-speech analysis of President Obama’s announcement of a military “surge” in Afghanistan, I somehow neglected to assail my brain with any commentary from Fox News. My bad. So in checking out some of the highlights later on in the week, two things in particular caught my attention.

First, in a feeble attempt at mockery, Karl Rove wondered allowed why it took the President 80-some days to decide to increase force levels when he and the previous administration defeated the Afghan Taliban in only 52 days. With all due respect to Karl Rove - and by “all due respect” I mean absolutely none whatsoever - if the previous administration had defeated the Taliban in 52 days, we certainly wouldn’t need to send 30,000 more American soldiers eight years later, would we.

Second, Glenn Beck. As much as I hate to legitimize him by even admitting to his existence, sometimes the things he says are so stupid that I have to repeat them in writing just to make sure it makes as little sense when I write it as it did when I heard it. In discussing the President’s decision, Beck launched into a parable about how, at the beginning of the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln couldn’t find a general to fight the war the way he thought it should be fought. They all told Lincoln it couldn’t be done, so Honest Abe dismissed general after general until he finally found several (Grant and Sherman) he could trust to carry out his orders. The lesson we as a nation are to glean from this history lesson, according to Beck, is that the President should ALWAYS listen to the generals and give them whatever they deem necessary to fight the war. Incredulous, he then demanded to know just who this President thought he was, that he could arrive at some kind of decision on his own. Uh huh. Well, to answer the second question first, I would assume that President Obama believes he is the President of the United States, and therefore by extension, Commander In Chief of the United States Armed Forces. It is my understanding that such a position entitles him to determine military strategy. And again, with all due respect to Glenn Beck’s astute analysis of the Civil War, the lesson of his parable - if there is one - is that if a leader is surrounded by naysayers and malcontents, said leader should throw those bums out and find capable people who share his/her vision and are willing to carry it out! Is there something in the water over there at Fox?

This past Monday, Bank of America announced they will begin to repay $45 billion in funds received from the Troubled Asset Relief Program. Later that day, the Treasury Department announced that estimates revised for an improving economic outlook now peg the cost of the TARP at $500 billion, approximately $200 billion LESS than originally budgeted. Pretty good news, huh? Yeah. What’s the quickest way to spend $200 billion you don’t have? I don’t know, let’s ask Congress, shall we? Today (Tuesday), on the heels of the White House “Jobs Summit” last week, President Obama announced a plan to spend somewhere in the neighborhood of $170 billion the TARP “surplus” to fund tax cuts and job creation programs. Sigh. Earth to Congress, we are already spending $900 billion in borrowed money on a job creation program called the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act! Like many pundits, I fully support the stimulus package. I believe it was necessary and I know for a fact that it is working. I am staring at six to eight weeks of overtime through the holidays due to the effectiveness of the ARRA. But, the ARRA - like the TARP - was supposed to be an emergency measure to jump start the economy and stabilize the banking system respectively. Those billions of dollars are NOT free money - especially the TARP. It is NOT the equivalent of finding a suitcase full of Franklins stuffed in your mailbox. Any money recovered from financial institutions should be used to pay for the cost of the program, and any profit made on those institutions should be used to close the budget deficit. At some point, our creditors (read China) are going to demand that we show some kind of fiscal responsibility/restraint, or they will demand higher interest rates in order to continue to finance our debt. Less than half of the stimulus funds have been spent to date, the market is up, and unemployment appears to be on it’s way down. At least let that money work its way through the economy before we insist on dumping a new pile of IOUs into the system.

I’m a little burnt out on the healthcare debate. At this point I almost expect Senate Democrats to find some way to screw up the entire process and blame everyone but themselves. But, word is that this evening they have reached a compromise which they will send to the Congressional Budget Office to be scored. The negotiators are unwilling to reveal any details at this point, so no one yet knows what this compromise entails. While it is safe to assume that Republican will oppose it (as they will oppose any and every attempt to reform... well, anything) we will have to wait and see if the compromise is something that can make it to the President’s desk for a signature.

I considered placing this next topic in the football section, but it really is about so much more than football, so I decided to discuss it here. Much has been made in the National Football League over the past several weeks about head injuries - specifically concussions. Following recently published reports concerning the long-term effects of concussions on the mental and physical health of football players suggesting that repeated blows to the head may lead to increased instances of permanent brain damage, Congress took time out of their busy schedule to question the league about what they intend to do to mitigate the problem. To be fair, the league has known for years that brain damage in football players might be an issue, but prior to this fall, the government has refused to get involved. Well, nervous about having the league’s anti-trust exemption examined, Commissioner Roger Goodell introduced a new set of safety guidelines designed to more or less protect football players from themselves by preventing them from re-entering a game - or even playing in a subsequent game if they exhibit signs of a concussion. However, in order for the rules to be effective, players must still be honest in answering doctor’s questions. Here in lies the problem.

As I alluded to last week, men are can be idiots. This comes as no surprise to women, but many men either don’t realize this fact or choose to ignore it. Boys are raised and conditioned by society to be tough and fearless, regardless of the circumstances. This often translates into men getting into fist fights, skateboarding behind cars on the freeway, refusing to show emotion and refusing to go the doctor - even if something is seriously wrong. Because if you get knocked don’t and don’t get right back up, you of course are less of a man. Especially if the other people can’t see whatever it is that knocked you down. We have also conditioned ourselves to believe that it is perfectly normal for a 220-pound man traveling north at 10 feet per second to collide with two 250-pound men traveling south at 9 feet per second twenty-five times per game and suffer no ill effects. The physics are even more astounding for 330-pound offensive lineman butting heads separated only by thin shells of plastic and foam with 315-pound defensive lineman for 30 minutes every Sunday. The fact is, the human body simply was not designed to sustain that type of impact without any damage. Yet because players are expected not to let a little thing like pain slow them down, most play with minor to moderate injuries week in and week out. Now, it’s one thing to continue to play with, say, a broken hand, because you know the worst you can do to it by continuing to play is perhaps break it again. But continuing to play with a damaged brain is an entirely different issue and MUST be treated as such. Unlike bones, nerve cells do not heal once they are damaged. If you lose your mind, you can NEVER get it back. I understand the desire to be on the field and in the game with one’s teammates. But players need to understand that it is just that, a game. The average player enters professional football at the age of 20 or 21, and his career lasts only three to five years. Many of these guys have wives and children and families that will require functioning husbands and father 30, 40, even 50 years after their careers are over. We all know that football is a dangerous sport and by stepping on the field every week all the players accept some measure of risk. But while a player who has suffered a head injury is sitting in the locker room considering whether or not to lie to doctor about how he feels, he needs to ask himself whether 30-minutes of bravado is truly worth 50-years of diminished mental faculties.

My NFL Thoughts for Week 13.

The Colts won another game on Sunday. Yawn. Wake me up when they reach the Super Bowl. Indianapolis is now 12-0, and is beginning to talk about resting some of their player in preparation for the playoffs. Every single time some “expert” brings this nonsense up I find myself screaming at the television. Over the past decade the Colts have reached the playoffs eight times. Leading up to seven of those playoff runs, Indianapolis rested its star players in the last few regular season games. In all seven of those runs they were eliminated prior to reaching the championship game. During one of those eight runs they were unable to rest players before the playoffs. That was the year they won the Super Bowl.

Every now and then a great football team finds itself in a game it really should lose. It happened to the then 12-0 Patriots against Baltimore in 2007. And it happened to the 11-0 Saints in Washington on Sunday. New Orleans never lead during the game, made more mistakes than an undefeated team should at this point in the season, and tackled so poorly one might have thought Washington’s running backs were covered in butter. Yet somehow, someway, the Saints hung around long enough to take Washington to overtime and beat them on a field goal, preserving the perfect season. Looking forward to watching these guys play in February.

Washington had ample chances to win that game and crush cajun dreams of perfection. In spite of having an interception returned for a fumble returned for a touchdown and an overtime fumble that probably wasn’t, all the Redskins had to do was kick a 23-yard field goal with a minute-and-a-half remaining in regulation. But, in the same way good teams find ways to win, bad teams just seem to find ways to lose, and Washington missed a field goal that even high school kickers are expected to make on a regular basis, and turned the game over to a team that at least on this day, probably didn’t deserve to win.

The Dallas Cowboys kicked off December the same way they have since the mid-90s - by losing. And the prospects for turning it around don’t look too promising, with three of their four remaining games against some of the league’s better teams. It’s always somewhat of a trying month in my house. At least this year my wife has the Saints to console her this year, although a week from Sunday is going to be pretty tough.

Both the Patriots and the Steelers - perennial NFL powerhouses - lost again on Sunday to teams they should have defeated handily. Ever since losing to Indianapolis three weeks ago, New England has looked lost on the field, its offense doing things out of character and its defense virtually non-existent. For Pittsburgh, even the return of their two-time Super Bowl champion quarterback failed to lift them to victory over some dude named Bruce Gradkowski (who?) and the Oakland Raiders. It should now be painfully obvious, if it wasn’t before, that without Troy Polamalu, the Steelers are a shell of their former selves, and without JaMarcus Russell, the Raiders might be able to contest a few games.

What a difference a year makes for 2008 rookie sensations Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco. Last year their teams rolled easily into the playoffs. This year Atlanta and Baltimore find themselves on the outside looking in, needing other teams to lose in order to make the post-season. Neither of these teams need to worry about the future of their franchise quarterbacks - they’ll both be fine, but this is certainly a setback after last year’s progress.

This just in. The Cleveland Browns are still awful. More so than the Detroit Lions.

My Super Bowl Picks for Week 13: New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts.

Finally, on Tuesday morning in southern California, Virgin Galactic founder Richard Branson debuted the world’s first - and only - commercial spacecraft, seen here.


For at least $200,000 each, six passengers will be treated to a 2 1/2 hour flight during which time they will see the curvature of the earth and experience about five minutes of weightlessness. That’s right. At least $200K. Five minutes. That’s it. I’m vaguely underwhelmed. Seriously. I can go down to the YMCA and float weightless in the pool for 2 1/2 hours for substantially less than a quarter-million dollars. Call me when you can teleport me to the space station.

12.02.2009

Leggo My Eggo

I love Seattle. And Vancouver. South Bend? Meh.

Yesterday, the White House announced that tonight (Tuesday) the President would announce an increase of 30,000 soldiers to Afghanistan, to be deployed within six months and commence withdrawal in 18 months. According to the cable news networks, no one is happy with this decision. According to an old proverb, if both sides are unhappy with you, you’re probably doing something right.

First, a pet peeve of mine. If you announce that you’re going to announce something, haven’t you already announced it? I’m watching the “reaction” to the speech as I write this. I use reaction in quotations because everything being said in “reaction” to the speech was formulated eight weeks before the speech was given. Predictably, the conservative pundits wanted the President to send more than 30,000 soldiers in an open-ended U.S. military commitment to Afghanistan. The liberal pundits wanted him to announce that all U.S. military personnel would return home by Christmas and promise that this country would never fire a bullet at any other nation ever again. Obviously neither of those things were going to happen. But the bumper sticker mentality of the American media, and by proxy the American public seems unable to accept that the resolution to complex problems simply does not fit on a 3”x 5” index card.

For nearly two years, Senator Obama campaigned on the premise that the Afghan war was the just war, the war that should have been fought correctly in the first place and the war that needs to be won. He was elected by a margin of nine million votes, by 69 million voters who knew his stance on both Afghanistan and Iraq before they checked the box with his name in it. Why does it surprise anyone that President Obama would want to take some action to resolve a deteriorating situation in a country ignored for seven years by the previous administration? The former vice president from that era is running around yammering about how this President is putting America in danger by thoughtfully and carefully considering how to proceed with the current conflicts. Let’s be very clear about something. If Richard Cheney had resolved the Afghanistan problem he and his president created then deliberately neglected for seven long years, he would not now have to beg Barack Obama to clean up his mess. Richard Cheney has no one to blame for the perceived insecurity of this nation but himself.

This country seems to suffer from unrealistic expectations. We don’t really understand what it means to win the “war on terror.” The only definition we have for victory is complete and utter destruction of the enemy. If we attempt to apply that definition to this case, victory can NEVER be accomplished. Our enemy is an idea, and ideas cannot be defeated with bombs and bullets. For 20 years, the Soviet Union tried to suppress and control the same ideas in Afghanistan. They had no Constitution to restrain their actions, no Congress or media to hold them accountable. And for 20 years they failed. Almost 20 years later we are attempting a similar action and expecting a different result. What’s the definition of insanity again? Perhaps it’s time we re-examined our mid-20th century definition of “victory” and adapted it to the 21st century situation we find ourselves in today.

Enough with Dick and the disaster of the previous administration. How about something imminently more relevant - like Tiger Woods maybe. Late last week, the uber-celebrity was involved in a single vehicle accident with the fire hydrant at the end of his driveway and the tree in his neighbor’s front yard. There were no injuries sustained, except those suffered by Woods himself, and the police stated that alcohol was not a factor in the accident. He provided the required documentation to the authorities, has been fined $164 and docked four points on his license. End of story, right? Not bloody likely.

The way the media reacted you could be forgiven if you thought Tiger had shot four police officers to death in a coffee shop before being killed in a shoot out with police. Oh wait, that was that other guy in Tacoma who got the thirty seconds of news coverage not devoted to the fire hydrant at the end of Tiger’s driveway. The mayhem of Woods’ single car pile up made lead headlines on Entertainment Tonight and The O’Reilly Factor. TMZ.com stationed reporters outside the gates of Tiger’s gated Florida community while dutifully tracking down a Vegas nightclub hostess someone claimed had been seen with Woods on some occasion. Talking heads with legal degrees on CNN wondered aloud where Tiger’s wife Elin found the golf club she used to break the window of the SUV in order to extract her injured husband. (Here’s a hint; he’s a professional golfer.) And morons on sports talk radio demanded to know what Tiger Woods was doing backing out of his driveway at 2:55 in the morning. I’ve got news for you people. Tiger may owe the city of Orlando $164 dollars and a new fire hydrant, but he owes you people NOTHING! It doesn’t matter why he left his house at 3:00 am. It’s his house. He can leave it whenever he wants to! In fact, if he so desires, he can leave his house, return, leave again, come back and park crooked across his driveway, all without your permission! It is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS! Seriously. Get lives people!

Strange piece of financial news made headlines last week. Dubai asked for additional time to make payments on $60 billion worth of debt obligations. That’s right. The richest (per capita) nation in the world is flat broke. I guess indoor ski resorts in the middle of the desert and islands in the shape of palm trees just don’t sell for what they used to.

My NFL Thoughts for Week 12:

When the Indianapolis Colts went 13 points down to the Houston Texans at halftime on Sunday my wife looked over at me and said, “You know, these second half comebacks are getting a little dull.” Thirty minutes later the Colts had rallied to beat the Texans for the 15th time in 16 games on their way to remaining undefeated. It’s like the game isn’t any fun for Peyton Manning unless he’s trailing in the fourth quarter.

Five weeks ago the Tennessee Titans were 0-6 coming off a 59-0 in the snow in New England and people were wondering if the longest tenured coach in the league would be filing for unemployment before the year was up. But a funny thing happened on the way to the graveyard. A young quarterback named Vince Young, the third pick of the 2007 draft, a guy that absolutely everyone had written off as a bust and left for dead, lead his team on a four game winning streak, and back into the playoff hunt. On Sunday, his college nemesis rolled into town at the helm of the Arizona Cardinals, looking to avenge a devastating National Championship defeat. Matt Leinart’s Cardinals took an early lead and held on to it until the final 2:37 of the final quarter. Beginning at that point, Young led a 99-yard drive, converting two fourth-downs in the process, until again on fourth-down and with no time remaining on the clock he hit his receiver in the back of the end zone for the game winning touchdown. I swear I saw Matt Leinart watching on the sideline mumbling under his breath, “He’s doing it to me AGAIN!” All of a sudden the Titans are a force to be reckoned with, lead by a mature, veteran-like Vince Young and a running back who is a legitimate threat to Eric Dickerson’s single season 2,105 yard rushing record. They’ve gone from laughing stock to a team NOBODY wants to play.

The New Orleans Saints remain undefeated today, abusing the Golden Boy and his Patriots 38-17 in the Big Easy on Monday Night Football. Drew Brees looked like Peyton Manning out there, tossing as many touchdowns (5) as incomplete passes and commanding his team to the defining win of its history thus far. Tom Brady on the other hand, looked like, well, Marsha Brady, frazzled and a little confused, at one point chucking up a pass to Saints safety Darren Sharper at least ten yards away from any Patriots receiver. New Orleans did everything well, an astonishing feat considering two of their best players did not play due to injuries and both starting cornerbacks have been with the team less than two weeks. The only legitimate threat to an undefeated regular season is a visit from the Dallas Cowboys in a few weeks. If they make it through that we could have our second prefect regular season in three years.

There is an adage that football is a young man’s game. This year that adage has been turned upside down. In Minnesota, 40-year-old Brett Favre is playing MVP football, with 25 touchdowns and only 3 interceptions. A 33-year-old Peyton Manning is right behind him on that list. In Green Bay, a 33-year-old Charles Woodson is playing his best football since he became the only full-time defensive player to win the Heisman Trophy in 60 years at Michigan 12 years ago. Also at 33, Darren Sharper leads the league in interceptions and his 33-year-old teammate of six days Mike MacKenzie spent Monday night making the most decorated quarterback of the decade look like he belonged with the Cleveland Browns. This may be a young man’s game, but the old guys still have a few tricks up their sleeves.

What kind of masochist would want to coach the Cleveland Browns? This is a team who’s best wide receiver is apparently also its quarterback. Hakes it difficult to design plays when the guy throwing the ball also has to catch it.

When it rains it pours for Jake Delhomme, who threw four more interceptions in a loss to the Jets, including a bizarre pass that bounced off the back of his receiver’s leg into the arms of a defender. Seriously, is Jeff Garcia not available? This team is wasting the best years of the careers of several excellent players due to terrible quarterback play. Do you want to end up like Cleveland and Detroit?

My Superbowl picks for Week 12: Indianapolis Colts vs. New Orleans Saints.

There is something that caught my attention this week that I simply don’t have time to get into in this post, so I’ll get to it next week instead. To build the suspense I’ll drop this teaser; men are idiots. I’m sure that comes as no surprise to most women, but the level of this stupidity is truly astounding.

Finally, you may have noticed a dwindling number of Kellogg’s Eggo Waffles in your grocer’s freezer lately. Well, that’s because there is a nationwide shortage of Eggo waffles. Apparently, production interruptions at two of the four plants that produce the frozen flaky golden goodness have so reduced the supply that the remaining boxes will be rationed throughout the country until normal Eggo production can be resumed. Said company spokeswoman Kris Charles in a public relations e-mail regarding the subject, “We are working around the clock to restore Eggo store inventories to normal levels as quickly as possible.” Seriously? You’re working “around the clock” to restore waffles inventories? Can we put you in charge of Iraq reconstruction?