7.30.2009

What 'Chu Talkin' 'Bout Willis?

Short update this week. I have very few thoughts right now. Enjoy it while it lasts.

This past Monday, now former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin turned over the keys to the state and officially quit her job, a-year-and-a-half before the end of her first term. Why? Nobody really knows. Even in her prepared press conference remarks she proved to be incapable of forming a complete and coherent sentence. Presumably she quit to run for president. Nothing like a three-and-a-half year head start. But who knows for sure. And who cares? I guess there are seven or eight people who do. And I feel sorry for them. Really, I do. It’s like watching ballroom dancers on the deck of the Titanic. In the Bermuda Triangle. On Friday the 13th. Unfortunately, we haven’t heard the last of Sarah Palin. She will be back. Then, hopefully, she’ll go away for good.

Remember Bobby Jindal? Republican Governor of Louisiana? Hates government, thinks things like volcano and hurricane monitoring are wastes of taxpayer money? Yes, that Bobby Jindal. Recently he wrote an article for Politico about how the useless he feels the federal stimulus bill has been in spite of its $787 billion price tag. passes out federal stimulus money. The next day Jindal was photographed handing out a giant oversized novelty stimulus check with his own name emblazoned across the top. Sigh. I guess federal stimulus money is only evil if it comes directly from Washington. If it comes from Washington through Bobby Jindal, well then it’s perfectly acceptable.

Some Republican members of the Senate Judiciary Committee have decided they cannot, “in good conscience,” vote to confirm Sonia Sotomayor. I for one am shocked. You mean there’s gambling in this establishment? I do appreciate that guys like Jeff Sessions at least feel the need to go through the charade of pretending to listen to the evidence and weighing it carefully before making a decision. If only would actually practice what they pretend to every now and then we might be better off.

Last week, Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates was arrested by Cambridge police, breaking into his own home. It seems a neighbor spotted two men totting suitcases, attempting to break into the Gates’ Massachusetts home. Cambridge police arrived and attempted to place Gates and his friend under arrest, until the professor produced identification proving he was indeed the owner of the house he had broken into. The story should have ended there. Should have. It didn’t. Angry at being detained for entering his own home, Gates got a little lippy with the primary responding officer. Instead of simply admitting that mistakes had been made and driving off into the sunset, the officer decided he needed to make an example of somebody and placed Gates under arrest for disorderly conduct. The charges were later dropped, but the damage had been done. Gates claimed he had been profiled, the officer claimed Gates was abusive, and somebody decided to make a national issue out of a local dispute by asking the first black President about the arrest of a prominent black man in his own home by a white officer. Instead of deflecting the question or simply refusing to answer, as he should have, President Obama let his guard down a little and decided to to give an honest, yet guarded answer. He said he thought the Cambridge police acted “stupidly” in arresting Professor Gates for breaking in his own home. And he was right. But, as seems to happen too often with this President, some people seemed to hear only what they wanted to hear, and not what was said. Some immediately accused Obama of labeling the Cambridge police department racist, and the arresting officer an ivy league version of Bull Connor. A few people temporarily abdicated reality in the haze of their Obama-rage. In the lead-in to his Tuesday program Sean Hannity claimed police officers were “turning on” Obama, then trumpeted former LAPD detective Mark Fuhrman as his expert guest to discuss the matter. If you’re still standing after that roundhouse of irony, conservative circus clown David Horowitz had to be reeled in by conservative ringmaster Glen Beck when he offered that being a black man in America means cutting your wife’s throat and getting away with it when everyone knows you did it. Seriously, if you need to be restrained by Glen Beck, you have far more serious issues than simply believing that black men are nothing more than murderers in training. Don’t we have enough problems responding to things people actually say and do, without fabricating controversy from things that were neither said nor done?

Lance Armstrong finished third in this year’s Tour de France. Not bad for a guy who’s been away from cycling for four years.

Brett Favre informed the Minnesota Vikings on Wednesday that he will not be returning to football this coming season, thereby failing to end speculation as to whether or not he is truly finished with professional football. If I haven’t seen Number Four in a uniform come the first week in January, then and only then will I believe he has hung it up for good.

In other football news, Michael Vick was conditionally reinstated by the commissioner earlier this week after completing his 18-month federal prison sentence for dog fighting. If he can find a team willing to sign him, Vick will be suspended for the first five games of the season, but be eligible to play by week six. Terrell Owens called the additional suspension "ridiculous." I guess he would know something about ridiculous. Speculation is that Vick will end up playing some sort of swing man role for the New England Patriots. My money is on the Oakland Raiders or the Washington Redskins. The Raiders are the reform school of the NFL, and Redskins owner Dan Snyder loves to spend exorbitant amounts of money on big name underachievers. A lot of people aren’t happy with the reinstatement and feel that Vick should be banned for life. I disagree. This country is about second chances. Vick served his time, paid his fines, lost his career, all his money and two years of his life. He has repented, and now he gets the opportunity to prove he is a better person than he was two years ago. Let’s see if he’s been rehabilitated.

Finally, two weeks ago the Sears tower in Chicago was officially renamed the Willis Tower, after the British insurance company that purchased it. That’s right. The Willis Tower. Isn’t that kinda like renaming Big Ben the Geico clock?

7.22.2009

One Giant Leap

Working in Gary Indiana this week. And next week. Oh, and the week after that. Sweet.

I’m confused. Six months ago banks stocks were tanking, financial institutions were hemorrhaging money and taxpayers were turning over their life savings to bail them out. It was generally agreed that this was a bad thing. Yesterday, Goldman Sachs and J.P. Morgan Chase notified Wall Street that they had repaid the billions of dollars loaned to them under the TARP (money many “experts” swore we would never get back), and oh, by the way, made a neat little profit on the side. Sweet. That’s what we wanted, right? Wrong. Apparently there are some people who believe this is somehow also a bad thing. They’re wrong, but they’re loud and annoying and obscuring a very important detail. The market is experiencing somewhat of a recovery. Instead of watching the stock ticker bleed all over their balance sheets, many of the bulwarks of the American economy are actually beginning to reverse their 10 month tailspin. That, is a good thing. General Motors emerging from bankruptcy in 45 days instead of the “impossible” 60 days promised by the government, is a good thing. The fact that factory orders new home starts and consumer purchases have increased over the last quarter, is a good thing. The fact that in spite of record deficits and unprecedented levels of borrowing inflation is still virtually non-existent, is a good thing. Yes, things are still bad, but they’re better than they were three months ago, which is better than they were six months ago. It’s sad to actually have to remind people of this, but improvement is always good. Get a grip people!

Apparently, some people think they voted for Jesus Christ on November 4, 2008, instead of Barack Obama. Two months prior to the election, the American economy completely imploded. In less than six months the market lost nearly half its value, icons of Americana were driven out of business and the unemployment rate almost doubled. President Obama took office in late January, and by April politicians, reporters and citizens alike were demanding to know why he hadn’t fixed the economy. When did we exit reality and enter bizarro world? Things take time. Something we don’t seem to have any concept of anymore. We’re like a bunch of four-year-olds on a road trip to grandma’s house driving our parents crazy asking, “Are we there yet?” as soon as we pull out of the driveway and every five minutes after that. How about we cut back on the double shot expressos and give things a little time to work. If by January 2011 the stock market is hovering around 7,000, the Federal Reserve has major banks on life support and unemployment is still rising at a rate of half-a-million jobs a month I will entertain all the critics.

And now for this week’s musings on healthcare. There’s been a lot of talk on Capitol Hill, leading to stark raving panic regarding the projected cost of a proposed healthcare overhaul. The Congressional Budget Office pegs the cost of the current House proposal at about $1.6 trillion over 10 years and the cost of the most recent Senate proposal at approximately $600 billion over 10 years, averaging about $1.1 trillion over the coming decade. Sounds like a lot of money, doesn’t it? Congress seems to think so. At the mere mention of a trillion dollars Republicans call down lightning from heaven to smite the socialist president while Democrats run for the hills and beg for the rocks to fall on them. But let’s put that number in perspective, shall we? Like Denzel Washington said in Philadelphia, “Explain it to me like I’m a six-year-old.”

One trillion dollars over 10 years. The most recent calculation of US GDP (gross domestic product) puts the market value of all final goods and services produced within our borders within the year at approximately $13 trillion per annum, $130 trillion over 10 years. That puts the cost of this healthcare reform at a whopping 0.85% of the US economy. According to RNC chairman Michael Steele, this 0.85% of American wealth is too much to risk to ensure healthcare to 97% percent of our citizens.

If you prefer to reduce these to annual figures, healthcare breaks down to about $110 billion dollars a year. In comparison, this country spends almost a trillion dollars each year on defense-related purposes. This country spends nearly ten times as much per year on defense as Congress is thinking about spending on healthcare reform. Ten times! In 2003, 47% of the WORLD’S total military spending was spent by the United States. By 2005 the United States was spending almost as much on defense as the rest of the world COMBINED. And none of that includes the black ops budget. Why is it that we can always seem to find enough money to blow things up, but have such difficulty finding the cash to keep people healthy?

Also, I’m a little tired of all this garbage about a friend of a friend of a nephew of an aunt of a monkey’s uncle told some Republican senator from Kentucky about how his brother’s niece died in Canada because they were denied treatment due to rationed care. How many people die in this country every single year from being denied cancer treatment or AIDS medication or heart surgery or whatever else because their insurance company decided they had exceeded their coverage limit, or had a pre-existing condition, or weren’t covered under the particular plan, or simply weren’t covered at all? Quit pretending there is nothing wrong with current system. Quit trying to frighten people by relating anecdotal stories for which you have little to no proof while ignoring similar anecdotal stories occurring under the very system you are trying to defend. Please. PLEASE. Give us something more than the worn out politics of fear and loathing.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks for ESPN reporter Erin Andrews. Twelve days ago she was hit square in the chin by a foul ball during a Mets-Dodgers game and had to be taken to the hospital. Then, a few days ago, a hidden camera video hit the web of Andrews naked and changing in her hotel room. I understand that there is a huge market for videos of attractive women without their clothes on. But there is a significant difference between Kim Kardashian knowingly selling the private videotape of her sexcapades with her boyfriend for distribution over the internet, and a some creep drilling a hole in a hotel wall, inserting a camera, invading someone’s privacy and exposing a private moment never intended for public consumption to the rest of the world. There is a line. Don’t cross it.

Tiger Woods missed the cut at the British open last Friday. Wow. The apocalypse is nigh.

Finally, this week marks the fortieth anniversary of the moon landing. Forty years ago Neil Armstrong became the first human being to set foot on an extra-terrestrial body. Five other landings followed Apollo 11, but no one has returned since the end of 1972. NASA recently announced they are working on rockets that could carry men back to the moon by 2020. Why they can’t simply borrow the rocket they used in 1969 from the Smithsonian is unclear. What’s wrong with this picture? In 1970 NASA developed a plan to put a man on Mars by 1987. Yet in 2009 NASA is trumpeting sending men back to the moon by 2020. You want to know why America has lost interest in space flight? Because in 40 years we have accomplished pretty close to nothing. You want us to be excited? Give us something cheer about.

7.14.2009

You Say (tow-MAY-tow), I Say (tow-MAW-tow)...

Tim Burton at his finest. I can hardly wait.



This Monday marked the beginning of the Sotomayor confirmation hearings. True to form, opening day was reserved for opening statements, in which each judiciary committee member sums up in (hopefully) thirty minutes or less why they will or will not vote to confirm the nominee regardless of the answers (or non-answers) the nominee provides to their questions. This is a practice commonly referred to as “wasting time.” On Tuesday, senators will proceed to stage two, the question and answer period commonly referred to as “grandstanding.”

In an interview with NPR on Monday afternoon, host Robert Siegel asked Republican Senator Charles Grassley what he (Grassley) felt the roll of a Supreme Court Justice should be. Grassley recited the usual talking points regarding how a judge must be an impartial arbiter of the law, “an umpire calling balls and strikes,” and should not “legislate from the bench,” etcetera. He then added that a judge’s upbringing or experience must have absolutely no influence upon their interpretation of the law. Siegel then quoted a portion of Justice Samuel Alito’s confirmation testimony in which he stated that, “When I get a case about discrimination I have to think about people in my own family who suffered discrimination because of their ethnic background, or because of religion, or because of gender, and I do take that into account.” Siegel noted that by Grassley’s standard, Alito should have been disqualified as a Supreme Court nominee. Grassley conceded that Siegel was absolutely right, that Alito’s willingness to take his experiences into account – his empathy for those in his family that had suffered discrimination would indeed disqualify him from the bench under Grassley’s definition of what a judge should be. When Siegel deftly pointed out that in spite of that, Grassley had indeed voted to confirm Alito (an unqualified nominee by his own standard), Grassley responded by… seamlessly changing the subject.

There are two things everyone needs to understand about the United States Senate. Politics is everything, and everything is political. A “judicial activist” is a judge who decides a case differently than you think it should have been decided. Minorities’ experiences make them “biased” because throughout the history of this country, the white male experience has been considered the “norm.” Chuck Grassley wasn’t bothered by Alito’s statements regarding the roll of empathy in his decisions because he believed the statement was either some bogus feel-good mumbo jumbo Alito spewed in an attempt to score points with Democratic senators, or that Alito’s empathy extended to the same type or class of people to which Grassley’s empathy extends. He is disturbed by Sotomayor’s extra-contextual statements regarding “empathy” because he believes she may honestly feel that way and that she may not be sympathetic to the same people as he is. This debate is no more complicated than that.

Every time I start to get comfortable with the idea that this country has truly and definitively turned a corner in race relations, a story comes along that jams a wrench in the gears of progress. This week’s episode of “That Crap Still Happens In America?” comes to us courtesy of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. City of brotherly love. Unless you happen to be a brotha. A Philadelphia-area day care center signed a contract with the Valley Swim Club in Huntington Valley, PA to allow the children at the day care center to use the club’s swimming pool one day a week. For this privilege the day care paid $1,950. However, when they arrived for their first visit, some of the kids reported hearing other club members asking why “African-American” children were there. A couple days later the club cancelled their membership and returned their membership fee without explanation. When asked for comment, club president John Duesler told two Philadelphia television stations that the presence of the children had changed “the complexion” and “atmosphere” of the club. Sigh. I suppose the possibility exists that in the face of allegations of racial discrimination, the club president is simply guilty of a terrible choice of words to explain his actions. Perhaps there is a logical explanation for all this. On its website the club posted the following statement: “We had originally agreed to invite the camps to use our facility, knowing full well that the children from the camps were from multi-ethnic backgrounds. Unfortunately, we quickly learned that we underestimated the capacity of our facilities and realized that we could not accommodate the number of children from these camps.” Okay. Sounds somewhat reasonable. I might have accepted that explanation – until I came across something else. One of the members who made the complaint against the children told reporters, “As general members, we were not told that they were coming. If we knew, we could decide to not come when the pool was crowded, or come anyway. We could have had an option.” He then added that two other day-care centers, neither of which included minority children, had previously been disinvited. Two things came to mind. First, I don’t know of any club in which management is required to inform certain paying members of the impending presence of other paying members. Second, if it is true that two previous day-care centers had been disinvited due to over-crowding of the pool or club, then the explanation the club posted on its website about quickly realizing their inability to accommodate the number of children rings a little hollow. Shouldn’t they have learned from those two instances that their capacity was insufficient – if capacity was indeed the problem? It’s just a little depressing that this kind of thing STILL happens in this country.

In more amusing news, following a four-year absence from professional cycling, 37-year-old, 7-time Tour de France Champion Lance Armstrong is currently in third place on this year’s tour, trailing his teammate, and race favorite, by less than one second. Is there a more hated man in all of France than Lance Armstrong?

In relation to a slightly different kind of racing, the head of Formula One Racing, Bernie Ecclestone gave an interview to The Times of London in which he expressed his preference for “strong leaders,” like Margaret Thatcher. He then followed that statement, with this one:
“In a lot of ways, terrible to say this I suppose, but apart from the fact that Hitler got taken away and persuaded to do things that I have no idea whether he wanted to do or not, he was in the way that he could command a lot of people, able to get things done.”
Um. Yeah. I suppose that’s one way to look at it. You really can’t fix stupid, can you?

A homeless man in Boston was convicted of stealing two flower planters from the downtown condominium of New England Patriots superstar quarterback and Mr. Giselle Bundchen himself, Tom Brady. The man was ordered to pay Brady restitution in the amount of $8,000. That’s right. Eight thousand dollars. For two flower pots. Four grand a piece. First, where does one find a $4,000 dollar flowerpot? Second, why does one purchase a $4,000 flowerpot? What are you growing in there Tom, golden apples?

A funny thing happened on the way to the bullfight. A man was gored to death by a bull during the annual Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain last week. I guess it’s true. Sometimes you get the bull, and sometimes the bull gets you. Here’s to the bull.

Finally, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and pop tart Jessica Simpson have reported split up again. I pick the Cowboys to win the NFC.

7.08.2009

I'm In Shape. I'm Round

Did you know Michael Jackson died last week? Funny how nobody mentioned that.

President Obama has spent the last few days in Moscow negotiating a framework for a new strategic arms reduction treaty. The new framework sets the target of reducing both country’s nuclear arsenals to between 1500 and 1675 warheads each, down from about 2200 warheads apiece currently. The absurdity of those numbers is unreal. But what’s a thousand nuclear warheads between friends, right?

In a rather awkward, rambling press conference late last week, former vice-presidential hopeful Sarah Palin announced she will resign as Governor of Alaska effective July 26, a year-and-a-half before her first term is due to expire. She had said many times previously that she did not intend to seek a second term, but the resignation seemed to come as a surprise to her supporters and even those close to her. This of course lead to all sorts of rumors as to the reasoning behind her decision, from the speculation that one of many ethics violations had finally caught up with her, to the idea that she perhaps was embarking upon a three-and-a-half-year-long presidential campaign. However, the truth seems to be much simpler. She quit. The pressure of being called to task for squandering state resources on herself and failing to perform the job she was elected to do, coupled with media heckling and the boredom of the small-time, dim lights of Alaska led to what can only be described as bailing out. In an interview Monday night, Palin responded in part to the criticism with the following statement: “I am not a quitter. I am a fighter.” Okay. Except that you quit. Sigh.

My opinion of Sarah Palin is no secret. I am at least relieved - if not ecstatic - that this three-ring circus was not allowed anywhere near the White House. But I guess I shouldn’t have been worried. The first time, well, the next time a late-night comedian gave her grief for bombing another interview she would have quit and left the vice-presidency to someone substantially more qualified.

I understand cable news has 23 hours and 53 minutes a day to fill with something other than actual news, but can someone please explain the obsession with the 2012 presidential election? Last I checked, presidential terms lasted 4 whole years. We aren’t yet 12.5% through the first term of the 44th president. Wasn’t a two year campaign long enough? Do we really have to push it to four?

The South Carolina state Republican Party decided that the “core values and beliefs” of the Republican Party aren’t really worth the Governor espousing them, deciding to censure Governor and hypocrite-in-chief Mark Sanford, instead of demanding his resignation. I’m a little tired of people without any “family values” beating everyone else over the head with “family values.” If guys like Sanford and John Ensign and David Vitter and Larry Craig want to cheat on their wives and frequent prostitutes and solicit gay sex in airport bathrooms, go ahead. More power to them. Just please quit telling us how righteous you are while you do it.

Quick, how many U.S. senators are there? If you said 99, up until yesterday, you would have been right. After eight months in limbo, former comedian Al Franken was finally sworn in as the junior senator from Minnesota. Democrats are cautious, yet excited at the prospect of the first filibuster-proof majority in over thirty years. Excited that if push comes to shove, Republicans can no longer prevent votes on legislation by refusing to close debate. But cautious because 60 Democrats couldn’t agree on the color of the sky, let alone healthcare, climate or financial reform. I guess we are about to find out whether or not the left can muster the same unity they’ve been so envious of for the last eight years.

The State of California is officially broke. Last Thursday the State Treasurer begun issuing IOUs. in lieu of income tax returns and payment for services rendered. The promissory notes come due in October, at which time California promises to pay to the full amount of the note, plus 3.75% interest. About $87 million in IOUs have ben issued over three business days, with an estimated $3 billion to be distributed before the end of the month. Not surprisingly, the banks aren’t amused. Already billions of dollars in debt, the last thing unstable financial institutions are interested in is acquiring more debt - especially since there is no guarantee that California will have resolved its crisis in time to make good on its promissory notes. Not to worry though. There’s always money to be made out of misery. Nearly overnight advertisements appeared on Craigslist and in other forms offering to purchase California IOUs for 85 cents on the dollar, providing the holders of the certificates cash in hand for a “modest” fee of 15%. Assuming California can pay, the holder of the certificate will make about an 18% profit upon redemption in October. In this economy I guess that’s a pretty decent rate of return if you don’t have any qualms about ripping people off.

Former NFL co-MVP, long time Tennessee Titan and retired Baltimore Ravens quarterback Steve McNair was found dead in his Nashville condo over the weekend. He was found shot four times along with a what is now thought to have been a girlfriend in what is looking more and more like a murder/suicide. I know it’s not yet football season, but I can’t let this pass without saying a few words. I know this sounds cliche, but Steve McNair was a football player’s football player. Apart from the fact that he was a great quarterback, he was the toughest SOB I’ve ever seen play professional football. His name never came off the injury list. Every single game he played he played hurt, yet he never complained and he never took games off. There are a lot of divas and prima donnas in the league that could learn a thing or two from the way McNair handled himself on the field and in the locker room. The game will miss him.

Moving to hockey, another fond farewell to one Joe Sakic, most recently of the Colorado Avalanche. Sakic announced his retirement today after 20 seasons in the NHL. I remember his debut in the league the Quebec Nordiques, back in the good old days, when Canada had more hockey teams than California. Sakic takes with him two Stanley Cups, 13 All-Star appearances, one league MVP and an Olympic gold medal. With his retirement Team Canada loses a one of its greatest assets and hockey one of its finest ambassadors.

Finally, in keeping with the sports theme, Congress is investigating the fairness of the Bowl Championship Series, the system by which college football decides which teams will play for the nation title. First, doesn’t Congress have more important things to do than investigate college football? And if they don’t, shouldn’t they? And second, isn’t this a case of the idiots investigating the morons? Yes, the BCS system is pathetic, but is it really any worse than a system that in the midst of a recession/recovery and vigorous debates on the short and long term future of this country, somehow found the time discuss the merits of a playoff versus computer scoring?

7.02.2009

Don't Cry For Me Argentina

One test down, six more to go. I think the rate of monetary compensation for a professional career is inversely proportional to the length of the professional exam.

Today, (well, yesterday by this point) is Canada Day. It is a very youthful 142 years old. Happy birthday Canada.

I take ONE week off, and all hell breaks loose. Can’t a man just take a break?

Last Thursday on my way to dinner I was flipping through the channels of my free trial satellite radio when I stumbled across Chris Cornell’s cover of Billie Jean. It was followed by the Alien Ant Farm version of Smooth Criminal and a Fall Out Boy rendition of Beat It. At the time I thought it nothing more than an interesting combination of clever cover songs and moved on to the next one. Only when I arrived at the restaurant and glanced up at the television in the corner did I realize that Michael Jackson had passed away.

Unlike a lot of people my age, I didn’t grow up on Michael Jackson. Pop music wasn’t allowed in our house, and MTV might as well have been the Playboy channel, so I don’t have the same frame of reference as the thousands of people that gathered outside UCLA medical center or the Apollo theatre. The Michael Jackson I remember slept in an oxygen chamber, replaced his nose every other week, and lived with a chimp named Bubbles. But in spite of all the weirdness, Jackson’s influence on music and pop culture is undeniable. High schools in the 80’s were filled with white gloves and leather jackets with more zippers than stitching and black penny loafers moon-walking the halls. “Thriller” killed the radio star, on a channel that prior to Michael Jackson refused to air videos from black artists. He brought Rhythm and Blues into the mainstream and inspired the work of generations of performers, including a white grunge singer from Minnesota, an alt. metal band from Southern California and a pop punk sensation grown in Illinois, not to mention prison dance troops in the Philippines. We truly have lost a legend. Sleep well Michael Jackson. May you find in death the peace you never found in life.

Rough week for deaths. Five hours prior to Michael Jackson’s passing, actress Farrah Fawcett (of Charlie’s Angels fame, among other things) lost her battle with colon cancer. And two days before that we lost “Tonight” Show veteran Ed McMahon at the age of 86. Apparently there’s an old adage that death comes in threes – the old, the sick and the sudden. But if you ordered last week, death would throw in a fourth celebrity for free. (My tribute to Billy Mays. Late night infomercials will never be the same without him.)

For Nevada Senator John Ensign, what happened in Vegas, at least stayed in Nevada. South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford wasn’t so lucky. After losing a battle with both the South Carolina Legislature and Supreme Court over federal stimulus money, Sanford simply disappeared. He drove away from the state capitol in a black SUV and dropped off the face of the earth. No one saw him or heard from him for seven days, during which time the lieutenant governor was forced to assume Sanford’s responsibilities. Then, as suddenly as he’d left, Sanford reappeared at the airport in Atlanta, his office claiming he had been “hiking the Appalachian Trail,” (on National Nude Hiking Day, over the Father’s Day Weekend), and was surprised by all the attention the disappearance of a state governor was receiving in the media. Less than 24 hours later, the governor realized that pathetic excuse for an excuse was never going to fly, and decided to come clean. So, after ten minutes of near-incomprehensible blather at his press conference, Sanford broke down and told the truth. He had not been hiking the Appalachian Trail after all. He had been in Argentina. Having an illicit affair. With a woman who was not his wife. Surprise! Sanford went on to admit that on several occasions he used taxpayer-funded trips to Argentina to visit his mistress, but most people tuned out after “I’ve been unfaithful to my wife.”

I don’t care that Mark Sanford cheated on his wife. Personally, I think that the correct way to handle falling in love with someone in a foreign country who is not your spouse would be to divorce your spouse, resign your position and then run off to Argentina, but what do I know. I don’t really care that he lied about having an affair - it’s embarrassing, who would want to admit to that. I don’t even care that the local newspaper surrendered whatever journalistic integrity it had by holding on to the e-mail communications between Sanford and his mistress for five months without reporting it. What irks me about the Mark Sanford circus is the fact that this clown refuses to resign his post as Governor of South Carolina. A decade ago, then Congressman Mark Sanford voted in favor of three of the four articles of impeachment against president Clinton because he felt leadership demanded a “moral legitimacy” that Clinton had surrendered by his infidelity. This means one of three things. One, Mark Sanford was lying. He’s never believed in “moral legitimacy” and certainly isn’t about to start now. Two, Mark Sanford believes that only Democrats need “moral legitimacy” in positions of leadership. Or three, Mark Sanford believes that “moral legitimacy” is a requirement for every leader EXCEPT Mark Sanford. That he, and he alone is somehow greater than the sum of his faults. That the fact that he espouses a belief in lower taxes gives him the right to use those taxes to fund his illicit “business.” That he is so special, so valuable to the bigger picture, that the rules don’t apply to him. The smart money is on option three. At a press conference the following day, Sanford compared himself to the biblical King David, chosen by God to lead his nation in spite of his marital infidelity. Mark Sanford believes he is in the same league with King David. And he lamented Bill Clinton’s hubris. It’s one thing to fail to live up to standards someone else has set for you – or even standards you have set for yourself. But its another thing altogether to fail to live up to the standards by which you judge everyone else.

The Minnesota Supreme Court finally ended the farce surrounding their senatorial election today by declaring Al Franken the winner of the state-wide recount by a margin of about 300 votes. All it took was seven months. Even Florida figured it out in the same calendar year. To his credit, now former Senator Norm Coleman conceded immediately after the verdict was delivered, paving the way for Minnesota to regain full representation in the Senate, just in time for major votes on healthcare, climate change and judicial confirmations. It also gives the Democratic Party the ability shut down any Republican attempt to filibuster legislation, provided they can show the same level of discipline their opponents routinely muster on the issue at hand. But the chances of that are slimmer than a supermodel on a cucumber diet. As Will Rogers so eloquently put it, “I am not a member of any organized political party. I’m a Democrat.”

Let’s get a few things straight about this healthcare debate. I keep hearing that the United States has the best healthcare system in the world. American’s also believed they manufactured the best automobiles in the world, but they were wrong about that too. According to the last ranking of world healthcare systems by the World Health Organization, the United States ranks 37th, behind such beacons of science and technology as Oman, Cyprus and Morocco. Yet on the list of most expensive healthcare systems (as a percentage of GDP), the United States ranks second. India’s largest growth industry is medical tourism. Why? Operations costing over $100,000 here are performed for less than a third of that over there - often by U.S. trained and educated doctors. American healthcare the best in the world? No. The most expensive? Yes.

Every day Fox News runs an hysterical story on how millions of Canadians are streaming across the border every year to get treatment they would otherwise have to wait for in Canada. Let’s be honest, some of that does happen. But while we’re being honest, let’s tell the rest of that story. Many - if not most - of those Canadians are on waiting lists for elective surgeries, some for vanity surgeries. And while it is true that some Canadians have to wait for advanced medical care, isn’t it also true that many Americans are denied advanced medical care under the current system because they can’t afford to pay for it and their insurance company refuses to cover it? Is having to wait for treatment somehow worse than being denied treatment?

The argument pushed by opponents of an optional public plan always attempts to raise the specter of some government bureaucrat deciding what treatment you can and can’t receive. But right now, some bureaucrat from Blue Cross/Blue Shield, or Aetna or Humana decides what treatment I can and can’t receive. What’s the difference? Anyone who has ever dealt with private insurance knows it’s FAR from perfect. Public insurance is at worst, an alternate bureaucracy. If you like your private insurance bureaucrat, stay with them. If you think you’d hate the government bureaucrat less, switch. It’s not that difficult. “But Mark, private insurance companies will never be able to compete with a public plan and they’ll be driven out of business!” What a load of doo doo. For eternity conservatives have been telling anyone who will listen that competition is what drives innovation, improves quality and holds down costs. They have also built an entire political platform on the idea that government can do no right, that everything government touches becomes slow, inefficient and doomed to failure. (Somehow none of these indictments seem to ever apply to the military.) So, by their own logic, they have absolutely nothing to fear from a public insurance plan. Forced to compete against private plans providing higher quality services at lower prices, the bloated, cumbersome waste-of-time public plan will force everyone back to private insurance in a matter of months, right? Right? I hear crickets chirping.

The bottom line on healthcare is this, reform is going to cost money. In typical American fashion, everybody agrees that the current system is a failure, but nobody wants to spend any money to fix it. Everybody wants the perfect solution to his/her individual problem at the expense of the rest of the system. It is the reason universal single-payer healthcare will NEVER work in America. This country has been spoiled by too many buy one get one free sales at Walmart. You CANNOT get something for nothing. Don't demand drastic change one moment, then feign shock and awe when you discover the cost. America needs to make a decision. We either accept the system as it is or we change it. If we accept it as it is, then accept that tens of millions of people are going to continue to go without insurance, millions more will lose coverage when they lose their jobs and costs will continue to skyrocket. If we decide to change it, then accept that change is going to carry a significant price tag and quit whining about the numbers.

Additional audio tapes (what?) of former president Richard Nixon were released to the public last week. I didn’t think it was possible to loathe this man anymore than I already did, but people continue to surprise me. On one of the tapes, Nixon can be heard discussing the Roe v. Wade decision issued the day before with several aides. While somewhat ambivalent regarding the concept of abortion, we worried that greater access to it would foster “permissiveness,” and “break the family.” Then he made the following statement: “There are times when an abortion is necessary. I know that. When you have a black and a white, or a rape.” The then President of the United States felt abortion was a bad idea - unless the baby was interracial. Then it was perfectly okay. What a lovely human being. Fortunately we are light-years ahead of where we were only 36 years ago.

Last week, the Supreme Court decided 8-1 that the strip-search of a 13-year-old eighth-grader by middle-school officials in Arizona rumored to be providing ibuprofen to classmates constitutes an illegal, unreasonable search under the Fourth Amendment. I don’t know what’s more disturbing; the fact that otherwise rational adults decided to strip a 13-year-old to her underwear looking for not crack, not heroin, but Advil, or the fact that Justice Thomas doesn’t see anything wrong with that. Even Scalia and Alito got this one right.

Finally, Kodak has announced they will discontinue Kodachrome film due to declining sales volume. What is this “film” business? I’m kidding. I remember film. In fact, I had three rolls developed just last week. (Can you believe it used to come in rolls?) I don’t think I’ve ever shot anything on Kodachrome, but we’ve all seen Kodachrome images, like the famous National Geographic cover photograph of the Afghan girl with the bright green eyes. It was bound to happen, film is rapidly going the way of the 8-track, but I am a little sorry to see it go. There is something comforting about the lineal nature and the permanence of film that just isn't present with digital photography. Sorry Paul. They’ve taken your Kodachrome away.